Esteros: The Dancing Dragons

[Sariel of Tevet]

"Then for the sake of my children, I must concede. You win."

[Monika]

"Then it appears that our beloved Illusive Squid is the winner..."

"Oh wow!" Hioma had been walking Sarina around the locale(s), explaining to her in-depth their current situation and the events leading up to it, all the while dealing with the various arena shifts that came about during the battle. They had just returned from one of the arena's concession stands (which, thanks to protection from the Notebook of Fate!, had managed to survive the series of battles) and were just about to return their seats when they hear an all too familiar voice behind them.

"E-Emperor Veralice?!" Sarina whipped around, nearly choking on her Shadow Soda.

Everyone's favorite sorcerer had returned to check up on his tournament like the responsible host he was. "Do I...know you?" Leon asked, conjuring a pair of lensless spectacles upon his face under the pretense of getting a better look at Sarina.

Instinctively, Sarina handed her 'beverage' to Hioma and knelt before Leon. "My lord, I was a general in the Awesome Land Imperial Army until the end of the War of Four Kings when you were de-" Sarina stopped herself. "When you left."

"I see. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that this one," he pointed at Hioma, "brought you here. Undoubtedly for reasons pertaining to love."

"Correct, Lord Veralice."

"Very well. Did you have fun?"

Sarina blushed and replied, "Y-yes, Lord Veralice. Hioma brought me here and set me up on a date with Jeffrey Valentine. It was the most fun I've had in a while."

"Oh? Even more fun than you had in the military?" Leon smirked.

Sarina didn't respond.

"I kid, I kid. Go on to your boyfriend. Allow me to chat with Hioma in peace."

"Yes, sir." Sarina glanced at Hioma and, after receiving an approving nod, she rose to her feet, took her Shadow Soda and made her way back to Jeff's side.

"Tell me, Hioma. How has my tournament been going in my absence?"

"Oh, it's been going absolutely wonderfully, Leon! Since you left, we've had the most amazing battles! You should've seen the one with Magnus and the Dayman on Jupiter! As a matter of fact, I wish I had seen that one..."

"I'll catch the replays later. In the meantime, I'll trust that you've kept my ratings up. What round have we reached now?"

"If I'm not mistaken, we are now on the..." Hioma opened up a non-magical notebook in which she had copied down the list of combatants. "Final round! Looks like I'll be facing the victor of the last round, Cale."

"You...You made it to the final round?" Leon raised an eyebrow. Just how powerful is she? he mused.

"Yes indeed! And it looks like we'd better get it under way soon. What's left of the crowd seems to be getting impatient."

"Go on, then." Leon shooed her away. "I'll let you continue exerting your creative license over the direction of the tournament. I'll sit back and spectate in the meantime." A snap of his fingers later, and Leon was sitting in one of the arena's seats, right behind Jeffrey and Sarina.

Hioma, a bag full of Shadow Popcorn in hand, walked over to Zelmon and nodded.

"Right, milady," Zelmon said. "As our former announcer has said, this round's winner is Cale Efrun, the Illusive Squid! This means that we are now able to proceed to the final battle. The combatants know who they are, so they may move to...any part of the arena that has yet to be destroyed."

[Calefrun]

Cale stood up, not looking at The Dayman. "I'm sorry it had to end this way. I just... I'm required to do anything it takes to win." He shapeshifted has shirt and jacket back into existence.

"Dammit!" Commander Lobster slammed his claw into the chair next to him, utterly destroying it. "Enough is enough! I'm stopping you now, Squid, before you can even TRY to control the Shrimpers!" He prepared to jump towards the center platform, but was suddenly knocked back into his seat. A squidsassin appeared, and used his tentacles to bind the commander in place.

Seeing this, Cale nodded towards the squidsassin. "Thanks, Zento. Just hold him there for a bit. This shouldn't take long."

[Monika]

Hioma set her Shadow Popcorn down next to Zelmon and casually approached Cale, her Notebook in one hand and her Pen in the other. "So, Cale. It looks like we've both made it to the final round. Congratulations on you victory against the Dayman. I honestly didn't know who was going to win that one." Hioma gave Cale a warm smile and said to him, "You seem pretty intent on winning this tournament. Do you mind if I ask why? It certainly can't be to help Fabio-Ridley complete his wedding."

