Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Apr 20, 2011 17:27:38 GMT -5
This is an idea I had yesterday. Not much to say other than it's pure, juvenile garbage, but I figured that I'd have some fun slamming it all down.
-
"I'm sorry, but the lines are currently-"
"SHIT FUCK! GODDAMMIT, HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET OUT OF HERE?"
Shinji Ikari reached into his pocket, his hands quivered with rage, and pulled out his "mapquest."
"I CAME HERE FOR TITS AND ALL I GET IS JACK SHIT. I KNEW THIS BITCH HAD TO BE PULLING MY DICK."
Suddenly, a volley of missles launched their way towards the giant monster that Shinji had been too angry to notice. The resulting explosions bathed the boy in warmth as he began charging at the beast.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU'RE PROBABLY THE ONE WHO TORE DOWN THE GODDAMN TELEPHONE LINES. I'LL END YOU!"
Sachiel looked down and would have laughed had he had the ability to.
"STOP STARRING AT ME!"
-
"Yes, this is the most advanced weapon system in the world, the artificial humanoid-"
"WHAT NOB GOBBLING FAGGOT PAINTED THIS PIECE OF SHIT? I CAN'T TELL IF THE GODDAMN THING BELONGS AT THE MARDI GRA PARADE OR THE POST PRIDE PARADE FUCKFEST."
At that moment, Gendo steps back into the shadows.
"Fuyutsuki, just what happened to my son?"
"Indeed, the report mentioned him being rather... prissy."
Shinji then lifted his head to the black box above him.
"HEY ASSHOLE, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT THIS SHIT ON SPEAKER! DAD, WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW UP AT MY SOCCER GAME? THAT'S THE ONE FUCKING THING I'VE EVER ASKED YOU TO DO AND-"
At that moment, Rei is pulled in on a hospital bed. However, a tremor launches her to the floor. (fuck it. I'm doing present tense now.)
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?"
Shinji rushed over. For a moment it seems as though he took pity on her. Unfortunetly, he picks her up and throws her into the amber colored liquid bellow.
"YOU IDIOTS MAY WANT TO FISH HER OUT BEFORE SHE DROWNS!"
Ritsuko steps up, "Actually, LCL is fully breathable, and thus, it's impossible to drown in it."
Rei floats face down in the LCL.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LEAVE HER THERE!"
-
Unit 01 and the fourteenth angel are catapulted into the air.
"I'M GONNA RIP YOU A NEW ASSHOLE YOU POKEMON REJECT."
They crash into the ground as Unit 01, sure enough, begins stabbing the creature in its posterior. Fortunately for Zeruel, Shinji runs outta juice before he can make much of an impact.
"SON OF A MOTHER FUCKER. FUCK THESE JAPANESE PIECES OF HORSESHIT THIS IS WHY I BUY AMERICAN FUCK!"
Unit 01 is impaled onto the side of the Nerv pyramid as Zeruel charges up one final eye blast. However, a hiss of steam grabs his attention.
"What the hell is Shinji doing?!" cries an arm-broked Misato.
Shinji cralls his way out of the entry plug and gives Zeruel a double bird salute. This prompts Zeruel to shoot one of his toilet paper tentacles at Shinji. However, Shinji dodges the arm and then jumps on it, using Zeruel's reeling in of his arm to his advantage. One the arm is all the way back to Zeruel, Shinji jumps off and kicks the angel in the groin. Hard.
Zeruel doubles over and Shinji just rips into him, ripping out some mondo piece of flesh. He then drags the hunk of meat over to his eva and pries the thing's mouth open.
"OPEN WIDE ASS-CRUSHER."
Unit 01's eyes blast open as its body is filled with energy, only to be slapped in the face by its less than happy owner.
"DON'T YOU DARE BREAK DOWN ON ME EVER AGAIN. DSKFGJHSDFSDFGSDAFGSDAFSDJFKDHSKLFAHSDHGILJAS"
-
Shinji then went home to his harem in his native land of Canada.
