Awesome Land!: An Interactive Story [archive]

[Mizagium]

Cha Cha stepped forward and held his trumpet up.
"I am Cha Cha!" he declared. "I come from Ausum Land, where I am the most well-known trumpet player in all the land. I advertised for McJimmy's there, and I've come seeking better opportunities here! It seems my opportunity has come! Veralice! I will join your army!

"DUUUUUUURRRRRP!!!??" Derp-bot said incredulously, watching Cha Cha leap to Veralice's side.

"Knowledge, is power, and power corrupts. It that be the price of power, then so be it!" said Cha Cha, spewing random knowledge. "To study music, we must learn the rules. To make music, we must break them! Veralice, orders?"

[Mizagium]

"Anyone else want to reveal themselves first? My skeletal zombie dragon things are getting quite impatient." Veralice said, more dragons coming around the field to attack any moment. While awaiting a response, Veralice drew his blade, Hystoger, and started slashing the air for no particular reason.

[Mizagium]

While Veralice was slashing the air like a maniac, Cha Cha was being a traitor, and thousands of zombie dragons were rising out of the earth around them, Derp-bot inconspicuously slipped away from what used to be the castle, tripping on a rock in the process, smashing his face in on a mine and ripping his moustache. The mine blew up, sending Derp-bot flying into the air in a shower of sparks, kandiez, and flowers. Derp-bot disappeared into the distance with a flash in the background. Derp-bot's screams of "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRP!!!!!!!!!!!" could be heard all the way from the field. However, the warriors decided to ignore what they thought was just a boulder rolling by, a volcano erupting, and Narrator devouring a churro he got from his pocket and belching heroically.

[Mizagium]

Narrator does not eat, he assimilates.

"And lo, our heroes are faced with a plot twist well-within imagination (because we imagined it). What will they do?" Narrator narrated. He's cool like that. "Now, let's hurry up and stomp this gerbil," Narrator prompted, in a not-so-subtle tribute to Mr. Hinson's method of telling people to finish tests with animal cruelty references.

[Mizagium]

Il Cacciatore and Donnala found themselves in a strange place of eerie simpliciyt, a sphere with no gravity and one door. Inscribed along its white walls were the words "HAX HOUSE: PLAY NICELY AND FIGHT TIL THERE IS ONE LEFT, THE LIMIT OF AWESOME LAND FOR THE LIKES OF YOU. HAVE A NICE DAY."

"It seems..." started Donnala.

"Don't reiterate what the audience just read. Simply get ready to fight," yelled Dante without an ounce of patience in his voice.

Both did a little stretching before getting into their fighting stances.

"Ready when you are, amico."

Donnala just chuckled, "I never thought I'd have to kill you myself. O well, the COWRUP will help me nicely." With that last syllable, Donnala raced behind Dante in less than a quarter of blink, striking him in the center of his back without mercy before roundhouse kicking him into the edge of their cell. "Come on, Dante, I thought I trained you better than that."

Dante was barely able to land at the edge on his feet, wincing as he bent his back to jump. 'I used to be able to take his punches like the breeze...' Dante leaped with all of his might and began charging a Livello 7 Potere Luce attack, released when he could cover 2/3 of the arena with it. Despite the attacks range, Donnala evaded it with ease and unleashed a fury of punches on Dante, kneeing him in the solar plexis before sending Dante back to the wall with a Livello 25 Potere Luce blast.

As Dante slid to the bottom of the sphere, he thought to himself "H-how? An attack like that should drain all of your lifeforece! He has not even broken a sweat! I never I would have to..."

Before his thoughts could be continued, Donnala appeared before his very eyes and threw him towards the ceiling with such speed, a sonic boom was heard. To add to Dante's aerial experience, Donnala flew to the ceiling and spiked Il Cacciatore before he could reach his destination. Donnala soon began ricocheting off the walls, punching or kicking Dante in a different direction each time.

"Wow," Donnala said with candid surprise, "I cannot believe you aren't dead yet!" Donnala continued the volley. "How many Disciples of Il Tartaruga did you have to kill? All of them? I guess you didn't earn the name 'Il Cacciatore' for nothing!" Donnala finally stopped and allowed Dante to crash into a wall, soon teleporting beside him. "I don't believe you ever told me what you did while working for the Guardians. Tell me everything, please."