"The company you keep sure is interesting, isn't it, Jeff?" Sarina noted as she sipped on her Shadow Soda. "How did you end up getting thrown in with them all? You don't seem like you'd willingly get caught up in a world saving journey. Or a journey to whatever it is you're doing."

[Calefrun]

Cale sighed. "I guess since Commander Blabbermouth over there already spilled the beans, I might as well explain. Beneath the Rending Seas, there are four aquatic nations: Norquarius, Esteroceania, Wessomuria, and Southsealand. These nations are currently being threatened by a race of sentient fishing equipment known as the Shrimpers. Originally the Shrimpers only gathered shrimp, however for unknown reasons they took on the appearance of the shrimp and began hunting the civilized sea people.

Thus far they haven't been able to breach our border defenses, though that could change at any second. A few months ago, one of them managed to make its way into the City Under the Sea, where it killed hundreds... including one of the two women I've ever fallen in love with. Anyway, prior to her death, the previous Illusive Squid had volunteered to participate in this tournament in order to obtain the Divine Sapphire Ring of Unity and the Holy Emerald Ring of Matrimony for whenever such an occasion may arise at which the Squids might need them.

After the attack, the Council was forced to accept the existence of the Shrimpers, something I had been warning them about for years. Rather than look for ways to destroy them, however, the Council decided it would be better for Esteroceania if we instead found a way to control them. It was then that they remembered the tournament and the rings, and they came to the conclusion that if a Squid were to marry a Shrimper, we would gain control over them. I... disagreed, but they refused to listen. And, as it was my predecessor who had volunteered to get the rings to begin with, I was selected to do it in her place, as well as to be the one to marry one of those... things."

He drew one of his revolvers, spun it around once, and then pointed it at Hioma. "I realize that you prefer to find peaceful resolutions to these fights. I, too, would rather avoid any more violence, so I will ask that you concede. My mission is of great importance, and I'm afraid your 'matchmaking' is of no use to me. Like I said before, poor Dorrei met her end postponing the invasion of the City Under the Sea, and my first love belongs to a different time... and is also probably dead. So please," he cocked his gun, "just surrender."

[Monika]

Still smiling, Hioma shook her head. She gave a surprisingly calm response to her opponent considering a revolver was pointed directly at her body. "I'm afraid I cannot do that, Cale. While I am certainly not indifferent to the plight of the people beneath the sea, and I am always in favor of peaceful conflict resolution..." As she spoke, she clutched the Notebook of Fate! under her arm and used her free hand to carefully twist the end of the Pen of Love! The point of the Pen extended several centimeters beyond its normal length, perhaps reaching a third of the size of the Pen itself.

"...My priority, first and foremost, is, has been and always will be Love." The Notebook of Fate escaped Hioma's grasp and levitated in front of her hands, opening itself to reveal a special page. While most of the Notebook's pages were a pinkish white color, this one was an eerie, out-of-place reddish gray. "And that means love for everyone. Whether it's love for Fabio-Ridley, Jeffrey Valentine, the Dayman..." Hioma closed her eyes, took a deep breath, tightly gripped the Pen of Love! with her right hand and plunged its dagger-like point deep into the crease of her left elbow, dragging it all the way up to her wrist. Blood rolled down her arm and pooled onto the arena floor.

"Or for you, Cale." In one swift motion, Hioma removed the Pen from her arm and slid it across her Notebook. As neatly as possible, she used her new red ink to stain the gray page with just one word:

"Dorrei"

The pool of blood at Hioma's feet started to simmer. And then it started glowing. And then it began to bubble violently. With each passing second, the blood's tremors grew in intensity until it suddenly exploded outward in a flash of warm, bright red light. When the light faded, there was no longer a pool of blood at Hioma's feet. In its place stood the former Illusive Squid, Cale Efrun's second love - Dorrei. And she was very much alive.

[Myrdraxxis]

"Aha! I knew there as something else going on here!" Magnus exclaimed, scaring the shit out of the Mooketeers who had up until that point forgotten he was there. Seriously, they'd managed to stay out of the way this entire time, but hadn't seen a glimpse of their "teacher" until now.

"What do you mean?" Leske asked.

"What you actually believed that 'power of love' bullshit?" Magnus scoffed. "I knew something else was going on here. Blood magic makes much more sense." He seemed rather happy of that, as if it solved everything.

It occurred to the mooks that their boss was a very unconsciously bitter person.

"By the way....have you been here the whole time?" Desmond asked.

"Hmm? Oh, no I left a while ago." Magnus replied casually. "I got really bored with this whole thing and so I decided to move things along."

