Awesome Land VI: Dawn of a New Era

[Monika]

One...two...Dozens of swords came flying toward Artemis' position, each one piercing her robes. Once the blades made contact, the robes fell to the ground, leaving Sark to land on an unoccupied set of clothing surrounded by clouds of dust. A split-second before the attacks would have connected, Artemis teleported out of her wizard robes and several feet behind the vampire. She wasn't naked, of course, and was now clad in a more combat-appropriate pale blue set of assassin robes.

Force it is... Opting to save her more catastrophic Space powers as a last resort, Artemis' knowledge of mathemagic rushed to the forefront of her mind. "Add: One hundred energy blades!" she yelled. Thirty-three glowing blue ethereal swords flew toward Sark from his left, thirty-three from his right, and another thirty-three from above. One final sword, larger than the rest, rushed at him from behind.

But Artemis wasn't going to let up just yet. "Subtract: Sark's swords! Add to opposing side: Sark's swords!" Using her advanced mathemagical capabilities, she moved Sark's weapons to the other side of the equation - the side she controlled - and watched as they lifted themselves from the ground and flew at their former master from his front with the same relativistic velocity.

[Calefrun]

Sark quickly waved his right arm, and the swords he had summoned all disappeared. They didn't stay gone for long, though; a split-second after vanishing, the blades reappeared in the air around their owner. The weapons aligned themselves side-by-side in protective panels which vaguely resembled the fangs of a beast an instant before being struck by Artemis' attack. The force of the collision between the energy blades and the vampire's makeshift shield sent up yet another cloud of debris, and the ground beneath Sark's feet sank a few feet.

Gritting his teeth he growled, "That was a little too close for my tastes." He called to the Immortal, "Do you actually need to call out your attacks like that, or do you just love the sound of your own voice?" A cracking sound caught his attention, and he looked to his swords beginning to fracture. "Ah, fiz." He leaped high into the air just before his weapons all shattered, allowing Artemis' energy blades to fly into the space he had just left. Rather than striking the ground, however, they turned and shot straight up at him. "What sort of world is this that contains a being so powerful?!? I don't seem to have much of a choice here..."

There was a bright flash of purple, and a sword composed of energy of the same hue appeared in his hands. When Artemis' attack reached him he dove towards the ground, striking all of the opposing blades in a whirlwind of slashes. He landed in a kneeling position, and above him all of the the other swords dissipated into thin air. Sark stood, and his own energy sword vanished with another flash. I wonder how much time that cost me... I need to end this before I use too much energy.

With another wave of his hand, several hundred new swords appeared in the air. "Avoid this!" The swords all began spinning around their hilts quickly enough to look like disks rather than blades. Some flew straight for Artemis, the rest began sweeping the battlefield, changing direction at random intervals and effectively turning the entire city block into a death trap.

[Sariel of Tevet]

Captain Albert Alexander walked to the edge of the ship and held his food out into the air. Planks begin to appear under his feet as he walked up to Emperor Awesome. He took off his hat and presented him with a bow.

"Captain Albert Alexander, at your service Emperor. I have commanded forces in countless countries and worlds, even the dinosaur land that Johnny Lightning here comes from. The Sea Slater over there surprised me against a Megalodon. She's alot sturdier than she seems. Big boned and stubborn. Just like my wife."

Captain Albert Alexander tilted his head back and let out a hearty nautical laugh.

"My services to your military will be quite valuable, I assure you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heimrall, doing more texting than battling, was wandering absentmindedly around the battlefield when a spinning sword brushed right over her head.

"Huh, what was that?"

She looked up to find the entire city becoming washed out by spinning blades, but noted quite a few hurling towards Artemis.

Kk Becks. g2g. th2smlfsbrnilybb.

"And send."

Heimrall held out the v of her shirt and situated her cell phone in her bra for safe keeping, and took off running towards Artemis. She leap frogged over her shoulders and slammed her fists into the ground, causing the ground to spring up as a giant wall and collecting all of the swords.

She dusted herself off and created a head sized opening into the wall and called out to the attacker.

"Battling is like making a pizza, the secret to success is a thick crust!"

[Mizagium]

Dynasty City

Rick Thunder

“Maaaan,” Rick whined. He flopped down on the Emperor’s desk and let out a long, low groan. “Fiiiiiiiine. I’ll do your soldier boy routine, metal man – long as I get to keep my threads.” He tugged on his jacket, which might have emphasized his point, had he not been laying down and facing the ceiling.

“Right-o, daddy-o.” Then he rolled off the desk and to where Tiki had settled into his cage. “Be good, little buddy, make me proud.” Finally, he stood and climbed back up into the Sea Slater, as cool as twelve cucumbers relaxing in the Arctic. With penguins. Penguins are cool.

“Let’s get to stepping, Cap’n.”

Polar bears are cool, too.

-

Karzem

The Chaos Immortal fingered his anime-sized sword while Artemis and Sark fought. He frowned at his distorted reflection in the crystal weapon. He turned to Scern.

“Did I miss an important memo while not paying attention? I was under the impression that Artemis was leading this charge.” Not that he particularly minded. It felt very much like a vacation for him. The Sark-Artemis fight wasn’t exactly an exclusive club, but he really didn’t feel like trying to fit in there. Chances are, he’d forget which side he was on and fight Artemis. And he didn’t want that. Not yet, anyway.

“And where’s Zais? He hasn’t shown his face yet…”

-

GOLDBEZ

GOLDBEZ CONTINUED TO MOURN THE LOSS OF HIS BULLET-SON WHILE ADAM’S CHARACTERS LOOK ON.

-

Clara Luz

Clara Lux continued to charge into the Dark Fortress. Perhaps Zais or one of his more powerful minions will arrive to confront her?

-

The (Former) Crusaders of the Cosmos

Samuel, Blanche, and Darr Lorra continued to indiscriminately murder Shadow Soldiers in their sector of Dynasty City. Perhaps something interesting will happen to them?

-

In Spaaaaace

Captain Uggo scratched his chin. “Well, crew,” he said carefully, not letting on he couldn’t quite remember everyone’s name. “Our first stop on our search for One Load is on Boundless, so…” he gestured to the Monstrosity, “Let’s resume the journey.”

QT beeped and booped and rolled on up the ramp.

[Mizagium]

Really Cool Land

“Ain’t no rest for the wicked,” Johnny muttered. He was already steeling himself for the inevitable battle that was sure to follow. He had dared to hope that maybe, just maybe, he might have a period of peace, a time without some crazy conflict. “Go big or go home, I guess.”

There’s no peace for you, a voice whispered from somewhere beyond, yet within. You walk the Sword Plain, Johnny. You’ve chosen this life of conflict.

“Well, are we going?”

Everyone just stared him with varying mixtures of confusion and incredulity.

“Might as well get right to it,” he offered. “You heard…Xeltyr. It’s here, so we should go handle it.” He stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets. As he spoke, he did so without any noticeable urgency, anger, or excitement. Indeed, Johnny observed the situation with a startling lack of emotion.

“Why are you so calm?” Cassandra demanded.

He shrugged. “Can’t see any reason not to be. Yeah, the world might end, but we know what we need to do.”

“Do we?”

“Fight the demons, stop the Time Eater.” At her look, he added, “What? This isn’t exactly new territory.”

Cassandra huffed but didn’t argue.

“But we’ve already lost,” Ahrima said from his wheelchair. “We were supposed to arrive well enough in advance to…well it doesn’t matter. We miscalculated. Or the Time Eater is increasing its pace.”

Anhura put a hand on her brother’s shoulder. “We always have the option of going back even further.”

But he shook his head. “No. I can feel my powers fading.”

“While I admire your…resolve, Johnny,” Sarah cut in, hoping to stifle the depressing atmosphere, “I don’t think that something that can eat time itself is something we can just punch to death.” She smiled nonetheless. “Unless you’re counting on an out-of-context event to suddenly wrap things up nice and neatly?”

The air shimmered and there appeared, looking spiffy in his new suit, Knox. “Did someone call for an out-of-context event?”

Johnny grinned and slapped him on the back. “See? Things work out.”

“Dad!” Adakais exclaimed, along with Ahrima and Anhura.

Knox frowned, then turned to Sarah, who was grinning sheepishly. “Ok. You have some explaining to do later.”

“What makes you think it was me?” she asked in mock offense. The face he and everyone else made brought the smile back. “Right. Later.”

“So, who would like to catch me up?”

-

Five or so minutes later, Johnny, Sarah, Cassandra, Knox, Adakais, Ahrima, Anhura, and Knox appeared on the Fields of Broken Time. The sky was still busy being torn apart by the approaching Time Eater. The Demon Lords stood in a rough circle, chanting something incomprehensible.

“Yeah that’s not good,” Knox observed. “And you three…” he turned towards his future kids. “I’m sorry. That must have been…”

“We’ll wallow later, dad,” Adakais said.

“Right. Is that a ritual they’re going on about?”

“Nah. They’re arguing with each other. See the sky? There’s nothing they could do at this point to speed or slow its coming. Once it appears in the sky, things will start to unravel.”

“Unravel?”

“It’s…hard to explain. You’ll see.”

Anhura grimaced. “What’s the plan?”

“We stop them, first,” Johnny declared, already closing the distance between him and the Demon Lords. “I’m better with the punching and the flying. You all focus on the planning. I’ll keep these four busy.” No one protested. No one made any more to stop him. And hat suited him just fine.

The Sword Plain is Infinite, but only fits one, that voice said. Have you finally come to take my place?

“No.” Reality rippled behind him. “I’m just visiting.”

One day.

Johnny held out his hands and took hold of the Masamune and Enumasam, legendary swords of Light and Darkness. Of course, not the true blades, for those still existed in the world currently. These blades were copies – functionally identical copies – borrowed from the Infinite Sword Plain, the extradimensional repository of legendary swords. These would only remain in the world so long as he willed them.

