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Post by Monika on Jun 24, 2013 23:33:48 GMT -5
Chapter 1: No Money, Mo' Problems!
"-in other news, astronomers at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration have discovered that Pluto has expl-"
"Boooriing," Erycina yawned, clicking the channel button on her remote.
"-be the very best, like no one-"
"Ugh, laaame," she scoffed, clicking the button again.
"Donna, I know that I am a thousand year old vampire lord, and you are but a young girl, but..." A pale, muscular man on the screen began to unfasten his button down shirt. "I want you so badly!"
"Oh, Drew, I feel exactly the same way! I was hoping you would say that!" the girl, a small, fragile thing who couldn't have been older than thirteen, replied.
ZIIIIIIIP!
Drew's pants were undone and fell to the floor, revealing his-
BZZEW!
The quick, telltale hum of an appliance losing power heralded the premature end of the program.
"Hey! What the hell just happened?! It was just getting to the good part!" Erycina furiously tapped the power button on her remote, to no avail. She sprang from her plush leather sofa and stormed off toward a set of marble stairs. "Amadeus!" she cried. "Ammaaadeeeeeuuuuus!"
"I'm in the study, Madame." A soft, intellectual voice answered the call.
"Ugh, you're such a nerd!" Rolling her eyes, Erycina made her way up a number of steps until she arrived in her study. It was a rather luxurious room, despite how little it was used. Spacious and fragrant and...dark? Why was it so dark?
"Amadeus," Erycina began, struggling to adjust her eyes to the lightlessness. "Mind telling me why you're sitting here at 9:00 in the evening without a single light on? Seriously, who does that? Unless you're, like, watching a movie or something. But you're a book guy, anyway. Which brings me back to the question: Why are you here with no lights on?"
Amadeus took a deep breath and replied simply, "The power went out, Madame."
"Oh." Erycina stopped to consider this for a moment and deemed it entirely nonsensical. There had been no sign of inclement weather, no construction projects going on, and her mansion was in one the most reliable parts of town. The chance of a power outage? 1%, at best. "Alright, Amadeus. Care to tell me why the power went out?"
"Did no one leave you the memo, Madame? We're-"
"Does it LOOK like I got a friggin' memo?" she snapped. "And can we please get some light in here? I'd like to see that hot bod of yours."
"Of course, Madame."
A few scuffling noises and a moment or two later, Amadeus had lit a series of candles throughout the room, illuminating it just enough to reveal its contents: Rows and rows of books neatly arranged on massive bookshelves, pie charts and diagrams and posters with all sorts of figures and, of course, Amadeus himself. Long, pale hair. A soft, handsome face adorned with half moon glasses. A lean yet muscular physique just barely concealed by his three piece suit and tie. Just the way Erycina liked it.
"Ooh la la, looking sharp as always, Amadeus." Erycina giggled her approval, taking her seat at one of the several desks in the study. "Now, what were you saying about the power outage?"
"It is not a power outage in the common sense of the phrase, Madame," Amadeus corrected her. "More accurately, the power went out because the bill wasn't paid."
"I see." Frowning, she went on, "Well, you'd better tell me what the deal is before I get angry, Ami." She only ever used that 'pet name' in times of annoyance. Considering how well off she was, those times came far too frequently. As she awaited an explanation, she couldn't help but notice a young, shirtless man sitting at a desk in a far corner behind Amadeus. The man had his face buried in his hands, as if he were trying to hide.
Amadeus glanced toward the man's direction and tried to distract Erycina from him. "Well, Madame, we're...almost bankrupt." He braced himself.
"WE'RE WHAT?!?!" Erycina bellowed. A few books fell from their shelves.
"Yes, Madame. Some of our employees probably didn't give you that memo, predicting you'd act like-"
"YOU! IN THE CORNER! STAND UP!"
The man, trembling, stood up from his desk. Rather muscular and reminiscent of a model, he certainly didn't look like the type who'd be afraid of a teenage girl...but Erycina wasn't your average teenager.
"Y-yes, Madame?" the man tentatively replied.
"Johnson, was it?" Erycina asked through tightly clenched teeth.
"Um, Benson, Madame, but you can call me-"
"What. Ever. Benson, then. How long have you known that we were on the verge of bankruptcy, hmm?"
"Well, uh, a few months, Madame, but we-"
"Twenty reps!" She waved her hand dismissively and motioned toward the far right corner of the room. There stood a very tall pole in between two wide, circular openings, one in the ceiling and one in the floor. There was no telling just how far this pole extended.
"Madame, please, I didn't mean-"
"TWENTY. REPS!" she repeated, scowling at the man. Her expression suggested not to make her repeat herself once more.
"Yes, Madame." The man, defeated, sulked off toward the pole, grabbed on with both arms and started the agonizing climb up to its top. It was the fate of all the servants who displeased Erycina: They were forced to climb to the top of the pole, swivel down to the bottom as erotically as possible and repeat the process for however long she had specified. Every moment of it was abject misery for the servants, but pure pleasure for Erycina.
"Alright, then. With that out of the way," she rolled her eyes, "I'll let you explain just why we're on the edge of financial ruin, Amadeus."
Sensing a very, very slight shift in Erycina's mood for the better, Amadeus nodded and strode over toward a bar graph. "With pleasure, Madame. Financial reports for the last fiscal year have shown an operating revenue decrease of about 93%" He withdrew a long, wooden pointer from his suit pocket and traced the graph's figure - a bright red line with a very steep downward slope. "There's just barely enough money to pay the servants. Many of them have already gone."
"Uh-huh." Erycina nodded in feigned interest. Facts? Figures? Who had time for that? "That still doesn't answer my question, Ami. Why has revenue shriveled to nothing, hmm?"
Amadeus flipped the bar graph over, revealing a dichromatic pie chart. A significant chunk of it was navy blue, with a minuscule sliver in bright red. "Simply put, Madame, people aren't interested in one-night stands anymore. The time of swingers and hookups has long since passed. People are looking for something with a bit more...substance." He pointed toward the blue section of the chart. "This section represents the percentage of the romance market cornered by long term dating sites. Approximately 97% and counting." He slid the pointer over to the red sliver. "And this is us, Madame."
"Can't we, like, do a press conference or something?! Change our public image a little and get some more customers?!"
"Madame," Amadeus shook his head, "You run an underground prostitution ring. I think the last thing you should be doing is holding a public press conference. And I mean this in the nicest way, Madame, but your personal style does not endear you to a good public image."
Erycina stood up and walked over to a mirror, the only thing she personally used her study for. It was fairly dim by candlelight, but she could still make herself out. Long black hair with blonde highlights. Sun kissed skin. A low cut black T-shirt with a skull and crossbones logo. Blue jeans, ruby earrings and a surprising amount of curve for a 17 year old. She preferred it that way, of course, but she could almost see Amadeus' point.
She stomped away from the mirror and toward Amadeus. "But, but!" she stammered. For the first time in her life, sex wasn't selling. It wasn't paying the bills. This was absolutely unprecedented! "What am I supposed to do for moooneeeey?!" she whined.
"You could get a part time job, Madame. It should at least be enough to-"
"Screw that!" Erycina scowled at her advisor, wondering if he had really just suggested something so...common. "Gimme something good, Ami! I need something that's quick, efficient and makes use of my talents." As an afterthought, she added "Oh, and I don't want to have to exert too much effort."
"Well, since you're giving me so much to work with..." Amadeus pushed his glasses up on his face thoughtfully and, after a few seconds, replied with "Honestly, the only thing I could even pretend to suggest is robbing a bank. But, of course, that's-"
"Hmm, you really think we could pull it off?" A bank robbery? Erycina was no stranger to theft or foul play, but a full scale robbery was ambitious, even for her.
His eyes widening in shock, Amadeus hastily answered, "No, no, Madame. I mean-" He paused. It was easy to sense that Erycina was not in the mood for jocular suggestions and was desperate for money ideas, so he had to choose his next words carefully. "Well, Madame, there have been a lot of robberies in the area recently. Bank security has increased tenfold. You'd be better off trying to rob a museum or-" He clasped his hands over his mouth.