THe mooks shared a confused look. "Uh...do what now?" Ash asked finally.

Magnus reached into his pocket and withdrew something.

The mooks stared.

"Is that...."

"What we think it is?"

"Yup."

[Sariel of Tevet]

The Dayman recovered his codpiece from the arena floor and pomped himself another dimension shattering deep v shirt and shiny pants. He slumped down next to Diane and place his head in her lap. She began to run her fingers through his royal hair.

"Don't worry Ali. I understand. You did it for the children. You are going to be the most spectacularly royal father ever."

[Calefrun]

Dorrei Metri, the (former) Illusive Squid, glanced around with a confused look on her face. "Uhhh... what?" Her attention was drawn to the sound of Cale's gun hitting the floor, as it had dropped in unison with his jaw.

"D-Dorrei?!?" His voice took on a much higher pitch than usual out of sheer disbelief.

She tilted her head inquisitively, and some of her light-blonde hair tumbled over her shoulders. "Cale? Where are we? What happened to the Shrimper?"

Regaining some (though not much) of his composure, Cale responded, "We beat it, but Dorrei... you've been dead for months."

Dorrei's eyes widened. "I wha-? ...Actually, I do remember being swallowed up by that monster. Care to fill me in on what I've missed, while I try to come to terms with the fact that I died?"

"Well," he began, "after you... passed on, I was promoted to Illusive Squid- your job isn't easy, by the way. Anyway, long story short, the Council decided that instead of destroying the Shrimpers we should try to control them through marriage using the rings from that D.W.A.R.F. tournament. I infiltrated the tournament and made it to the final round, and... and I think I just lost." As he finished that last statement, his voice sounded more fearful than disappointed.

Dorrei looked confused again. "What do you mean? Your gun is right there, and she doesn't look so tou- no. No you didn't." Cale sheepishly looked away. "Are you fucking kidding me, Cale? What kind of leader values one person over all of his people?"

"Trying to control them would have just led to more problems in the long run, and probably the genocide of the other aquatic races. Now we can look for a way to destroy them once and for all, and save every-"

"So you're intentionally disobeying the Council? That's not how we do things, Cale, and after we invited you in to our society I had hoped that you would have gained at least some respect for our rules!"

"I-"

"Just shut up! Ignoring the rules to get your own way is how your grandfather operated, and so many Illusive Squids before him, and I'm tired of it! You stay out of my sight, worm." With that she turned away from him, and after fiddling with a device on her wrist she opened up a portal, walked into it, and disappeared.

Zento released his hold on Commander Lobster, who continued sitting regardless. Cale looked to Hioma with tears in his eyes. He picked up his gun and holstered it, then approached her. He embraced his opponent, and as he did so he whispered two words in her ear, "Thank you."

[Monika]

Hioma returned Cale's embrace to the best of her abilities with her wounded arm, and although she didn't say it aloud, she had a strong feeling that things would work out with Dorrei the second time around.

"Bravo!" Zelmon was standing just a few feet away from Hioma, clapping furiously. "That was an absolutely marvelous show, Lady Hioma. So that is what it means to be a true Defender of Love!" Putting Hioma's megaphone up to his helmet, he proudly shouted "And with a stunning display of the true power of Love, the fair and noble Hioma is hereby declared the victor of the..." Zelmon looked over to one of the still living audience members, who held up a few fingers. "...193^rd bi-monthly D.W.A.R.F. Tournament! Congratulations!"

Clapping. Lots and lots of grand, intense clapping followed Zelmon's announcement. Of all the technical victories that had been earned so far, this one was truly the most beautiful. Even the countless audience members who had perished during the last fifteen battles were cheering, having forced themselves back from the dead to do so. Yes, everyone in the audience was cheering...except for one man.

Leon warped over to where Cale and Hioma were hugging and gave them a very dry, sarcastic "Congratulations." The Divine Sapphire Ring of Unity and the Holy Emerald Ring of Matrimony appeared in front of him in all their otherworldly brilliance. "I guess, as per the tournament rules, these two gems should go to you, Hioma."

"Thank you, Leon," Hioma began. "Now we will finally be able to complete the wedding of Fabio-Ridley and his bride-to-be."

"Ah, ah, ah." Leon snickered, letting the two pieces of jewelry gently slide themselves along his ring fingers. "You didn't let me finish. You see, these rings should go to you, Hioma, but - as it turns out - someone is not too pleased with the outcome of this tournament and would like to challenge you for what he believes is rightfully his."