“Hey, jerks with the unpronounceable names!”

All four Demons Lords turned towards him.

“I’d like my son back.” He charged.

-

Knox made a point of not watching Johnny fight. “I have a lead I need to follow. Kids, you, Sarah, and Cassandra go to the Clock Tower and tell them I need them here – all of them. Maybe all of them together can do something about that…sky rift thing.”

“I’m going with you,” Sarah declared at the same time Cassandra said, “Johnny isn’t fighting alone.”

“We can handle it, dad,” Anhura said. In a flash, they disappeared.

Cassandra conjured light arrows and rushed off to back up Johnny.

“So where’s your lead?” Sarah asked.

“Some place weird,” was all he said before he pulled her close and warped away.

[Myrdraxxis]

"....I think retreating sounds like a nice plan." Taler seemed to shake off his bloodlust along with the shock at seeing the...whatever crime against reality GOLDBEZ had just committed.

"Way ahead of you!" Vin said. And indeed he was way ahead of them. Several blocks ahead of them in fact, and running at full speed away from the fight. Corr and Taler stared after him in disbelief for a moment before taking off after him.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm not sure how to proceed." Roewk sighed and announced. "Honestly we have no idea of where or when Xavian might appear. I don't doubt he'll take advantage of this new chaos to try something but...where?"

He thought about it some more but still came up with nothing.

"Thoughts?" He asked Ollie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dace blinked and sat up, suddenly aware of a high-pitched ringing in his ears. It felt like he'd just had a bomb go off in his face. Blinking a few more times and finally looking around to get his bearings Dace realized that that analogy might not be too far from the truth.

The entire wall of Zais' quarters had been blown to rubble, hit by some sort of explosive.

"-ace!"

Sindri was suddenly standing beside him.

"What the hell was that?" Dace asked dazedly.

"No idea. I heard someone yell 'For my father!' and then the wall fucking exploded." Sindri said, looking around. They could see out of the castle now and into the city. Everywhere was chaos. Shadow Soldiers kept pouring out of the bastion but Dace noted that the defenders had punched a whole through the line of Darkness forces and were actually at the castle's gates.

"We might want to get moving." Sindri spoke again.

"Right." The two fled the room quickly, rushing down the stairs.

"I don't want to be here when those soldiers get-" Dace stopped as the two rounded a corner....and were suddenly in front of Clara. "Ah."

Then the ceiling exploded and a familiar daemon appeared with a mighty "________________________!"

"....Ah."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are those space ninjas?" Xaadm asked from his place on the couch, from which he could look out the window and watch the fighting.

"I think they might be space samurai." Myrxxan corrected, glancing away from the video game he and Styx were playing against one another.

"Huh."

Xaadm was thankful that they had taken the time to reinforce their new office's windows and door (because really this was Dynasty City and SOMETHING was going to happen eventually).

The new private detective agency -name pending- had briefly considered joining the fight.

Very briefly.

A 'ding' came from the small kitchen built off int he corner of the office space. "The spinach puffs are COMPLETE!" Ixeel declared, striking a dramatic pose that made his apron flow in the wind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Welp...I'm pretty much tapped out from teleporting to this plane of existence." Leske said to Kayla.

'Same. I need to recharge some.' Codex added.

"But I still need to find my old master. And I tracked him down to this dimension.Which means I guess we're catching a lift." Leske continued. "Hey captain whatever your name is. If I help you get this treasure you're looking for mind if we take a detour along the way?" He asked, already boarding the ship even as he did so.

[Calefrun]

Sark spat at the newcomer. "You wanna pizza me? CRUST ME, I HAVEN'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO SHOWING YOU OLIVE MY POWER YET! I'M GONNA GO HAM, AND NONE OF YOU WILL HAVE A CHANCE OF TOPPING ME!!!"

His eyes widened. Wha... where the fiz did that come from? With a wave of his hand, he unsummoned all of the swords embedded in Heimrall's makeshift shield. I'll have to worry about it later. Pepperably when I'm not facing two of this world's most powerful beings. Dough, that outburst gives me an idea...

The vampire sword-mage closed his eyes for a moment, tapping into the energy he had absorbed from the humans whose corpses littered the battlefield. When Sark opened his eyes, he immediately snapped a finger, and a large rocket artillery appeared beside him. It started firing all of its rockets at the two immortals, and Sark used the smoke trails as cover in order to slip into a nearby building. He quicky assessed what he could see of the building's interior, and found that it had somehow escaped any harm from the chaos outside.

I don't know about the brunette, but there's no way those rockets would have the one known as Artemis. I need to find a way to use this place to my advan- His thoughts were interrupted by a female voice coming from nearby.

"Hoo... hoo... hoo are you?"

---

Kayla shrugged. "I mean, I still need to do the thing back in Awesome Land, but... eh, why not. It will be nice to be able to catch up after all this time." She jammed her hands into her pockets and followed Leske up the gangplank, the trio of pirate friends following not far behind.

[Monika]

"Very well. Captain Albert Alexander, Mr...Dinosaur Fellow. You are both hereby inducted into the Awesome Land Imperial Army," Emperor Awesome said. "You may begin fighting as soon as you leave the tower. Fight anything that looks like it's terrorizing the city. It shouldn't be too hard to differentiate the enemies from everyone else." After a brief pause, the emperor rummaged through one of the drawers under his desk and added, "Ah, yes. The cause of recent events...Here you are!" He handed each of his newest soldiers a picture of Zais that Aurora had apparently photographed some time before her departure. "Zais. The Immortal of Darkness. He is the one responsible for this mess, and is therefore the one whom I need defeated to resolve this crisis once and for all. If you see him, attack without hesitation."

After another pause, his conscience got the better of him. "Well, I suppose it is only fair to warn you that Zais is immensely powerful. Attacking him could very well be a death sentence. But neither of you seem like the type to fear death. So, best of luck to you."

---

Murmurs of discontent spread throughout the makeshift volleyball court. Amelia had scored a considerable number of points over the duration of the game, much to the dismay of the other contenders. The opposing side was upset that they were losing by such a large margin, and her own teammates were upset that they were being marginalized.

"Hmph. Look at Little Miss Expert Volleyball Player over there," one woman in a purple bikini muttered. "She acts like she doesn't even need us."

"Hey, at least you guys are in the lead!" shouted a woman on the other side, sporting a white, floral patterned bathing suit. "Our team is losing 89 to 5, and four of those points you let us have out of pity!"

"Yeah, and Leon scored the other one!" another girl chimed in.

Amelia sighed. She had never thought herself to be particularly competitive and certainly wasn't trying to make the rest of the players look bad. It wasn't her fault that she was secretly a ninja and vastly superior to the general population of Really Cool Land in most forms of athleticism. Still, she could at least partially share their sentiment. This match had gone on far longer than any regulation volleyball game should. Even if she quit the game to level the playing field, she was sure the team members would find something else to complain about. Indoor beach volleyball could only placate the people for so long. And she was supposed to be on a mission! Emperor Awesome's instructions were very clear: Hand dinner invitations to the members of the royal family. It seemed like a simple, impossible to fail mission...Yet here she was, playing beach volleyball while the Queen and Princess were off somewhere else entirely.

Oh man! she thought. Emperor Awesome is totally going to fire me now. First day on the job and I've already messed up this badly. I bet he's already looking for a replacement assistant and then I'll have to leave and go back to Shadow Land and Father is going to be so disappointed and James will become his favorite even more...

Leon looked down at the people Sarah had charged him with entertaining. The competitors were too annoyed to keep playing, and the audience members were becoming restless now that the game had stopped. "Hmm...Well, this is a problem. Looks like I'll have to move on to Plan B." With a snap of his fingers, Leon banished the net back to the Shadow Realm and jumped down to where it had stood. "After much deliberation, your illustrious judge has come to a decision. The winner of the first annual Veralice Indoor Extreme Beach Volleyball Tournament^TM is..." With a very slow, deliberate, time-stalling motion, Leon pulled an envelope from his suit pocket and opened it. "It's a tie!" he read. "Because everyone's a winner when you play with Leon Veralice! Hooray!" After another snap of his fingers, a Shadow Trophy appeared in the hands of each team member. "_{Thosewilldisappearin24hourssoenjoythemwhileyoucan.}Let's give our lovely ladies a round of applause for being such good sports!" As if on cue, the pop star Leon had kidnapped brought with him started to sing "We Are the Champions."

Not entirely sure what just happened, the people in the audience all stood up and cheered. Cries of "Woohoo!" and "Hooray!" and "This game was fixed!" rang through the room.

"Now, since everyone's a winner," Leon began, summoning a Shadow Microphone and Shadow Camera, "I'd like for each of our beautiful ladies to give a little victory speech! It'll be televised, so all your family and friends will get to see it!" He handed the microphone to the woman in the purple bikini. Teary-eyed, she gladly accepted it and began to speak.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! I've never won anything before in my life! This is such an honor! I'd like to thank my mom and dad for raising me, King Randolph and Queen Francine for making this such a wonderful, war-free country, Leon Veralice for providing this opportunity..."

"Please hurry, Sarah," Leon muttered under his breath. "I don't know how much longer I can keep this up..."

---

"If Artemis left us, I'm positive she had a very good reason. Whoever she was running after was probably a bigger threat than these Shadow things," Scern answered. "As for Zais, though..." Scern grabbed a piece of metal that was lodged in the chest of a Shadow Soldier and bent it into a cone. "Zais!" he shouted through it. "Zaaaiiiis! I know you're out there! Quit playing around and show yourself already! I'll break out into song if I have to!" He shrugged at Karzem. "Worked for Artemis. Maybe it'll work for me."

"I'm not playing backup if you start singing again," Galro grumbled, absently freezing and defrosting various Shadow Soldiers.

---

Without hesitation, Artemis conjured a large portal in front of herself and Heimrall. The rockets passed through it and were sent elsewhere. When the smoke cleared, Artemis noticed that her opponent had disappeared. "Spatial Sight!" she shouted, intent on finding Sark at all costs. With teleportation disabled, he couldn't have gone far.

