Northyros: March of the Death-Mammoths

[Myrdraxxis]

"Not now Valentine." Magnus muttered, pushing past her and storming off towards the base of the tower. There were two guards stationed at the large double doors that granted access to the base of the tower- ceremonial for the most part. Who would want to break into a tower filled with scheming, irritable wizards?

One of them noticed Magnus approach. "Hey...is that Magnus?" he asked his fellow. The other snorted.

"Don't be ridiculous. That guy wouldn't dare show his face back around here-holy shit it's Magnus." Magnus didn't even acknowledge the two, brushing past them and into the Blackspire.

What happened then can only be described as a whirlwind of chaos as Magnus barged his way into offices, meeting chambers and more than a couple of bathrooms, muttering to himself the whole time.

"Nothing here....Don't sense it around here...."

[Mizagium]

Samantha stuffed her hands into her hoodie pocket and lazily followed Magnus from room to room. A small group also coagulated, although they followed Magister Valentine more than Magnus. Should he suddenly turn his anger on them, they could quickly disperse - or at least Samantha would protect them. Probably.

"Mistress!" Vi'irinox came practically running around the corner.

"Hey, kid. Come to watch the show?"

"No, I - is that Magnus?" He lowered the notes he was thrusting at her and joined the small crowd. "What's he doing back here?"

She shrugged. "Looking for something, I think."

"Is he allowed to be here?"

"I ain't gonna throw him out. Are you?"

Then Jeff came around the corner. "Magnus! Come on, what's up?" He and his sister shared a brief glance (she waved with a sardonic toothy grin) before he turned away. "Magnus!"

[Sariel of Tevet]

"Alright move along!"

The Dayman, royal posse in tow, busted into the area and began to push the group back away from Magnus like bouncers. In fact, they were dressed almost exactly like bouncers.

The Dayman's silvery outfit was replaced by a new blacker, sleeker model. The deep v was slightly less dimension shattering than the previous outfit, and his new codpiece was outfitted with crowd dispersal equipment. On the back of his new outfit were the words "The Magnus Royalty Procurement Brigade Squad Team".

His cohorts began to disperse the crowd in their similar outfits. Diane gracefully shoved followers out of nearby windows and down stair cases, and the Hobo Robo Duo blocked the path to Magnus with their giant, oyster scented frames. Prince Elton began to possess people, walk them out of the room, and go possess someone else, and repeat. Leaving them none the wiser.

"Come on get out! We have a thing to find. A man's royal stature is at stake here! You commoners and your lustful poor people gazes are not welcome here!"

[Calefrun]

Dorrei followed the others in. "You people really can't stay out of trouble for very long, can you?" She stopped, arms folded, and swept her gaze around, just in case the book was lying out in plain site. With a sigh, she added, "I suppose this is the perfect group for Cale to have gotten himself tangled up with."

A squidsassin suddenly appeared at her side and removed the black mask that covered his face. He was a boy of about 19, with brown eyes and medium-length black hair under which small pink tentacles were visible. He was dressed in the same black ninja suit as all squidsassins, but rather than an assortment of daggers, he only carried a longsword, sheathed across his back.

"Ah," Dorrei said as she continued to halfheartedly glance around for Magnus' tome, "there you are, Zento. I don't suppose you could direct me towards your cousin?"

Zento Calfrun shook his head. "Ma'am, I only have half an idea where WE are. I've been trying to catch up with him since all of these people teleported out of the arena. Now apparently there's a missing book or something?" He walked over to a stack of books and knocked it over with his foot. "It's not one of these, I assume."

[Myrdraxxis]

"Uh....boss?" Leske finally caught up with Magnus as the mage paced down the hallways, muttering thoughtfully to himself and pausing every so often to squint suspiciously at a random wall or office door. Privately Leske couldn't help but wonder if his leader had finally lost his mind.

Not that he'd seemed entirely sane to begin with, but still.

"Boss," Leske tried again, this time catching Magnus' attention. "What are you doing?"

"Should we even be here?" Desmond added. "This is where the Archmage is, right?"

"I doubt he even notices that we're here." Magnus shrugged. "And to answer your questio-hold on, what the hell is the Dayman doing?" Magnus then seemed to notice the added "entourage" he had picked up. Magnus looked like he was about to comment on it, then stopped himself. "Anyway....I'm searching for anomalies."

