LHC: LHE Story Thread

[Sariel of Tevet]

Infiltration/Interference/Anyone Else


Somewhat anticlimactically; due to a change in management, location, preferences, user control, abandonment issues, scheduling conflicts, romantic issues, ill used free time, administration errors, and a certain haunting act that occurred in an apartment numbered with 802, Pullio simply fell over and phased from existence. In fact, all characters (You know, whatever a character is. It's not like this is some kind of internet story or something. This shit is real. Just. Look. Move along.) who no longer had active....controllers...simply vanished from existence.

Stratus looked down to see The Dayman still passed out, but physically ok. Other than the depressing image that is his now cold, barren crotch. Things would never be the same until his codpiece is returned. Stratus realized he was still staring at The Dayman's crotch and shook his head to tear his gaze away. He put his arms up and folded them behind head, and fell backwards to lie flat on the ground, and turned to Koko.

"Welp, that was certainly somewhat anticlimactic. I guess it was due to the change in management, location, prefere.......why am I saying that. Man we should sleep at some point."

He propped his feet up on top of The Dayman's chest and yawned.

"The old man sure does have the right idea. We should take a quick cat nap and...hehehe."

Stratus began to giggle at the fact that he just said "cat nap" to Koko.

"I bet you just call them naps, huh? After that, though, we will get the old man's mojo back so I can finally get that damn beer."

Just as he was about to close his eyes, the final checkpoint pinged from the passing of Pullio. Each checkpoint around the city began to radiate a red energy field, which exploded into a single beam directed at the neighboring portal. The lights ripped indiscriminately through buildings, fruit stands, cabbages, people, and the occasional lingerie store (BECAUSE EVEN ENERGY BEAMS LIKE TO FEEL PRETTY SOMETIMES, GUYS). After all the portals were connected, it created a large red magical circle on the ground.

Chapter 1: The End

Press X to Continue

Stratus just stood there and let his eyes wander around the now rere(re?)destroyed city.

"I guess we are still in the cart game or something. Must mean I won! I told everyone I was the biggest, baddest racer here! Too bad the old man isn't awake to see this accomplishment. I sure would love to throw this in his face! Can't mess with the atmosfaeries when it comes to racing."

A holographic X appeared in front of everyone, and Stratus went to press his, but paused after remember The Dayman was knocked out still. He bent over and held The Dayman's hand up to his personal X and pressed it. The Dayman disappeared right before his eyes.

"Huh, I guess we get transported somewhere else to get our trophies. Even better! A twice baked city isn't a big enough venue to contain my greatness anyway!"

He reeled his head backwards and let out a laugh so boisterous that he accidentally set off his X and was transported. Stratus was now situated as a two dimensional sprite that was walking in place, with his nameplate highlighted underneath him. The Dayman had his own highlighted box and nameplate, and there was a sign above them that read "Select Units." There was a box for each character, their own sprite, and as of yet none of them were highlighted. Stratus spied a counter at the bottom of the screen that took off two units, going downward til zero.

"Eh. Great. I guess we have to wait until everyone gets here to get my trophy. I just hope the graphics get better. I didn't kick that much ass just to get a flat prize."

Villains

The Channel Twelve Live Action Literally Right Now Usurped Newscopter Race Report flew through the portal right after the now super charged The Nightman, and the portal closed behind him. The crew walked over to the newest section of the Project Midnight hideout, The Whooters. It had been moved from the city directly to their base of operations. Seriously, The Nightman only goes there for the wings. He swears. Well...and the breasts. But you know, the kind you can really sink your teeth into. No...no the food kind! Seriously.

He sat down in what would be his regular booth, and took a deep breath as he waited on a waitress. The Nightman, not used to silence, turned around to look for SIRI. She was not in sight, so he snapped his fingers and his narrator snapped into action. Yes, well sir, the thing is. Due to some changes in management, location, preferences, unit contro...yes. Yes the short version. Uh. SIRI IS DEAD AND YOU NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO RECIPROCATE HER LOVE. SHE PROBABLY EVAPORATED DEPRESSED AND ALONE AND IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT.......sir.

"This can't be!"

The Nightman slammed his codpiece through a nearby wall with a mighty thrust.

"She was so...annoying! Why do I even care?!"

"I would rather you had shown my daughter that sort of affection while she existed you know."

The Nightman did not take well to back talk, and it sent a tingling through his codpiece. He rose to confront the voice, and was face to face with a cyber-human.

"And who might you be?"

"I am SIRI's mother, 2IRI JACKSON. You should be ashamed for neglecting my daughter the way you did when she was in your company! She was much more capable than those boobs and robots you call henchmen. Especially that narrator fellow, I mean. Is he corporeal, imaginary, or what? Seriously. MY DAUGHTER DIED SAD AND LONELY BECAUSE OF YOU. "

The Nightman took one of her cold, cybernetic hands and presented his codpiece to beseech her.

"I'm sorry Ms. Jackson." His Whooters waitress finally made her way to the table and offered a "Whoooooo."

"I am for real! Never meant to make your daughter cry, I apologize a trillion times."

Ms. Jackson nodded somewhat ambivalently and huffed.

"A trillion is a start, I suppose."

She looked down at his glorious codpiece, which was now becoming more and more consumed by his natural darkness, causing its usual royal shimmer and jewel encrusted awesomeness to becoming obsidian.

"I just hope you have a way to prove that my daughter fell for a real man, you do have plans for this outfit here don't you? The run down abandoned warehouse, the crappy hot wings, the cloning machine. It all seems a bit pointless right now. Do you even know what you are doing?"

The Nightman rapped his knuckles on the top of his codpiece and smirked.

"Oh believe me, the plan has only just begun. "

[Damien]

Izaak turned to look for Spirit, the woman assassin that had joined the Infiltration team, to see if she, too, had survived the impact of Ephantus's onslaught, but she was nowhere to be seen. When he thought about it, Izaak realized that he hadn't seen her since they left the biker bar to begin the operation.

"Wonderful," he grumbled. "Looks like it's just you and me, Kayla." He began to channel the elemental forces of Air, preparing to bring Ephantus down to the ground. Much easier for both of us to fight him, I'd wager. Just as his channeling reached its peak, words appeared before him and Kayla in the form of a pop-up window.

Chapter 1: The End
Press X to continue.

This universe just keeps getting weirder and weirder, thought Izaak.  He decided to ignore pop-up, and tried to cast his Swirling Winds spell, hoping to cause more than just a little turbulence.  Upon reaching the peak of the spell, he willed the air around Ephantus to shift and churn, but he could feel the magic not working.  He tried once more...and nothing.  The pop-up reappeared, this time with an additional message.

Chapter 1: The End
Press X to continue.
(What don't you get about THE END?!)

"Oh, alright. Fine!" he said aloud.  A holographic X appeared just under the message, and he pushed it.  His field of vision went dark, and when it came back, he found himself stuck in place as a two-dimensional sprite that one might see in a video game with his name written on a nameplate beneath him.  The counter at the bottom of the screen lowered its count by one, officially including him in the "party".