After a few moments of scanning the surrounding area, she pinpointed her enemy's location. A single, fairly normal building that she hadn't noticed during the battle. "Hmph. Secret Technique: Gravitational Stasis!" The rockets from earlier teleported above the building and hovered there, held in place only by Artemis' will. "Sark!" she called out, amplifying her voice with spatial magic. "You have ten seconds to surrender yourself before I use your rockets to destroy that building!" Ordinarily, she would not have hesitated to obliterate a building if it meant her enemy would suffer the same fate...but she saw another presence there. She was focused, driven, and relentless in pursuing her goals, but she wouldn't cause unnecessary casualties when they could be avoided.

[Mizagium]

GOLDBEZ

“OH HO HO HO. WHERE DO YOU DRAB RATS THINK YOU’RE GOING?” GOLDBEZ SUPERMANED THOSE HOS AND LANDED BEFORE VIN WITH AN OUTSTRETCHED PALM.

“STOP IN THE NAME OF LOVE.” HE PULLED HIS HAND BACK, COVERING HIS FACEPLATE IN A WEIRD PANTOMIME OF SOBBING.

“YOU MONSTERS KILLED THE ONLY SON I EVER HAD. SO NOW I’LL KILL THE ONLY SON’S YOU’LL NEVER HAVE!” GOLDBEZ’S SOBBING CAUSED THE HEAVENS TO SHUDDER IN DESPAIR, FOR WHAT KIND OF MONSTER COULD CAUSE THE MOST GENTLE CREATURE IN THE WORLD TO WEEP.

GOLDBEZ CLENCHED HIS FISTS AND SHOUTED TO THE SKY, “DOUBLE TEAR-STAINED VENGEANCE STRIKE!” AND HE LAUNCHED HIMSELF FORWARD, AIMING BOTH HIS SORROW-FISTS AT VIN’S CROTCH.

---

Ollie

Ollie crossed her arms and thought. “Well. I don’t really remember much about Xavian either, but I know a place where we might find out.” She sighed. “Man, I hate the library.” Without waiting for a response, she took Roewk’s arm and jumped through a hastily made portal…and ended up in Scholastic Land.

“One of these egghead places has to know.” She gave a hopeful shrug and set off for the Scholastic Land Mystical Library

---

Clara Lux

Clara experienced a moment of fear when the daemon arrived on the scene, for even with the Light of the Goddess filling you, who could not be terrified at the arrival of a being of pure evil. The moment passed however, and recovered her strength of heart. She brandished Belaneir and proclaimed, “Stand aside, daemon, or I will strike at your heart with Holy Light!”

---

Space Ninja Samurai

Samuel, Blanche, and Daar Lorra regrouped in the street just beyond the unnamed private detective office, but of course they were unaware of its existence. While they weren’t entirely out of practice, the last few days (or however long it had been or something) hadn’t been enough time to recover from the whole Black Nova/Stella dying incident. I mean…that or this Darkness Giant was really strong.

“Are we that bad?” Daar Lorra muttered.

Samuel tightened his grip on his swords. “Maybe. But we are dealing with an Immortal here. A crazy Immortal. At best we’re probably half his strength.”

“Yeah but this is only a…well a big mook,” Blanche admitted. “The three of us should be enough.”

They should have been, but they weren’t. With Daar Lorra providing fire support and Blanche running interference, Samuel charged the Giant. The big creature wasn’t fooled and swatted Blanche away before giving Samuel a good kick which threw him back cross the street…and into the detective agency, taking the door with him as he landed on the nice new coffee table.

“Aosigerhgerger” he wheezed.

---

The Monstrosity

“A detour, eh?” Uggo made his wobbly way to the helm and initiated the startup sequence. “This Magnus fellow…he’s probably on Earth. That’s where all them weirdos end up one way or another.” Without consulting Leske or even checking to make sure everyone was ready to go, Uggo steered the ship away from the dock and back out into space.

Once he was a safe distance away from Station Granbelle, he began setting the hyperwarp drive with Earth’s coordinates. “Well…as long as we stay enough away from Cloud Land, we should be fine,” he thought out loud. Again without checking to make sure everyone was secured, he threw the switch and the Monstrosity careened into ultrastream space with is like slipstream space but ultra.

Within minutes, the ship fell out of ultrastream and entered into a geosynchronous orbit. “Hmm that’s right. Earth doesn’t have any space program yet…”

Then suddenly a rift in space opened up and a large darkness tentacle seized the ship and pulled it into a Dark Portal. The ship broke apart almost immediately as the tentacle tightened its grip and the two halves fell away. Uggo and those on the rear half of the ship returned to normal reality some distance over Dynasty City, just under the force field (which the darkness tentacle bypassed because of darkness) where the Attack on Zais was happening. Fortunately, the wreckage avoided both the battle and the Dark Fortress. Unfortunately, the wreckage careened right into the Imperial Tower, smashing through the 9001st story, and coming to a skidding halt just inches from Emperor Awesome’s desk. Uggo staggered out of the wreckage and scratched his neck.

“Uh, look, see, there was this tentacle…”

The forward half of the ship (and those who remained on it) could have landed anywhere…

---

Johnny

Johnny struck out with the blades of Light and Darkness – and it was Xiuhtecuhtli, the Flames (henceforth referred to as Xiu) who met his blows first. The other Demon Lords broke apart and yielded the field to them. Johnny struck again and again with one, then the other, then both, but Xiu countered them all with merely his hands, all the while sneering. When Johnny struck down with his swords, Xiu caught them barehanded.

“Disappointing,” he said before spinning and hurling Johnny away. He wasn’t able to maintain his grip on the blades and went flying. Xiu blinked in surprise as the swords disappeared once they were no longer held by Johnny. “Interesting.”

But Johnny was up again and conjuring two more swords: The Holy Claymore and the True Sword, both legendary blades of Light. He was familiar with them and hadn’t consciously chosen them from the Infinite Sword Plain. They had simply answered his need. Although functionally identical, Johnny knew them for copies. Each blade was weighted the same, struck the same, felt the same in his hands, and yet they weren’t the original – could never be the original These were merely records of legendary weapons stored in some otherplace. They could never be the real blades.

Even so, Xiu felt the pressure. Maybe not from the Light of the swords, but from Johnny’s increased ferocity. Was it the familiarity of the swords? Perhaps. And perhaps Johnny, still unfamiliar with these powers was only eeking them out in small amounts. He had learned much in Random World, much about himself and his powers. He remembered the times when he had used too much too quickly. He remembered having to piece Cruxia’s shattered soul back together due to his own negligence. He was determined never to allow that to happen again.

Xiu increased his own power: a red hue surrounded him. The familiar (or unfamiliar to Johnny) holographic overlay of the Demon Lord surrounded him – extended limbs ending in claws, a larger torso, wings and a tail, and (for Xiu, anyway) a set of great horns that seemed to imitate flames.

“You are something, aren’t you?”

Johnny growled and pressed the attack. “Give him back to me.”

“Who? Ehecatl?”

“Xeltyr!”

Xiu dodged the next strike and delivered a sharp blow to Johnny’s chest. “He was never yours to begin with,” he said as the prince was launched across the field. Irritated now, Xiu summoned up flames that danced in the air around him. “I’ll never understand you mortals. You’re born to die, but when confronted with this fact, you kick and scream and say no! No, there has to be another way! All we’re doing is speeding that process up. It is inevitable, isn’t it?”

But Johnny was back up already. “Talk talk talk,” he said shaking his head. “We both know that won’t do either of us any good. So don’t patronize me, ok?”

“Fight seriously and I’ll treat you seriously.”

“Fine then.” Johnny dropped the swords and they vanished with a glimmer of light. Somewhere inside himself, he sat surrounded by fourteen pillars, each adorned with a crystal representing each of the Universal Elements. Above and beneath him, the abyss opened to reveal a vast field of swords stuck in the ground. It was there that he meditated, he kept his emotions calm and his powers suppressed. The crystals each pulsed with dim light, frantic to be unleashed. He surveyed them, touching a few with his mind: Fire, Air, Space, and Knowledge. Those lights flared up, filling those mental crystals.

The air around Johnny stirred, first from the Air element he channeled, and then from the reality that he rent beyond him. He had figured out how to create a stable, movable rift to the Infinite Sword Plain not too long ago, although it was only able to produce one sword at a time with him like this, so he chose one of the strongest sword he knew: Chronologia.

It was a simple longsword with an hourglass in the crossguard. Chronologia’s claim to fame wouldn’t come for some years, for the blade had not yet been forged, but it was unique in that it amplified the wielder’s power the longer it was drawn.

Xiu frowned at Johnny and the sword and started to say something – but then suddenly Johnny was on him. He hadn’t seen the prince attack, which was precisely the point of using Space: small scale teleportation. They traded blows for a few moments before Xiu broke away.

“Oh. I know who you are, now.” The Demon Lord gathered his breath. “I fought you before…well…in the future, I suppose. You’re the Mimic, the copy-warrior.” Johnny hesitated only a moment at the recognition and Xiu took it, closing the distance and seizing him by his throat. With Johnny in tow, he slowly ascended.

“Not an original thought in that head of yours, is there, Mimic? Not an original power either. No, you can’t do anything someone else hasn’t already done, isn’t that right? These powers…those blades…even your fighting style: not one bit of that is yours!” He squeezed tighter. They were almost at the elevation where reality was tearing apart. “Look at it!” Xiu lifted him up to stare at the approaching storm. “Even you, Mimic, at your strongest couldn’t stop us! We took your wife! We took your family! We took your son and made him our own! Don’t you understand? Your strongest warriors in all the futures of this world could not stop the inevitable – what makes you so special? What makes you think that you even have a chance? Why should I continue to play with you like the confused puppy that you are, and not imply erase with my flames?”