"Anomalies?" Septimus inquired, catching up to them finally.

"Whoever broke into my mansion had to be very skilled in dimensional manipulation. And I know that none of the talentless hacks who work here have the ability to do so." Magnus began to explain. "Which means they got help from someone." he paused. "Or something..."

"So you're looking for....what?" Leske asked.

"Anything that could be related to dimensional magic here." Magnus began walking down the hallway again. "A small wrinkle in time-space, a gateway hidden in a bowl of soup, an eldritch abomination hiding in the closet..." he stopped, turning and staring at one of the seemingly random doors. It was vibrating faintly. Magnus frowned and opened it.

"....or, a class five breakdown phenomenon." He finished, sounding surprised. Leske, Desmond and Septimus joined him at the door and collectively gasped.

The room wasn't a large one, a simple office. Or rather, it should have been. The office itself seemed to be going through some sort of change, stretching and twisting into odd shapes and disappearing entirely into a black abyss that was slowly consuming the whole room.

"How...how did no one notice this before?" Septimus gasped. Magnus didn't answer right away, staring intently at the dimensional rift.

"Who owned this office?" He asked.

"Err..Magister Tevirin, I think." Septimus replied. Magnus snorted.

"Tevirin? How did that second rate hedge mage manage this?" He asked more to himself than anything. Magnus sighed and walked into the room. "Well, I guess we just have to see where this goes."

"Uh...is that wise?" Desmond asked.

"Probably not." Magnus answered and then disappeared as the breakdown phenomenon swallowed him up. Septimus just shook his head.

"I'm not going in there. I'll...wait out here and keep others away if need be." He returned to the hall.

THe mooketeers just cillectively shrugged and followed after their boss.

[Calefrun]

Following the rather obvious trail of Magnus and his entourage, Dorrei and Zento made their way to the office the mage and mookateers had disappeared into. Dorrei looked inside, and saw the abyss.

"I don't think it's supposed to look like that," she noted. Zento didn't respond, and when Dorrei looked at him she saw that he was staring at his watch, appearing to be lost in thought. "...Zento?"

Snapping out of his trance, he replied, "Sorry about that. It's just... around this exact moment, mine and Cale's past selves should be arriving in the City Under the Sea." Looking to be lost in remembrance again, he added, "You know, I was kind of an ass back then."

Dorrei grinned and said, "Yeah well, you're still kind of an ass," to which Zento only shrugged. "It doesn't really matter, though. You're disciplined, and understand how to follow orders. That's more than I can say for your cousin."

Zento shrugged again. "To be fair, I had formal training before even coming to this world. Cale, on the other hand, was just part of some ragtag group of adventurers."

The former Illusive Squid nodded. "I've heard the stories. Dancing badgers, space ninjas, and the like. He's nothing like your grandfather, that's for sure." She noticed Zento starting to move towards the breakdown phenomenon. "What are you doing?"

A third shrug. "Taking a page out of Cale's book, I guess. Just rolling with it." With that, he entered the abyss.

"What the?! Oh damn it." Dorrei muttered as she followed him in.

[Mizagium]

"For the record," Samantha Valentine announced to everyone within earshot, "I knew that portal was there the whole time. I just didn't do anything about it."

Vi'irinox gave his mistress a disbelieving grimace.

She advanced on the portal and slipper her MANHANDS on (which just looked like weird gloves to the uneducated observer aka everyone except maybe Vi'ir)in addition to her OCD glasses. The TUCAN clipped to her belt (it looked like a Walkman) started to hum and she examined the world code it generated.

"Very interesting. You coming, Vi'ir?"

"Do I really have a choice, ma'am?"

"No, not really."

"Then why ask?"

"I like to give my students the illusion of free will." With only a moment to let that sink in, she siezed her diminutive pupil by his robes and tossed him in. "What do you see?" Nothing. "Vi'ir? Can you hear me? Oh, nope. This code right here - it blocks auditory information." She grinned at her dubious brother. "The portal blocks sound."

"Uh huh." Jeff put up a protective barrier and stepped through the portal.

"Wait come back! I haven't examined your code!"

