Major Xeno
Aspiring Author
Master of Fire
A Perfect World makes a Horrible Story
Posts: 639
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Post by Major Xeno on Apr 3, 2009 17:35:51 GMT -5
Aight, this thread is for the story idea of Myr's that I am working on. I'm going to use this thread to bug Myr for questions about the story and how something should work out, yadda yadda yadda.
First thing Myr: Do you want the dude to be wearing ordinary armor of Terminator armor?
Second: Details of arrival: When and Where? At the start of one of the books, at what place/ship/planet?
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Post by Myrdraxxis on Apr 3, 2009 17:46:51 GMT -5
Well originally: Laurus is a Grey Knight Terminator (muahaha!)
Annnnnnd I was thinking about putting him within the range of the first 3 books, proboably Horus Rising, since its before the start of it all. And either he starts directly in the 63 expedition fleet or somewhere close
idea: He crashes on planet 63-19 during the Luna Wolves' campaign against the false Imperium. He watches from the shadows (in mild shock I'd imagine) and then confronts the daemon-possessed Xavier Jubal in the mountains. From there its free reign.
idea: he ends up with the Death Guard and follows them to Istvaan and then is with Nathaniel Garro on the Einstine and travels with them to Terra. This would work because most of the crew and remaining DG astartes are converted to the Lectitio Divinatus during the trip.
idea: combine the first two and he comes to Istvaan with the Sons of Horus and then flees with Garro. (id personally like to keep some of the personae like Tarvtitz, Nero Vipus and Loken (maybe Tordagonn) alive)
other than that feel free to do whatever you wish.
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Major Xeno
Aspiring Author
Master of Fire
A Perfect World makes a Horrible Story
Posts: 639
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Post by Major Xeno on Apr 3, 2009 18:13:09 GMT -5
So: Hide in wilderness of 63-19, in shock of the false 'Imperium' and eventually sees Marines annhilate the rebels. He is curious, and stays hidden with his 'shrouding' and then sees Jubal go kookoo, and slays Samus the demon with his halberd thingy. He is brought in by Loken, questioned by Horus (In a strange scene MUAHAHAHA!) and ends up with Luna Wolves. He meets Tarvitz and co. at Murder, and I think the place where I'll start altering the books massivesly is with the Interex. I have other thoughts, but I'll wait a bit and work them out. Oh, and what about Shrouding? Is that sick or what? Found Horus Hersey joke: QUOTE Abaddon: "How the hell do these people keep appearing inside the supposedly most heavily defended room in this ship! Where the hell is my security! Who's in charge of them anyway?" Torgaddon: "Oh ... that's me". Abaddon: <face-palms> So basically, this is what you want?
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Post by Myrdraxxis on Apr 3, 2009 18:18:04 GMT -5
holy balls! I like it!
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Major Xeno
Aspiring Author
Master of Fire
A Perfect World makes a Horrible Story
Posts: 639
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Post by Major Xeno on Apr 3, 2009 18:54:15 GMT -5
So basically, that is what you want? All those pictures in a story? Ok.
One last thing: Grey Knights Termie always have specialized gear, power/force weps, so do you want any particular armament, or can I call the shots on this one?
My idea is basic gear, but the blade of the halberd is extended and the grip, or haft, shortened. Kind of like a giant cleaver, or a Japanese Zanbato.
Look at the epic picture of Grey Knights at Armaggeddon (The big one) and look at the sword carried by the big guy in gold and white in the center, the guy with the halo.
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Post by Myrdraxxis on Apr 3, 2009 19:30:31 GMT -5
i dont see what you mean...
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Major Xeno
Aspiring Author
Master of Fire
A Perfect World makes a Horrible Story
Posts: 639
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Post by Major Xeno on Apr 3, 2009 19:38:23 GMT -5
The guy has chopped off most of the spear shaft, and lengthened the blade, creating a big-ass sword.
A sick looking big-ass sword ;D
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Post by Myrdraxxis on Apr 3, 2009 19:45:58 GMT -5
ahhh sure. I'll leave it up to you. Your'e teh author of this after all
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Apr 4, 2009 18:57:20 GMT -5
i came
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Major Xeno
Aspiring Author
Master of Fire
A Perfect World makes a Horrible Story
Posts: 639
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Post by Major Xeno on Apr 6, 2009 12:23:44 GMT -5
Here's what I have so far:
Xxxx
Justicar Laurus exhaled his held breath. He took one last glance at the calm serenity of this place. He took one step forward, his eyes shut.
A muted zzzzzzzzzzzaaaappp sounded, and Laurus’s eyes snapped open. Roaring and screaming replaced the still silence. Something hit his armor, bouncing off, and Laurus kicked out blindly, stopping one of the screams. He brought his storm bolter forward, then blasted open the face of a cultist in a bloody array of gore.