He saw the Dayman and Stratus already there.  "Any idea what's going on?" he asked.  "Or what happens next?"

[Mizagium]

Sailor Solar

The abrupt, but ultimately inconsequential universal shift caused a sudden updraft that blew Sailor Solar’s miniskirt up, resulting in the greatest whitey-tighty panty shot of a full grown adult man ever in recorded history. Babies cried. Men fainted. Women gouged their eyes out. Whales beached themselves. An imminent meteor shower turned right the fuck around and the the sun went dark for a few seconds.

“Oh my,” Solar blushed and held his skirt down while giggling.

Chapter 1: The End
Press X to Continue

Sailor Solar, confused, used both hands to press the button, allowing his skirt to fly up again, causing the same ludicrous sequence of events mentioned above to happen again. Then he was teleported next to the Dayman (which is just silly because he was already right there) and jumped in shock.

“No! My sweet prince!” He flung himself upon the passed-out form of the Dayman and began sobbing into the Dayman’s V-neck. “Oh, Ali…” Solar raised his tear-stained face and brought it close to the Dayman’s… “A single kiss will be enough to wake the sleeping prince from his slumber…”

Hmm. Didn’t we already do a scene like this before? It seems like we did. Hm. Well, something something universal shift.

Haley

Haley continued to be disgusted at the absolutely horrific scene unfolding between the Dayman and Sailor Solar. The universal shift sent a shudder through her invisible spine, to which she could only say, “You know. Somehow, it feels like whatever standards we were upholding until just a few seconds ago have somehow vanished.”

She glanced at the soon-to-be-kiss between the Dayman and Sailor Solar. “Oh yeah. No standards anymore.”

Chapter 1: The End
Press X to Continue

She rapidly mashed the button and was disappointed when it didn’t teleport her somewhere far, far away from there.

Crosswind

Jereman Opheia brushed off the universal upheaval with about as much care as he had everything else happening in the story since…well, really only a few hours. Man, time sure is weird. Anyway. He pressed the button and crossed his arms, patiently waiting for everyone else to do the same. It would not do to destroy unprepared opponents.

Vespi, et al.

Still despairing over Geirhald’s death, Vespi was barely aware of pressing the button

Horror pressed the button, too, but countered the mandatory teleportation and remained in whatever slimy hole he’d slithered off into. Gross.

Jeremiah Lettucehead also pressed the button, but all that did was put him back in his plane and fling off into parts unknown.

Dorian probably also pressed a button, but he’s still lost, so we’ll get back to him.

[Calefrun]

"I'll get there myself though. I just discovered I'm not a huge fan of free-falling."

Cale shrugged. "Yeah, I'm not a huge Tom Petty fan myself. I guess I can-"

Chapter 1: The End
Press X to Continue

"Oooooo, sounds dramatic." He pressed the button and disappeared, then reappeared alongside the others in the two-dimensional world. "A 2D universe? You know, I dated someone from one of these once." He noted the counter decrement by one and added, "Boy, I sure hope there isn't a grima fate awaiting us. Ah well, I'm ready for whatever decides to chrom at us."

---

Chapter 1: The End
Press X to Continue

Kayla watched as Izaak vanished, then sighed. "Yeah, fine, whatever." She pyooshed the byutton, and was transported onto the screen next to her brother. "What? Where are we? Cale, why am I inclined to believe that this is your fault?"

Cale's sprite flipped so that he was facing her. "Lissa here, you. I don't vaike your tone, anna I don't like that you're trying to sully my good name. Did I have anything to do with this? Nah. So let's just relax and wait for the others to show up. They should quit stahling though, I'm ready to go right nowi."

"...why are you talking like that"

"Man, why anything at this point?"

---

Sark stood quietly in the corner as the Nightman was being chewed out by Ms. Jackson.

"Oh believe me, the plan has only just begun. "

"Good to hear," the vampire lord chimed in. "I would have been rather disappointed if this whole thing was just for a crotch ornament." He tilted one of his hips to the side and pointed at nobody in particular as his hair began flowing as though there were a breeze in the room. "Besides, while I'm sure that one of the twins is dead by now, there's still one more that I need to deal with."

He turned and started to walk out of the room, then stopped at the doorway. "I have some.... things I need to take care of. You know how to contact me." Then he was gone.

[neko]

"Cat naps are for cats; you're the one who's just napping," Koko replied to the pseudo-atmosfaerie. She gave a small start as prompts appeared for them to continue, and watched as Stratus "assisted" the Dayman.
Koko frowned at the place the annoying, species-confused one had been standing, then turned to her own continue screen. 
"Okies. Continue. Yes. Press X. Yes.... No, wait." She stretched her paws over her head, flailing slightly as she was altogether too short to press her own button.

Scarlet raised an eyebrow at her companion, "That's not what I... Actually, I really don't like that song, so I guess I'll let it slide." She turned her gaze to the prompt, then smirked at Koko, who was still failing to press the continue button. It wasn't for lack of effort though, as she took a running start and... Missed. Actually, did that X just move out of the way?

"I wants all the fishes!"
"There may not be fish on the other side," Scarlet pointed out as she approached the small cat.
"Fish are always on the other side of large X shaped buttons," Koko snapped, "I just can't reeeeeaaach!" She whined, plopping down on her but and moping. Scarlet rolled her eyes, "I don't see why you couldn't just whack it with your fry pan, but I suppose logic just didn't come with your short stature."

"I'm not short! I'm diminutive! Fun-sized! Pocket ready for your adorable convenien--!"
Scarlet lifted the cat by the back of the collar and tossed her unceremoniously into the continue button.

"Do we also get buttons, as well?"

The demoness' head snapped in the direction of the new voice, "Aw, come on."

Coming into view were the Badd twins, arguing about redundant inquiries and looking surprisingly neat after Scarlet's most recent attempt to blow them up. Speaking of Scarlet, as soon as she noticed the two, her hand collided with the prompt with unnecessary force, placing her next to a two-dimensional Koko.

"Oooh! I've always wanted to catch a 2D fish! They're supposedly very rare. So rare that they may just be a myth. I love catching myth-fishes. They like urban areas."

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Scarlet turned away from the rambling cat only to have her unfortunate eyes settle on Sailor Solar and the asofyet incapacitated Dayman. 

"Nooo! Standards! Come back!" She cried, shaking her fist at the two dimensional sky above her and trying valiantly to keep her last meal down.


Meanwhile, the Badd twins simply stared at the rapidly emptying area.

"So... Does this mean no buttons for us?"

[Myrdraxxis]

Leske stared at the button for a minute. Then two minutes. Then five.

"This....is not a good idea." He voiced his thoughts aloud. Not that anyone could hear him of course. Everyone else (that he cared to notice) had already disappeared from the city. Still, at this point he was honestly thinking of just letting that be that and going on his way.

But....Leske would be remiss if he missed out on an adventure.

And then Ephantus giant mechanical form landed behind him. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS." the machine form rumbled.

...Okay, yeah it was time to leave now.