[Sariel of Tevet]

The Magnus Royalty Procurement Brigade Squad Team followed suit into the ever changing room, and saw Magnus and the, obviously less adequate than The Magnus Royalty Procurement Brigade Squad Team, entourage of the Mooketeers breaking down and being swallowed up by the phenomenon.

"My words! That was phenomenal!" The Dayman struck his fist against his outstretched chest, proud of his pun, of course.

"My dear shouldn't we be following them? We can't exactly do our jobs from...well here."

The Dayman stuck a royal finger up into the air and filled his royal lungs with air.

"Quite right my graceful Diane! We must follow straight at--ooooff!"

The Dayman was stopped in his tracks as a force pressed against his waist and pushed him backwards. A ripple effect took over the phenomenon and eventually dispersed.

"Interesting."

The Dayman stuck his hand through the phenomenon, then a leg, and attempted to ease his body forward, and again was thrown backwards by an impact at his waste. Diane rushed to his aid, "Darling, darling are you ok? What's happening? Everyone else went through just fine."

He jumped to his feet and began to wander in royal paces as he thought. These are quite different than commoner paces you know, as royalty actually paces on the ceiling instead. If all the royal blood rushes to their royal brains, thought power is increased ten fold! Merely two steps into his paces, The Dayman lept from the ceiling and back down to the floor where the group was settled. He reached into his infinity belt, pulled out a lightbulb and then...oh? Me? Ah yes sir just a second. I am now holding the lightbulb above the prince's head, as he has had an idea. Ahh thank you sir, I thought I did quite a good job signifying the entrance of your thought as well, your praise means everything.

Ahem now, The Dayman, as we have just illustrated, has had an idea!

"Entourage! It occurs to me that since my infinity belt operates with dimensional magic, the two forces may be canceling one another out, and therefore not allowing me direct entrance through the phenomenon. "

"Oh Ali! You are so smart! But how will we ever catch up with Magnus?"

"Well my dear, it is simple really. We just travel indirectly, instead of directly!"

Prince Elton sighed and released the body he was currently possessing. This is going to be weird. He floated up and nestled himself within Hobotron's cockpit. I'm just gonna chill in here and wait it out.

"Ah yes, I have a plan for that as well Diane. Everyone!" He grabbed a hold of his codpiece and pulled it away from his body as much as he could manage. "Climb aboard! I can travel within the infinity belt to Magnus' location, but if we all tried we may lose each other, it is easier for you all to just ride with me."

Prince Elton would have felt a chill go up his spine if he still had one. "Is uh...is there enough room for all of us?", he said with far.....far too much glee.

"Of course man! It IS a royal codpiece afterall. They are much bigger on the inside than they appear to be. Why once in highschool I attempted to usurp my father's throne, but at the last second I panicked and placed the actual throne within my codpiece for a week!"

The group just shrugged and all jumped into The Dayman's, oddly comfortable, codpiece.

"Now for the finishing touch!"

The Dayman opened the infinity belt and began to search for Magnus and his...entourage...and upon finding them, he took off his belt, grabbed hold, and slung it over himself from head to toe, and exited right on top of the Mooketeers.

[Monika]

"Feel free to stay for a while..."

As a trained knight, Zelmon had been on many an adventure and he knew that the chances of ever hearing those words again were astronomically slim. Moreover, Hioma still hadn't woken up from her extended nap and was in no condition to travel (nor was Zelmon in any condition to keep carrying her around). Embracing this once in a lifetime opportunity, he took Magnus up on that offer and stayed behind in the luxurious manor.

THE END.






Sarina stayed behind as well, for less relaxing reasons. All this portal travel helped her to recall that she was given a longstanding assignment from Emperor Veralice to gather intelligence on any dimension she went to during her military days. Of course, Leon was no longer the Emperor of Awesome Land (and hadn't been for some time), and she was no longer a member of the Awesome Land Imperial Army, but neither of those facts actually mattered. Leon's exact words were something to the effect of, "Until either one of us dies, you are tasked with interdimensional reconnaissance. Do not fail me, or I will kill you."

She withdrew a small spiral notebook from her pocket and flipped past a few pages - most of them were rejected song ideas - until she came to a blank one. She took a pencil from the spiral and began to write down every thing she had seen thus far, from her departure from Random World to her arrival at Magnus' house.