Laurus lifted high his shortened halberd and roared out, “For the Emperor!”
His fellow Terminators roared with him, as they charged towards their target, the Tzeentchi Daemon Prince M'Kachen. His long-time brother-in-arms, Sejanus, was right by his side, his thunder hammer smashing through cultists as the Terminators gained momentum.
A blood-soaked axe intruded on Laurus’s vision, and Laurus batted it away with his blade. He heard the distinctive roar of a bolter and ducked, pivoting on one foot. His sword stabbed out, and the cleaved the Traitor Marine’s chest open with a screech of energy meeting ceramite.
The Terminators around him kept advancing, outpacing Laurus quickly. If he didn’t hurry up, he realized, he would miss the fight. With that in mind, he burst into a sprint, the Machine Spirit of his armor realizing his intent and invigorating the armor to greater speeds.
He had nearly caught up to the advancing line when a great whooshing sound screamed over the battlefield. Chaos Raptors high in the sky descended, steering their stylized jump packs into the ground. One of the Raptors actually knocked over one of Laurus’s Terminators, but was blasted off the Knight’s chest by the fire from an assault cannon clutched by another Terminator. Laurus charged forward, hopping trench after trench to reach his fellow Knights when the screaming whoosh sounded again. This time, it was Laurus was surrounded by Chaos Raptors, but none of his warriors turned to help. They focused their efforts forward, while Laurus slew the Raptors one by one. The last of them was holding onto Laurus’s back, and Laurus could not reach him, so he fell off the trench he was balancing on top of, pivoting in mid-air to crush the pesky Raptor under his bulk.
He rolled off the crushed Raptor, pouring fire from his storm bolter into the hordes of cultist mobbing him.
After he cleared away the cultists, Laurus noticed that the Raptor was holding something, clutched in his mangled left hand. Laurus’s curiosity got the better of him, and he prized the crushed object out of the Raptor’s hand.
It was a crude boxy thing, crushed by Laurus’s desperate move, but one that Laurus recognized instantly.
A detonator.
Laurus opened his mouth to warn his brothers, but too late.
The explosions rippled opening with barely contained fury, and faded almost instantly.
Laurus felt relief, but that vanished as the explosions started again, swallowing his fellow Terminators with smoke and flame. The shockwave threw Laurus backwards, into the wall of the trench. He hit it and bounced off, landing face up in the trench pit, next to the Raptor he had just crushed. The explosions continued for almost a minute uninterrupted.
For a long moment, all Laurus felt was the crushing failure.
Then he heard laughing over the vox-link.
“Is that all they can throw at us?” jeered a voice, and Laurus’s heart leapt to his throat. It was Sejanus! He was alive!
The other Grey Knights laughed loudly and boisterously. They had survived!
“Indeed, I think this daemon is not ev-”
A muted blue glow filled the air, making everything in the trench shine with a weird light. Then the blue glow brightened, going from subtle to harsh in a single second. A boxy lasgun clip on a shelf, likely left by a cultist, started rattling. Tin and metal rattled harder and harder, then suddenly stopped. The vox-link erupted in a gargling hiss, distorting and wreaking any signal. Laurus tried to clean up the signal, but it kept buzzing and burping.
Then Laurus heard a bloodcurdling scream, as clear as if the man had been standing right next to him.
Laurus realized what the blue light was. His blood chilled.
Laurus remembered the words of his mentor, the late Grand Master Mandulis, who banished the greater demon Ghargatuloth back to the warp. He remembered long training sessions with the venerable Master, in which Mandulis had pounded the same point in again and again until he had died.
But Mandulis was right. He had proved his point when he banished Ghargatuloth back to the warp. He lost his life, but he banished Ghargatuloth for a thousand years.
A loud spang! shook Laurus. Laurus looked down, past the armor’s bulky chest, and saw a heretic cultist, hacking away at his foot with a short dagger. Laurus looked at the cultist, who didn’t notice him, busily trying to saw off his boot. Laurus flexed a few muscles, and his foot twitched, sending the cultist backwards, into the trench wall. The situation was almost comedic.
Laurus blew out the heretic’s face with his storm bolter.
Xxxx
M’Kachen laughed at the pitiful attempts by the Imperium to banish him. The vaunted Grey Knights famous Terminators had been destroyed by a simple trick! A series of explosives, and a secondary plasma generator located directly underneath the bombs. It was so simple, it was almost pathetic.
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Post by Myrdraxxis on Apr 6, 2009 16:56:45 GMT -5
I Like it!
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Major Xeno
Aspiring Author
Master of Fire
A Perfect World makes a Horrible Story
Posts: 639
|
Post by Major Xeno on Apr 6, 2009 23:47:31 GMT -5
Any other comments?