Leske pressed the X and appeared along with everyone else.

"...Okay what the hell is even going on here?" He asked.

Which was when 2D Ephantus appeared beside him. "Gah what the fuck!" Leske yelped and hopped away in pixilated sprite fashion.

"It takes more than that to escape from me!"

[malikai]

*Due to series of technical difficulties there has been a serious lapse in information. Writers have been fired, producers replaced, and complete management shift. Fortunately Fenris Dragonheart and his adorable companion Scrambles remain with us.*

Chapter 1: The End
Press X to continue

"Scrambles… Am I totally tripping balls right now or is there a giant floating sign thing in front of me?"

Scrambles climbed atop Fenris's head and leaned over to sniff the giant pop-up as. "I don't know. What happens when you push the giant X but-"

Scrambles fell forward and slammed his snout into the X. Fenris and Scrambles were immediately transported to a 2 dimensional world with all of the other surviving player characters… I mean people…

"Holy shit!!! I've been flattened!" Fenris looked toward Scrambles. "Scrambles! So have you! What the fuck!

Scrambles looked at Fenris in bewilderment. "Did you… Just say…" Scrambles swallowed. "The "F" word?"

Realization dawned on Fenris. "I can swear again! Fuck yeah!"

[Sariel of Tevet]

The unit ticker finally hit zero with the addition of the fashionably late Fenris and Scrambles and the menu screen vanished as a battlefield was brought into focus. The backdrop was a lay out of the center of the city, well...what was left of it after being destroyed for the...fourth?...fifth time now? Somewhere we can only hope that a pair of insurance adjusters named Meryl™ and Milly™ have been running around frantically after the cast of heroes and attempting to calm the villagers. I say we hope for this, because it obviously hasn't happened. The battlefield was overwhelmed by scattered patches of disgruntled townsfolk with red health bars below their sprites. Movement squares covered the ground and each sprite occupied one, including a larger sprite at the end of the map with a monstrous health bar.

Kill Jereman Opheia

The message was scrawled out into the sky and the party spawned into the map next to one another. Stratus looked down and saw his health bar and began to laugh.

"Ha! MY health bar is bigger than yours, old man! That is because us atmosfaeries are tough as nails! We definitely aren't made of glass, that's for sure!"

The Dayman sighed, now spawned to be no longer unconscious.

"Well...of course your health bar is larger than mine...I don't even have a codpiece anymore. How would I even begin to have a royal health bar without it? I'm am no better than those villagers over there...who...look quite angry. Does this mean I have to be angry now that I am no longer royalty?"

"Oh cut the crap, old man! You don't have to be royalty to be a huge freakin success. Look at me! I'm not even human, and definitely not royalty! Atmosfaeries are vagabonds. The only currency we need is our bikes and an open road. You don't need royalty to be a badass, just be a man!"

"I can't even be a man. My manhood was taken with my codpiece..."

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT SHIT!"

Stratus kicked The Dayman in the chest and pushed him into the neighboring square, where Sailor Solar was placed. The two became adjacent within the square and a large A appeared over their heads and that stas increased slightly. Stratus scoffed at the pair.

"Looks like teaming up in a square boosts your power. Pffft. As if. I wonder what that "A" stands for anyway. Aging? Ass...ass play. Alternative life style? Eh, no matter. I can do fine on my own!"

Stratus looked back at Koko's space.

"Hmm...no. No. I don't need a partner."

He took another glance at Koko's sprite.

"I...man. No. Don't do it, dude. You are a strong, independent Atmosfaerie and you don't need no woman. I bet...Ha. I bet after the fight the game would just force us to have some lame ass conversation anyway where we awkwardly reveal stupid personal things to each other. CHHHH. As if. Who needs that."

He looked out onto the battefield, and back to Koko again.

"Dammit."

He pulled a little laser pointer from his pocket and began to trace a line from Koko's square to his own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Tell me about this item."

An elderly pawn shop owner walked over to the chess set that The Nightman was pointing at, and placed it onto the counter.

"This right here? Been in my family for generations. Never really thought much of it to be honest. Been sitting here since I was a child, and even longer still before that. Isn't even a complete set. Only has the black pieces so no one has bothered to buy it."

The Nightman looked over his shoulder to 2IRI, who was jotting down notes on an electronic tablet, and she shot him a small nod.

"Right, but, do you know where it comes from?"

"Hmmm. Well my great great great grandfather is the one who supposedly found it. Wonderful archaeologist that man was. Until his mind went. He came back after one adventure screaming about a chess board he found in India. Hell idk, some made up place no one had ever heard of. No telling what he is going on about. We just assumed that spending a decade out east and finding only a half completed chess board drove him to the looney bin. Good thing we have always had free health care in this part of the world."

The Nightman peered around the pawn shop and saw people exchanging food stamps for shop items. Out in the street a hotdog cart was advertising it's "Sharing the Wealth Dog Day", where you could get a free hotdog. The community college at the corner was filled to the brim with students who had no debt, and a woman with ten children all lined up like little ducklings behind her passed the front of the pawn shop waving a check in the air with a smile.

"Yes this...Land of Welfare is quite...unsettling."

2IRI put a hand on his shoulder and showed him a set of notes she had been taking on her tablet.

"I believe that we have found it, my prince."

The pawn shop owner shot up with a delight, hoping that the prince would have an unimaginable amount of food stamps to buy the chess board with.

"You are a prince?! How exciting! Where from, my liege?"

The Nightman nodded to 2IRI and grinned at the old shop keep.

"Prince? No, no not any longer, old man. Now I am a King. And from where? Well..."

He swiped up the chess board from the counter with all the black pieces, turned, and spread his arms wide.

"Well right here in the Land of Welfare, of course."

He walked out the door, and 2IRI followed close behind.

"Well, my king, I suppose I shall start searching housing adds to find a suitable government apartment complex we can turn into a palace."

[Calefrun]

Kayla took a look around the two-dimensional battlefield, her pixelated expression one of disgruntled confusion. She sighed resignedly then moved one space closer to her brother, who looked about as nonchalant as she expected him to. "You heard the kid. We'll be stronger if we stand next to each other."

Cale laughed heartily then retorted, "Pfft, I don't need a stinking support! I'll beat them all before their feeble 2D minds can even comprehend what's happening!" He waved Scarlet forward. "Alright, bestest friend! I'm going straight for Jerryman Ophelius, so it's up to you to take out everyone else!" One space at a time, he started moving quickly towards the stage's boss. Once he had crossed about half the distance, however, he suddenly stopped in the center of a group of enemies. As he stood completely frozen, the pixels that composed his sprite turned various shades of gray. It was less than fifty though, so don't even ask.

With some effort, he managed to move his mouth just enough to mutter, "What... happened... to me?"

Kayla furrowed her brow in thought as she studied him for a few seconds, then stated flatly, "If I had to guess, I'd say that you used all your moves for the turn. You're probably just stuck there until everybody else goes."

"That's... so... laaaaaaaaaaaaaame."