Johnny let go of Chronologia and tried to pry Xiu away with both hands, gasping for air.

“It’s really a shame, you know? I was really looking forward to this time period. After this, there’s really only one or two more good Heroic Eras, but this one, oh boy this one! This one is remembered for thousands of years! All the good legends come from this time period, so you can understand why I was so anxious to be here? To fight the mythical Stella? Emperor Awesome, the greatest ruler in the history of the world? Zais, the standard by which all bad Immortals are measured? And the uh…the other guy. The squid something or other. Whatever.” He sighed and finally stopped ascending just as the crackling red lighting was close enough to touch.

“So imagine my disappointment. Ah well. No use crying over a disappointing era; it’ll all be gone soon anyway.” Xiu brought his free hand around, claws out, intending to strike Johnny in the heart, to tear it out and toss it into the timeless abyss…but Johnny caught it with one hand. Suddenly, the floundering prince wasn’t floundering anymore. He was flying, too, keeping up with Xiu. His other hand tore Xiu’s away from his throat.

“You said it yourself…I don’t have an original power in my body.” Then Xiu saw it. Johnny was surrounded by the holographic glow of a Demon Lord’s power. His was like a prism, not the solid colors of the Four, his wings nearly twice the width of Xiu’s. He had no tail, but what looked like a crown on his head. “But I’ve copied enough powers that it doesn’t matter anymore.” Xiu managed one look of panic before Johnny shoved him upward into the tear in reality. Xiu uttered one stilted scream before the reality breakdown tore him apart – mind, body, and soul, down to the very smallest bits of existence, and swallowed them up. He would never be reborn again.

With a calm, clear rage, Johnny descended back to the ground.

---

Knox and Sarah

Sarah struggled to keep her eyes open and she was pulled along with Knox through…somewhere. Flashes of red and black and gold streaked past her. Specters of half-familiar faces hung on the edge of her vision. A sense of nostalgia, of anticipation, of…strangeness.

“Knox, what is this?”

“The Timestream,” he called back over his shoulder. “It normally isn’t this bad to navigate; the Time Eater has thrown it all over the place.”

She knew what that was. Or at least, she had heard of it. This was the metaphysical flow of time from beginning to end… “Which direction are we going?”

“What?”

“Forward or back?”

Knox hesitated. “Ah. Neither. Both. You’ll see.”

All at once, the flow stopped, the colors and phantoms vanished as if they had never been. Instead, they were replace by sheer nothingness. She tensed. She was familiar with nothingness, had nearly been consumed by it once. The wound in her chest pulsed in recognition. “Knox,” she said shakily, “this place…”

“It’s ok. I’ve been here before.” He smiled at her and tightened his grip on her hand. He really did seem at ease in this place, this void where any sane person should be freaking out. But then, neither was she freaking out, so what did that say about her? “Trust me, this guy can help.”

“What…what guy could possibly be here…where are we, anyway?”

“You’re at the end of time, lass,” answered an impossibly calm man with red hair. He appeared apparently from nowhere, dressed in a sleek black suit. “Don’t get many visitors here.” The man glanced off into the distance briefly, at a distant pinprick of light, then at Knox. “Good ta see ya again, Knox., but ya can’t keep bringing girls here with ya, starts ta ruin the mystique of the end of time, ya know?”

“Girls?” Sarah rounded at once on Knox, who couldn’t react fast enough. “What girls, Knox?”

He put his arms up protectively and it was all he could do to sputter out meek syllables though a nervous smile. “N-No—it—that’s not…”

But the man in the suit just laughed. “I’m just pullin’ your leg, missy. Gotta have some fun here.”

Sarah frowned at them both, but let it go…for now.

“Right, well. End, I need your help.” Knox straightened his own suit and cleared his throat. “And it’s a real one this time, not the, uh…”

“Whiny, existential crisis like last time?”

“Yeah, that.”

The man in the suit – End, apparently – merely shrugged. “I’ll do what I can.” Beyond him, the point of light grew in intensity. “But we don’t have forever—you remember.

“Right. It’s about the Time Eater.”

End furrowed his brow. “Aye. That bastard. Let me stop ya there and tell ya that there isn’t a bloody thing I can do about it. At least, not from here. And ya’ve probably figured out that there’s nothing anyone short of Seraphina herself can do, and from what I recall, she isn’t like ta interfere…yet.”

The light bloomed like a flower.

“What happens if the Time Eater comes all the way to now?” Knox scratched his chin.

“It’ll die,” End replied like that was the obvious answer. “With no time ta eat, it’ll wither and die. But unless you’ve gone full nihilist, waiting until it consumes all of time, dies, and then for the universe ta be reborn probably isn’t what ya’re looking for.”

“Not particularly, no.”

The light swelled and pulsed. Sarah could faintly see a figure, even brighter against the light. “Uh, guys…”

“Then the only thing I can offer is there might be an endstone somewhere.”

“Endstone?”

“Crystallized fragments of my energy. They crop up every now and then. Very dangerous, as ya can imagine. Know any place specializing in insanely powerful artifacts?”

Knox nodded slowly. “I just might.”

“Good. Then ya best get to going. She’s coming, and she don’t like visitors.”

“Who—“ but Knox had taken her hand again and pulled her through a time portal. The rush of the Timestream carried them away as the light overcame the void and swallowed End. “Knox, what just happened?”

“I promise I’ll explain later.”

Somehow, she doubted that. “Then where are we going, now?”

“To largest collection of arcane artifacts in the known universe: Scholastic Land.”

[Myrdraxxis]

"Well great. Now we're right back where we started and that whole trip was utterly pointless." Leske growled. Almost literally. THere was a weird mechanical grinding sound in his chest. It was rather scary.

"I knew where we had to go." He directed the statement at their new 'captain. "A planet called Luxaris."

"Cheer up Leske." Codex piped up. "Didn't Magnus always say that' about the journey not the destination?"[/i]

"Magnus isn't here!" Leske snapped.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mistah Jangles responded to Clara's challenge with another wordless howl of rage and charged her, swinging his gigantic axe (had he always had an axe? Dace didn't remember) at the crusader.

"We should get out of here." Sindri prompted. Dace nodded slowy...but instead drew the Hero Sword. "Oh god, really?"

"We could use more help."

"Ugh."

Dace charged, meeting Jangles halfway, giant axe meeting sword in a deafening clash of steel. Dace gritted his teeth. The force behind Jangle's swing nearly send him through the floor. "What are you waiting for?" He yelled at Clara.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vin thanked whatever deity he believed in (cause even he didnt know at this point) that during his adventures he had learned how to teleport. Because otherwise he could have said goodbye to ever having children.

Such as it was, he managed to avoid GOLDBEZ's atttack, appearing several feet away.

"Nopenopenopenopenopenope!" Was the chant he yelled as he continued to flee.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You're paying. For all of that." Xaadm growled at Samuel. "That door and coffee table were expensive."

And that was when the large Shadow mook busted through the rest of the wall. "Goddamnit!"

"Foul beast! You have besmirched our residence! Prepare to DIE!" Ixeel yelled and dropkicked the Shadow mook. The mook had one second to stare at him and say,

"Wait, Ixeel?" Before being dropkicked in the god damn face.

Myrxxan sighed and stood up, cracking his knuckles as several more Shadows flooded into the room. "I guess we're doing this. Styx, lay down some sick beats."

"Aye aye, boss." Styx grinned and activated his gauntlets.

The building suddenly shook under the sound waves and Styx sent the Shadows flying back out into the street.

Myrxxan followed up by blasting several more with simultaneous fireball strikes, stepping out of the ruined office with a scowl. "Y'all dun fucked up."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The northern border of Awesome Land was a desolate-looking place. Far removed from civilization. Which made it perfect as a starting point for Zais' new plan. Well, it wasn't so much of a plan as a spur of the moment decision. Honestly thats what most of his plans were at this point.

"Set up." He ordered Vasburg. "I don't doubt that we'll have company at some point. I want to remain undisturbed for as long as possible."

"Yes mi'lord." The House Lord replied. Another portal of Darkness appeared and more soldiers began to flow out of it.

Zais ignored them and closed his eyes, exhaling. Then he called on as much power as he could....and released it.

It looked as if a wave of pure darkness had spilled out from around him in an ever expanding pool.

"Just the start." That much darkness gathered in one place was a potent thing. And it served well in eroding the world barrier. The Void itself began to pour into Awesome Land.....and consume.

"Zais watched in pride as a sea of Darkness began to spread out around him.

[Mizagium]

Clara

Clara Lux sidestepped around the meeting of blades that was Dace and Jangles. The Light of Seraphina enveloped her. She did not pause to consider her allies – there would be time for that once this daemon was dealt with. Belaneir shone with righteous fury.

“Break away!” she shouted at Dace before driving the spear into Janges’ side.

---

GOLDBEZ

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA” GOLDBEZ WENT FULL HORIZONTAL, ARMS OUTSTRETCHED, USING THE MOMENTUM FROM THE FAILED CROTCH-PUNCH TO INITATE HIS FLIGHT POWERS OR SOMETHING. EITHER WAY, HE STARTED CHASING VIN, GOLDEN FIRE ERUPTING FROM HIS LOWER HALF, CONCEALING HIS LEGS.

“WAIT BABY, COME BACK, I DIDN’T MEAN IT! I LOVE YOU”

---

The Jerks Who Just Wrecked an Office

Samuel Anarr picked himself up sheepishly, but still unable to properly form sentences. Daar Lorra and Blanche appeared in the doorway. “Hey, there’s a – “ But the X team was already up and moving. “Oh nevermind.”

They rushed over and helped get Sam back on his feet. “So uh.” Daar Lorra glanced around. “What’s going on here?”

“Is this really the time for that?” Blanche asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I…aksjergre…jjhjh” Sam wheezed in agreement.

Daar Lorra grimaced. “Go help them, Blanche. I’ll get Sam back together.”