Hioma carefully let go of Cale and clutched her left arm. "Oh? And who might that be?"

"WHO THE SHALE DO YOU THINK IT IS?"

A giant obsidian fist pushed its way through the arena floor, making a hole just massive enough for the one...THE ONLY...LAVA ROCK to climb out of. Before the protagonists now stood the massive beast in all his glossy, obsidian glory. Many audience members couldn't help but clap at his surprising return.

"DO YOU THINK I'M JUST GONNA GET POWER BOMBED BY A METAL FISH, SENT CRASHING THROUGH A CAGE AND THEN LET SOME LITTLE HUMAN GIRL WIN THE FINAL ROUND? WITHOUT EVEN FIGHTING?!" the Lava Rock shouted, spewing lava from his mouth as he spoke.

"I certainly don't, Mr. Lava Rock," Leon said, his voice dripping with faux concern and sincerity. "You have every right to be angry. Hioma, Cale and the rest shouldn't have been in this tournament in the first place. There was a bracket practically set in stone (if you'll pardon the word). They were never invited here. They didn't even go through the qualifiers! But you did! Had they not shown up and cheated their way through the tournament, this victory would have been yours. This girl essentially stole it from you!"

"YEA, YOU'RE RIGHT! SHE DID STEAL MY VICTORY. AND I WANT IT BACK!"

"And I want it for you, Mr. Rock." Leon flashed his trademark 'I'm about to do something really devious, underhanded, and probably very annoying to everyone except me' smile and snapped his fingers. "And for that reason, I have decided to help you." Never more than a snap away from his tamer, Cthulga burst forth from a separate hole on the opposite end of the arena, whipping its enormous tentacles around wildly.

"HOW IS THAT GIANT WRITHING MASS OF MOLESTATION SUPPOSED TO HELP ME?!"

"Just watch." Leon pointed the sapphire ring on his left hand at the Lava Rock, and the emerald ring on his right toward his pet tentacle monster. "I'm going to show you the secret power of these two gems." A beam of blue light shot out from the sapphire and struck the Lava Rock squarely in the chest. A green beam of light came from the emerald and did the same (give or take an actual chest) to Cthulga.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the end of the 193^rd bi-monthly D.W.A.R.F. tournament. In honor of the ever-present spirit of love that refuses to leave us today, it has been decided that the final conflict shall be against a complete union of two perfectly matched equals. By the power vested in me by virtue of being an awesome sorcerer, I call upon the might of the Divine Sapphire and Holy Emerald Rings! Unite these two beautiful creatures in mind, body and spirit!"

And thus the true power of the Sapphire and Emerald Rings was invoked. The Lava Rock and Cthulga morphed into giant spheres of blue and green energy, respectively. The spheres collided, generating a bright white light that blinded most of the people in the arena that day. Once everyone had regained their sight, they were able to see an absolute monstrosity.

Where the two spheres of energy had collided stood a gargantuan, humanoid creature that was easily five or six times the size of the average adult male. It had bulky, scaly black arms with large gray tentacles wrapped around either one in a double helix. Thicker, denser bunches of tentacles gathered near the monster's biceps, and one hung from each of its fingers. More of the slimy appendages appeared around the beast's torso, waist and legs, forming a veritable suit of (tentacle) armor. Perhaps most horrifying was the monster's head, which looked like a facehugger had gripped the skull of a demon from Hell. Where such a creature's eyes might be were instead two jagged slits that glowed a bright red. And they looked very, very angry.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Leon said, "I bring you Lava Cthulga. It's big, it's menacing, and boy is it mad! You guys beat this and the rings are all yours. I'll be teleporting to a safe dimension in the meantime." Leon snapped his fingers, opening a portal in front of him. As he walked through it he added, "Oh, and I'll be watching with one of my magic dimensional cameras. Try to put on a good show for me, will you? None of your silly tricks here. If I don't like what I see, these precious gems will be staying with me forever. Farewell!" And just like that, he vanished.

"GRRRRAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!" Lava Cthulga let loose a roar so horrifying that it literally scared the dimension they were currently in into running for its life. Now there was nothing but empty black space around them - the emptiness of the Void. Lava Cthulga took in a deep breath of non-air and expelled it as a blast of lava-y, voidal darkness that threatened to simultaneously burn, melt, and undo anyone who stood in its way.