Not careful enough.
"A museum?!" Erycina smiled her first, genuine smile of the night. "Those treasures and artifacts are worth a lot, aren't they? And I've got connections to the black market already, so I could pawn 'em off easily." She mulled over the idea for a few seconds before finally nodding in agreement. "Alright, Amadeus. You're on. How much personnel do we have left?"
He sighed. "Roughly 100 male strippers, 25 female prostitutes, 7 guards and a dozen maids and janitors."
"So, what's that? Like, a hundred fifty or something?" she asked.
"More or less."
"Excellent. Have the plans for the museum heist on my desk by the morning, k, Amadeus?" Erycina waved behind her as she headed back down the marble staircase.
"Of course, Madame."
A few moments later, the shirtless male from earlier was in the middle of his 18th drop down the pole when he decided to stop in the study room for a brief rest.
"What have you gotten us into, Amadeus?" he asked.
"I don't know, Ben. I don't know."
Ben slid the rest of the way down the pole.
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Post by Monika on Sept 7, 2013 23:27:28 GMT -5
Chapter 2: Best Laid Plans!
"Ugggh...Who turned on all the liiights?" Erycina moaned as she turned over in her bed. It was enormous and she could have conceivably kept turning for a long while, but it was of no use. There was no escape. Why did her windows have to be so large? There they were on either side of her bed, bathing her room in the morning sunlight with no consideration for the person inside. After a few minutes of piling pillows around her head, she came to the conclusion that her beauty rest would be cut short today.
"Stupid summer sun," Erycina grumbled, hopping out of her bed and into a pair of fuzzy black slippers. "Where are you during the winter when I actually need you, huh?" She walked over to an oaken chest of drawers, scrambling through them until she found a black nightgown. Once she had pulled it over her head, she noticed a dense stack of papers sitting atop the chest. She picked them up and read, "Detailed Plans for the Infiltration and Burglary of the Greco-Roman Art and History Museum."
Frowning, she set the papers back on the chest. "Why on Earth did I ask him to put these in my room?" she wondered. "I knew I wasn't going to read them. Whatever. Amaadeeeeus! Where are yooooou?!" she shouted.
"In the study, Madame," came Amadeus' reply.
Erycina snatched up the heist plans and descended down her marble staircase to the next floor, yawning as she entered the study. Sure enough, Amadeus was still there. Still dressed in his three piece suit. Still staring at an assortment of colorful charts and diagrams. The only thing that had changed about him were his eyes, which were puffy and bloodshot.
"Good morning, Madame," Amadeus said as she walked into the room.
"Maybe for you, Ami. Stupid sun woke me up before I was ready."
Opting not to mention his own night's sleep (or lack thereof) - or that it was already near 11:00 AM - he merely nodded and replied, "My deepest condolences, Madame."
"Uh-huh. Hey, where's breakfast?" she asked.
"Right over there, Madame." Amadeus pointed toward a desk near the study's entrance. On it sat a spoon and a small bowl full of milk, marshmallows and some sort of grain.
"What the hell is that?!" Erycina walked over to the desk and glared at the bowl, half-expecting it to change into something more appealing.
"It's your favorite cereal, Madame," he answered. "Frosted Charms."
"Ugh, I know that, Ami. What I mean is, where are the pancakes? The eggs? The bacon?! It's Saturday morning! You can't expect me to eat cold cereal on a Saturday!"
"My apologies, Madame. But the chef, Alonzo, left last week due to our budget cuts. And because the power is out, the microwave, stove and oven are inoperable."
"But, but...Don't we have gas stoves, Ami?" Erycina whined.
"Yes, but they require an electric spark to light the-"
"Uuuuggggh! This is so stupid!" Before she could make another complaint, her stomach started growling furiously and eventually won the fight against her anger. With a huff, she sat down at the desk and started unenthusiastically swirling her spoon in the cereal.
"My apologies," Amadeus repeated. "On what is perhaps a brighter note, did you read the plans I made for tonight's heist, Madame?"
"Do you THINK I read that textbook of yours?" she said through a mouth full of Frosted Charms. She slammed the thick set of papers on the desk. "I mean, honestly! Did you really expect me to go through this thing?"
"Of course not, Madame." Amadeus sighed, pulling an extra chair up to Erycina's desk. "I'll explain the gist of the plans while you eat breakfast."
"Yea, you do that." Erycina began greedily munching the cereal, having been consumed by hunger. They were no pancakes, but Frosted Charms were pretty good.
"As you may have gathered from the title," he pointed to the cover page, "we will be robbing the nearby Greco-Roman Art and History Museum."
"Uh-huh." She lifted the bowl to her lips and loudly slurped the milk.
Unfazed, he continued. "I chose the museum because it is small and easily manageable. I estimate that the monetary value of the artifacts there totals to about 4.7 million dollars. That will be enough to pay the power bill and rebuild the staff, at least."
"Great!" Erycina set the bowl down. "When do we start?"
"Tonight, Madame. Security tends to be low on weekends due to a dearth of visitors, so we have the greatest chance of succeeding tonight. Earlier this morning I stationed Grayson-"
"Ooh, the one who's really good at holding his breath?" Erycina giggled.
"Ah, yes, Madame." Amadeus coughed awkwardly. "Grayson and I went there earlier this morning when the museum opened. He is currently hiding in the ventilation system, waiting for the next phase of the plan."
"Which is?"
Amadeus turned to the next page, revealing a detailed floor plan. "There are four main attractions of the museum: Sculptures, Portraits, Architecture and General History. They are located here, here, here and here." He pointed to the four corners of the page. "The portraits constitute the bulk of the payload and are likely to have three guards. When I send him the message at 7:00, Grayson will spray an anesthetic gas through the vent above the portrait section. Once the guards there have passed out, he will send me a return signal. That's when I send Benson to smooth talk the front receptionist, here." He pointed at the center of the map.
"Hmph." Erycina scowled. "Like that clod could romance his way out of a paper bag."
"Some women actually find him quite charming, Madame," Amadeus replied. "Anyway, because today is a slow day for the museum, the receptionist will also be in charge of their computerized security system. From her desk she is able to activate a variety of alarms, as well as contact local authorities." He skipped a few pages in the packet until he reached a long list of emboldened words. "Each section of the museum has its own independent set of alarms that can be deactivated from the receptionist's desk with a unique password. Through a bit of hacking, I was able to find the first few characters of the password for the portrait section. From it, I have compiled a list of potential passwords, ranked in order of likeliness."
"Seems kinda long, Amadeus," Erycina noted, counting at least thirty different words on the page.
"I assure you, Madame, it should take me no more than five seconds to try each one. Once Ben convinces the receptionist to take an early break to go out with him, I'll walk in and enter the prospective passwords at her desk. By this point it should be 7:45. The guards in the other parts of the museum will be busy preparing for closing time, which should take them about half an hour. Before this, I'll send the signal for some of our own guards to head inside to the portrait section. With the security there disabled, they should be able to break the glass shields protecting the portraits, harvest them all and make it out before the museum guards finish their lockdown procedures and notice something's amiss. Then we just load everything into the truck and get out of there." Amadeus yawned heavily and flipped the stack of papers back to its cover page. "There are more details than that, of course, but that's the basic idea. Any questions, Madame?"
"Um, just one, Ami," Erycina said, tapping her fingers impatiently on the desk. "Where's my part in all this, huh?"
"Oh...Oh!" Amadeus frantically searched through each of his plan's pages before realizing that he had completely neglected to give Erycina a role. "Um, well, you see, Madame..." He racked his brain for something appropriate to say. He certainly couldn't leave a perpetually bored teenager home with no electricity. That's just asking for trouble. After what seemed like an eternity of thinking, he finally blurted out "Lookout!"
"What?" She whipped around, expecting something to hit her, before turning back to Amadeus and raising an eyebrow.