She nodded and vanished in a burst of dark energy, reemerging next to Myrxxan. “So uh. Sorry about the office.”

[Mizagium]

FINAL TIME EATER POST EVERYONE CELEBRATE

Johnny Shows Off Again

Johnny felt like he was drowning.

The surge of power that he had copied from Xiuhtecuhtli clashed with the flows of the other sixteen Elements which already filled his body and mind. Deep in that sanctuary within himself, he grimaced and shook against the torrent of energy that threatened to swallow him up and carry him away. All of the Elemental Altars were activated, bright, pure energy spilling forth, crying out to be unleashed.

The maddening flows met around his sanctuary, spilled in, and were expelled onto the Infinite Sword Plain. Even so, it wasn’t enough. He was losing himself in the rush, struggling to maintain even the most tenuous of footholds on sanity, all the while combating the desire to fall into that overflowing river and be carried away.

Tlaltecuhtli, the Demon Lord of Stone (henceforth referred to as Tlal) cracked his knuckles. “Xiu liked to talk, but he made some good points.” The Demon casually closed the gap between them. “It is a pointless struggle, especially to us – we’ve seen all the outcomes.” He put one arm around Johnny’s shoulder. “We’ve friends in a couple of those futures now gobbled up.”

Johnny could only glare as he struggled to maintain himself.

“Ah come on, don’t give me that look. It really isn’t that crazy, you know. I mean…look at you. You Mimicked Xiu’s powers perfectly in one try. And after what you did to him?” Tlal shrugged. “There’s an empty slot in our ranks now; welcome to the family, kid.”

Tlal wasn’t sure exactly what happened, but suddenly he was face down in a crater about twenty feet away. He got up, dusted himself off, and climbed out of the crater. Johnny was exactly where he had been.

“I’, going to let that one go,” Tlal sneered, wiping blood off his face. “What with you being family and all, but that’s the only one you’ll get.” His wings spread and the demonic holographs lit up over him. “Last chance to join the winning side.”

Johnny’s response was to cross the distance in the blink of an eye and slam a fist charged with every element into the ground Tlal abandoned equally as quickly. Then he gave chase, alighting with the Demon wings and using Time to reduce the, well, time spent chasing. Demon fire mixed with Elemental Fire and he sent it out in great, arcing waves across the plains. Tlal either dodged or withstood each attack, chuckling to himself all the while.

Angered, Johnny abandoned fire and called on Lightning and Water, sending thick bolts of lightning and heavy spears of ice after the Lord of Stones, who managed to withstand all of those as well. The legendary sword, Tsunami was with at a thought. Its blade was formed when a civilization-destroying tsunami was halted and imprisoned by an ancient queen to save her people. Although it was never supposed to be used as a weapon, her son took the blade when she died and used it to conquer the neighboring lands before his misuse caused it to flood the entire continent, taking the very civilization it had been meant for. Not that power was in Johnny’s hands.

He swung, and the seal on the broke – the full force of the tsunami contained within broke loose and surged over the fields, scouring the grass and soil from the bare stone beneath it, carving long, ragged trenches into the very earth itself. Once it had passed beyond the horizon, Johnny snapped the hilt back and the tsunami regained the bound, blade form. Tlal was nowhere to be seen.

“A wonderful effort,” the Demon Lord mocked, complete with sarcastic clapping. He was seated upon a tall, flat stone he had apparently conjured from the ground, looking no worse of wear. “But I’m afraid you’ve missed the point. And it seems you’re too far gone in the head to put it together, so allow me: I don’t need to beat you, kid, not like you are. All I have to do is outlast you, and let me tell you – Stone is very good at outlasting. I’m sure somewhere within you, you’re aware that you’re breaking down, losing who you are. While that seems all scary to you, for me it’s just what I need. Xiu’s gone, so we need a new Lord of Flames. You took his power, so that’s you. You might not want to join us, but at the rate your mind is crumbling, I don’t think you’ll have much choice soon. So, like I said before, all I have to do is outlast you. You’ll succumb sooner or later.”

“The hell he will!”

Tlal, Johnny, and the other two Demons all turned to see Cassandra, who had been completely ignored during the last battle.

“As stupid as this sounds, and as much as I hate that now I’m that character…Johnny’s too good for that. I know he is. He’s always come back to us…to me. So don’t you give up now, you jackass! You hear me?” She started to shout, but pulled back. More softly, she said, “Come back to me, Johnny. Please.”

Cruxias staggered towards his snarling form. He writhed in the bonds fashioned for him, very nearly growled through the darkness that enveloped his body now. But she still advanced, slowly, coughing and staggering on her injured leg. And she smiled, too. She wouldn’t let him see how worried she was for him. Even so, it all came through.

“Come back to me, Johnny,” she whispered, and took his face in her hands. Something like warm light filled him from her hands. “Come back to us, please.” The uncontrollable darkness subsided and he could see and think clearly. There she was, this sixteen year old girl with the power to literally war her heart on her sleeve, saving him from himself – and knowingly sacrificing herself in the process.

“No!” But the warm soullight had been drawn entirely from her into him. She collapsed into his arms the broke those restraints to catch her. “Come back!”

Cassandra’s face ignited that same warmth within him, a renewed resolve that was somehow stronger than the multiple flows of power. Deep in that sanctuary, he stood and commanded the powers to obey him – and they did so. Something must have shown in his face because at that moment, Cassandra smiled and said, “Thank Seraphina.”

Johnny turned back to face Tlal who wore a more concerned visage than before. “I’m really getting tired of your penchant for cheating,” the Demon Lord sighed. “But, I guess that’s why – “ but just then a massive crack of red split the air – the reality – where Tlal had been. The Time Eater could wait no longer and was tearing fully into this reality. If a herald or two got caught in the way, that was too bad.

But Johnny was close enough that the split sent waves of time-visions pulsing though him.

He was J, the enigmatic leader of the underground resistance of a future Dynasty City.

He was Black John, the wandering swordsman of a wasteland he had once called home.

He was the Brilliant Overseer, an omnipotent enforcer of peace in a dystopian future.

He was Xavian in a time that looked to be very, very soon.

Johnny withstood the barrage of once-possible, now consumed futures, and despaired at recognizing the one connecting factor: In all futures he could see, he fell to Darkness or to his powers – he would never be able to fully retain himself as he was.

---

Red Tape...

“Hello, and welcome to the Scholastic Land Arcaenium,” greeted the cheerful receptionist at the front desk. “What sort of dangerous magical artifact are you looking for today?”

Sarah blinked in surprise while Knox leaned on the counter. “Hi, yes, I’m told you have something called an Endstone in your collection?”

“You were told right; we possess the only known Endstone currently in existence! We at the Arcaenium pride ourselves on having the most extensive collection of insanely dangerous artifacts in the known multiverse.” She flashed a wide, bubbly smile.

“Excellent, I would like to…do you guys lend out artifacts?”

“We certainly do! Our check-out system is widely known as the most secure system ever designed. Each item is categorized according to rarity, ease of use, and sheer power. Our checkout times are flexible, according to security level, but once a time frame is decided upon, there is no room for mixups. If an item is kept out even a second past the agreed-upon time, a team of EX+++ Rank Arcane Horrors will be sent to your location, to atomize offenders and recover the artifact.”

That time, Knox shared a concerned look with Sarah. “Right. Well. Remember that Endstone I mentioned?”

“Certainly.”

“Well…I would like to borrow that.”

Without even the slightest change in demeanor, the receptionist said, “Of course. Now, the Endstone is secured at our highest level of security clearance: Protocol Ultra-Diamond 99, so I will need to see the appropriate identification.”

Knox looked to Sarah, who shrugged. “Uh. Well. I’m an Immortal, you see…” When he turned back the receptionist was flipping through a large binder of laminated pages.

“Immortals…of course.” Was that the slightest hint of distain in her voice? Knox wasn’t sure if he had imagined it or not. “And what Universal Element are you attuned with?”

“Uh…Time.”

“Oh. Tsk tsk tsk. I’m afraid the Immortal of Time was blacklisted some years ago.”

“Was that…Stansilaus Gruemann, by any chance?”

“Yes, it does appear that was the name he registered under. He attempted to walk out of the storehouse with several Protocol Platinum 78 artifacts without filling out the proper paperwork. When confronted by the aforementioned Arcane Horrors, he dropped the artifacts and teleported away.” She closed the binder and looked Knox seriously in the eye. “It was our worst security breach since the Great Rift Heist.”

“That’s unfortunate to hear, however, I’m not Stan. My name is Knox and I’ve only been the Immortal of Time since…well…recently.”

The receptionist pursed her lips. “Our records do not show a new Time Immortal. One moment please.” She replaced the binder to wherever it had been and produces another, larger binder and began to furiously skim through it. After a few minutes, she seemed to find the page she was looking for. Knox read “Stansilaus Gruemann” upside down, with a large PERMABANNED stamp across the picture of him. “I see. You most certainly do not match the physical description. Alas, physical appearances can be modified with a number of powers, curses, and artifacts.”

“So, then…”

“Luckily, I happen to have an artifact with me that will break any physical illusion, revealing the true individual. If you wouldn’t mind stepping back a few paces?” The second binder disappeared and was replaced with a a stature of a human face, looking very suspicious.

“Uh sure.” Knox shrugged and stepped back from the counter.

The receptionist placed a hand on the object, which began to make a sound like a middle-aged man saying “Hmmmmmmmmm” for a long moment and then “Yeah ok. He checks out.”

“Excellent,” the reception said before turning the idol towards Sarah. “Ma’am?”

“Sure, why not.”

“Hmmmmmmmmmm…I suppose she’s cool, too,” the idol said.

Satisfied, the receptionist tucked the artifact back under the counter. “Wonderful. Now, would you like to apply for membership here at the Arcaenium?”

“Definitely. How long will this take?”