Dante could barely move let alone speak, but the stop in the punishment helped tremendously. "It's Maestro Tartaruga..." he whispered, soon sitting up to tell his tale. "...you miserable excuse for life." Not wanting to ruin his chance to recharge, he began recalling his past. "As you know, there are Seven Guardians, each with a Maestro, specializing in their power. The Maestros will teach you, but the process is grueling and makes it impossible to mix powers, as you know. Well, someone found out how to cheat by using Sponge Stones to kill Disciples and take their power, using it only if they have the Stones with them. Well, the Guardians were getting angry with this, especially when a Maestro came close to being killed." Dante adjusted himself to reduce the pain. "Well, the Guardians established a system of sending strong warriors around the universe to kill the Cheaters and get the Sponge Stones. Apparently, every 100 years, the Sponge Stones are fused into a COWRUP, which supposedly cannot be used if your heart is corrupt. Yet, we both know that's not the case." Dante gave a death glare to Donnala, who stood unmoved. "Anywho, people started doing that too and really messing up the universe, causing the need for stronger bounty hunters. Luckily, after you stole a COWRUP and let me be put in the Naked Dimension, the hunters had to be trained by all 7 Maestros. Even luckier, I completed the Trials of the Naked Dimension in only 3,000 years. Since my time ws so impressive, I avoided the LOLJK YOOR GUNNA DIE ANYWAYZ level and got drafted in the Bounty services, giving me full training under the 7 maestros for the remaining 7,000 years. I then hunted Cheaters for 15 years before getting you on my list. Sucks hiding from the Guardians after trying to kill the Maestros, huh?" Dante smiled, knowing his strength was good enough to launch the counterattack for which he had hoped.

"Just wait til I get strong enough..." Donnala began to say until his eyes were poked by a lightening fast Dante. "You piece of..."

Dante raced past Donnala, making sure his feathers were in tact. "Grazie, Maestro Falco."

Donnala was able to open his eyes and see Dante's tail, now changing to a reptilian thing. "Interesting. I didn't know you acheived maestro in all of the fields. I should have known. You can't see a tartaruga's tail..." Now yelling audibly "I knew you were holding back. O well, the fact you didn't use the Maestro forms until now means this must be draining your power like a Metroid. I'll wait til you collapse." Donnala grinned as widely as his ancient lips would allow.

"How about this? Here you go, Maestro Draco. !Livello 100 Potere Luce!" Dante used all of the energy he could into the attack, vaporizing his wicked betrayer and his stupid COWRUP. He fell as all energy left him but was able to recover enough to walk again. Noticing a slip of paper on the ground in Donnala's location, Dante began to pick it up before the door opened and sucked him up, rocketing him into Awesome Land.

[Mizagium]

The warriors quickly jerked their heads as, out of thin air, a bloody man and a sheet of paper landed but a few meters from Veralice's sword. The man seemed nearly dead, and the paper crinkled.

(Anyone as not to not control someone else's character) picked up the note warily (whose curiosity would prevent them), reading:

"Dante, aka Il Cacciatore,

Good show. I am very impressed. Although I dodged it without a scratch, I realized you are too close to my power for me to be comfortable, and any friend could help you to victory. I think Tartaruga, Falco, Draco, Scimmia, Volpe, Gatto, and Pescevela need a visit. Hope to kill you next time.

Your amico,
Donnala"

[Mizagium]

Johnny heard Narrator's impression of Mr. Hinson and thoguht to himself, Yes, he IS cool like that.

Johnny then glanced around at Amarillo SLim and McJimmy who had not introduced themselves yet. The Dragon Zombies were getting closer to them.

"Uhh, you guys might want to introduce yourselves soon or else the Dragons'll..." Johnny trailed off. He spied Veralice wildly slashing the air in front of him. "What the f--?"

[Mizagium]

McJimmy, still laying in the dirt (face first), replied to Johnny in a dirt muffled voice:

"Maybe if I just lay here the zombies will think I'm already dead. I am so smart."

[Mizagium]

"...I'm already dead. I am so smart." These words ushered Dante's gained conscience, confusing the moving corpse of a person.

"Who are these people?" Dante thought. He could barely lift his head (his entrance was a rough one), and with one eye, he could barely make out anyone. "Is-is, that Veralice? Amarillo?" Dante collapsed and stared at the sky, noticing the zombie dragons. "At least I can rest peacefully here..." He tried to lift his hand for an attack, a signal of his presence, anything!, but to no avail.

"Rest," spoke his subconsciousness in Master Tartarugo's voice. "No point killing yourself with a futile attack when you can rest and be ready to fight. And nice use of my skills...I digress. Rest!"

"Don't die, Dante, you have some work left for you." With that, Dante dozed off into a sleep with such depth even the Mariana Trench felt envy.

[Mizagium]

Veralice, sheathing his sword, asked "Anyone else notice the sleeping man that was dangerously close to my blade moments ago?"

"I can't really fight a sleeping person. I may be cruel and tyrannic, but I am still honorable." said Veralice, who summoned another zombie dragon, this one extremely large. "Dragon, carry him to McJimmy's cheap run down play area to rest." Veralice said, and the large zombie dragon obeyed, picking up Dante and carrying him of to McJimmy's.

"As for the rest of you...Whoever does not join me now will perish. I've no more time for explanation." Veralice finished. The zombie dragons were dangerously close to them all.