[Calefrun]

Cale sighed. "Can't I get even a moment's rest here?" He quickly transformed into a giant robot made of diamond, with large, beautiful tentacles protruding from its back. He was struck by the full force of the lava-y voidal darkness, though it had no effect.

"CONFUSED?" he bellowed, his voice taking on a robot-y tone, "DIAMOND IS THE SEXIEST OF PRECIOUS GEMS, AND CANNOT BE UNDONE SO EASILY!" A diamond sword extended from his arm, and he thrust it towards Lava Cthulga's chest while his tentacles shot multicolored lasers in every direction.

[Sariel of Tevet]

The Dayman sprung to his royal feet, appalled by this unholy union.

"I am appalled by this unholy union! How dare you make a mockery of the powers of royal matrimony!"

He turned to his wife, clutching her hands in his own, and stared into her gloriously royal eyes.

"My love, the only way to combat such a union...is with a little union of our own...wouldn't you say?"

Diane shot a glance over at Hobotron and Lady Hobotron, who were cuddling in the back of the arena and speaking in binary at each other. The Prince and led his graceful wife over to the robo-couple.

"My friend, I require your assistance once again. Well...actually...we require both of you."

Hobotron and Lady Hobotron both nodded and joined hands. Both The Dayman and Diane's matrimonial codpieces began to glow.

"By the power vested in me...I the The Incredibly Handsome and Much Much Better Than You Prince Ali-Hammurabi-dappapa-pastathopoulos-giannis-maleza-demetreus-qui-gon-jinn-julius of The Secluded and Tropical Nation of Koosalagoopagoopakuzbekistanahamas, the 4th, Esquire, Jr, do now give to you under the royal decree of wartime ethics, a temporary royal marriage license."

The light of their combined matrimonial codpieces consumed the robots, extending their forms and merging them together. The Hoboroboduo grew exponentially and almost matched the size of Lava Cthulga. The merging completed itself when an even larger codpiece formed around the Hoboroboduo's hoborobo crotch. The Dayman, proud of his work, let out a hearty royal laugh.

"Now my friends, if you wouldn't mind...the other half of the decree must now be enacted. "

The Hoboroboduo began to bellow in binary.

"01000010 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101111 01110111 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110110 01100101 01110011 01110100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01110010 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 00100000 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110010 01101111 01111001 01100001 01101100 00100000 01101000 01101001 01100111 01101000 01101110 01100101 01110011 01110011 00101100 00100000 01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01001001 01101110 01100011 01110010 01100101 01100100 01101001 01100010 01101100 01111001 00100000 01001000 01100001 01101110 01100100 01110011 01101111 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01001101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01000010 01100101 01110100 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01010100 01101000 01100001 01101110 00100000 01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01010000 01110010 01101001 01101110 01100011 01100101 00100000 01000001 01101100 01101001 00101101 01001000 01100001 01101101 01101101 01110101 01110010 01100001 01100010 01101001 00101101 01100100 01100001 01110000 01110000 01100001 01110000 01100001 00101101 01110000 01100001 01110011 01110100 01100001 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110000 01101111 01110101 01101100 01101111 01110011 00101101 01100111 01101001 01100001 01101110 01101110 01101001 01110011 00101101 01101101 01100001 01101100 01100101 01111010 01100001 00101101 01100100 01100101 01101101 01100101 01110100 01110010 01100101 01110101 01110011 00101101 01110001 01110101 01101001 00101101 01100111 01101111 01101110 00101101 01101010 01101001 01101110 01101110 00101101 01101010 01110101 01101100 01101001 01110101 01110011 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01010011 01100101 01100011 01101100 01110101 01100100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01010100 01110010 01101111 01110000 01101001 01100011 01100001 01101100 00100000 01001110 01100001 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01001011 01101111 01101111 01110011 01100001 01101100 01100001 01100111 01101111 01101111 01110000 01100001 01100111 01101111 01101111 01110000 01100001 01101011 01110101 01111010 01100010 01100101 01101011 01101001 01110011 01110100 01100001 01101110 01100001 01101000 01100001 01101101 01100001 01110011 00101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 00110100 01110100 01101000 00101100 00100000 01000101 01110011 01110001 01110101 01101001 01110010 01100101 00101100 00100000 01001010 01110010 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100111 01101001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110101 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110010 01101111 01111001 01100001 01101100 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100011 01110010 01100101 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110010 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100101 01110100 01101000 01101001 01100011 01110011 00101100 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110100 01100101 01101101 01110000 01101111 01110010 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01110010 01101111 01111001 01100001 01101100 00100000 01101101 01100001 01110010 01110010 01101001 01100001 01100111 01100101 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100011 01100101 01101110 01110011 01100101 00101110"