"You get to be the lookout, Madame!" he laughed nervously. "The most important job of them all. You get to be stationed at one of the nearby buildings and use your binoculars to keep an eye on us. Make sure everything goes smoothly...Haha."
"I'm not buying that for a second, Ami! How could you forget about me?!"
"Well, to be fair, Madame, you did ask for a job in which you wouldn't have to exert much effort," he reminded her.
"I don't care WHAT I asked for!" Erycina punched the desk in frustration, knocking the cereal bowl down to the floor. "This might be the only opportunity I ever get to rob a museum! You can't leave me out of the plans!"
"Please try to understand, Madame. This is for the best. These plans have been devised to be as efficient as possible. Changing them now will decrease our chances of success."
"Uggggh! This. Is. So. LAME!" Erycina jumped from her seat and stomped outside the study, slamming the door on the way out. "Let me know when it's time to leave!" she shouted as she marched back to her room.
"Of course, Madame...But in the meantime, I'll get some rest." Amadeus' head collided with the desk and he promptly fell asleep.
♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥
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Post by Monika on Sept 17, 2013 23:11:13 GMT -5
Chapter 2.5: Some Like It Hot!
A few uneventful hours passed, consisting primarily of Erycina moping around the house, bored out of her mind. And then...
"Madame!" Amadeus called Erycina from the main floor of the mansion. "We are prepared for departure! Please come downstairs when you're ready!"
"Coming, Amadeus!"
"Well, you certainly sound happier than y-" Amadeus stopped, nearly choking on his words as Erycina descended the staircase to the mansion's main entrance.
"What's up?" she asked, a touch of faux innocence gracing her tone.
"Madame, your...Your clothes!" Amadeus' eyes widened as he tried to comprehend the sight. There stood his boss, dressed in a skimpy excuse for a shirt that exposed both her cleavage and her midriff. Her lower body bore black pants that were form fitting, to say the least. Goggles were wrapped tightly around her forehead. A sparkling belt with various canisters and devices clipped to it was fastened securely around her waist.
"You like?" Erycina twirled around. "If I'm going to not be a part of this robbery, then I'm going to do it in style!"
"B-but, Madame! Your...job...supposed to lookout!"
"Oh, you're right! Almost forgot!" Erycina reached into her back pocket (leaving it a mystery as to how she could fit something in there) and pulled out a pair of binoculars, placing them carefully around her neck. "See? Even got the binoculars, like you said!" She grinned.
"M-Madame, you look like you're about to audition for the next Catwoman film!" Amadeus sputtered out, feverishly rubbing his eyes to see if he were still asleep. But this was no dream.
"Aww, you really think I'd stand a chance? You're so sweet! Mwah!" She blew him a kiss.
Rubbing his temples, Amadeus sighed and replied, "Please, Madame. Just...stick to the plan, alright? Please."
"Yea, yea. Whatever." Erycina casually waved him aside and headed toward the garage. "So, which car are we taking?"
Amadeus followed closely behind her, manually opening the garage door and silently cursing their lack of electricity. Once the door had been opened, the ensuing flood of sunlight revealed an array of vehicles, ranging from sports cars to minivans. One of them may even have been a helicopter.
"We'll be taking three, Madame," Amadeus began. "One of the servants will be driving that pickup truck." He pointed toward a rather large blue truck with a significant amount of space in the back. "It will be used for carrying most of the portraits. Benson will be taking the red mini-"
"Can that moron even drive?" Erycina interjected.
"Benson has had his license for around nine years, Madame. I am confident in his abilities. We managed to discover that the museum receptionist has a...fetish, for lack of a better term, for men who drive minivans. It will make the courting process go by smoothly."
"Hmph. And what car will I be riding in, Amadeus?" She tapped her foot impatiently upon the garage floor.
"I was just getting to that. I shall be driving you in the Erymobile."
"Yessss!" Erycina clenched her fists in excitement as she marveled at the Erymobile. It was a beautiful black and red sports limousine that she had purchased a few years ago for a sum that made Amadeus physically ill. It was only ever driven on special occasions...or it would have been, at least. Erycina didn't do her own driving, of course, and none of the servants was interested in being 'the guy who got a scratch on the Erymobile'. Amadeus was careful enough, however, and on the off chance that he did damage the vehicle, his punishment would be relatively benign.
"I will be dropping you off at the nearby park. From there, your binoculars will give you a prime view of the museum and its surroundings. Do you have your cell phone with you, Madame?"
"Ha. Like I'd ever leave home without it!" Erycina unclipped one of the devices on her belt. It was a sleek, black, expensive-looking smartphone protected by an equally expensive-looking leather case.
Amadeus nodded. "Your task is to call me if you notice anything wrong near the museum. Please keep a close eye on the area and do not leave the park under any circumstances. I'm begging you, Madame."
Erycina rolled her eyes. "Yea, yea. I got it, Ami. Now let's go already! Aren't we on a tight schedule or something?" She made her way into the passenger's seat of the Erymobile, resting her legs on top of the dashboard.
"Of course, Madame." Amadeus sighed as he went into the driver's seat of the Erymobile, concerned about the execution of his plan. "Benson!" he called. "It is almost time to begin the mission. Please come down now!"
"I'm on it!" A few moments later, Benson strode into the garage, now dressed in a white collared shirt and a freshly ironed pair of slacks. A few of Erycina's other male servants entered the garage soon thereafter.
"Hmph. Hurry up, all of you!" Erycina tapped her wrist, indicating a watch that wasn't there. "You're taking away from valuable heist time!"
The servants nodded and entered their respective vehicles. Benson took his spot in the red minivan and the remaining servants jumped into the blue pickup truck.
"Are you all clear on the details of our mission?" Amadeus asked.
"Yes, sir!" came the servants' collective reply.
"Very well. Then we depart at once. Let's move out!" Amadeus inserted a key into the car's ignition slot, gave it a quick twist and then-
VROOM!
He and Erycina were off, the pickup truck and minivan not too far behind...
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Post by Monika on Jun 29, 2014 21:35:49 GMT -5
Chapter 3: Driving Miss Ery!
"You're driving pretty quickly, aren't you, Amadeus?" Erycina leaned over to the driver's side of the Erymobile, noticing that the speedometer read 107 MPH.
"Please sit back in your seat and buckle your seat belt, Madame," Amadeus replied absently. His eyes were firmly glued to the road, darting from lane to lane, scanning for accidents waiting to happen. Weekend traffic in urban California was not something to take lightly. "Our little mission would fall apart if something were to happen to you."
"Aww. I didn't think you cared." She rolled her eyes, sat back and clicked her seat belt into the proper position. "Although if you were really concerned, you probably wouldn't be going so fast. Not that I mind." She grinned as she rolled down the car windows, marveling at her reflection in the side mirror as the rushing air swept through her hair.
"My apologies, Madame," Amadeus said. "I did not go over this detail of the plan with you, but it is imperative that we place some distance between us and the rest of your servants."
"And why is that?"
"I thought it would look fairly suspicious if we were all to arrive at the museum simultaneously. We will already look out of place since we're going there on a weekend. Three vehicles arriving at the same time in an otherwise deserted locale is not good for maintaining a low profile."
"Oh." Erycina thought about this for a moment before asking, "Why didn't we just leave at separate times, then? We all would have gotten to the museum independently, and you wouldn't have to worry about my safety. Well, you should always worry about me, but you wouldn't have to."
Amadeus didn't respond immediately, devoting the bulk of his attention to the road in front of them. A slight cough from Erycina brought him back to their conversation. "Well, ah, Madame..." He sighed heavily. "I need to keep the rest of them in my sight. As I mentioned yesterday, most of our personnel have left us. I imagine the rest of them are just biding their time. I would like to make sure that they don't take this opportunity to abandon us and abscond with one of your cars."
"I see." Erycina peered into the side mirror and could just barely make out the image of the blue pickup truck that one of her servants was driving. "Where's the one who's supposed to be driving the minivan? Benson? He never did strike me as the most loyal, you know."