-
"I'm sorry, but the lines are currently-"
"SHIT FUCK! GODDAMMIT, HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET OUT OF HERE?"
Shinji Ikari reached into his pocket, his hands quivered with rage, and pulled out his "mapquest."
"I CAME HERE FOR TITS AND ALL I GET IS JACK SHIT. I KNEW THIS BITCH HAD TO BE PULLING MY DICK."
Suddenly, a volley of missles launched their way towards the giant monster that Shinji had been too angry to notice. The resulting explosions bathed the boy in warmth as he began charging at the beast.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU'RE PROBABLY THE ONE WHO TORE DOWN THE GODDAMN TELEPHONE LINES. I'LL END YOU!"
Sachiel looked down and would have laughed had he had the ability to.
"STOP STARRING AT ME!"
-
"Yes, this is the most advanced weapon system in the world, the artificial humanoid-"
"WHAT NOB GOBBLING FAGGOT PAINTED THIS PIECE OF SHIT? I CAN'T TELL IF THE GODDAMN THING BELONGS AT THE MARDI GRA PARADE OR THE POST PRIDE PARADE FUCKFEST."
At that moment, Gendo steps back into the shadows.
"Fuyutsuki, just what happened to my son?"
"Indeed, the report mentioned him being rather... prissy."
Shinji then lifted his head to the black box above him.
"HEY ASSHOLE, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT THIS SHIT ON SPEAKER! DAD, WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW UP AT MY SOCCER GAME? THAT'S THE ONE FUCKING THING I'VE EVER ASKED YOU TO DO AND-"
At that moment, Rei is pulled in on a hospital bed. However, a tremor launches her to the floor. (fuck it. I'm doing present tense now.)
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?"
Shinji rushed over. For a moment it seems as though he took pity on her. Unfortunetly, he picks her up and throws her into the amber colored liquid bellow.
"YOU IDIOTS MAY WANT TO FISH HER OUT BEFORE SHE DROWNS!"
Ritsuko steps up, "Actually, LCL is fully breathable, and thus, it's impossible to drown in it."
Rei floats face down in the LCL.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LEAVE HER THERE!"
-
Unit 01 and the fourteenth angel are catapulted into the air.
"I'M GONNA RIP YOU A NEW ASSHOLE YOU POKEMON REJECT."
They crash into the ground as Unit 01, sure enough, begins stabbing the creature in its posterior. Fortunately for Zeruel, Shinji runs outta juice before he can make much of an impact.
"SON OF A MOTHER FUCKER. FUCK THESE JAPANESE PIECES OF HORSESHIT THIS IS WHY I BUY AMERICAN FUCK!"
Unit 01 is impaled onto the side of the Nerv pyramid as Zeruel charges up one final eye blast. However, a hiss of steam grabs his attention.
"What the hell is Shinji doing?!" cries an arm-broked Misato.
Shinji cralls his way out of the entry plug and gives Zeruel a double bird salute. This prompts Zeruel to shoot one of his toilet paper tentacles at Shinji. However, Shinji dodges the arm and then jumps on it, using Zeruel's reeling in of his arm to his advantage. One the arm is all the way back to Zeruel, Shinji jumps off and kicks the angel in the groin. Hard.
Zeruel doubles over and Shinji just rips into him, ripping out some mondo piece of flesh. He then drags the hunk of meat over to his eva and pries the thing's mouth open.
"OPEN WIDE ASS-CRUSHER."
Unit 01's eyes blast open as its body is filled with energy, only to be slapped in the face by its less than happy owner.
"DON'T YOU DARE BREAK DOWN ON ME EVER AGAIN. DSKFGJHSDFSDFGSDAFGSDAFSDJFKDHSKLFAHSDHGILJAS"
-
Shinji then went home to his harem in his native land of Canada.