"...Right." The silver-haired woman crossed her arms and looked to the rest of her allies. "Anyway, I'm more of a healer/thief-type character, so it would probably be best if I just stay behind the rest of you. So uh... have fun, I guess."

[malikai]

"I got nothing." Scrambles said in utter bafflement. "We're turned into 2 dimensional beings like we're in a freggin Nintendo and now there's a field full of angry townsfolk calling for our blood." He moved from his square and jumped onto Fenris's shoulders. "I've been awake for about an hour man… I just… I just can't even brah."

Fenris felt a weird surge and his square glowed as Scrambles jumped on his shoulders. "Hmmmm." Fenris rubbed his crotch. "Yup, definitely feeling powered up."

The townsfolk began moving about to different squares, some closer to the party and others moving to surround the boss. Cale attempted to move directly toward the boss, but came up short and turning less then 50 shades of grey. (We are contractual obligation to say this. Cale, in no way, wants anything to do with that wretched manual on ball-slappy turkey fucking.).

"I guess we have a limited amount of action points." Scrambles sighed. "GREAT! We're in final fantasy tactics now!"

"It's no matter! I will brandish my mighty axe and slay these disgruntled and totally unarmed townsfolk!" With that, Fenris reached to his back in search of his mighty weapon. "What?" His 2d arms flailed around. "Where is it?!" He began spinning around in circles in his square, revealing his guitar no longer in his hands. "WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!!!!"

That was when he heard it…

Across the battlefield Fenris saw a man, not just any man, but…

Raymond Implosion. *Explosions and cheering!*

"My old nemesis…" Fenris's eyes narrowed in renewed purpose. "Oh. This shit just got too real." Fenris scanned the battlefield looking for the best route to Raymond, for as long as he had the guitar he could power up the enemies. Luckily, Raymond was a bassist and sucks at guitar, so it would take at least 3 full rounds through the initiative order for him to figure out any of it's magic. After a moment of scanning Fenris found the best route to get to his rival, though he still had to deal with the townsfolk.

"What am I gonna do without my axe Scrambles?" Fenris asked forlornly.

That was when they both looked down and saw it…

Scrambles patted Fenris on the head and whispered softly, "You know what to do."

With vigor and tenacity Fenris reached down and pulled, with all his might and all the glory of the dragon god himself, and did it. Fenris ripped his health bar from under him and raised it high into the air.

"I HAVE THE POWER!!!"

Fenris charged the first townie that stood in his way….

Menu:
Attack
Item
Other

"Attack."

You have slected other.

"No god dammit I want to attack."

Oh my bad. Swing away Fenris, swing away.

And with all of his furious might Fenris swung his health bar directly into the stupid face of the 2d townie. As he flew away he cried. "Omg Fenris Dragonheart! I love youuuuuuuuu." And then blinked out of existence.

Fenris hit, critical hit, it was super effective.

"Fucking sweet!" Fenris said holding his health bar proudly. "Hey guys! Apparently hitting the enemies with your very life essence is super effective! Just a thought!"

[neko]

"I can't believe nobody picked up on my urban myth fish joke," Koko pouted, "Or if they did, they didn't bother to say anything! I see how I rate! I'm just a tiny cat-person-- no need to listen to what I have to say. No, not at all. Well, I'll have you all-- Myoh!" The presently whining cat stopped herself mid-whine to suddenly crouch down, pupils dilated intently at something on the ground.

"We meet again, my slightly shiny nemesis..."

Scarlet shook her head, turning her eyes away as Koko crouched a little lower, wiggled her but, tail a-swish, and pounced after the dot on the ground. She followed it cautiously, trying to corner it with her paws, when it suddenly vanished. Her aquamarine eyes darted around, and she dimly realized that she had hunted the dot into the fallacious fairy's space.

"Don't. Move," She whispered to Stratus, "I know I saw it come this way. We must be silent. Stealthy. Careful. I don't know what it is, or what purrpose it has here but," She jumped suddenly, latching onto the front of the "atmosfaerie's" shirt with her claws,  "IT COULD DESTROY EVERYTHING!"

"Good lord," Scarlet muttered, before returning her attention to the twins. She felt a brow raise of its own accord, "What? There's like... More people here than me, can't you pick on someone else?" she snapped at Cale, now associating the word "friend" with near-death falls and nightmare-inducing puns. 

"And you might wanna think before you go running off-- oh, forget it. Once you get a though, however moronic, in your head, there's just no stopping you," Scarlet watched with a critical eye at the male twin's short lived charge, then turned her crimson eyes on Kayla, "Clearly you were gifted the brains of the family. Perhaps your genetic pool could consider a more equal distribution of common sense the next time around."

Turning away from the younger girl, Scarlet began to peruse her own menu, "Hm. I wonder what 'other' is... Oh. That's... Nifty, I guess.

Other
>
Magic
Half-shift
Full-shift
Knit

"I have a prompt for knitting? Hm, well you don't have to tell me twice," Scarlet said with a chuckle, selecting "knit" with a tap of her finger. As the demoness was provided with needles and yarn and began knitting, her magic stat began increasing.

"So this does have a purpose aside from allowing me to be grumpy. Darn. I like just being grumpy."

[Mizagium]

Jereman Opheia was a man of simple tastes. He liked being in charge. He liked a nice bowl of tomato soup on rainy days. But more than almost anything else, he liked pixel graphics and tactical video games. Although initially taken aback by the sudden shift to a two-dimensional existence, the revelation of the tactical turn-based action greatly excited him. As he was the current boss, a special icon appear by his name (a crown, of course) and he grinned. While the designated heroes were getting accustomed to their new form of existence, he exercised his boss privileges and retreated somewhat.

Stormfront had been entirely converted to a 2D map of squares, his castle included. While it was ruined, it remained mostly intact, so he too up a position near the front of the structure. "Hmm," he mused. "Well, this won't do at all." Aside from Raymond Implosion, the field was mostly devoid of proper enemies to fight. Still exercising his boss privileges, Opheia summoned MORE SOLDIERS YEAH and littered them throughout the battlefield. It was only then that he noticed his forces were a slight reddish tint, while the others were bluey. Raymond was yellowish.

"You there!" he indicated a nameless soldier.

"Me, sir?"

"Yes you. Try to speak with this Raymond Implosion and see if he'll be willing to join this side."

"But I'm just a mook, sir."

Sighing, Opheia drew his Hurricane Blade and struck the poor lad with a bolt of Rank Up Lighting, granting him a unique sprite, an increased health bar, and , most importantly, a name. "There, now you're...Larry...Tornado...or something. Now go!"

Larry Tornado took off across the battlefield, making it much farther than his normal movement cap should have been (this being something like an event) but didn't quite make it. He ended up just out of range of Fenris and Raymond.

"Heey!" he yelled to the man. "Psst! Mr. Implosion! I have a question for you."

-

Haley was really getting tired of this. She moved into a position away from everyone else, using up her movement for the turn and drew her rifle. Muttering to herself, she took down a Stormfront Soldier. "I would just like everyone to know," she shouted. "If we get out of this alive, I'm going to kill the Dayman!"