The Hoboroboduo's codpiece began to glow simultaneously with both The Dayman and Diane's codpieces. The royal couple turned into pure energy and were taken in by the robocodpiece. The hoboroboduo again began to glow and its form altered. It grew to a size now level with Lava Cthulga. Its body became slender and human like, but retained the metal covering, making the royal matrimony abs even more spectacular. The metal was split into two colors in order to create a deep V neck paint job, and Diane's flowing locks fell down around the cold sexy steel, and spread itself down past to the scruffy hobo beard. The magnificent codpiece shown with the purple radiance of pomp, and Diane's light brown hair now shown white with the purity of grace. Now blessed with The Dayman's beautiful royal vocal cords, the matrimonial savior bellowed through its PA system.

"THE INCREDIBLY HANDSOME AND MUCH MUCH BETTER THAN YOU HOBOROBO QUARTET SHALL BE YOUR UNDOING."

[Myrdraxxis]

"Boys!" Magnus jumped up, excited. "It's time!"

"Oh no..." Desmond groaned.

"Oh yes!" Magnus began to power up his magic. "There will be NO giant robot/monster battle without us!"

"Okay but how?"

Magnus paused, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. He'd already made a meteor giant robot. So that was out. He looked over his three apprentices...and then saw the Bread Wizard in the background, attempting to sneak away while no one was looking. His grin widened.

"I have an idea!"

And then, several minutes and many cries for help later, a bright light engulfed the arena as another titan joined the fray.

As it began to rise from the ground, a guitar riff played, and a song began to echo.

GO GO MAGNUS RANGERS~

It was a twisted abomination of metal, magic and bread. A lumpy grained monstrosity that bellowed a tortured howl from a cheesy-crust fanged maw. It's breath was hot, and made everything smell like warm fresh-cooked bread.

GO GO MAGNUS RANGERS~

The Mooketeers and the Bread Wizard were now all clad in disturbingly tight spandex of multiple colors. Each member was housed within one of the gigantic beast's limbs in their "control centers".

"Oh god what is this." Leske deadpaned.

THe Bread Wizard just sobbed. Sobbed for the creature he had created.

The Meta-Breadzord stood at its full height, displaying a physique of assorted breads and layers of metal that plated it like armor. A pair of large cannons jutted out of its shoulder blades and a large claymore was growing out of its left arm.

GO GO MAGNUS RANGERS MIGHTY MORPHIN' MAGNUS RANGEEEERS~


Magnus stood atop the Breadzord's head, arms crossed in a defiant gesture as his coat billowed in the wind dramatically and badass-illy.


"LET US DO BATTLE"

[Sariel of Tevet]

The Incredibly Handsome and Much Much Better Than You Hobo Quartet stuck out an iconic finger and posed.

"What a substancial transformation Magnus!!"

[Mizagium]

Jeff hadn’t really been paying attention since Hioma STABBED HERSELF IN THE ARM WITH HER PEN AND SUMMONED CETIS’ DEAD LOVE THROUGH BLOOD MAGIC SERIOUSLY WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT.

But more importantly, he was studying Sarina, wondering how much of what he felt for her was real or inspired by the Love artifacts.

But, seeing the Second Giant Robot Battle forming, he decided it was a good way to take his mind off of existential matters.

On cue, Xeltyr flew by. “Dude,” he said with a grin, “Me and the Ridleys are making our own mecha. You want in?”

Jeff shrugged. “OK.”

Apparently, Pterodactyls also have combining mecha-powers in addition to super-regeneration (Turns out, I actually didn’t contrive that for Fabio to force a battle; Ridley actually respawned after being killed by one of the Chaos Demons in Awesome Land II on his way home; yay me) which, when amplified by Jeff’s barrier abilities and Xeltyr’s wind…demon…stuff, made for a pretty weird-looking thing.

The mecha in question was fairly draconic in –

Oh, hell to the fizzing no! You’re not gonna describe this bitchin’ thing with that boring old purple prose!

Oh? How would you do it then?

Check this ish out, yo!

