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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:10:00 GMT -5
"Well, that Cha Cha has outdone himself..." Veralice said to himself, slashing wildly at the hornets. As he observed the frantic nature of the hornets attacks, he noticed the land become shrouded in darkness. "Perfect." he said while resuming the slashing.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:10:26 GMT -5
Fine, it was the pure awesomeness that was Narrator's boot-in-ass that blew him away. Literally.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:10:47 GMT -5
As the hornets became all the more violent, Veralice realized that he hadn't used Hystoger's true power once in all 350+ posts of the story. "Hmm...Perhaps I should demonstrate it..." Veralice cogitated over the idea.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:11:50 GMT -5
"Hmm...All of this has made me realize...I haven't used Hystoger's true power yet." Veralice said to himself. "Perhaps I should attempt it now..." Veralice cogitated over whether to use the power of Hystoger or not.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:13:38 GMT -5
Narrator, still waiting for everyone to figure out what the hell is happening, began strolling towards the Omnistar, whistling as he went. On the way he encountered Fat Man, who experienced a boot in his ass. Narrator placed yet another boot on his foot as he went.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:14:16 GMT -5
Upon being stomped on by Narrator's boot, Perverted Fat Guy (get the name right, Lucco) burts into flames AGAIN, and leaped upon Narrator.
He wanted to have surprisebuttsecks with him, cause he's perverted.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:14:50 GMT -5
Repeating himself, pacing, and slashing wildly at the hornets, Veralice finally decided to use the power of Hystoger for once. "Blade of Chaos, Hystoger, confuse and corrupt the insects that dare attack your Emperor." Veralice said to the sword. A beam of anti-light his the swarm of hornets. At first they stopped moving, but within a second they flew toward the Perverted Fat Guy and Narrator in an attempt to sting them.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:15:41 GMT -5
Fat Man (that's what I call him, get over it) did not last long on Narrator's back, discovering that Narrator was unable to be buttsecksed. Narrator's just to great. Dejected, Fat Man emo-ed off to do whatever Fat Man does.
Narrator whipped out a can of Bug-Be-Gone-X-Treme when he noticed the oncoming hornets. He pressed the aerosol nozzle, and Mr. T popped out.
"I PITY DA FOOL THAT ATTACKS NARRATOR" Mr. T yelled. The hornets all exploded at the awesome that was Mr. T, who dissolved back into the aerosol can.
"Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout," Narrator said, continuing on his stroll to Omnistar.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:16:08 GMT -5
"But, Omnistar is destroyed." Johnny protested to Narrator. "LOOK at it!" he indicated the ruins of what was once a McJimmy's.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:17:15 GMT -5
No. You do NOT correct Narrator.
Johnny died and came back 3.14159 seconds later.
DO YOU THE SHIT THAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH NARRATOR?
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:17:33 GMT -5
"But it IS destryoed! Go back a few pages and you'll see it."
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:18:09 GMT -5
The Hornets stung Perverted Fat Guy. But all of his fat protected him from the venom. Instead, the hornets CAUGHT ON FIRE! And in traditional physics defying way that is Awesome Land, they turned and headed straight for Narrator.
They were now immune to buy spray and Mr. T.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:18:30 GMT -5
Also in traditional Awesome Land physics-defying fashion, Derp-bot reassembled himself, now returned to normal. He was no longer the giant monster that was the Deadly Evil Robotic People Beater of Omnipotent Terror, but now the short, confused robot that could only say one word that was Derp-bot. He zapped Narrator with his lazar arm and banished Narrator to an alternate dimension for not paying attention to the story.
The hornets, now without a target, charged Derp-bot. But Derp-bot opened a compartment in his "stomach," and consumed the hornets. He began to shake and rattle. Then a jar appeared from his mouth. On the label was written "Honey".
Derp-bot then took over the narration.
"Derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp," he said. Roughly translated, that means, "Continue."
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:19:37 GMT -5
Narrator, who was not banished to another dimension because he is great, continued on his leisurely stroll to the RUINS of the Omnistar. Happy?
HIPPOCRITS. THE HORNETS ARE DEAD. MR. T KILLED THEM WITH AWESOME. OH, WHO'S NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO THE STORY'S TIMELINE NOW?