"Benson was actually the first of your servants to volunteer when I told them of the mission," Amadeus informed her. "As one of your longest-serving employees, he is not the one whose loyalty I doubt." His gaze briefly fixed itself on the reflection of the blue pickup truck before returning to the road. "I instructed him to pick up a few flowers and...other things for his rendezvous with the receptionist tonight. He should be returning within view momentarily, but a tracker has been placed on the minivan just in case."
"Wow, you really have thought of everything, haven't you?" Erycina giggled. "I knew there was a reason I kept you around."
"Well, I did try to think of as many potential scenarios as I could, given the time constraints." There was a slight, almost imperceptible hint of annoyance in his tone.
"Oh really?" Erycina pressed her finger against her lips thoughtfully. "Mind if I quiz you a bit?"
"Not at all, Madame."
"Alright, then. What do you do if Benson decides to run off with my minivan and not show up to romance the receptionist with questionable tastes?"
"That's simple, Madame," Amadeus began. "Grayson has placed an additional, remote controlled canister of anesthesia over the air vent leading to the main lobby. Should Benson not meet us at the museum on time - and I highly doubt that such a thing will happen - I will send the signal to Grayson to open the canister remotely. When the gas has been released and the receptionist has been rendered unconscious, I will proceed with the plan to disable the security system from her desk. I've brought a facemask in case this happens."
"Oh, nicely done, Amadeus. One point for you. Question number two! None of the passwords you've obtained are able to shut down the security system. What do you do then?"
"Another improbability, Madame, but in case that does happen, I have stored an electromagnetic pulse generator in the trunk of the Erymobile. This, too, can be activated remotely. If I cannot successfully disable the security system, I will turn on the EMP generator. It should shut down all electronics within the area and render their security system inoperable."
Erycina frowned. "Wouldn't that hurt the Erymobile, Ami? I'm pretty sure the average car has a bunch of electronics in it. Triggering that EMP thing from inside the trunk...You know that this is my favorite car, right?"
"I am well aware, Madame." Amadeus turned the steering wheel and deftly maneuvered through a crowded shopping plaza. "The Erymobile has excessive shielding around all of its sensitive components, in addition to a slew of other situational features. As it should, of course, considering how much you paid for it." He trembled slightly as the exact number resurfaced in his memory. "If there is any damage done to the car during the mission, I can say with 100% certainty that it won't come from an electromagnetic pulse."
"That's almost reassuring." Erycina sighed. "Whatever. I never paid much attention in science class anyway. One more point to you! Are you ready for your final question?"
"Of course, Madame."
"Great! Question three! A police officer is on our tail and tries to stop us before we even get to the museum. What do you do?"
"What do I...? Ahem." Amadeus cleared his throat nervously as he thought about the question. He had carefully laid out each and every detail, planned for each and every possible thing that could happen during the heist. As for the before and after? "Well, ah, Madame...A police officer?"
Erycina shot Amadeus a very menacing look, which he didn't (or pretended not to) notice. "Ami, we're about to commit a major robbery here! Don't tell me you've thought of a plan for everything except dealing with law enforcement."
"No, of course I have, Madame." He coughed. "If a police officer tries to follow us to the museum, we should be able to outrun it. At 107 miles per hour, I'm just barely going slowly enough to maneuver through traffic and avoid hitting passersby. No officer would dare try to match our speed to catch up with us. He would be putting the lives of almost everyone on the road at risk."
"Uh-huh." She made no effort to conceal her dissatisfaction. "And let's just say that this officer is pretty reckless and decides to go at 108 miles per hour. What then, Ami?"
"Let's just pray it doesn't come to that, Madame."
"Oh, it's a bit too late for that." Erycina propped her legs on top of the dashboard and casually pointed at the rear-view mirror.
"Too late? There have been no sirens or flashing lights." Amadeus looked up at the mirror, but didn't see anything of interest. "You see, Madame, there's nothing-" He glanced back up at the mirror. "Is that a...golf cart? Following us? How is it moving so quickly?"
Indeed, an ordinary-looking golf cart was just a few yards away from the Erymobile and was gaining distance every second.
"That's right." Erycina opened up her car's glove compartment and dug out a metallic nail file and sheet of paper. "Some of the cops got new tricked out golf carts. State legislature passed a resolution or something a few days ago. They thought it would be easier to catch would-be criminals if the police traveled in disguise. Lights and sirens make it hard to catch people off guard, you know. The public isn't supposed to know about it, but one of my informants filled me in."
"Madame..." Amadeus closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. "How long has that police officer been following me?"
"Hmm?" She slid the file back and forth against her nails, shaping them into neat little points. "I'd say about 15 minutes or so."
He exhaled. "And why didn't you tell me?"
Erycina blew the trimmings from her nails. "Don't you just hate when people leave you in the dark about very important information, Ami?" When he didn't respond, she added, "You might want to pull over, by the way. Wouldn't be good to lead the officer right to the place we're about to rob."
With a sound somewhere between a groan and a cry, Amadeus drove to a safe area on the side of the road, stopped the car, and slammed his head against the steering wheel. The horn played a rendition of Britney Spears' Toxic in response.
The golf cart pulled up behind the Erymobile, and from it emerged a big, burly man with sunglasses and a five o'clock shadow. His outfit identified him as a member of the San Diego Police Department. The man hobbled over to the driver's side, adjusting his pants along the way, and pulled a small notepad from his pocket.
"License and registration, please," the officer said.
His face still pressed against the steering wheel, Amadeus reached into his pocket and pulled out a leather wallet. Erycina handed him the sheet of paper she was holding, and he passed both along to the officer.
The officer inspected the wallet and paper, jotted a few things down on his notepad and asked, "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over today?"
Amadeus dejectedly turned toward the officer and muttered, "To be fair, officer, I stopped the vehicle of my own accord."
"You some sort of wise guy, pal?" The officer carelessly threw the wallet and registration certificate back into the car and pointed to a radar gun holstered at his side. "You know you were goin' 107 in a school bus loading area? You gotta slow down to 15 max when you get there."
"It's a Saturday, officer. Buses don't even-"
"Step out of the car, sir."
Amadeus glared at Erycina with an expression she couldn't quite read, before unlocking the door and slowly getting out of the car.
"So, what can I put you down for?" the officer thought aloud. "107 in a school zone...Talking back to an officer of the law..." He looked up from his notepad at Erycina and added, "Reckless endangerment of a cute little girl..."
"She's seventeen, officer. Not exactly what one would call-"
The officer scribbled a few more things. "Another count of backtalk and resisting arrest..."
"Officer, if you could just let me explain, I was-"
"You're going to get us both thrown in prison, Ami," Erycina said exasperatedly. "Let me handle this." Casually striding over to the officer, she put on her most innocent expression and gently tapped him on the shoulder.
The officer shoved the notepad into his pocket and asked, "Can I help you, ma'am?"
"I'm soooooo sorry, Officer..." She glanced at his badge. "...Bates. You see, that's my cousin, Amadeus. I was on my way to audition for the next Catwoman film - that's why I'm in this silly costume - and we weren't going to make it in time, so I asked him to drive a little faster." Her eyes watered and her pitch rose as she continued. "I want more than anything to get this role. My family doesn't have enough money to put me through college next year, and if I don't get this part, the only way I'll be able to pay for school is to resort to..." She sniffed and buried her face in the officer's chest.
Officer Bates wiped a manly tear from his eye and patted Erycina on the head. "I had no idea, ma'am. I should be the one apologizing for stopping you!" He nodded over to Amadeus. "You're free to go back inside your car, sir. Just promise me you'll get this little lady to that audition on time!"
Amadeus opened his mouth to say something, but no words came to him. He couldn't believe what Erycina was doing. Moreover, he couldn't believe that it was actually working. After a few seconds, he merely nodded and stepped back into the car.
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, officer!" Erycina stood on her tiptoes and kissed Officer Bates on the cheek.
Blushing, he quickly replied, "Don't mention it. You just win the role of Catwoman, alright? I'm sure you'll make a great thief."