[Mizagium]

Narrator the Omnipresent, aware of everything that just happened, now said, "That dude's got one complicated back story, if I do say so myself. Whatever, I don't need one of them fancy back stories to be epic. There's more than one way to skin a cat. Anyways, our heroes were surrounded, with Dante/Il Cacciatore/unconscious dude flying off, and they were running out of time to act...wait a minute. This is stupid. I already killed these things with the power of dance. Whatever, IT'S GO TIME"

Narrator, unleashing more epic with every breath, took out his stereotype pistols. Then, with the grace of a luchador and the badass-ness of a bandito, he repeatedly fired them in the air while yelling. This being finished, be holstered his pistols and dismounted his burro.

"Run Chacho, be free!" Narrator cried out as he slapped the burro. Chacho meandered off into the distance.

Turning back to the task at hand, Narrator wipped out an ironing board and put in flat on the ground. He then jumped on it and, like magic, it carried him into the air. Hovering a few feet above the ground, Narrator flew about 3.14159 miles off and did a U-turn, dashing back at the zombies. He jumped.

"BODY SLAM"

Many zombies were killed instantly, vaporized even before the mushroom cloud went up. Others had children suffering from birth defects years later, or later dying themselves due to the excessive waves of LUCHADOR.

"Now for my signature move, BOOT KICK" Narrator cried, standing amid the wreckage and destruction. He pranced at the first zombie he saw, doing a triple salchow extreme over it's head and landing behind it. He brought up his mighty boot, and, in an epic fashion, administered a swift kick to the ass. The zombie didn't even have time to cry like a baby, for it was rocketed forward at a rate faster than imagination. It hit the middle of the zombie horde, resulting in a bowling-pin effect of destruction. Limbs and entrails were everywhere.

Narrator, satisfied with this degree of ass-kicking, left the remaining zombies to be destroyed by the rest of the chaotic cast, although about 1/5 of the horde remained.

"And so, Narrator kicked much ass, while the remaining heroes still donothing. With the zombies severely reduced numbers, there was not much ass left to be kicked, but it was sufficient for the others."

[Mizagium]

Johnny saw how much ass Narrator was kicking and, not wanting to be left out, decided to fight the 1/5 of the horde that was left. He calmmly walked up to one of the Zombies. It RAWRD at him, but he ignored it.

He beat the Dragon Zombie over the head several times with the Ugly Stick, turning into a hideous beast the likes of which the world has never seen.

Horrified by this, the other Dragon Zombies began to attack the ugly one mercilessly. Johnny stepped aside and hit sveral more with the Ugly Stick, causing them to fight each other until no one was left.

[Mizagium]

"My...My precious zombie dragons..." Veralice said. He was about to fall to his knees, but then he remembered that Emperors and equally epic characters don't do that sort of thing.

"Ah, I could try to summon more, but that obviously wouldn't do much...So I guess I'll come out with it. McJimmy, give me control of your restaurant. It is the one thing preventing my securing complete control of this territory." Veralice commanded. He walked up to McJimmy with Hystoger pointed directly toward McJimmy's head, which was firmly upon the ground.

[Mizagium]

"Our heroes have reached an impass, in which McJimmy's very life hangs in the balance. What could possibly happen next?" Narrator narrated.

[Mizagium]

"That restaurant has been passed down by all of the McJimmys that Awesome Land has ever known! You can't stop me!!?!?"

[Mizagium]

"Fool...I will demonstrate some of my power, then." Veralice said. In a split second, Veralice and McJimmy were transported into an alternate dimension, one that was pitch black. Veralice lit a candle that apparently was in his pocket.

Out of nowhere appeared a giant mirror, which showed McJimmy's reflection. Instead of his true reflection, however, it seemed to show a younger McJimmy, with a suit, a car, and piles of cash.

"All of this could be yours if you surrender the restaurant to me, McJimmy." Veralice said.

[Mizagium]

"McJimmy is faced with a difficult choice. What will he choose?" Narrator narrated, with all the other heroes staring at him like a television set.

[Mizagium]

"Veralice!" Johnny called as he transported McJimmy into an alternate dimension.

As the portal closed, Johnny felt a familiar energy: The Beauty Mirror.

"I knew it! Veralice stole the Beauty Mirror form my family!" He now was worried for McJimmy. The beauty Mirror showed the true beauty inside people, but if Veralice had corrupted the Mirror, then...

"McJimmy!" Johnny called. "Don't believe what you see in the Mirror! It's a lie!"

[Mizagium]

"Hmm?" I swear I heard something just now. Whatever; with this mirror McJimmy will have no choice but to surrender.

Veralice started whistling the Jeopardy theme loudly, signaling that McJimmy should hurry with his decision and trying to block out any noise that could be heard from Awesome Land.

[Mizagium]

If only I had the True Sword... Johnny thought to himself hopelessly.

If only my sister were here...