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:20:23 GMT -5
Meeting his new compadre Cha-cha ("I think...that name sounds familiar and Dante did mention some trumpet guy names Chachi or something..."), Salvatore followed his ally around throughout the epic struggle, useless by being so tired. "I know of what just happened but I am not sure where I am..."
Salvatore simply stood by Cha-cha, now ready to fight whenever need be.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:21:10 GMT -5
"No robot soldier...Few allies...Well, in a time like this what's an emperor to do?" Veralice asked nobody in particular. Hystoger glowed momentarily if in response, and Veralice suddenly knew what to do. Lifting his blade into the air, Veralice summoned a giant television screen that could be seen and heard from anywhere in Awesome Land. He magnified his voice and through the screen said "Attention all citizens: Men, women, and especially children. You have hereby been drafted into the Awesome Land Imperial Army. Thank you and have a wonderful day."
"What if we refuse to join you?" said an unnamed target. Within a millisecond the target was struck by SUPER LIGHTNING, which is like lightning but super.
Within the next few minutes, the new recruits were there and armed with swords, guns, spears, bows, and tanks that Veralice hand made using his magic. The women were in standard, non protective clothing, cuz they never wear full armor in fantasy stories amirite?
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:21:35 GMT -5
"Now...I have an army...What was I going to do with them?" Veralice asked no one again, realizing he hadn't made a plan for the event that his army plan actually succeeded. Hystoger glowed again and Veralice said through the screen "Attention all non-army citizens of Awesome Land. I have been informed that there are two objects of great power here: The Ugly Stick and the False Shield. If your name is not Johnny, then you are to find him and secure the artifacts. If your name is Johnny, I suggest you deliver them to me personally...That is all."
"Forward march!" Veralice yelled, because he was apparently a skilled military commander.
The army, trying to impress Veralice, started marching through Awesome Land in search of Johnny and his two artifacts. They began to ransack houses (empty ones, of course, since most of the citizens were in the army) in an attempt to find Johnny.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:21:56 GMT -5
"Imperial Army, continue marching! Don't stop until Johnny, the Ugly Stick, and the False Shield are all located, brought to me, or destroyed!" Veralice commanded. Sure enough, the army continued marching. "To ensure the greatest chance of our victory, I shall split you up. You over there will be stationed at Taco Bell." Veralice told several well armed soldiers."You will go to the ruins of Omnistar and keep guard." Veralice said to the next group of soldiers. "The rest of you will stay with me and rape the villages." Veralice yelled to the largest group.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:22:28 GMT -5
"Emperor Veralice..." a mysterious voice said from the crowd of people who were to go to Taco Bell.
"Hmm? Who calls my name!" Veralice yelled, trying to locate the source of the voice.
"I am Taenas." the voice said as the boy walked out of the group of people. He was a very thin boy with pitch black hair that effeminately fell to his shoulders. He seemed to have slightly large muscles and wore golden armor and a red cape with the letter "V" on it. He held a black and silver sword that seemed to glow.
"I don't recognize you, boy. You don't look like a major character or a generic man, woman, or child. Explain." Veralice commanded Taenas.
"I just arrived here after escaping an alternate dimension where I killed my brother and father." Taenas explained bluntly.
"Oh...Well, are you going to join the army?" Veralice asked and was responded to with a nod. Veralice sensed pure epic evil inside Taenas and said "Will you remain loyal to me?"
"If I have to." Taenas said. Veralice merely laughed and extended his hand to shake Taenas's hand.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 17:22:52 GMT -5
Taenas accepted the handshake as Veralice said "You seem to be only a child, roughly 13 years of age. Show me some of your power to ensure that you are fit for the army." The emperor neglected the fact that 6 and 7 year olds were already recruited.
Taenas nodded and, with lightning fast speed, killed a nearby 6 year old and his mother. (OMFG THAT IS JUST WRONG)
"Woah. WTF. You're way too evil." Emperor Veralice said angrily. Quickly changing his attitude, he said "Welcome aboard. You are hereby promoted to General Taenas, and will lead the part of the army to commandeer Taco Bell."
"Very well, sir." Taenas said with respect. "Army, move out." he commanded calmly. The section of the Imperial Army he had control over followed him toward Taco Bell. The rest of the army that Veralice continued to search for Johnny and the artifacts he possessed.
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