You don't know the half of it, Erycina thought. "Oh, I'll do my best, officer! I'll be sure to give you an autograph once I make it big!" She ran back over to the passenger's side of the Erymobile and hopped in.
"Please do. Run along, now! Don't be late!" The officer gave them a final wave and watched as they took off, his radar gun clocking 107 again.
As they sped down the road, Erycina looked up expectantly at her driver. "Well?"
"Well what, Madame?"
"Don't 'well what' me, Ami!" Erycina huffed. "Don't you have anything to say?"
"That was an...excellent performance, Madame," Amadeus conceded.
"You're damn right it was!" She smugly crossed her arms and decided to rub it in just a little more. "And you didn't think I'd be any help on this mission! I bet you wish you'd given me a part now, huh?"
Amadeus opted not to take the bait and refocused all of his attention on the road.
"Hmph. Well, you owe me, Ami. His beard was prickly and he smelled like donuts." Erycina pulled a napkin from the glove compartment and dabbed at her lips. "Oh, you can make it up to me by buying some donuts!"
"Let's get our finances in order first, Madame," Amadeus said. He eventually pulled up next to a gorgeous park packed with trees and grass and even a small playground area for children. The Greco-Roman Art and History Museum, which sat directly across from the park, was decidedly less impressive in appearance. It was a large mass of gray marble, devoid of any windows, signs or anything that might catch someone's eye. It wasn't hard to see why it was empty on a Saturday.
Amadeus preemptively allayed his boss's concerns. "It's much better from the inside, Madame. Honest. But you just leave all of that to us. You remember your role, correct?"
Erycina sighed. "Yeah, yeah. I stay here, look at you guys with binoculars, and let you know if anything interesting happens. I got it, I got it."
"Very well." Amadeus pushed up his glasses and said, very seriously, "Please, Madame. I'm begging you. Stay here and act as the lookout. Do not deviate from the plan."
"I said 'I got it', Ami!" She stomped out of the car and slammed the door behind her. "What more do you want?"
"That's all, Madame."
A few moments later, a red minivan pulled in to the museum parking lot.
"That would be Benson." Amadeus checked his cell phone, tapped the screen a few times and nodded. "That means it's almost showtime. Remember the plan, Madame."
"Uh-huh." She gave a weak nod as she perched herself on top of a set of monkey bars, theatrically flourishing her pair of binoculars.
With a nod of his own, Amadeus walked away from her and approached the red minivan, opening the driver's side door. From it exited a man who looked very different from the topless male Erycina had forced to pole dance just a day before. Wearing a polo shirt, ironed pants, and brandishing a bouquet of flowers, Benson looked ready for action.
"Are you prepared for your job, Benson?"
"Yes, sir!" Benson gave Amadeus a salute with the hand that was holding the roses.
"Good. Madame Erycina is watching, so do not disappoint her." A chiptune version of Mozart's Turkish March alerted him that he had a new message. He checked his phone once again before saying, "The anesthesia has been released. You have fifteen minutes to romance the receptionist and take her away from her desk, starting now."
"Roger! Operation Museum Romance is a go!" With a final salute, Benson disappeared behind the entrance. The burglary of the Greco-Roman Art and History Museum was about to begin...
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Post by Monika on Dec 16, 2014 3:50:37 GMT -5
Chapter 4: Mirror, Mirror!
"Checkmate! You win, E-Rai-See-Nuh! Play again?" A computerized voice and a short fanfare announced Erycina's victory. She had been lying on top of the monkey bars and playing chess on her phone, desperately trying to pass the time. Being the lookout was the least exciting part of a heist, and it wasn't fair that she'd been assigned the role.
"No thanks," she answered the phone, returning to the home screen. "Whaaaat?! After all that it's only been twelve minutes? Ugggh, this is soooo laaame!" She blew out her breath in an exasperated sigh and muttered, "If Ami weren't so good at his job, I would totally fire him for leaving me up here while they get to have all the fun. I mean, if I were-" Erycina paused. She could hear a couple of voices coming from the museum entrance. "Oh, is something exciting finally happening?" She pressed her binoculars up against her eyes and stared in the sound's direction.
Two people were strolling out of the museum. One was obviously Benson, still dressed in his Sunday best. Around his left arm was the other person: a shorter, brown-haired woman with freckles, glasses, and a dozen roses in her free hand. Both were smiling cheerfully, and Erycina could just make out what they were saying.
"Oh, I just adore a man who drives a minivan," the woman said, strengthening her grip on Benson's arm. "Most guys don't think they're masculine enough, so it takes a really special man to be confident enough to drive one."
"You don't have to worry about me, Alexis," Benson responded as he pulled the woman in closer. "I don't need a vehicle to measure my masculinity. There are other ways of doing that."
Alexis started giggling uncontrollably and finally broke away from Benson when they reached his minivan. After waiting for him to open her door, she eagerly climbed into the passenger's seat. Once his date was situated, Benson made a few hand signals in the air before getting in on the opposite side and driving off into the distance.
"Hmph!" Erycina frowned, staring at her servant as he left the parking lot. "That idiot actually did it. Maybe he's not so useless after all." Before she could seriously consider changing her thoughts about Benson, she noticed Amadeus emerge from behind another car in the parking lot - probably one of the security guard's - and silently slip into the museum. "I guess now is when he starts hacking into their security system or whatever." She checked the time on her phone and sighed. "7:15. Right on schedule. Like I expected anything less. All the exciting heist stuff is going off without a hitch in there while I'm stuck out here."
Erycina complained to the park for a few more minutes, answered only by the occasional bird and, more often, complete silence. And before long, this silence became bothersome. Not because it wasn't responding to her complaints; Erycina could easily rant to one of her servants later if she truly wanted to vent. No, this silence bothered her because it felt...out of place. According to Amadeus, the museum received no visitors on Saturdays, so this quiet was standard fare. Why, then, did it seem so off? And then it hit her.
"My guards," she realized, whipping around to check the roads behind her. A quick glance through the binoculars told her that no one was pulling up to the museum. "They're supposed to be here to haul the portraits away! Where ARE they?!" Hastily grabbing her phone, she scrolled through the contact list and found Amadeus' number. "This is a major hiccup in our plan! If we don't have the truck to load the paintings into, then this whole thing was pointless! I've got to tell him right aw-" Just as Erycina was about to tap the dial icon, a thought came to her.
"Wait a minute, Erycina," she said to herself. "Think about this. If I tell Amadeus that our guards haven't shown up, he'll probably cancel the mission. I can already picture it."
"Amadeus!" I'll say, in my sweet, beautiful voice.
And in that British accent of his he'll reply, "Yes, Madame?"
Then, keeping a cool head like I always do, I'll say, "Our guards haven't arrived yet, and it doesn't look like they're coming at all."
And then he'll sigh and say, "I suspected this might happen, Madame."
And I'll ask him, still being mostly calm, "What are we going to do, Amadeus? This puts the entire heist in jeopardy!"
And in typical Amadeus-fashion he'll say something like, "Unfortunately, Madame, none of our contingency plans were meant to deal with the absence of both our guards and the pickup truck," completely avoiding saying what he really means.
So I'll tell him, only slightly angrily, "Ami! What does that mean for the mission?!"
And with another sigh he'll say, "I'm afraid that we will be unable to take any of the portraits with us. Our best bet is to leave now and cut our losses before we get into trouble. I will tell Grayson to-"
But I'll cut him off and say, "Ami! We can't do that! We've already come all this way! And you just want us to leave with nothing!?"
And he'll try to use his silly logic and explain, "There really is no other option, Madame. None of the portraits will fit in the Erymobile, and there simply is no time to revise the plan to steal from the other areas of the museum."
And then I'll shout, "THIS IS SO LAME!" and hang up the phone.