[Myrdraxxis]

Magnus was expecting a lot of things when he passed through the breakdown phenomenon. After all his years of travelling dimensions, not much could catch him by surprise. THe sheer absurdity of some of the world's he'd seen had pretty much jaded him for his very very long life.

But he had to admit, out of all the things he was expecting, the one thing he wasn't was nothing at all.

He blinked and looked around. An endless black void seemed to stretch around, though the ground seemed solid enough.

"Er, this is a little underwhelming." Leske said, escaping from underneath the gratuitousness of the Dayman and standing.

"It's....empty." Magnus observed. "And artificial." He began looking around more closely. "Like...a barebones template. A sandbox." He frowned. But why would a breakdown phenomenon lead to nothing...his eyes widened.

"This is a trap!" He shouted.

"How right you are." A voice, a suspiciously French accented voice, echoed from all around them. Suddenly a figure appeared before them. It looked like a hovering trashcan at first glance, but it with much more sophisticated machinery. Ominous red lights glowed from random bits, bathing it in a demonic glow. Two clawed arms extended from either side.

Magnus raised an eyebrow. "Huh. Haven't seen a dalek in a while."

"Your glibness does you no credit, monsieur mage." The top of the machine glowed as it spoke, and Magnus could see what appeared to be a floating brain in a jar affixed to the top.

No, not a brain.

A piece of french bread.

"And your smugness does you none." Magnus hot back. "Just who the hell are you and where do you get off thinking you can steal my shit?"

"I am ze master of zis realm. You may call me Breadiac."

[Calefrun]

Dorrei and Zento stepped out into the void and looked around. "You know," Dorrei said flatly, "considering all of the places that thing could have taken us, this one doesn't seem so bad." Zento nodded his agreement, but his expression turned sour when he spotted Breadiac.

"What is it with this world and bread?" he muttered.

Dorrei shrugged. "Let's just see where this goes." The two stood side-by-side, awaiting Magnus' next move.

[Mizagium]

Jeff couldn't help but be a little disappointed. A mysterious portal in a closet could lead to anywhere: a strange land of dildoshrooms and leg-lamp trees, a dying earth populated by insect creatures, Narnia, but...here? He reflected on how high his expectations had been set recently.

Re raised a hand. "Uh, Senior French Bread? Can I be the first to say that, uh, this place sucks? Could do with a little decorations. Maybe a bread palace or a pumpernickel throne? You know, something to really drive home the idea that we've been roped into a Bread Wizard sidequest." He summoned up a barrier and leaned against it, rather casually.

"Your realm is bad and you should feel bad," Samantha offered before she was even entirely through the portal. Once she was entirely through, she blinked and said, "Wow. It's even worse than I imagined."

Vi'irinox dusted himself off and rejoined his comically abusive mistress, muttering under his breath.

[Sariel of Tevet]

The Dayman thrust his chest out and took a deep...deep royal breath, and prepared for the dialogue of a life time.

"WHAT KIND OF HALF BAKED ATTEMPT AT A VILLAIN IS THIS? DO YOU JUST LOAF AROUND IN THIS NOTHINGNESS ALL DAY LIKE SOME CRUSTY VAGRANT? EN-GRAINED IN YOUR OWN THOUGHTS? THE YEAST YOU COULD DO IS CREATE IN THIS PATHETIC AND ENTIRELY NOT ROYAL VOID. DOUGHN'T YOU KNOW HOW TO BE A REAL VILLAIN? YOU KNEAD MINIONS WITH WHICH TO SECURE A SUB-STANTIAL REIGN. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN PLANTING THE SESAME SEEDS OF EVIL IN THIS PLACE. WHAT KIND OF FRUIT CAKE ARE YOU? RYE HAVEN'T YOU DONE ANYTHING WORTH WHILE YOU FOOL? WORTHLESS, LAZY, COMMONER VILLAINS LIKE YOU MAKE ME FEEL SOURDOUGH TO MY STOMACH. I OUGHT TO TURN YOU INTO A PANCAKE. WE ARE GOING TO BEAT YOU UNTIL YOU ARE BLACK AND BOULE. YOU ARE SUCH A CREPE. WORTHLESS VILLAINS LIKE YOU MEAN MUFFIN TO TRUE ROYALTY. IF YOU WEREN'T A ROBOT, YOU WOULD HAVE PITA'D YOUR PANTS ALREADY AT MY TRUE ROYAL MIGHT. GOODNESS AND ROYALTY WILL ALWAYS SCONE THROUGH IN THE END YOU VILE...MOLDY EXCUSE FOR A LEVEL BOSS. WE ARE GOING TO BEAR CLAW YOU UNTIL YOU CROISSANT TAKE IT ANYMORE, AND YOU WILL BEG FOR MERCY. AND THEN YOUR REIGN OF LAZY COMMONER VAGRANT TERROR WILL BE TOAST."