“Well you’ve already passed the background check, so the paperwork shouldn’t take too much time. If you don’t dawdle, I’m sure you can have your membership card by next month.”

Knox heard the sound of Sarah facepalming and groaning, “We’re going to die.”

Putting on his serious face, he approached the counter again. “Listen, Miss….” He waited for the receptionist to provide her name, then rapidly scanned the immediate area, searching for signs of a name, all the while holding out that “..ssssss…” When nothing turned up, he coughed. “Ah. This is an emergency! The entire universe is about to be erased from existence!”

The receptionist showed only the barest hint of surprise. “That is an emergency. Why didn’t you say so sooner?”

“Ah-“

“Here.” The receptionist produced a form that read Apocalypse How Questionnaire and a pen. “Please fill this out and return it at once.”

Knox slid the paper down towards him and read over it. At the top were a series of checkboxes describing the various classes of doom. He checked the box that read ‘Class Z (Total Destruction of All Reality)’ and continued on. Next was a large box that occupied most of the page, titled ‘Please describe, in as much detail as you can, the nature of this threat.’ After thing a moment, Knox wrote “That Time Eater is a pretty bad guy – eh eats time and doesn’t afraid of anything.” Sarah, who had apparently been looking over his shoulder, sighed loudly. Next, ‘Please specify the Preposterously Dangerous Artifact required to resolve this threat’ and he wrote ‘Endstone.’ Finally, he dated the page and signed it.

The receptionist took the form, looked it over (shooting him a disapproving glance when she reached the description box) but tucked it away like everything else she handled. “Very well. Your temporary request for an Endstone has been approved.” She spun around in her chair to face an otherwise featureless wall. A hidden compartment opened up and she removed a small, black box. “I have already informed you of the clearance usually required to handle this; and I assume you know what it does or you wouldn’t be here.” While it wasn’t phrased like a question, she did give him a suspicious look.

“Of course!” He said, feigning as much confidence as he could. Somehow, he didn’t think she believed him.

“Yes, well, once the threat has been resolved, you must return it to us immediately, unless of course, the threat is not neutralized, in which case you will be posthumously blacklisted from our facility just in time for the universe to end.” She handed him the box, which wasn’t nearly as heavy as it looked – he suspected the actual Endstone was inside.

“Uh. Right. Thanks!”

“Thanks you for using the Scholastic Land Arcaenium! Remember: Our overdue fees are murder.”

She smiled and Knox started nervously laughing before Sarah pulled him outside and they teleported away.

---

Mustering the Cavalry

Adakais, Anhura, and Ahrima appeared in the Clock Tower to the confused looks of the Group Formerly Known as Organization XXI – New Name Pending. Anhura coughed awkwardly. “Uh. Hi. We’re…uh…we’re Knox’s kids.”

Miki Nahlani sighed and rubbed her eyes under her glasses. “Of course you are. Is this about the Timestream flux?”

“Uh…probably. There’s a big extradimensional entity that’s almost here and about to eat time.”

“That sounds about right.” With a final sigh, Miki snapped her fingers. “All right, boys. Saddle up! Time to save the universe.” There was a quick scramble as the group maintaining the Clock Tower gathered up and assembled around their temporary leader.

“That was easy,” Adakais whispered to his sister.

“Yeah, I’m always surprised how easily people are to accept things in this era.”

Only a few minutes later, the twenty-something Time-powered people were back at the scene of the omniversal crime.

“Oh fizz,” was the collective groan when the scene finally came into view. The sky was tearing apart and jagged streaks of the crimson abyss were digging into the ground. Johnny and Cassandra faced the remaining two Demon Lords, but it didn’t appear like it would matter all that much. Everyone tensed up as the breakdown of spacetime registered in whatever passed for their time-sense. “We’re going to die.”

“Isn’t it marvelous,” a low voice observed. Everyone turned to see a row of figures in the ever-familiar Black Cloaks.

“What now?” Miki moaned.

“Time is breaking down…soon we’ll be free from the tyranny of time and death.”

“Oh good. Whackos. Look. Are you weirdos going to interfere with us trying to stop this, or…”

“Why would we? You are fighting the inevitable.”

“Sweet. Alright, time-kids, what’s the plan?”

Knox and Sarah chose that moment to appear with a strange black box. They looked over the assembled Former Organization Members, their future kids, and the strange, cloaked people, frowned, and turned back towards the more important rift in the sky.

“The plan,” Adakais said, “is whatever Dad’s got in his hands, I hope.”

Knox nodded. “Yeah, this should do the trick, but we need to get Johnny and Cass back in on this. Are…are they going to…?” He indicated the hooded figures.

“Nah,” Anhura said. “They said they’d stay out of it. Well kind of. They were all cryptic and weird about it.”

“Wonderful.”

---

All Together Now

Johnny turned his attention on Chalchiuhlicue (Chal) the Lord of Waters, who actually took a few nervous steps back. “Uh…look man, this wasn’t my idea or anything. I was roped into this, you know? Yeah, you know! They tried to make you do this, too!”

With his newly copied powers, Johnny could tell that Chal wasn’t properly bonded to his host, and that the host’s personality was coming through, somehow. Unwilling to engage in another fight scene, Johnny flexed his new Demon Lord powers and rushed at Chal with an outstretched arm. The demonic overlay pierced the other’s chest cleanly, caught on something, and yanked. The glowing aquamarine form of Chal was torn from Llenchi’s body. In the same motion, Johnny whirled and flung the Demon Lord’s soul into a nearby time rift, obliterating it forever.

“Well. That’s taken care of,” Johnny sighed and glanced at his son – Xeltyr – Ehecatl. “But he’s bonded too tightly.”

Knox and the others appeared beside him. “We can worry about that after we do this.” He tapped on the box. “We can use this to destroy the Time Eater.”

On cue, the sky finally tore itself apart. The crimson cracks in reality finally opened completely, revealing a swirling mass of pure annihilation. The Time Eater rejected a coherent, physical form – was unable to be defined by one. The Time Eater existed beyond time and space and reality and all rational thought. It existed as a mass of destructive, consuming energy without a mind, without reason or thought. It simply was. It simply did. The Time Eater ate time, and that was all there would ever be to it.

Everyone stood paralyzed for a long moment as the Time Eater fully manifested before Johnny turned to Knox and said, “Give that to me.”

Knox hugged the box to his chest defensively. “Noooo! Do you know what I had to get through to get this?”

“Is this really the time?”

But Knox didn’t move. Sarah rolled her eyes and took it from him. “Oh here. Johnny, just tell us what to do.”

“Why does he get to be in charge?” Knox pouted as chunks of the ground were torn away and swallowed up by the living abyss. Sarah punched him in the arm and he shut up.

Johnny opened the box and retrieved a perfect sphere from inside. The sphere fit in the palm of his hand and seemed to absorb all light around it, making it appear the deepest, darkest black anyone had ever seen. The Endstone immediately began trying to absorb everything around it, everything within Johnny, but he withstood it. Sheer force of will resisted the pull of the Endstone, but he knew if he lapsed even for a second it would consume him. Just like every other day.

He took it with both hands, pulled the End power into him, pumped his own power into the stone, cycled the energies until he and it were part of one complete circuit. Only seconds ago, he had no idea how he was going to stop the Time Eater. Now, he understood completely.

“I need everyone with Time powers to focus them on me,” he spoke with a warbly, almost inhuman voice. “Channel as much as you can into me; I’ll channel that into this, and then that into the Time Eater.”

After just a second of hesitation, he felt everyone thrust their Time power into him, the sudden rush of over twenty manipulators of a fundamental element gather their power on him. He sucked it in, let it mingle with his own power, with the energies of the Endstone. It felt like all of time itself was filling him, the past, present, and future. His vision shifted and he was somewhere else, a rushing river of red and black and gold. It filled him. A fourth color, an empty, invisible color joined with the colors of time, creating a new phenomenon. Nulltime, he supposed was an accurate name. Nulltime filled him. He had become Nulltime.

He channeled that new energy back into the Endstone and hoisted that over his head, felt like his body was going to tear itself apart. The Time Eater hurt his eyes and he shut them, only to be greeted with what he guessed to be the Timestream. That torrent hurt his eyes as well, so he tried to retreat somewhere else, somewhere beyond the clash of twisted energies. He found himself in that sanctuary within him again. It was significantly smaller than usual, only big enough for him to meditate. The altars of power, the Infinite Sword Plain, the swirling Nulltime, all beat against his bubble, but it held. In there it was calm and he could think clearly. From there, he could direct his power without the madness of reality.

His Nulltime – everyone’s Nulltime – gathered in the Endstone and erupted upward at the Time Eater. He was aware of himself screaming, of everyone else yelling, too. The Nulltime crossed the threshold of the Time Eater’s existence and was swallowed up like everything else. For a long, long moment, he thought he had failed, that everything was about to come to an end – but then something shifted.

The Time Eater…changed. It seemed to fluctuate crazily, to wobble and bend and break. The absorption stopped, the pieces of the ground mid-transit stopped in the air. The tears in reality closed up, retreated to their source. The hole in the sky became less and less chaotic as more and more Nulltime flowed into it.

Johnny wasn’t sure how long he channeled the exotic energy, but one by one, those around him broke the connection and collapsed until there was only him and Knox and their petering amount of power. Then Knox fell away. And then the last of Johnny’s energy was expended and he collapsed, too. With his eyes half-open, he saw the abyss beyond reality burst into a spectacle of insane lights, and then…

The Time Eater had consumed the future – all possible futures. The Timestream reached a point past which it could no longer flow. Suddenly, there was space to flow forward. There was a future, endless futures. The world hung still for an instant while everything righted itself. Time could not flow forever onward – until the End, at least. But, until then, all those apocalyptic futures weren’t set in stone anymore. The world was no longer guaranteed to be destroyed in one of countless bad futures. Now, they were free to genuinely choose their own path.