-

Sailor Solar rushed to where the Dayman was and hopped onto his square, initiation a Team Up that allowed them to occupy an uncomfortably small space together. "No one will harm Ali on my watch," he declared while smoothing the pixel wrinkles in his skirt. The shift to 2D had actually done wonders for his figure and he no longer looked nearly as sad or gross as before.

"By Burning Passion ability will grant him the strength to defeat...uh...who are we fighting?"

[Damien]

Izaak had been placed near the Dayman and Sailor Solar when things began. He'd been trying to figure out the best way to proceed, and he believed he'd found it. But first, he responded to Sailor Solar's query.

"Jereman Opheia," he said, pointing towards the 'boss'. "Better known as the Crosswind. He's a pretty powerful aeromancer, so watch yourselves."

Izaak began the trek up towards Opheia, slowly but surely, five squares at a time. This will take forever at this rate. Along the way he came across two of the Crosswind's lackeys...mooks maybe?... Anyways, he made short work of them with his flame burst spell, targeting a square between the two within range and conjuring a giant gout of flame that blasted outward, leaving scorch marks and charred bodies.

At least my magic still seems to work the same, he thought. Now, for that damned Crosswind...

[malikai]

Fenris turned int time to see the young lad, still glowing from his insanely radioactive level up, point to Raymond and declare his question having state of being. Raymond, who was poorly attempting to play a riff on Fenris mighty ax(pfffft bassists), turned to the new kid.

"Larry Tornado huh?" He said looking down at the name below his health bar, Fenris's was dancing all around him as the rockstar swung his health bar mightily. "So what can I do for yah kiddo?"Larrys eyes grew wide with excitement. This was the closest he had ever been to a famous person and he could feel the man crush growing in his pants of pants wearing +3. "Oh. Mr. Implosion sir, I was wondering if you would like… Toooootes wanna fight on our side of the battle??"

"Raymond scratched the white crusties from his nose and pointed to Fenris. "Do I get to shoot, stab, punch, kick, and/or maim that fuck face over there?"

"Hey…" Fenris looked a little hurt. "That's significantly unnice!"

"YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID FACE!" Raymond squealed, voice cracking in girly prepubescent embarrassment. "AFTER ALL THE YEARS OF YOUR STUPID SHOW BOATING AND YOUR STUPID SOLOS AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING STUPID FACE HOGGING ALL THE STUPID CREDIT! I WILL EXACT MY REVENGE!!!"

Fenris paused, head cocked in thought, pondering the accusations. He then remembered the only two facts that he could possibly remember; he doesn't remember shit from the past… Bunch of years aaaaand bassists suck HUUUUGE balls. "Raymond…" Fenris said in a soft voice, looking his old bandmate directly in the eyes.

"Raymond removed his raybands and met Fenris's gaze. "Yes Fenris?"

"You're just a bassist. And bassists suck HUUUUGE balls." Fenris spoke calmly, confident that this statement mended the whole situation. "So obviously that means that everything that you just said is stupid buddy. Now just give me bac-"

Fenris was cut off as his guitar struck him square in the face.

"I DON'T NEED YOU GUY! I NEVER NEEDED YOU BRAH! IMA GO START MY OWN BAND AND DO ALL THE HEROIN AND GET ALL THE BITCHES!" Raymonds hue going from yellow to red. "AND YOU KNOW WHAT?!" Raymond said waving the guitar in Fenris's direction. "YOU'RE NOT INVITED!!!"

"Wow Scrambles." Fenris sighed the words watching Raymond run over to the enemy side. "That guy needs some therapy. I guess he just can't handle how awesome I am." He shrugged his shoulders. "Oh well! I'll just have to break his hands!"

[Myrdraxxis]

"COME BACK HERE!"

"No!"

"I JUST WISH TO TALK WITH YOU!"

"Somehow I very much doubt that!"

Leske ran for his life, the enraged warform of Ephantus chasing after him. The machine's laser cannons glowed red hot, ready to fire. It indeed looked like Ephantus wanted to do more than just talk.

"GET BACK HERE SO WE MAY CONTINUE OUR FIGHT!"

"I wasn't even fighting you!"

"WELL I WAS FIGHTING SOMEONE AND THEN THE WORLD BECAME ILLOGICAL. YOU WILL DO!"

There you have it. Leske took another sharp turn around a building and dodged past a few random soldiers. The world had become strangely pixelated and weird, but everyone else that had been teleported here seemed to know what to do in this new environment. Well, Leske had never played a video game a day in his life so it was all lost on him. Also the ground was made out of squares. That was odd.

Which was when Leske was suddenly forced to stop moving. Almost as if he was now glued to the square he was standing on. "What the hell?"

"HAH!" Ephantus sped towards him....then stopped a couple of squares away, similarly glued in place. "What in Nanite Jesus's name is going on?" Ephantus asked. It didn't matter! This was clearly some sort of computerized world, and Ephantus was essentially a giant living computer. Time to fix this shit.

Ephantus concentrated and began to spread his influence to the world around him. He could feel his vast presence begin to reformat the square he was standing on, changing it.

Then something went wrong. "Wha-"

Ephantus' world exploded in a blinding light of....pink?

Several feet away Leske stared at the space Ephantus had once been. The machine guy had done something weird, and then suddenly sank into the tile beneath him. Which was now pink. "....Huh."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Ephantus groaned (a weirdly human action) and his vision cleared. He was no longer in the 2-D world he had been a few moments ago. Instead he found himself standing in a bizarre. brightly colored courtyard. A...school? Why the hell was he in an animated school?

"Ephantus-senpai! Why are you standing there? You're going to be late for homeroom."

The fuck?

Ephantus turned around and....stared. Ephantus had seen encountered many things in his existence, but an anime schoolgirl wasn't one of them. Said girl was entirely stereotypical, wearing a school uniform, with bright pink hair tied back in twin pig-tails, beaming happily at the hulking war machine of dath standing in front of her like they were old friends.

"....I screwed up. I screwed up bad." Ephantus realized.

"Ne, senpai? Why are you just staring at me?" the girl asked him.

"Don't call me that. I will wipe your existence from the face of the planet" Was what he TRIED to say. Instead a weird dialogue box popped up.

1. Sorry, I was just thinking about something.
2. We should get to homeroom.
3. *put it in*

Ephantus stared. 'I don't want to say any of that.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leske stared at the strange pink square. He could have sworn he just heard an anguished cry from within. But no, it was only his imagination.

After all, in Japanese eroge no one can hear you scream.

[Mizagium]

He thought he had retreated to a safe place, his summer home on the fringes of the Realm of Unending Sorrow where you could just hear the screams wafting in off the River of Souls. It was a nice place. He hadn't been back there since his imprisonment, and he had been eager to see how it had held up. But fate had other plans for Horror - well, fate or one of the various Infernal Shogun (he'd made some very eclectic enemies in his day) who thought it'd be funny. In that instant between entering one portal end, and exiting the other, the Dayman shifted the world to 2D. Apparently this interfered with portal mechanics or whatever, and Horror never reached that pleasant little cabin in the Realm of Unending Sorrow.

