Post by Sariel of Tevet on Jun 9, 2013 23:46:38 GMT -5
The cherubim fluttered behind Diane's divine form with their arms crossed and angrily awaited to hear the answer. Diane was incapable of showing anger, true beauty such as that wouldn't have dared to make such deep lines into the face. I mean seriously, have you seen her pores? It's like they aren't even there. Foundation was created so that commoners the world over could look like her! You know that blue eyeshadow stuff? When she was a child she stumbled into a door and hit her eye, and then turned right into another door for the other eye. Hobos and commoners from every corner of Cardinalos thought her black eyes were a new trend and started smearing berries onto their eyelids. Crows feet? Nonexistent. It is even rumored that there is a tiny scarecrow somewhere in her high lofted cheek bones just to keep the crows away! So the cosmetics industry created mineral based scare crow stencils that one could apply to their cheeks just in case. And don't even get me started on how she created the bikini wax!! Yes...yes sorry, I'm doing it again I know. The prince would like me to apologize and...yeah you know the drill.
While I was rambling, The Dayman had ceased his gem encrusted sobbing and disengaged cuddle mode. He stood up in all his royal glory, codpiece shimmering with electricity as the two royal bodies became closer and closer. The shear magnetism of their royal energies began to crackle and the audience members hair began to stand on end as if the stadium had come into contact with a large Van De Graaff generator, everyone's hair except for The Dayman and Diane of course. The Dayman's hands traversed the royal energy fields to take Diane's hands in his own and the sun began to shine through the mountain and down into the arena. "Oh how I've missed you Diane." He smiled at her as his eyes softened, and turned to address the cameras. Taking a deep breathe, he filled his royal lungs with all the air he would need to tell the tale, thrust a splendid socially acceptable finger into the air, and began to bellow in his accustomed manner.
"Once upon a royal time, in the magnificent land of my birth, I was young and in love. Not just commoner love, but royal love. Royal love is the truest form of affection that exists. Sadly hobos and plebes such as yourselves may never know its warmth. We were engaged, and what a spectacular engagement it was! Royalty families came from every corner of Cardinalos to shower us with gifts. There were even plans to level the slums of Southyros to build a cathedral for the wedding. A one time only use of course, as custom dictates. When it came time for us to travel and compete in the D.W.A.R.F tournament to obtain our rings, that is where things went wrong. I made it to the finals of the tournament. This was long before any rules had been in place, but due to royal codes I had been forced to keep to a strict code of ethics. My opponent however, lost in the grip of defeat, turned the tides of battle using various humiliating tricks and gags, many of which included the pulling down of my codpiece and poking me in the eye. While I was blinded, he knocked me out with my own codpiece and I lost the tournament and my chance at happiness. I was so shamed by my loss that I left Mount Wedding Ring with Welshy and headed for Centros to help with the uprising in Heroes' Refuge, where I crashed into Jeff and his team and through a series of mech battles, robberies, and police slaughterings, I ended up here in this accursed place once again."
The Dayman knelt in front of Diane and raised her hand to his lips. "I am sorry about taking off the way that I did my love, but I could not face you until the day that we would be able to solidify the love in our hearts with marriage, just like you so royally deserve."
Diane smiled and the heavens split in two. It seemed as though a beam of light was shining down from the sky to brighten her smile, but it was in fact only a ray of sunshine emanating from her smile that created the chasm in the sky and lit up the arena. The only one who didn't have the need to cover their eyes was The Dayman. She had almost blinded him with that smile when they first met, it was what made him fall so madly in love with Diane, but by now his retinas had become accustomed to her divinity. "You poor, poor fool. I mean poor in an empathetic tone of course, not a social one my dear. We both know you are quite well off." She shot a quick glance at his codpiece for confirmation. He was quite well endowed of course. Monetarily you perverts, this is a love story. Not some fanfiction smut. Honestly the nerve of som....Yes...Yes m'lady I apologize. I am rambling again. She continued her speech.
"When you left, I wanted nothing more than to comfort you, but I knew that you had to take your own path to become stronger. I respected that more than you could ever know, and I was quite certain that it was your shame that you were leaving behind, not our love. I resolved myself to wait here for your return. However, you know how impatient I can be. When the 192nd bimonthly tournament started up after your absence, I entered myself. I won without error after insisting rules be put in to place, and every opponent in the tournament got disqualified for various encroachments of the rules. I won the tournament so that I wouldn't have to wait a single second longer when you returned to restore your honor and our place in matrimonial history." She pulled the most astonishing rings from her coin purse and placed them in The Dayman's hands. "I would have told you sooner when I saw you enter the tournament, but I thought it would be better for you to fight and restore your honor."