Prince Elton, fueled by the intoxicating charisma from The Dayman, floated forward and added,

"Yeah! We're gonna butter your bread baby."

[Myrdraxxis]

"I don't care who you are." Magnus deadpanned. "Give me back my book."

"Ah," the bread-in-a-jar chuckled (somehow) and suddenly a rather thick leatherbound tome covered in runes appeared beside him. "You man zis book?"

"Yes." Magnus glowered at him. "That book."

"I think I will not." Breadiac replied. "It took quite a lot of trouble to steal zis. Poor Magister Teverin lost his life in the attempt." the ridiculous villain tisked in face empathy.

"You don't even know how to use that." Magnus said.

"True. But then, that's why I lured you here. You will open it, read it and unlock the secrets within!"

"Yeah....no."

Breadiac sighed. "Then I'm afraid I shall have to force the issue. No matter what, the secrets within ze book of Magnus shall be mi-"

The jar-head suddenly exploded as it was speared by a bread-lance. Magnus and the Mooketeers blinked in unisona nd turned to see he Bread WIzard standing there with an irritated look on his face.

"Bread is MY thing."

[Calefrun]

Zento walked up to the Bread Wizard, knelt down, and picked up Magnus' tome. "That was a bit... anticlimactic." He tossed the book to its owner, then glanced at Bread Wizard. "Good job, I guess."

With a shrug, Dorrei looked to Magnus. "Well, this situation seems to have resolved itself. What happens now?"

[Mizagium]

"I take a look at that!" Samantha shoved Zento out of frame and dove through the air for the tome, intercepting it before it reached Magnus. She caught it and ran her MANHANDS over it. The TUCAN strapped to her back beeped and booped a few times before making a pfth sound. Satisfied, Samantha tossed the tome back at Magnus.

"Aaaand I'm done." She removed her MANHANDS and started strolling back towards the exit portal or whatever, Vi'irinox on her heels.

[Myrdraxxis]

And then Magnus closed the portal with a wave of his hand. THe mooketeers stared at him in shock.

"Uh...boss?" Leske asked.

"What are you..."

"Magister Valentine." He said slowly. "I don't know what you just did to my book, and while I highly doubt you managed to glean anything at all from it, I will only ask you this once. Please undo whatever you just did so I don't have to kill you?" He smiled at her.

[Sariel of Tevet]

The Dayman, as awestruck as royalty is allowed to be, scratched his magnificent brow.

"He smiles?"

Diane shrugged and added.

"Eh, it works for him."

Prince Elton floated around the couple and a shiver went up his ghost spine.

"Goodness. It works for me too."

[Mizagium]

Jeff found himself taking a few steps back. Smiling Magnus was very, very scary. Scary in that 'oh shit he's so completely ok with murdering the holy hell out of everyone here without even blinking' kind of way. Not that 'oh, he's scary looking and could probably angrily murder me' way. Although he suspected there was something of both going on right now.

Sam, however, sighed. "Don't get your robes in a knot, Mags. I didn't get anything from your book. There's some high level magic stuff going on that, frankly, I don't care enough to try to decode." She smirked. "Besides. Books are for nerds."

[Sariel of Tevet]

The Dayman, quite nonchalantly, reached down and touched his crotch. A little button clicked and his codpiece grew to dynamic proportions to create a twenty foot tall sparkling codpiece shield.

"I..think we should all.....just....stay hear. Everyone into my codpiece. This is going to be bad..."