One by one, they awoke, drained, and dazed. Johnny and Knox put the Endstone back into the containment box. Johnny stood up first, shakily. Those Mysterious Cloaked Figures were nowhere to be seen. Nor was Xeltyr (or Llenchi, but he wasn’t that important). But everyone else – Knox, Sarah, Cassandra, the future kids, and the Organization people, all appeared to be alive, if not entirely conscious.

“We need…to take this back…” Knox muttered, trying to stand. Sarah caught him under the arm and held him up.

“Can you make a portal?”

“…Yeah.”

“Then let’s go.”

They disappeared. Cassandra was by Johnny’s side, supporting him, too, as he swayed. The Organization folk began standing. The first to stand shuffled about, checking on their comrades. One by one, they began to warp away, presumably back to the Clock Tower. Miki came and went a few time, picking up those who couldn’t move, until she was the only one left, aside from Anhura, Adakais, and Ahrima, who were all sound asleep. She shook her head, gathered them around her, and warped them away.

Together, Johnny and Cassandra studied the torn landscape. It looked like something big had gone down, although, hopefully, no one would ever know about it. They sky was clear, with no trace of what had just been glaring from on high.

“Let’s go home,” Cassandra said quietly.

“Yeah,” Johnny agreed, holding her close. “Let’s go home.”

[Sariel of Tevet]

Captain Albert Alexander placed the picture of Zais into his coat pocket for safe keeping, and pulled a sword from its scabbard in a ceremonious manner before placing the tip into the floor like a cane.

"Well, Emporer Awesome, " he paused to grant his new employer a bow while balancing on his sword, "I have quite a little secret to share with you. As a seafaring man, especially one with such an illustrious career as myself, I can only be bested at sea."

His minstrels began to play their melodies, and he turned to hush them quickly.

"Those fools sing about it all the time. I think it is called a...chorus? It's true. You can buy their album on Awesometunes for only $5.95. I implore you to do so. It is quite a catch and the Sea Slater could use a new mast. I am afraid that after all these years I have rubbed it raw."

He turned and made his way back up to the helm of his ship as the planks receded after his every step behind him. With a hand on the wheel and his sword in the air, he called back out to Emperor Awesome.

"As long as The Sea Slater and myself are on land, we are quite unbeatable. It wouldn't be right for a seafaring like myself to perish anywhere but in my beloved oceans, as you know."

He rapped the poop deck with his heal (something his wife hasn't let him do in years), and a small crew of stragglers gathered from every corner of the universes he has traveled came up from below deck and took their places around the ship.

"Battle stations men! Darkness ahoy!"

His forward cannons fired and blew a hole through the side of Emperor Awesome's office and the ship flew out of the tower and into the fray.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heimrall scoffed and tore off after Sark, deflecting artillery shells here and there with her earth shield.

"You feta believe I won't let you get away with this! I mozzarelish the idea to fight someone like you!"

She ran full speed at the building that Sark was trying to gain respite within. Hearing a faint whistling above her, she looked up to spy an incoming rocket headed straight forward. She dropped her shield, licked her finger, and placed it up above her head to test the wind. Crossing her fingers into L shapes, she squinted and held them out in front of her to gain a bearing on the front door of the building. She glanced up to check the trajectory of the rocket again, before stomping her foot on the ground to open up a rocket sized hole into the ground.

Heimrall hopped on top of her shield and positioned it right next to the hole in the ground, and checked her phone to see what time it is, and then sighed.

"This rocket is taking forever. I really hope this hits portobellow me."

The rocket fell straight through the hole in the ground and shot to the bottom and exploded. The concentrated gases, heat, and explosive forces blew straight back up the makeshift pipe and launched Heimrall straight at the front door.

"I crust you won't mind if I just....drop in!"

Her phone began to ring and she squeed, retrieving her phone from her pocket.

"He is dating WHO now. That slut! She doesn't even shop at Ulta! Baby girl he does NOT deserve you with taste like..."

She was cut off by crashing straight through the brick wall of the building, a foot away from the front door she was aiming at. She rolled right into the center of the building and became surrounded figures.

"Uh...give a Hoot, don't pollute? ...What? No. No not you Becky. Though that Brad should probably hear that, since he obviously loves trash!"

[Calefrun]

Within seconds of Heimrall crashing into the building, she was surrounded by women. Except these weren't normal women. From the neck down they appeared human, and were dressed as waitresses. Across the front of their shirts, they each had the word "Whooters," and instead of human heads, they all had the heads of owls. Several of them grabbed the immortal's arms to restrain her.

The sound of Sark's laughter echoed throughout the room, then the vampire stepped out from behind two of the servers and approached Heimrall. "So, what are the odds that of all the places I could have picked to fortify a defense, it would be someplace that already belonged to me?" He gestured around the room theatrically. "Welcome to Whooters! The restaurant chain that I took over years ago! Apparently while I was absent the company finally went interuniversal!"

He advanced on the immortal until he was well within an uncomfortably close distance, and a blade sprung forth from his forearm, piercing through his robe. "I won't kill you outright; after all, your immortal friend wouldn't blow the place to bits so long as you're inside. Buuut I don't think it will be an issue if I rough you up a bit while we wait to see what her next move will be." He leaned in close. "You may want to avoid struggling too much. Wouldn't want to mess up the pretty little face more than I already intend to, hmm? How's that for some sau-sagely advice?" He swung his arm upwards, sweeping his blade in a diagonal arc across Heimrall's face.

---

Kayla climbed out of the wreckage and hopped down into Emperor Awesome's office. She coughed, then said flatly, "Yeah, this is more or less what I was expecting to happen." She spotted the Germans making their way out of the ship and called out to them, "Hey, you three! Leave the big guy here, he needs to not be moving around too much. As for the other two of you, come with me."

Cozaltene and Al looked at each other and shrugged. They flopped Gabe onto Emperor Awesome's desk, then followed Kayla as she made her way to the balcony, which somehow hadn't been completely destroyed by the Monstrosity's crash. She turned back into the room and gave a small wave. "Emperor Awesome. Captain... Uggo, was it? Master Leske. It's been nice seeing you all, but I've got to get going. Things to do and all that." As soon as she finished talking, she did a backflip off the balcony.

The two Germans she had called over ran to to the edge of the balcony and leaned over the railing to watch her descend. "What a crazy woman..." Al remarked. "I'm not sure what she wanted with us, but she's on her own noooOOOOOOHWHOAHWHOAHWHOAH!" Before he could finish his sentence, Cozaltene had pushed him over the edge.

The pirate formerly known as Rick hopped up onto the railing. "We'll be back later, Captain. Gonna go fight some darkness or something." And with that, he jumped.

[Monika]

Wordlessly, Emperor Awesome reached back into the drawer under his desk, removed the hourglass, and held it out for Captain Uggo to see. "Conscription or corporal punishment," he said rather calmly. "You have sixty seconds to choose." He flipped the glass over, set it down, and glared at the intruder.

Grains of sand fell to the bottom of the hourglass, one by one...

---

The Shadow Microphone had finally been passed to Amelia, and the cameras were coming her way. Oh, this is not good at all... she thought, desperately searching around for an escape route. There were really only two rules to being a ninja: Complete your mission, and do so unnoticed. Amelia wasn't sure just how far Leon's media reach extended; the former emperor was good about hiding certain business efforts. Her disguise as Emily Robertson was one she might want to use in the future, so being broadcast to even a single TV would ruin that opportunity. Worse still, if her father found out that she had made an unauthorized television appearance, she'd be severely punished. She was just about to ninja herself away when-

"Johnny! Johnny's girlfriend! Good to see you!" Leon exclaimed, teleporting all his Shadow Cameras in front of the couple. "Congratulations on the future children! Everyone, let's give these two a round of applause!"

Lukewarm applause and soft whispers of "What's going on?" and "Who's the girl?" filled the room.

Amelia breathed a sigh of relief and disappeared into the audience.

---

"Heimrall..." Artemis sighed, exasperated, unsure of what her next course of action should be. She'd definitely be giving the girl a stern lecture; teenager or not, Heimrall was an Immortal and her impetuous behavior could not be allowed to persist. But that lecture would come later. As for right now, Artemis was really only left with two options. She could run in there herself, but that would mean charging headfirst into enemy territory, which obviously hadn't worked thus far. She could proceed with the plan to destroy the building, but that would mean destroying the Immortal of Earth along with it. Artemis could seem cold and unfeeling at times, but she wasn't so heartless that she would murder a comrade for the sake of a mission.

"...Wait. There is one alternative. Please do not revoke my degree for this..." With an uncharacteristically slight hint of sorrow in her expression, she vanished from the scene.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"And so I pulled down my pants, bent over, and said to the kid, 'If you want to pass the class so badly, kiss my angle-side-side!"

In a rather spacious lounge there sat a portly old man at a round table, laughing at the tale he apparently found insanely funny. The walls around him were coated with works of art from around the world, and surrounding him were a mix of men and women in business attire, doing their best to smile and nod.

"I swear, Bales," one woman spoke up, frowning, "if you weren't head of the math department, you'd never get away with these shenanigans."

"Damn straight!" the old man chuckled. "Dean can't even touch me!" He took a sip from a glass of wine in front of him before assuming a more serious expression. "Don't ever let me catch any of you guys messing with the students like that, though, or you're fired!"

"Honestly," another man muttered under his breath. "I don't even know why we-"

Before he could finish making a comment that might very well have cost him his job, Artemis appeared in the teacher's lounge with an audible crackling sound.

"Well, well, well!" The old man rose from his seat and spread his arms theatrically. "If it isn't the best student to have ever graduated from our esteemed university! Finally come to be a guest lecturer, eh, Artemis?"

"I'm taking the sword, Dr. Bales." Artemis replied.

"What the devil are you on about? Is this some kind of joke?" The wide smile he'd had at the sight of his favorite student was replaced with a professorly scowl.