The Dayman placed a ring on his hand, and then one of hers and stood to meet her dazzling godlike gaze, "My dear.." He moved within inches of her. "It was not my honor that I was trying to win back, it was you. The rings were all I needed." He placed the other ring on her finger and kissed her, and was met with applause by the audience, no cue card needed. Even the tentacles rose up from under the bleachers to show their praise and clap a slimy cephalopodic round of approval.
The now hauntingly homosexual audience member stood up and sassed his dismay. "Oh no honey. No." He shook cocked his hip and occupied it with a limp hand and used his other hand to wave a finger at the couple. "You are not going to prance up in here, with your shiny little heels and flawless complexion and think you are going to steal MY MAN. I was here through all the rough times and you were off doing God knows what in your fancy little outfit. We cuh-ried together. Do you understand what kind of bond that is? No. You don't, because while I was off in cuddle land with your boyfriend, you were probably at some bakery fondling David Tutera's balls and planning a wedding that is never going to happen. He is miiiiiiiiiiiiine now." He snapped his fingers and strutted his stuff up to The Dayman and cupped his codpiece with his borrowed hand.
The Dayman coughed and jumped back in shock. Diane was unphased, she used to people making passes at her glorious groom, but one simple point always knocked them back into their place. "You, my queen, and I mean that in the most derogatory sense that I can manage, are not royalty. You have no chance with him."
The possessed man smiled and waved at the cameras to ask for a closeup. "In fact, I am royalty. I am Prince Elton of the Rainbow Isles. A lightly charted island chain off the coast of Southyros, I say lightly charted because those damn mapmakers had our islands drawn too big! They made us look fat. How dare they!" He shook his head and sucked his teeth. "Anyway. I come from a long line of homosexual royalty. And believe me Mr. The Dayman", Prince Elton looked him up and down and bit his lip, "I have a very...very large dowry." He winked at the now dazed and speechless prince and his soon to be bride.
Diane, being the sensible and poised one, merely stated in the most dignified manner possible, "That is outrageous. Homosexuals cannot reproduce! It is not physically possible."
Prince Elton swiveled his hips and smirked. "Oh honey, if you lock up a bunch of gay people on an island long enough, they'll find a way to reproduce. Trust me!"
The Dayman, knowing that there would be only one way to solve this unfortunate love triangle, turned and waved and Leon to make a request. "Mr. Veralice, would you be so kind as to give The Illusive Cale Squid the microphone before presenting the next question?" He snapped his fingers and the cherubim formed a small chapel around the couple. "I must take myself off the market as soon as possible, and I am unable to be both groom and minister. Our Squid friend is the only one with a codpiece suitable enough to perform a marriage of this caliber. Nothing special, just ask us if we do and have Sailor Eros sign the papers."
While I was rambling, The Dayman had ceased his gem encrusted sobbing and disengaged cuddle mode. He stood up in all his royal glory, codpiece shimmering with electricity as the two royal bodies became closer and closer. The shear magnetism of their royal energies began to crackle and the audience members hair began to stand on end as if the stadium had come into contact with a large Van De Graaff generator, everyone's hair except for The Dayman and Diane of course. The Dayman's hands traversed the royal energy fields to take Diane's hands in his own and the sun began to shine through the mountain and down into the arena. "Oh how I've missed you Diane." He smiled at her as his eyes softened, and turned to address the cameras. Taking a deep breathe, he filled his royal lungs with all the air he would need to tell the tale, thrust a splendid socially acceptable finger into the air, and began to bellow in his accustomed manner.
"Once upon a royal time, in the magnificent land of my birth, I was young and in love. Not just commoner love, but royal love. Royal love is the truest form of affection that exists. Sadly hobos and plebes such as yourselves may never know its warmth. We were engaged, and what a spectacular engagement it was! Royalty families came from every corner of Cardinalos to shower us with gifts. There were even plans to level the slums of Southyros to build a cathedral for the wedding. A one time only use of course, as custom dictates. When it came time for us to travel and compete in the D.W.A.R.F tournament to obtain our rings, that is where things went wrong. I made it to the finals of the tournament. This was long before any rules had been in place, but due to royal codes I had been forced to keep to a strict code of ethics. My opponent however, lost in the grip of defeat, turned the tides of battle using various humiliating tricks and gags, many of which included the pulling down of my codpiece and poking me in the eye. While I was blinded, he knocked me out with my own codpiece and I lost the tournament and my chance at happiness. I was so shamed by my loss that I left Mount Wedding Ring with Welshy and headed for Centros to help with the uprising in Heroes' Refuge, where I crashed into Jeff and his team and through a series of mech battles, robberies, and police slaughterings, I ended up here in this accursed place once again."