This mutha was a giant-ass dragon KNIGHT! Yeah, it was all dragon-like but human, too! It had this great wings that were ridiculous wide, but could fold up all neat. But they looked like those holographic wings Z-man had earlier when he went all evil.

His name starts with an X.

Yeah, well, it’s pronounced with a Z. So there. Anywhatsit. Of course it had a magnificent codpiece, decorated with so many jewels it actually caused some smaller nations to go bankrupt. A few descended into anarchy and civil war. Of course it had the long flowing lochs of golden delicious hair.

Golden delicious…like the apples?

And it could summon up that barrier sword Jeff had earlier and shoot four kinds of things from its mouth: Fire, Ice, Lazah, and Diamondium. AT THE SAME TIME.

That wasn’t the most…elegant way of doing things, but I guess it was slightly more entertaining that my way.

Sho nuff.

…

“I don’t like it in here,” Jeff muttered. His mind had temporarily melded with the five others. IT was rather crowded. “I immediately regret this decision.

Luckily, he was outvoted and Super Dracoman swaggered into battle, joining Diamond Cale, the Incredibly Handsome and Much Much Better Than You Hobo Quartet, and the Meta-Breadzord in battling the Lava Cthulga.

[Monika]

Hioma hadn't been giving much attention to the four mech pile up going on all around her. She was instead writing away in the Notebook of Fate!, frowning.

"As it turns out," she muttered, closing the Notebook with her good hand, "wounds inflicted by the Pen of Love! cannot actually be healed by the Pen of Love! That's rather grim..."

"Is everything alright, milady?" Zelmon approached Hioma, cautiously weaving his way through the giant robots. "You do not seem to be your usual, cheerful self. You should be happy, since you just won the tournament. Rachel and Fabio-Ridley can finally get married!" He glanced toward the ridiculous battle behind him and added, "Well, after this last fight, anyway."

"I'm fine, Zelmon. Just a little woozy from my confrontation with Cale. I'll be back up to speed in no time." Hioma gave Zelmon her most convincing smile to reassure him.

"Hmm..." Zelmon stared at her for what seemed like an eternity before saying, "If you say so, Lady Hioma. Shall I take part in the battle on your behalf?"

"No, no. That's alright. I think we can both just sit this one o-"

Come on, little matchmaker! I haven't had a battle in forever! And this is the most decisive battle I'll ever get to take part in! There's no way I'm just gonna sit back and let everyone else defend the sanctity of the Ridley union!

Hioma shook her head, apparently trying to clear it from the voice inside. "It's too much of a risk. I lost quite a bit of blood in the last match, and it will take a while to heal. Don't worry. Jeff and the rest are more than capable of handling Leon's final test."

"Lady Hioma, are you...talking to yourself?" Zelmon raised an eyebrow and stepped closer to Hioma, pressing his armored hand against her forehead. "You do feel kind of warm. Do you need a doctor? We might be able to find one...somewhere?" A cursory look around the Void made it evident that there wasn't much in the way of medical attention.

What she needs...

"IS TO FIGHT!" Hioma clasped her hand against her mouth, trying to prevent the words from escaping. But it was too late. Before she realized it, she had grabbed the Pen of Love! and twirled it in her hand. Cue the pink background, the storm of hearts, the deluge of ribbons and the theme music.

Hioma, her pen and the Notebook were all buried under the ribbon cascade. Before Zelmon could so much as try to free her, the ribbons had all dispersed into a haze of pink glitter, revealing the one and only...Well, she'll introduce herself.

"Spreading peace throughout the galaxy..." The woman performed several one-handed back flips, positioning herself behind the rest of the combatants. "Fostering relationships among all living creatures..." She was now plié-ing, although only Zelmon was able to bear witness to her infinite grace. "I am Sailor Eros, Enforcer of Love! Prepare to meet your match!" More-or-less satisfied with her introduction, Sailor Eros threateningly pointed the Staff of Love! toward Sarina, who had been sitting rather patiently away from the chaos. "You there!" she called out.

Even outside of Awesome Land, I can't get away from it... "Yes?" Sarina asked.

"How would you like to be a magical girl!" The way Sailor Eros said this was very non-question like.

"Um, I think I'll-"

"Good choice! Love...Deputizing...Beam!" The Staff of Love! shot Sarina with a ray of pink light, knocking her to the ground.