Like particular part, feel uneasy about another?
I DEMAND FEEDBACK!
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Apr 6, 2009 23:58:31 GMT -5
its great
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Post by Myrdraxxis on Apr 7, 2009 9:40:00 GMT -5
i was a little confused on the Mandulis part. If he was his student..woudnt that be like..a thousand years before 40k?
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Major Xeno
Aspiring Author
Master of Fire
A Perfect World makes a Horrible Story
Posts: 639
|
Post by Major Xeno on Apr 7, 2009 17:10:40 GMT -5
I specifically didn't mention the timeline. The first war for Armageddon was in 444.M41, and the battle will take place (Date not mentioned) around 738, around 300 years later. Making Laurus around 500 (having studied under Mandulis for 100 years).
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Post by Myrdraxxis on Apr 7, 2009 19:44:17 GMT -5
ah okay
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Major Xeno
Aspiring Author
Master of Fire
A Perfect World makes a Horrible Story
Posts: 639
|
Post by Major Xeno on Apr 23, 2009 22:25:45 GMT -5
Next part:
Xxxx
Laurus slashed through the Berserker’s armor, clipping his enemy’s spinal cord, dropping him. His senses were more alive than they had ever been before. He heard the crunch of the gravel beneath his boots... He smelled the repugnant odor of the Chaos Space Marine… He heard a sharp noise, piercing and distracting. He ducked to the ground, rolling to his left.
The bloody axe sliced through the air where he had stood a moment before, growling with life as its owner powered it up. Laurus rose to his feet and blocked the World Eater’s second strike, twisting around the body of the first, paralyzed World Eater. He stamped down, hard, and crushed the World Eater between his boot and the Berserker’s own armor.
The chain-axe of the second Berserker spanged off Laurus’s armor, shoving him back. Laurus parried, cutting and stabbing, but the World Eater was a season veteran of ten thousand years, and neither gained any headway. They stood there, blocking and parrying, cutting and stabbing for a long time, neither resting, neither stopping.
Finally, Laurus stumbled backwards, the force of the Berserker’s overhand strike jarring him. The Berserker, sensing victory, charged, howling a foul cry to his patron god. Laurus raised a shaking guard, but the Berserker smashed it down, kicking Laurus onto his back. Laurus scrambled back, his hands shifting over the rocky surface of the mountain.
The Berserker leapt at him, snarling and screeching, intent on finishing him quickly while he was down. Laurus lifted his arm at the last second, smacking the chain-axe on his adamantine aquila-engraved forearm protector, but it was futile. The Berserker knocked his arm aside, and lifted his axe for a overhead death-blow, chanting in some dark tongue. The axe descended swiftly.
Laurus kicked up, smacking the World Eater’s rear-end. The force knocked the startled Berserker forward, and he lost his grip on the axe, which flew out of his hand out of Laurus’s sight. The Berserker fell towards Laurus, who raised a small, sharp rock he had snatched up. The Berserker almost seemed to laugh at the pitiful weapon, but Laurus slashed before he could comment. The rock ripped through the Berserker’s corroded and rusted gorget and tore open his throat.
The Berserker instinctively clutched his throat, but it was far too late. He fell off Laurus, who shakily climbed to his feet. He walked over to his lost sword, a pathetic weapon compared to his Nemesis Force Blade, but sufficient for the task he had in mind. He returned to the gasping Berserker, whose face was paling rapidly. He flipped the traitor over with a nudge of his foot, and raised his sword high, just like the Berserker had just done to him. He stabbed downward, and the Berserker’s life-blood splattered over his armor.
Laurus tossed aside his pitted sword and plopped himself on the ground. He picked up the Berserker’s chain-axe and thumbed it off, silencing it’s growl. He regarded it, marveling at how he was no longer disgusted by its very existence, how he could pick it up, or even use it if he had too. He laughed, and tossed the chain-axe away too.
Laurus spat out of mouthful of blood on the Berserkers corpse, and set to work recovering whatever he could from the two bodies. He ripped the blank blood red shoulder guard off the second, and fastened it where his own right shoulder guard had been crushed, ten fights ago.
Cleaning his remaining silver armor from the small brook nearby, he wondered how long it had been. He had no surefire way of keeping track of the time since that smug Daemon Prince dropped him in this hellhole, but it had been a long while. A year? Maybe two? He started count the ticks on his boot bottoms. One, two, three…
…six hundred seventy four. Almost two years since that thing had started sending his minions after him. Chaos spawn, cultists, but never Chaos Marines. Maybe the daemon finally wanted him dead. He laughed. It was Chaos? Who knew what it thought.