After providing herself with an accurate description of the most plausible scenario, Erycina shook her head and clipped her phone back to her belt. "No way!" she exclaimed. "My first heist is not going to end that way. If we can't steal any of the portraits, then we'll just have to...steal something else. Yeah!" Her lips curled into a devious smile as she made her own revision to Amadeus' plan. "I'll sneak past Amadeus at the reception desk and slip into one of the other rooms. Then, I'll use my feminine charm to convince the guards to let me 'borrow' some of the attractions for, I don't know, a history project or something. I'll take what I can, put it in the Erymobile, and once again Amadeus will realize just how helpful I am. It'll be perfect!" Content with the plan, Erycina jumped from the monkey bars and toward the museum. "Time for this lookout to look in."
Once she was on the museum grounds, she got on her hands and knees to crawl the rest of the distance. Amadeus would probably be busy staring at the computer screen, so he wouldn't notice someone crawling in front of the desk. She was just a few feet away from the entrance when a voice stopped her in her tracks.
"Well, what's a young lady like yourself doing on the ground like that?" the voice rasped.
Erycina bit her tongue to keep from screaming. Heart racing, she slowly stood up and looked toward the source of the voice. Had he always been there? Against the wall stood a bald man clutching a handful of papers. He was hunched over, had a few sunspots on his face, and a midsized beard hung from his chin. Between his appearance and the raspy voice, the man seemed almost stereotypically old.
"You're standing right in front of the entrance, little lady," the man whispered, laughing hoarsely. "If you're trying to sneak in there, you might want to come over this way before the receptionist spots ya."
"W-Who are you?" Erycina whispered back, cautiously approaching the man. "I'm warning you! I know Shotokan karate, so don't try anything funny!"
"Heheheh. You're a feisty one, aren't ya?" With a slight bow, the man answered, "The name's Cel. I work here sometimes, telling visitors about the attractions."
Erycina raised an eyebrow. "That's a weird name. And aren't you a little old to be working? You're clearly past retirement age."
"Eheheheh! Pension doesn't pay the bills anymore! Not here in California! Gotta make up the difference somehow." Cel flashed her a crooked smile before handing her one of the papers he was holding. "Please, take one of these brochures. Lists the sections of the museum and some of the more important artifacts."
"Uh-huh." She gingerly took a brochure and quickly looked over the front. "Say, which of these four sections has the second-most valuable objects?"
"Heheheh. You'll be wanting to go to the Sculpture section, Miss," Cel chuckled. "There are some things in there - barely took a half pound of clay to make - worth tens of thousands of dollars. The curator likes to call 'em priceless, but they'd fetch a pretty penny at an auction."
"Great!" Erycina shoved the brochure in her back pocket and nodded. With a mischievous smirk she said, "Thanks, uh, Cel. You've been more help than you know."
"Oh, no, thank you, Miss. I always love to help pretty gals in the pursuit of knowledge. Run along now! The museum'll be closing soon. Wouldn't want you to miss this chance!"
"Right. Bye, then." She abruptly broke away from the conversation, having wasted too much time already, and got back on her hands and knees.
Cel hungrily stared at her as she crawled away, muttering under his breath, "Heheheh...That's it. Nice and slow, now. I can't wait to see you again..."
Erycina quickly made her way into the museum and under the receptionist's desk. Above her she could hear the clacks of rapid typing at a keyboard, interspersed with the occasional mumbling.
"V-A-N-G-O-G-H," Amadeus grumbled. "No, that's not it. V-A-N-H-U-N-T? Argh, what could the password be?"
He was obviously engrossed in his work and had no idea that someone was under him, so Erycina took this as a sign to continue into the Sculpture section. When she finally made it inside, she found that the lights were dimmed and there were no guards there, much to her surprise. "I guess they locked this section up early and moved into the other rooms before we got here," she thought.
Opting not to question this welcome bit of good luck, Erycina stood up, dusted herself off, and surveyed the room she was in. Dozens of busts, vases, cups, and figures of all sizes and materials lined the walls. Several were out in the open, ripe for the picking.
"Now, which of these do I take with me?" she asked, keeping an eye out for the shiniest treasure as she sauntered through the exhibit. "I can probably carry two or three medium things, or five or six small things, but which is worth the most?"
After completing a lap around the room, she was about to give up and grab things at random when something caught her attention. Near the back of the exhibit, hiding behind a replica of the Venus de Milo, was a lone hand mirror, carefully sealed behind a glass display case. It was a well-crafted hand mirror with an ornately cast bronze frame and a cross shaped handle encrusted with a few semiprecious gems. It had to have been thousands of years old, yet it retained all of its original luster.
Erycina glanced at the information plate attached to the display and read aloud, "Mirror of Venus. Venus, known as Aphrodite in Greek mythology, is the goddess of love, beauty, and sex. In both Greek and Roman mythology, the mirror is one of the objects associated with her. It is said that the Venus symbol (♀) is based on a hand mirror, and several recent works of art, such as Titian's Venus with a Mirror and Velázquez's Rokeby Venus (both available in the Portrait exhibit of this museum) depict Venus gazing into a mirror. This artifact is thought to have been created in the 3rd century BC for use in ceremonies before finding its way into the hands of Julius Caesar, who claimed Venus as his ancestor."
Erycina looked away from the info plate and at the mirror itself. "Well, that Venus had some pretty good taste. This mirror is gorgeous! And don't even get me started on the girl in it!" Staring into the mirror's surface, she said, "Why hello there, beautiful! This outfit you're wearing just makes you look fabulous, doesn't it?" She ran her hand through her hair and smiled at her reflection, content to look at it forever until...
"Releaasse meee..."
She heard a soft, barely audible whisper, and for a split second she could have sworn that someone else's reflection was leering back at her. Shaking her head to forcibly break away from her own gaze, she rubbed her eyes and laughed. "Whoa. I have got to be more careful. Not even I am immune to my bewitching good looks. But I know what I want from this place now." She pointed at the display in front of her. "This mirror." Without so much as a second thought, she punched through the glass case, reached inside, and grabbed her prize.
BRAYNK! BRAYNK! BRAYNK!
There was no delay. The violent buzzing of the alarm system rang throughout the building, and armed guards were inside the room within seconds.
"What is going on in here!?" one shouted as he charged into the room, three guards closely behind him. When the man saw that the alarm was set off by a skimpily dressed teenage girl holding a mirror, he was rightfully confused and unsure of whether or not he should draw his weapon.
A second guard stepped in front of the first. "Ma'am, just what are you doing with that mirror?" he asked.
In truth, Erycina had not actually expected the alarms to go off. After slipping into the room unnoticed, she didn't think that there would be resistance if she just snatched what she wanted and left. Still, even when caught off guard, she was a masterful liar. "Oh, I am so, so sorry! I have this project I'm doing at school for my Roman History class. It's due on Monday, and I really needed to look at a historical artifact up close." Tears welled up in her eyes as she continued, speaking a little more frantically. "Normally I would have just taken notes, but I don't think I would have gotten enough info before you guys locked this place for the night. Since the museum is closed on Sunday, taking something with me was the only way I could finish on time! I know it's wrong, and I know I shouldn't have put my project off til the last minute, but I was going to return it first thing Monday afternoon and pay you guys back for the broken glass! Please don't tell my parents or take me to jail! Pleeeaaaase!"
The second guard glared at Erycina intently, curtly replying, "Ma'am. You know it's June, right?"
She cranked the tears up a notch. "Summer school! I'm not proud of it, but I failed History the first time around! I really tried!"
A third guard chimed in. "And you're dressed like a burglar."
Without question, these guards were a cut above Officer Bates. "Oh, well, that's just what the style is now, you know?"
Regaining his composure, the first guard brusquely dismissed the girl's sob story. "Be that as it may, I'm going to have to ask you to put the mirror back and come with us, ma'am. Burglary for any reason is a felony."
"Pleeeaasse...don't put me...baack..."
Erycina froze. There was that voice again, whispering into her ear. Was she the only one who heard it? Or were the security guards just good actors?
"We will ask you one more time," came the harsh voice of a fourth guard, taller and more intimidating than the others. "Put. The mirror. Back."
"Don't...PLeeAAsSsEeE..."
It was louder now. Erycina was sure of it: only she could hear that voice. "I...I can't," she mumbled.
"What was that, ma'am?"