"What the-" The attack came so quickly that Sarina wasn't left with time to object. When she got to her feet, she found that her fairly conservative outfit had been replaced with a significantly less conservative Japanese schoolgirl uniform. "What is going on? Why am I wearing this-"

"You are the newest honorary Deputy of Love, Sailor Hera!" Sailor Eros ran up to Sarina and gave her a tight, one-handed hug. "Congratulations!"

"What."

"Your Love Weapon shall be the Matrimonial Claymore! It will activate once you have merged with your true love!"

"What."

"True Loves...Unite!" Apparently capable of duplicating the powers of the Sapphire and Emerald Rings, Sailor Eros used the Staff of Love to convert Sarina Sailor Hera into a ball of pink energy, which she then threw directly at Super Dracoman. An explosion or two later, the merge was complete, resulting in Super Dracoman being shrouded with an aura of Chaos energies and equipped with a one hundred foot tall, ruby encrusted sword. With a pink blade, of course.

"With her natural Chaos powers and her Wind and Water Crystals, Sailor Hera will make a worthy expansion to your giant robot!" Sailor Eros cheered, now pointing her Staff at Zelmon.

"Um...Lady Hioma, what are you doing?" Zelmon slowly backed away, frantically waving his hands from side to side.

"I really did a number on my arm, noble Love Crusader!" Eros explained. "Because of that, I won't be able to pilot my own robot with the full power of Love!"

"Well, I'm sorry to say-"

"So you'll just have to help me! You're already practically emotionless and covered in metal, so all we need to do is make you the right size!"

"That's not-"

"Heart...Expansion...Blast!"

Yet another ray of light came from the Staff of Love, hitting Zelmon's armor. He was now surrounded by a vortex of pink energy. Also he was growing. A lot. He easily rivaled everyone else in size.

"Hioma, why am I nearly forty feet tall? And why is my voice so deep?" Zelmon asked, noticing that he was at eye level with Lava Cthulga.

"Zelmon, Crusader of Love, we shall use your Love-infused paladin powers to take down this evil monster and finish the Ridley wedding once and for all!" Eros effortlessly made the forty foot jump and perched herself on Zelmon's shoulder.

"DAFUQ?" Lava Cthulga countered Cale's diamond sword and lasers with his Unity Beam, a side effect of the Sapphire and Emerald rings. Through the magic of marriage, the Unity Beam gave Lava Cthulga a multicolored, light emitting diamond coating to his already tough tentacle armor. One such tentacle burst from his body and swung in a wide arc toward each and every single mech in the battle, shooting multicolored lava lasers all the while.

[Myrdraxxis]

"BRACE FOR IMPACT!" Magnus shouted. He quickly conjured up a magical shield that blocked the incoming attack. It also toasted the bread mecha's edges a bit. Mmmm fresh toast.

"Leske! Fire the main guns!"

"Which ones?"

"ALL OF THEM!"

THe Breadzord seemed to explode as all the of the cannons that had been haphazardly built into the bread mecha fired in unison, sending a wave of fire towards Lava Cthulga.

[Mizagium]

"It's getting kinda crowded in here," Jeff said.

"The more the merrier!" said...someone. Was it Xeltyr?

"Hey, not girls allowed!" Ok, that might have been Xeltyr. It certainly wasn't Fabio-Ridley or Rachel. Or Jeff. Probably.

"I'm here!" Rachel.

"Yeah, but you're a dragon."

"Pterodactyl."

"Whatever." I give up.

In any case, in stead of blocking Lava Cthulga's rainbow beam like a normal giant mech, they decided to block it with their own. Super Dracoman, sucked in a huge breath - and unleashed the full force of it's combination Fire Ice Lazah and Diamondium into one great, strange attack. It collided with Lava Cthulga's beam they went full DBZ on it.

[Sariel of Tevet]

Still clad with the handlebar mustache from the final phase of the Cale fight, the Incredibly Handsome and Much Much Better Than You Hobo Quartet simply used its fisticuff powers to punch the rainbow beam into submission, knocking it back into the stands and once again destroying the audience.

[Mizagium]

Super Dracoman released his Dragon Fusion Beam Attack and hefted the Matrimonial Claymore.

"Wait," Jeff thought," I wanted to use my barrier sword thing."

"Boo!" Xeltyr jeered. "That's boring. This weapons rulez!"

"But...it's pink."

Again, he was outvoted and drove the Claymore deep into Lava Cthulga's form. And...it stuck. Of course it stuck. The lava and the tentacles ensnared the blade.

"I don't think we thought this through very well..."