Instead, he found himself outside a rather boring looking building. Judging by the uniformed youth making their way in, he measured it to be an educational facility of some sort. The students came in groups of twos and threes, talking amongst themselves. He found he did not understand the language, which was odd, considering he'd acquired a passing knowledge of most languages in the Land of Lands. No one seemed to take the cloaked, hulking figure as anything less than ordinary, so he slinked off to the side and ducked behind a tree before they realized he shouldn't be there.

Just as he was beginning to form a plan, he spied a lone boy walking on his own. The kid had his nose buried in some sort of picture book. He couldn't make out the title, but he spied a woman and an octopus on the cover.

"Surely I can speak with this boy." He extruded a few tentacles of his own and seized the boy, dragging him closer. The book fell away and he saw that the boy had a serious case of acne and an impossibly thick glasses prescription. "You, disgusting boy-student, what is this place?"

But the terrified lad could only respond, "W-Wakarimasen!"

Horror sighed and chose the easy way out. He simply distended his jaw and swallowed the boy whole, quickly absorbing him into the rest of his horrific amalgamation. The glasses appeared on his face, although he noted that his eyesight didn't actually change, and his robes adopted a color scheme to match that of the rest of the students, without actually changing shape. He cleared his throat. "Ahem. Ohaiyou! Excellent, I have successfully infiltrated this world seamlessly."

Feeling confident, Horror strode out of his hiding spot and joined the student swarm. A few girls giggled at him as they passed by.

Seamless infiltration.

That’s when he spied a familiar war machine hive mind being confronted by a twin-tailed girl and a dialogue box. Overtaken by an urge he could not quite name, the terrible monster mash walked up and slung a hideous arm around what he assumed to be Ephantus’ shoulder area.

“Hey there, Phan-chan. How’s it hanging?”

…Phan-chan? He wasn’t sure he liked this place anymore.

-

Jereman Opheia steepled his fingers and said (in a dialogue box that everyone on the battlefield could see) “Just as planned.”

[Sariel of Tevet]

Stratus slung his head back and laughed way harder than he probably should have at Koko.

"It sure won't destroy anything with me around Kokomo. "

He made sure to pause strike a pose in which he was pointing to himself, which was a bit awkward with Koko clinging to the front of his shirt.

"If anything is going to destroy the world it will 'Queer Eye for the 2D Guy' over there. AND KEEP YOUR BURNING PASSIONS TO YOURSELF, SAILOR SOLAR WINDBAG."

Stratus chuckled to himself, pretty satisfied with his insults, and then saw the dialogue box Opheia has presented.

'Just as planned? JUST AS PLANNED?! Atmosfaeries don't have plans, bro! Time to go fuck up this plan, whadaya say, old man?"

He looked over to find The Dayman as slouched as a 2D character can be against Sailor Solar.

"What's the point...I'm not even a man. I couldn't make a plan, much less foil one. Foil...."

He stared down at his barren crotch and began to reflect upon his past.

"I remember getting my first aluminum foil training codpiece. My father was so proud that day. I ran around the castle, showing it off to everyone. I may have only been four, but maidens and widows alike swooned. SWOONED, Stratus. Foil..."

Stratus smacked himself in his own 2D face and groaned loud enough to shatter the heavens.

"If you don't want to foil his plan, then I'll just have to take you with me!"

He ran straight at the square containing The Dayman and Sailor Solar and drop kicked it right into pink square Ephantus disappeared into, and jumped in after them. They reappeared into the cartoonish world, surrounded by students, and somehow almost entirely all female students. Stratus smiled and slapped a hand down on The Dayman's crotch.

"See! Look at all of these girls! You should have your mojo back in no time! Look, I'll even help you old man. Tell you what I'll do, I'll-"

He was cut off by a dialogue box.


1. Set The Dayman on fire while he participates in a giggling tentacle orgy.
2. Help The Dayman participate in a giggling tentacle orgy.
3. Create a montage musical to get Stella's Groove back.

Stratus just sort of blinked at the box and held an out stretched finger in front of it.

"Man, these dialogue boxes are never good."

Just then, a horde of giggling tentacles swarmed around Stratus. They hopped up and down with unrivaled excitement (and a few dozen unfortunate erections of some group pairings. You thought I meant the other type of erections didn't you? Well guess what, pretty sure those are here to party too. So suck it. Metaphorically, not realistically. I mean unless you are into that sort of thing, no judging). A swarm of smiling flames came up next, hoping for choice one to be picked, I suppose. They were then followed by a full orchestra, some backup dancers, and some appropriate props.

"Just...really? Really, man? This beer better be worth it. Even atmosfaeries shouldn't have to put up with this shit."

He pressed choice three, and the giggling tentacles went limp with depression (and some just E.D.) and waltzed away with the no longer smiling flames. The band went to work tuning while the rest of the group set up the props, and handed Stratus a mic and a set of lyrics.

"Well I uh..Guess that uh...alright, Let's get down to business."

Music began to start up in the background.

"To defeat...the Huns."

A herd (gaggle, flock, murder, assortment?) of Hun warriors approach and began to dance around the newly created stage.

"Did they send me daughters,"

Stratus shot a confused look at Sailor Solar.

"when I asked, for sons?"

He...he just looked back at Sailor Solar again. He's kinda just both at this point.

"You're the saddest bunch I ever met! But you can bet before we're through, Mister I'll, make a man, out of you!"

The Dayman slowly began to stand, not really of his own accord at this point, it was probably mostly just the music. Or...the set of people on stage who were controlling his arms and legs with their hands.

"Tranquil as a forest, but on fire, within. Once you find your center-"

One of the puppeteers slapped The Dayman's crotch.

"You are sure to win. You're a spinless, pale, pathetic lot, and you haven't got a clue. Somehow I'll-"

All the hun for some reason changed to drag outfits and piled into a tent.

"Make a man-"

Then the puppeteers guided The Dayman into the tent.

"Oh god, are we really still having an orgy?"

One of the directors threw a tomato at Stratus, and motioned for him to stick to the script.

"Alright, alright. Out of you!"

"I'm never gonna catch my breath" (The puppeteers pulled The Dayman's head out of the tent to make him mouth that part)

"Say goodbye to those who knew me."

One of the femi-Huns poked it's head out of the tent and said,

"Boy was I a fool for cutting gym!"

Stratus picked up the verse again.

"This guy's got em scared to death."

"Hope he doesn't see right through me" (sung by another femi-Hun, who appears to just be an actual transexual)

The Dayman could be heard from within the tent.

"Now I really wish that I knew how to swim!"

Stratus coughed and nearly dropped his lyrics sheet. God, I REALLY don't want to know what happened during that part. The Dayman is supposed to surrounded by a battlefield, not sea men.

The Dayman emerged, thank God, of his own accord and entirely dry (of all substances foreign and domestic), and took over.