The Dayman knelt in front of Diane and raised her hand to his lips. "I am sorry about taking off the way that I did my love, but I could not face you until the day that we would be able to solidify the love in our hearts with marriage, just like you so royally deserve."
Diane smiled and the heavens split in two. It seemed as though a beam of light was shining down from the sky to brighten her smile, but it was in fact only a ray of sunshine emanating from her smile that created the chasm in the sky and lit up the arena. The only one who didn't have the need to cover their eyes was The Dayman. She had almost blinded him with that smile when they first met, it was what made him fall so madly in love with Diane, but by now his retinas had become accustomed to her divinity. "You poor, poor fool. I mean poor in an empathetic tone of course, not a social one my dear. We both know you are quite well off." She shot a quick glance at his codpiece for confirmation. He was quite well endowed of course. Monetarily you perverts, this is a love story. Not some fanfiction smut. Honestly the nerve of som....Yes...Yes m'lady I apologize. I am rambling again. She continued her speech.
"When you left, I wanted nothing more than to comfort you, but I knew that you had to take your own path to become stronger. I respected that more than you could ever know, and I was quite certain that it was your shame that you were leaving behind, not our love. I resolved myself to wait here for your return. However, you know how impatient I can be. When the 192nd bimonthly tournament started up after your absence, I entered myself. I won without error after insisting rules be put in to place, and every opponent in the tournament got disqualified for various encroachments of the rules. I won the tournament so that I wouldn't have to wait a single second longer when you returned to restore your honor and our place in matrimonial history." She pulled the most astonishing rings from her coin purse and placed them in The Dayman's hands. "I would have told you sooner when I saw you enter the tournament, but I thought it would be better for you to fight and restore your honor."
The Dayman placed a ring on his hand, and then one of hers and stood to meet her dazzling godlike gaze, "My dear.." He moved within inches of her. "It was not my honor that I was trying to win back, it was you. The rings were all I needed." He placed the other ring on her finger and kissed her, and was met with applause by the audience, no cue card needed. Even the tentacles rose up from under the bleachers to show their praise and clap a slimy cephalopodic round of approval.
The now hauntingly homosexual audience member stood up and sassed his dismay. "Oh no honey. No." He shook cocked his hip and occupied it with a limp hand and used his other hand to wave a finger at the couple. "You are not going to prance up in here, with your shiny little heels and flawless complexion and think you are going to steal MY MAN. I was here through all the rough times and you were off doing God knows what in your fancy little outfit. We cuh-ried together. Do you understand what kind of bond that is? No. You don't, because while I was off in cuddle land with your boyfriend, you were probably at some bakery fondling David Tutera's balls and planning a wedding that is never going to happen. He is miiiiiiiiiiiiine now." He snapped his fingers and strutted his stuff up to The Dayman and cupped his codpiece with his borrowed hand.
The Dayman coughed and jumped back in shock. Diane was unphased, she used to people making passes at her glorious groom, but one simple point always knocked them back into their place. "You, my queen, and I mean that in the most derogatory sense that I can manage, are not royalty. You have no chance with him."
The possessed man smiled and waved at the cameras to ask for a closeup. "In fact, I am royalty. I am Prince Elton of the Rainbow Isles. A lightly charted island chain off the coast of Southyros, I say lightly charted because those damn mapmakers had our islands drawn too big! They made us look fat. How dare they!" He shook his head and sucked his teeth. "Anyway. I come from a long line of homosexual royalty. And believe me Mr. The Dayman", Prince Elton looked him up and down and bit his lip, "I have a very...very large dowry." He winked at the now dazed and speechless prince and his soon to be bride.
Diane, being the sensible and poised one, merely stated in the most dignified manner possible, "That is outrageous. Homosexuals cannot reproduce! It is not physically possible."
Prince Elton swiveled his hips and smirked. "Oh honey, if you lock up a bunch of gay people on an island long enough, they'll find a way to reproduce. Trust me!"
The Dayman, knowing that there would be only one way to solve this unfortunate love triangle, turned and waved and Leon to make a request. "Mr. Veralice, would you be so kind as to give The Illusive Cale Squid the microphone before presenting the next question?" He snapped his fingers and the cherubim formed a small chapel around the couple. "I must take myself off the market as soon as possible, and I am unable to be both groom and minister. Our Squid friend is the only one with a codpiece suitable enough to perform a marriage of this caliber. Nothing special, just ask us if we do and have Sailor Eros sign the papers."