"I CAN'T!" she yelled. As if triggered by the scream, a dark substance poured forth from the mirror and enveloped Erycina's arm before spreading across her chest, and eventually her entire body was covered by a long, black gown. Tendrils burst from the gown's back and threateningly pointed at the guards.
"What."
"The."
"Hell?!" The first three guards stared at the sight, dumbfounded, briefly wondering if the summer heat was making them see mirages.
The fourth had already drawn his gun, which was now trained on Erycina. "PUT THE MIRROR DOWN AND PLACE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! NOW!"
But the command went unheeded as Erycina took slow, deliberate paces toward the guards. One step. Two steps. Three steps. Four steps.
As the girl grew nearer, the other three guards followed the lead of the fourth and pointed their guns at her. "Do not come any closer!" one shouted. "We will shoot!"
One more step.
Instantly, a hail of bullets was upon her. But she made no effort to dodge or run or even move at all. Instead, she calmly stood there, and the guards stared in disbelief as their bullets ricocheted off of the gown as if it were made of steel.
"ENOUGH OF THIS!" The fourth guard aimed at Erycina's head, the only part of her still uncovered, and fired.
For a moment, her eyes widened in fear. At first, she was sure the guards wouldn't go for a headshot, and she instinctively knew that her new dress would defend her. But there was nothing protecting her face, and if that bullet hit its mark, she was done for. But before she could so much as raise an arm to shield her head, the bullet was in front of her eyes and...
...It curved around her.
The fourth guard's jaw dropped as his projectile changed its trajectory entirely and hit a statue on the opposite wall. "What."
"Oh," Erycina laughed, cracking her knuckles. "This is gonna be good!"
With a wicked smile on her face, she closed the distance between them...
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Post by Monika on Feb 24, 2015 21:47:26 GMT -5
Chapter 5: Ridin' Dirty!
The fear was visible on the first guard's face as he stood there in front of Erycina, absently firing his pistol to no effect. "What...What is going on?"
CLINK! CLINK! CLINK! CLINK!
Erycina examined her nails as she waited for the guard to empty his magazine. The bullets that didn't miss her entirely instead bounced off of her dress with a dull clinking sound. Once there was a pause in the gunfire, she looked up from her fingertips, flashed the guard a devilish smile and asked, "Finished?" She was answered with a look of complete bewilderment. "Yeah, I think we've established that bullets don't work on me. That clinking sound is really annoying so, if you don't mind, I'll just take that off your hands..."
A black tendril burst from Erycina's gown and lashed out at the guard's hand, tearing the gun from his grip. Thoroughly astonished, the guard didn't have time to register the event before he was pistol-whipped into the back wall.
The next two guards jumped at her from either side, only to be caught in midair as two more black tendrils wrapped around their necks. After being slammed into each other headfirst, the two unconscious guards were tossed into the far wall next to their partner.
"Well," Erycina said, glancing from the pile of defeated enemies to the man in front of her. "Looks like there's just one left."
The fourth guard was standing just a couple meters away, his feet firmly planted on the floor. His arms were crossed and he was shaking his head at the three guards slumped over in the corner next to him. After a moment, he finally looked over at the teenager who had just effortlessly taken down half of the museum's employees. Neither confusion nor concern were in his expression, however, and he kept his eyes glued to his adversary, waiting for her next move.
Not one to maintain long periods of awkward silence, Erycina promptly spoke up. "Alright, Mr. Tall, Dark and Stoic. How about you surrender, k? I think it's pretty obvious that none of the guards in this place know how to handle a little girl, so why don't you just let me waltz out of here with whatever I want so I won't have to hurt you, too."
The guard took a deep breath, shook his head, and finally responded. "I don't know who or what you think you are, miss, but I'm not letting you escape this place with a single stolen good." Unsheathing a baton from his back, he took a stance like a baseball player. "If bullets aren't going to work, then we'll do this the old-fashioned way." He beckoned Erycina closer with a hand gesture. "Come at me, girl."
She grinned. "Your funeral."
In an instant, four tendrils lashed out for the guard. He dove behind a display case, covering his head as the glass above him shattered. The guard dashed from the spot and leapt for Erycina. Her tendrils changed course and aimed for his neck, but he used his baton to intercept the attack.
Erycina smirked. All four of her tendrils ensnared the baton and tugged on it. "Let's see how tough you are without your little weapon!"
The guard smirked back. Maintaining his grip, he pressed a button in the baton's handle. There was a sharp buzzing sound as electricity surged from the baton, through the black tendrils, and right into the gowned girl's body.
Before Erycina realized it, she was on the ground, clutching her chest in agony as the guard towered over her. "Ugh..." she moaned. "What in the-"
"Stun baton," the guard answered, calmly approaching the crumpled heap before him. "One million volts of electricity each time I push this button." He demonstrated by pressing the button again, and soon he was swinging a buzzing, glowing baton down toward Erycina.
She rolled to the side a second before the weapon came crashing down with a loud thud. "Damn it," she muttered, forcing herself back to her feet. There wasn't even a moment to catch her breath as the guard came swinging for her head. Crossing her arms to block the blow, she willed herself to stand firm. The moment you put your arms down or fall back on the floor, it's over, she thought.
The guard pounded away at Erycina's defenses. When he aimed for her stomach, her arms moved to protect it. When he went for her side, her arm moved down to block. When he switched back to her head, the girl's arms were already there waiting for him. He chuckled. "You took martial arts, didn't you?"
"Shotokan - ugh - karate. Black belt. You need it - agh - when you're in my line of work," she said, wincing with each blow. She felt the strength leave her body with every strike. "And what about you, huh? You're a cut above the rest of those guys."
"Ex-military," he said, unrelenting in his assault. He felt the girl's movements become more sluggish with every hit. This battle wouldn't last much longer.
"Hmph. That's a bit of a demotion, isn't it?"
"Private sector work pays better. And, up until now, I thought it was less dangerous."
"Your mistake." Erycina's eyes darted across the exhibit, frantically searching for something, anything that could help her. She was surprised that her arms hadn't broken yet, but she knew that that wouldn't last much longer. She had to finish this now. And then she saw it, just a meter behind the guard. Two tendrils whipped forward, latched onto the replica Venus de Milo, and flung it toward the back of the guard's head.
But his instincts were too sharp. "You'll have to do better than that!" He spun around, prepared to smack the statuette away, and in that instant-
Erycina jumped onto the guard's back and put her hands around his eyes. "Guess who, big boy?"
"What in the-" The guard swung his baton wildly behind him, but it was no use. Erycina swung her body from side to side, keeping him off balance and preventing him from landing a solid hit.
"Careful there! Keep that up and you might accidentally hit yourself. And that thing hurts, you know!"
"Argh! Get off of me!" He tossed the baton to the side, grabbed the girl with both hands, and threw her as far away as he could.
Perfect. She did not resist and let herself fly through the exhibit. In that moment, she snatched the baton with one of her tendrils and swung it full force into the guard's skull. The floor shot out from beneath him as he was sent soaring through the air, right into a bronze sculpture of Caligula.
"Well, then." Erycina walked up to the guard and - before he could even try to stand - thrust the baton into his chest. "It's been fun, but I should get out of here. This is totally not how a teenager should be spending her Saturday nights." She held the handle button down and watched the guard's body spasm violently. After about thirty seconds she released the trigger and the guard stopped moving at all, the slightest rising of his chest the only indication that he was still alive.
"Phew!" She dabbed at her forehead and grimaced. "Gross. I hate being sweaty." She stared at her hand mirror, relieved that her own reflection (albeit a more ruffled-looking version) was staring back. "Ugh, and that last guy messed up my hair! I am so glad that's over now." As she adjusted her hair, she noticed the tendrils in her gown recede, and shortly thereafter the entire garment faded from existence, leaving Erycina clad in her comparatively normal cat burglar outfit. "I guess you're glad it's over too, huh? Well, whatever that was, I kind of want to do it again." And just as she was about to plan the next use of her newfound powers-
"Madame!"
-her personal assistant came charging into the room.