"Be a man. We must be swift as a coursing river. Be a man, with all the force of a great typhoon. BE A MAN. With all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as, the dark side of, the moon!"

The femi-Huns, using the broad shouldered, Adam's apple wielding transexual as a base, formed a giant pole for no reason at all, which The Dayman began to climb with an aluminum foil codpiece tied to sash.

"Time is racing toward us til the Huns arrive. heed my every order and you might survive."

The Dayman stood atop the man tower.

"You're unsuited for the rage of war. So pack up, go home you're through. How could I, make a man, out of you?"

He hopped down and was joined by the entire cast, crew, and even Stratus.

"Be a man
We must be swift as a coursing river
Be a man
With all the force of a great typhoon
Be a man
With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon"

The Dayman stood proud, and adorned with his new foil codpiece, began to strut his sexy ass stuff. An adorable first classman with more cleavage than personality bounced her way up to The Dayman (no really she bounced. At some point her unnecessarily large boobs just kind of took over and the momentum propels her forward for no reason at all). She crossed her legs, bit her lip, and began to blush. "Ni-hao." She winked and went to walk away, and stopped in front of the cast who were still dressed at femi-Huns. She grunted at them.

"God damn Mongorians."

As she bounced away, our heroes became a bit confused as they looked around to see an abundance of red flags with gold stars on them, and no sign of Ephantus. The Dayman stroked his foil codpiece in deep thought and began to ponder.

"Hmmm. We seem to be in the wrong game. I thought things seemed a bit too serious here."

The Dayman opened up a portal with his infinity belt and approached it, but was blocked by a dialogue box.


1. Change number two at a giggling tentacle orgy, come on. Really. It is worth it. Tentacle your demons!
2. Return to the battlefield and fight your way to Opheia.
3. Transport your party and use the powers of true royal love to disrupt Opheia's plans and romanced the shit out of Ephantus' game.

"Well, I never could resist a tale of true royal love. Love it is folks!"

He clicked option three and the entire group was ported into Ephantus' bubbly and somewhat misogynistic world. A wave of screaming fangirls with notebooks, pens, and most importantly, upskirt shots. A gaggle of girls crowded around Sailor Solar.

"Sera Sora! Sora! Kono sho ni shomei, kudasai!"

The Dayman intercepted the notebook and was greeted by a Rule 34 drawing of himself and Sailor Solar, that was...unfortunately and shockingly detailed. He handed it to Sailor Solar and smiled.

"Looks like we already have fans, conquering the final boss with love is going to be much easier than I thought. And I don't even have my real codpiece back yet."

Stratus sat down under a nearby Tree and laid down to ignore the madness. He pulled his laser pen from his pocket again in hopes to entertain himself at Koko's expense while this all blows over, however a flock of barely dressed catgirls began to pounce around and tackle each other to get to the dot.

"Fuck."

[Calefrun]

"Clearly you were gifted the brains of the family. Perhaps your genetic pool could consider a more equal distribution of common sense the next time around."

Kayla laughed awkwardly and scratched the back of her neck. "Yeeeeaaah... we may look the same, but he takes after our dad's side of the family more than I do. I promise he's not trying to bully you or anything, he just... well, this really is his idea of being 'friendly.'" When Scarlet turned to fiddle with her menu, the silver-haired woman started to mumble to herself, "I guess I should probably start moving towards the boss... at the very least get within range to patch Cale up if one of the bad guys decides to start poking holes in him... hmm..."

Before she could act on these thoughts, she- along with Cale, Scarlet, and everybody else- was suddenly transported into Ephantus' nightmare realm. As soon as they arrived, she noticed that something was off. And not just the tentacles, musical numbers, and whatever the hell else was going on. For one thing, the sleeves of her hoodie had inexplicably grown longer, continuing well past her hands. Feeling something odd behind her, she turned her head around to find... a tail, with fur that matched her hair color.

"No..." she choked out, almost whispering, "please don't let me have become one of them." Slowly, she raised her arms up and began feeling around on the top of her head, confirming her worst fears when she discovered a pair of large, pointed, cat-like ears. "NYOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" She fell to her knees as she yelled, and though it was unbeknownst to her, she was also blushing profusely for no apparent reason.

"Well, this is just a catastrophe of cataclysmic proportions!" Hearing her brother's voice, she looked up to see that Cale, too, had gone full nekomimi mode- probably for continuity reasons or some shit, I don't even know anymore. He continued, "This day was going so purrfectly, too! Now everything is just clawful."

Kayla stood up and grabbed him by the collar... of his shirt. Luckily the transformation didn't go that far. "Why.." she demanded in an exasperated tone, "Why are you doing this? You're not even trying to come up with good ones anymore!"

Cale shrugged. "I dunno, you seem purrty tense right meow. I'm just kitten around to try and lighten the mewd~"

She pushed him onto ground and stormed off in a direction away from all of the madness. Her brother tried to follow, but finally noticed Stratus' laser dot and dove into the dogpile of other felines. Err... catpile. Look, can we just move on?

After walking about twenty feet, Kalya was approached by a thankfully average-looking schoolgirl. Aside from the pink hair, anyway. The girl appeared quite flustered, and when she finally spoke she kept her eyes glued to the ground. "K-Kayla-chan! I-I've been looking for you... I... I-I wanted to see you... and uh, talk to you... about..."

Before Kayla was able to ask the girl if she was on some sort of horrible drug, she saw a dialogue box resembling the ones that Ephantus and the Dayman had encountered.

1. I always loved you, Rena-chan!
2. I literally hate you
3. Why don't we get my brother and go somewhere a little more... secluded?"

The instant she laid eyes on the third option, she immediately whirled around. "Nope. Nuh-uh. No. Nada. Hell no. Fuck this place. Fuck Japan. I'm done. I'm leaving. No." With a forceful kick, she ripped open a hole in the fabric of the universe and walked through.

Seconds later she reemerged, her face such a bright shade of red that it would constitute a medical emergency if this wasn't anime. As the dimensional tear closed behind her, she looked to the Dayman with pleading eyes. "Please... I don't know why you brought us here, or what any of us did to deserve this, but please... can we leave? Like, NOW?"

[neko]

Koko glared at Stratus, but it wasn’t very effective. Her glares never were, “Didn’t I just say we had to be stealthy?” But woe, the atmosfaerie was ignoring her again and had turned his attention to the Dayman. Confused, the small cat watched things unfold, all gravitating toward a very ominous pink square on the field. The thought did occur to her to let go of the man’s shirt and run like hell, but the dot had come this way and...

“Myoh, dammit.”

As the musical number began, Koko tried to minimize the damage to her psyche by first covering her ears, then her eyes, then her ears again... Nothing seemed to be working, so she scaled a tree and began bashing her head against the branch she was perched on. It made everything else hurt less, in comparison. She was cowering in the foliage, trying to focus on all the fish she had yet to catch in an effort to stay alive. Or sane. Sanity and living seemed to be mutually exclusive in this place. You couldn’t keep your sanity and live... Nor could you live without losing your sanity. Koko pouted, wondering which option to choose, when she spotted the mysterious dot again.