Laurus stood up, secured his new chain-axe in frayed webbing on his back, and resumed walking into the ever-changing madness of his new home.
Xxxx
Laurus slashed through the zombified cultist, roaring in disgust at the hordes of mindless minions that sought t overwhelm him. He kicked and elbowed, using every part of his body to kill the enemy, but there was always more.
He glimpsed another warrior fighting the hordes, clutching an Arbites over-under shotgun in one hand and a combat chainsaw in another. He fought his way to the warrior, crushing a path of rotting corpses. The warrior, seeing Laurus, simply grunted, slashing another zombie’s head off.
Doesn’t this feel good? Don’t you want to kill more? Don’t you want the embrace of your kin?
Xxxx
Laurus hacked and slashed through the uniformed cultists, the swarming masses chipping at his armor with crude stubbers. A cultist’s odd shaped helmet flew off the man’s scalp as Laurus’s elbow sent him flying. Each cultist wore a strange red shifting symbol on their biceps. They shouted in their dark tongue, crying out for the Dark Gods to take notice of their struggle. Among their number were mutants and degenerates, dressed in fabulous clothes and carrying the best equipment.
The tide of drab-grey bodies was endless, as the zombie horde had been. At some during the fighting, much as had been the case with the previous warrior, Laurus suddenly was aware of a tank next to him. It had four brothers, and they drove into the horde in a V shape. Laurus recognized the type of tank, but he couldn’t name it. The tanks were blasting some kind of music. Laurus heard men’s voices singing. The tanks had guns on hard-points all along the hull, and roaring men fired into the horde. Laurus saw one man reach out, grab a cultist, and cave its head in with his fist. “Climb aboard comrade!” called a voice, and the lead tank dipped towards him. Laurus grabbed on the track guard, and hoisted himself on, where he spied a man in the turret, richly decorated in a dark uniform, blasting from his large pistol.
“Welcome to fun comrade!” the man shouted, firing again from his pistol. The blast blinded Laurus. In front of the tank, a ripple formed in the wave of enemies. That pistol was firing shotgun shells.
Laurus fired from his salvaged auto-pistol, methodically popping the heads off individual cultists. The uniformed man dropped back into the tank, and seconds later called out, “Ease!”
Laurus opened his mouth to ask what he meant, when the tank’s main gun opened up. The back-wash of the shot blew the enemy back ten meters, the shell detonating twenty meters farther. Body parts flew.
The tanks struggled to grip the slick ground, crushed bodies slowing them. Individual cultists began climbing on top of the tanks, and the fighting degenerated into a hundred individual brawls as grinning troopers jumped out off the turrets to fight the enemy, their gleaming sabers flashing in the dark light. Blood flew, and the tide of screaming cultists slowed.
Laurus cleaved his enemies in twain with his chain-axe, fighting alongside the dark uniform man. Laurus swept an enemy’s feet, and the man leapfrogged over Laurus to hew the next man’s head from his shoulders. Laurus glimpsed an insignia of a Marshall in the Imperial Guard.
The General and Laurus smashed and slaughtered, beating the enemy soldiers off their tank with righteous fury. At one point, the General’s high-peaked cap was shot off by an enemy cultist, revealing his shaved head. The General blew off the mutant’s arms, one by one, all four of them. The mutant kneeled, screaming in pain. The General pressed his gun to the mutant’s head and fired. The body tumbled off the tank, instantly lost in the press of bodies.
Laurus was tired, the endless numbers of the enemy wearing him down, but the General showed none of his exhaustion, nor did his troops. Laurus was slowly pressed back, until he was back-to-back with the General on the tank’s long body. They were surrounded by snarling cultists and twitching mutants. Laurus glimpsed the General for one second before the close of bodies pressed in again.
He was smiling. Xxxx
So Laurus is trapped on a Daemon-World, where he wanders and fights, wanders and fights.
In case you where wondering, the shotgun and chainsaw wielding warrior was Ash Williams, from the Army of Darkness, and the second man was Marshall Georgy Zhukov, from the Red Army. Zhukov was the man who won World War 2.
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Major Xeno
Aspiring Author
Master of Fire
A Perfect World makes a Horrible Story
Posts: 639
|
Post by Major Xeno on Apr 25, 2009 11:35:48 GMT -5
Hello? Guys?
Any comments? Any words of advice?
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Post by Myrdraxxis on Apr 25, 2009 11:51:35 GMT -5
okay...where did the army come from? I thought he was trapped on a daemon world.
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Major Xeno
Aspiring Author
Master of Fire
A Perfect World makes a Horrible Story
Posts: 639
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Post by Major Xeno on Apr 25, 2009 12:56:01 GMT -5
Key-word there: DAEMON-World. Nobody knows what happens there. Besides, Daemon-World of Tzeentch.
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