"Oh, hey Amadeus!" Erycina said as innocently as possible, shoving the hand mirror into her pocket. "What's up?"
"Ma-Madame - why - I - alarms - the plan - you were..." He inhaled deeply. "...supposed to lookout." He took a good look around the exhibit. His boss seemed no worse for wear, but some of the statues and the four guards in the corner had obviously seen better days. "What happened here?"
"Funny story, really," she began. "I was sitting on the monkey bars at the park, playing lookout just like you told me to. After a couple minutes, I noticed that our servants hadn't come by with the pickup truck."
"They...they're not here?"
"Nope. I was going to call you, but I thought that you would be too busy hacking the security or whatever. And I didn't want you to cancel the plan after you stayed up all night working on it."
Amadeus couldn't help but give a slight smile; he had been sure that Erycina didn't notice the sacrifices he made to create a successful heist plan in less than 24 hours.
She continued. "So, I decided to help you out by slipping into the museum and grabbing whatever sculptures we could take in the Erymobile. I figured I could get the guards to let me 'borrow' them if I used my natural appeal and told them I needed it for a history project."
His smile faded. "Madame, that was incredibly reckless and ill-conceived."
Erycina rolled her eyes. "Yeah, it didn't exactly work out the way I planned, Ami. The alarms went off and my feminine wiles didn't quite get the job done." She gestured toward the pile of unconscious guards lying against the wall. "But the results are still the same. Now, are you going to keep asking me questions, or are we going to take what we came for and leave?"
Amadeus opened his mouth to say something, but no words came to him. He couldn't really argue; as Erycina said, the results were the same, regardless of how they came about. With a defeated sigh, he picked up a nearby vase and said, "Let's go, Madame."
"Score one for Erycina!" She grabbed a small statue and, after triumphantly holding it over her head, walked with Amadeus out of the museum. The moment the two made it through the exit, she saw it. A blue pickup truck came pulling into the parking lot.
"Ah, Madame, why don't I just talk-"
"Hold this for me, Ami." Erycina shoved the statue into Amadeus' arms and stormed off to the truck. She didn't even give the passengers a chance to exit the vehicle before her tirade began. "Where the hell were you?!"
After a few seconds, the driver's side door slowly creaked open and one of her servants - a rather thin, meek looking fellow - stumbled out of the truck. "Um, Madame, I can explain if-"
"Oh, you'd better have a good explanation! Who the hell do you think you are?! You should have been here half an hour ago!"
"Um, well, you see, we..." He glanced over at the truck, his eyes pleading for backup. After a long while, a second servant - bulkier but no less frightened - got out of the car and tentatively approached his partner's side.
"I'm waiting!" Erycina demanded.
"Alright, so...I'll, um." The second servant nervously cleared his throat. "I'll be completely honest, Madame. We were gonna take the chance to steal the pickup truck and, um..." He rubbed the back of his head, took a deep breath, and mentally braced himself. "We didn't really think through the plan any further than that. We were just gonna steal the pickup truck and drive to Las Vegas or something. Since business hasn't been so good lately, we thought we were gonna get fired soon anyway, so, um, we figured we'd...take the truck...as a severance...package..." He trailed off under the pressure of his boss's glare and waited for someone else to speak up.
"So, if I'm understanding you correctly," Erycina said, steepling her fingers. "You were going to steal my truck."
"Y-Yes, Madame."
"And jeopardize my mission."
"Er, yes."
"The mission my advisor stayed up all night to plan."
"Uh-huh."
"So you could run off to Nevada."
The servant nodded weakly.
"And then just wing it from there?"
"But we came back!" The first servant interjected, thinking that the situation couldn't get any worse. "Our conscience got the better of us, Madame! We thought that we'd be better off trying to weather the storm with you guys. Our, um, family." He gave the best smile he could muster and looked to Amadeus for reassurance, but the latter just shook his head, took a step back, and-
"OF COURSE YOU'D BE BETTER OFF WITH US!" Erycina roared. "YOU TWO ARE COMPLETE AND TOTAL MORONS! LIKE, DO YOU EVEN HAVE HALF A BRAIN BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU?! I WALKED INTO THAT MUSEUM TO TRICK THE GUARDS INTO THINKING I HAD A HISTORY PROJECT OVER THE SUMMER, AND I STILL HAD A BETTER PLAN THAN YOU! YOU TWO WOULDN'T HAVE LASTED A DAY OUT THERE! IT'S A SAD DAY WHEN BENSON IS THE MOST RELIABLE!"
The servants looked down at their feet like scolded puppies, and there was a long pause as Erycina composed herself. After what felt like an eternity, she started talking once more.
"Look, I'm in a good mood today, okay? A really good mood. So I'm going to let you two idiots keep your job. Go into the museum and start hauling the exhibits out to the truck. Paintings, sculptures, and whatever else can fit. And when we get home, I want ten reps from each of you."
The two servants exchanged a smile. These kinds of second chances were unheard of in Erycina's business, so they had gotten extraordinarily lucky today.
She tapped her wrist impatiently. "Hurry up before I change my mind!"
"Yes, Madame!" And they ran off to complete their end of the plan.
Amadeus gently placed what he was carrying into the backseat of the Erymobile, opening the passenger's side door for his boss. "That was considerably generous of you, Madame," he said.
"Yeah, well." She shrugged as she hopped into the car. "Like I said, I'm in a good mood. And those two are lost without me. Don't expect this kind of stuff everyday."
"Of course." As he got into the driver's side, he admitted, "You know, Madame, I am actually glad you stepped in. Reckless as it was, our mission would not have succeeded otherwise."
She beamed. "Is that so?"
Amadeus nodded. "Believe it or not, I never was able to figure out the password to the portrait section of the museum. I knew the first three letters were V-A-N, but the last four were a complete mystery. Even if the other servants had shown up on time, the stealth aspect of our heist would have been lost the moment those alarms sounded."
Erycina considered this for a moment. "You said the receptionist controlled the alarms, right? Did you try V-A-N-M-I-N-I?"
"Van...mini?"
He ran out of the car, into the museum, and about two minutes later was back.
"Well?" Erycina looked up at him. "Did it work?"
Amadeus didn't respond, opting to instead turn the car on and let the hum of the engine answer for him.
"I knew it would work," she said, sticking her tongue out. "And you didn't think I'd be any help."
"It is done now, Madame, so let us try to put this mission behind us. We will be driving a little more slowly on the way back, so just sit back and relax. It should take us about forty minutes to return home." He waved his hand forward. The two other servants had finished loading up the pickup truck and got the signal to go on ahead of the Erymobile.
"Whatever." She fastened her seat belt, closed her eyes, and propped her legs up on the dashboard. "Now that it's over, we can finally fix up our business and be back on top of the world! Erycina's Escorts will be number one in no time!"
"I do not mean to burst your bubble, as it were, but it will not be that simple, Madame."
"Hmm?" She frowned. "And why not, Ami?"
"If you will recall the pie chart from yesterday, the market is still nearly monopolized by long-term dating agencies," he explained. "Even if we sell the art and use the money to pay our utilities and hire new employees, we will find ourselves in this position again if our customer base continues to decrease."
"Oh, is that all? For a second I thought it was something serious." She gave Amadeus a dismissive wave and yawned, "Just buy me a ticket to wherever the biggest matchmaking company is. I'll fly over there and see if we can't work out some...alternative business arrangements."
"Of course, Madame. I shall schedule the trip to-" Amadeus grabbed the cell phone from his pocket and tapped the screen a few times. "-Fairy Tale Endings, LLC, headquartered in Annapolis, Maryland."
"Awesome. Haven't been there in a long while." Erycina yawned again. "And who's the owner? I'll use my boundless charm on him and have the place shut down in no time."
"Let's see." He slid his thumb across the phone and said, "The owner, founder, and CEO appears to be one Hioma Aikou."
And as Amadeus drove off after the blue pickup truck, Erycina's nails dug into the car's interior, her overwhelming fatigue the only thing keeping her from screaming...
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