“Myahahaha! Pounce!” And pounce she did. Unfortunately, she seemed to have effectively called the attention of every other cat-featured creature in this land.

“Myaha! Hey! *wheeze* Getoffame!”

Why... Why am I always at the bottom of the cat pile? I knew I should’ve just stayed back. Myth-fishes are always tricksy-liars!



Scarlet had completed half a row of her knitting, being completely absorbed in it, before she realized that something was horribly wrong. For one thing, Kayla was now screaming as though the world had come to an end. Irritated at the noise, the demoness looked up. And paled. The world coming to a complete and utter end would have been a mercy.

“Who the fuck do I need to kill for this?”

Crimson eyes roved around as her mouth formed the thin line most people call a scowl, “You two. Why are you dressed like a pair of--” she cut herself off with a sharp gasp, one hand flying up to check her own head for fluffy ears. Finding none, she sighed a quick breath of relief, “Thank goodness.” Scarlet turned her eyes back to the twins who were now arguing... Well, it was more Cale being Cale than anything. Cursing under her breath, Scarlet turned back to her knitting, refusing to look anywhere else or speak to anyone.

“Scarlet-nee! There you are!”

The demon in question felt her eyes widen as a twitch went through her body. On reflex, she whipped one of the knitting needles out of her work and stabbed the overly cheerful schoolgirl that had been unfortunate enough to “find” her. She blinked a few times, looking between the girl, now bleeding from a puncture wound in her forehead, and her project.

“Ah, great. Now I have to restart this row...”

“What are you making, Scarlet-neechan?”

Scarlet turned a confused glance back to the bleeding schoolgirl, briefly wondering why she wasn’t dead. Or at least upset that Scarlet had stabbed her. She opened her mouth to tell the girl to leave, unless she wanted to get stabbed again, but a box popped up before she could do so. She glared at it.


I’m making a blanket so we can snuggle together!

I w-was going to make you a neko-neko plushie... I don’t know if you even like cats! *sob*

... What kind of fruit do twins like best?

Exhaling through her nose, Scarlet picked what appeared to be the least damaging option.

“What kind, Nee-chan?”

“Pears!” Scarlet heard herself exclaim in a voice that sounded altogether too pleased with the worst joke she’d ever heard. Also, had someone slipped her helium while she wasn’t looking? Her voice was not that high!

“Ahaha that was so funny Nee-chan! Can we have ice cream?”

Scarlet shrank back against the tree she’d been sitting against, “I hate everything.”

[Mizagium]

Haley watched the events play themselves out: the transition to a Eroge dating sim; the musical; the gradual transformation of characters into anime stereotypes. “Nope.” She emptied the chamber of her rifle and hurriedly accessed the hyperspace armory (which still worked, even across two different reality warps). “Nope. Not getting caught up in this stupidity.”

She loaded up an Ea-class anti-reality shell and leveled the barrel. At first she considered simply shooting the Dayman, then Stratus, and for a brief moment she thought about somehow shooting herself, before settling on the twin-tailed girl who was inexplicably attracted to Ephantus.

“Alright, nerds, I’m getting us out of this place.” But before she could fire, she was compelled to add, “B-But it’s not like I care about you guys, or anything!” Embarrassed and feeling the tsundere take hold within her, she fired the round. There was only the faintest of pop as the round exited the barrel and sailed through the air and struck the girl in the forehead. No blood, no mess – but then her face twisted around the wound like someone had swirled a piece of plastic cling wrap around before tearing and opening a gaping whole into, well, somewhere.

The round carried through the universal fabric, and out through the pink teleport square back in the 2D Stormfront, tearing that apart as well, and followed through to the sky, where it tore through THAT universal fabric back out into the 3D world. But the thing about tearing holes in dimensions or whatever was that it carried with in unexpected consequences. In those holes between realities, it seemed as if the air was being sucked through like sudden explosive decompression in an airplane. The 2D eroge natives tried to avoid being carried through, but Haley shoved past them and hopped through, shouting, “All aboard the sanity train!”

She was promptly dumped into 2D Stormfront, which was experiencing a similar reality decompression. With the laws of that reality breaking down, she was no longer limited to movement squares, and dashed for Jereman Opheia, who was also trying not to be carried away. She took him by surprise, smashing his face with the butt of her rifle. He lost his grip and was sucked up.

Haley jumped after him and the two were pulled into a stark white environment, somewhere between realities. “No more games, Opheia!” She harnessed the rifle to her back and produced her handguns again.

“Games?” he sputtered through a bloody, broken nose. “I don’t suppose it would do any good to remind you that it was your companions who caused the most trouble?”

She answered with a pair of gunshots, regular old bullets that worked just as well on the Crosswind as anyone else. He stumbled – one shot took him in the knee, and the other in his shoulder.

“Not fair,” he wheezed.

“I’m not interested in fair.” She saw he had dropped his blade, the Hurricane, and kicked it away. “Why did you send your soldiers after me?”

He considered lying to her, she saw, but thought better of it. “I was ordered to.”

“By who? The Emperor? What does he want with – “

“You know who it was.”

She did. “My mother.”

“Your mother. The Director. I thought that sister of yours would have told you that much.”

“I needed to hear it for myself. How did she survive the Void Wave Bomb? It’s all obsidian now.”

“Does it really matter? She’s alive, and she has all of Project: Midnight’s remaining resources at her disposal. She’s trying to…to recentralize. Bringing all the disparate…Experiments back home.” He grinned at her, a spiteful and bloody. “I don’t think she’s going to give up on her favorite weapon.”

Haley kicked him hard in the face and sent him sprawling away, smearing blood on the otherwise sheer white floor, but he kept talking. “And the others…the other Blade Lords. They’ll come after you…if you kill me here.” He spit a few broken teeth.

“So I should let you live?”

“I can keep them off your back. I can spy on your mother for you.”

Haley stared down at the fallen Blade Lord, and considered her options. He probably would keep the other lords from finding her. He probably would keep her informed of her mother. But…but he was a weasel, easily turned from loyalties. And…

“No.” She smiled (although he couldn’t see it) at the genuine shock that spread over his face. “You’re too much of a liability to let live. I’ve giving Stormfront back to the Atmosfaerie.”

He opened his mouth to protest but was silenced by a single gunshot that reverberated around in that small, white, quasi-reality. She holstered the guns, disgusted by it all, retrieved the Hurricane blade, and walked off towards the horizon. The white environment fell away, and she found herself in the real world, outside Stormfront. She watched the city for a moment.

“They’ll find their way,” she decided, and mounter her motorcycle that had apparently followed her. Without a backward glance, she rode off towards the west.

Besides, she had a thief to see about a stolen watch.

-

Horror rooted himself to the ground with thick, meaty tentacles and studied the tear in reality. He tried to ask what they were going to do, but a dialogue box appeared in front of him.

1. Oh, Phan-Chan, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…
2. [Consume headless twin-tailed girl]
3. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

Horror sighed and waited for the reality tear to suck his dialogue away.