"It's an emergency." Without another word, she strode past Dr. Bales, the table, and the rest of the professors, making her way to the back wall. In between two very valuable absurdist paintings hung a splendid katana. A slightly curved, sparkling blade that constantly shifted colors. The sky blue hilt was embedded with a miniature abacus, the beads of which rotated and slid about of their own will. There was no question: this sword was the legendary Mathamune, a foreign sword said to make even the most idiotic of wielders into a Mathemagical expert. And when the blade was in the hands of someone who was already a math genius? Well, the results could be catastrophic. It was for these reasons that the sword sat here in the teacher's lounge, totally guarded by some of the greatest mathemagical minds the world had ever known, completely unstealable.

Artemis laid one hand on the katana, gave a salute to her professors, and vanished.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She reappeared back in front of the building, her newly obtained legendary sword pointed at it. "Derive."

With a single word and a flash of light, the once three-dimensional building was reduced to a 2D surface, the area of which was equal to the surface area of the 3D structure it had been mere seconds before. Now there were no walls to obscure Artemis' view. There was only Sark, Heimrall, owl girls, and the floor.

"I'm ending this. Now." She teleported in between the vampire and the Immortal of Earth, swinging the Mathamune in one large, parabolic strike.

[Calefrun]

Sark leaped into the air, dodging Artemis' attack with a wide grin on his face. He did a backflip, and landed several feet behind where he had stood before.

“You're going to end this?” He laughed. “My apologies, Minister, but you're the one that's going to be ending!” He shifted his foot, stepping on a switch hidden amongst the tiles of the restaurant's floor. A trapdoor suddenly opened beneath the two Immortals and the owl girls. Artemis was unaffected, of course, but Heimrall fell into the depths below with the owls gliding after her, flapping their arms like wings to avoid plummeting.

The vampire lord shook his head. “Such a shame, you know? This place was just about to open, too. With all the chaos going on, it's unlikely that the Emperor would have noticed a small, unauthorized establishment appearing. Ah well, maybe the company will have better luck on other worlds.”

Sark leaped into the air again- and the trapdoor closed once he removed his foot from the button- and another blade sprouted from his other arm. He dove towards Artemis, and started slashing his armblades at her as he descended.

---

The room that Heimrall and the owls landed in was much unlike the area upstairs. There were various machines sitting atop the stone floors, though it was unclear at a glance what the function of any one of them was. Additionally, and perhaps most notably, the room had no walls. But unlike the upper floor, where the walls had been ripped away revealing the city outside, beyond the walls of this room there was... nothing. A void. Dark emptiness extended out in every direction.

“Beautiful, isn't it?” A figure stepped out from behind one of the machines, revealing himself to be none other than Sark. “This emptiness forms the synapse between universes. It exists because we can see it, yet it is the embodiment of nonexistance.” He slowly paced around the room while continuing to monologue. “I suppose I waste my breath with this explanation, though. I imagine you already know of the Null-Void, yes? Of course, this room isn't contained within the void. Rather, there is a Rift in the fabric of reality that surrounds us, and nothing but a thin membrane composed of magic fortified by another world's technology is preventing this world from being pulled into the Null-Void and consumed by the nothingness therein.”

He crossed his arms and frowned. “That barrier is incredibly difficult to destroy, however. It requires an immense release of a specific type of magical energy, one which can only be caused by the death of an individual who possesses that magic. Thankfully, those individuals are the only ones that are able to close the rift, so it should be safe here until I can find and destroy the hapless fool.”

The vapire stopped pacing and turned to face Heimrall. “And now that you know the full extend of my ludicrously convoluted plan...” Blades sprouted from his arms as they had with the Sark on the ground floor. “Now, you die!” He ran straight at the Immortal, aiming a slash straight for her throat.

---

“DAMMIT RICK,” Al yelled as he plummeted from the top of the Second Imperial Tower. He looked below himself and saw that Kayla had summoned a metal kite shield, and was riding it down the side of the building as though it were a snowboard. On a vertical slope.

Cozaltene suddenly shot past him, keeping his body straight so that he quickly caught up to Kayla, then adjusted himself so that he fell at the same rate she did. Al sighed, then cast a spell to cause ice to appear in a trail below his feet, then slid down so that he was keeping pace with the other two.

Once they were within ten floors of the ground, Cozaltene shoot a grappling hook which latched onto a nearby building, allowing him to swing out of the fall then safely lower himself to the ground. Al curved his ice path, and slid his way down to meet his friend. Kayla continued riding down the side of the building, then just before hitting the ground she kicked off from her shield and did some somersaults across the pavement, before springing back up in a sprint. Several shadow soldiers charged at her, but before the two Germans could move to assist she had cut them all in half with her neon pink laser katana.

“Come on!” She called, leaving a trail of dead minions behind her as she ran, jumped, and flipped her way down the street. The two friends looked at each other, shrugged, and started chasing after her.

[Sariel of Tevet]

Heimrall stood up and rolled off the pile of feathered waitresses that she landed on. She unconsciously pulled her phone from her back pocket to make sure it was ok and tried to get her bearings. The last thing she remembered was Sark holding a blade to her face and then a trap...

"Wait. Hold. The fuck, up. Stop narrating."

Enraged, Heimrall stomped her way to the barrier, leaving small craters behind with each footstep in the stone floor. She pressed her face as closely to the barrier as she could and pulled out her phone for extra light. A sliver of blood ran down her cheek bone as she spied a slight cut in her reflection. She turned a bright shade of red as dust from the floor and machines began to swirl up into the air around her.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

She clenched her eyes shut and let out a horrifying and shrill shriek, which destroy any glass within the room and on the machines. Heimrall stomped the ground hard enough to break her leg through the stone all the way up to her knee.

"BLOOD, SARK. BLOOD. YOU CUT MY FACE, MY FLAWLESS TEENAGE FACE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEAN? HOW THE FUCK WILL MALCOLM EVER ASK ME TO PROM LIKE THIS? DO I LOOK LIKE KATNISS FUCKING EVERDEEN TO YOU? AM I RUNNING AROUND WITH A BOW AND ARROW? AM I STUCK BETWEEN SOME PANSY ASS BAKER'S SON AND THE ADORABLY HUNKY SWOOSHY HAIRED COAL MINER? AM I THE GIRL ON FIRE? NO. I'M NOT."

She reached down and tried vigorously to pull her leg from the hole in the ground, but it was stuck, which only made her more aggravated.

"I'M NOT. I'M NOT SOME REBELLION SAVE THE WORLD MOCKING JAY PIN WEARING TOM BOY. I'M A NORMAL GIRL WHO WORKED AT A FUCKING PIZZA PLACE FOR MONTHS TO SAVE UP FOR MY PROM DRESS. A SIZE FOUR BLUE PROM DRESS WITH LAYERED FRILLS TO MATCH MY CONVERSE BECAUSE I WANTED TO GO FOR A BELLA LOOK. DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD THAT WAS TO FIND? I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS SHIT."

Heimrall stopped struggling, took a deep breath, and remembered she was the earth immortal. She calmly opened up the hole and reached down to pull her leg free, and noticed the cuts up and down her arms from the flailing Whooters Waitresses. Her eyes widened in disbelief and then directed themselves at Sark. She cocked her head to the side and raised one eyebrow.

"You, you're gonna get yours, in just...a minute."

She turned her attention to the pile of Whooters girls and pursed her lips.

"I would explain, how dire this situation is to you hoes, but you OBVIOUSLY have no sense of fashion."

Heimrall began to stomp her way over to the pile of waitresses and her anger rose as she got closer, bringing the swirl of dirt and small rocks to a violent race around her.

"Those feathers aren't even on fleek."

She looked up and saw the pit that they had fallen through above them. Raising her arms, she commanded the walls of the pit to break apart and create a vortex that consumed the hole. Her arms dropped and spread out at her waist, bringing the entirety of the vortex and debris into the room and destroying most of the machinery and sending large chunks to collide with the void barrier.

The dust storm whipped around her and caused her hair and clothing to flow about and she directed the storm atop the pile of waitresses and burying them entirely.

"Time to send you tasteless mice vommiters back where you belong."

Heimral thrust her arms upward towards the pit and all the debris and fleekless waitresses went right back up the pit and exploded through the top of the trap door into the top room. She clapped the dust off her hands and straightened her outfit, and walked right up to Sark. Clenching her fists around his collar, she pulled him down to eye level and squinted.

"You are going to wish you were as lucky as those saucy centerpieces."

[Mizagium]

Back at the RCL Palace

Johnny and Cassandra stared at each other, then sighed and pushed through the crowd. Well, Cassandra pushed – Johnny kind of staggered through until they reached a couch and she flopped him onto it. She sat down more gracefully besides him. As the crowd gathered around them, Johnny waved off most of their questions.

“It’s a long story, but just know that it doesn’t matter anymore. Everything is fine.”

-

Conscription or Execution

Uggo shuffled on his peglegs nervously. “Hey, whoa, look mister uh…king? King Golden Armor? I’m not much of a soldier. In fact, between you and me, I’m more of a privateer if you catch my meaning.” He chuckled nervously. Something about the way the man in armor stared at him without any sort of face unsettled him.

“A…ahem. Right, so maybe there’s something else we can work out…?”

-

On the Frontlines

Karzem kid of just strolled lazily through the streets, casually banishing Shadow Soldiers to the Realm of Chaos until the Vortex Guardian appeared, taking out half the block with his battle-axe while searching for his master.

“Master Karzem!” The winged armored fellow dropped to one knee.

“Yes, yes, what is it?” Karzem urged the figure to rise, not wanting to draw attention from the other Immortals.

“The…ah…package has been delivered.”

“Has it now? And what did she say?”

“She was…skeptical, but ultimately accepted the gift.”

“As I suspected she would. Good work. Now, off to the library with you. You have my list, yes?”

The Vortex Guardian nodded slowly.

“Then off with you. I have matters to attend to.”

And the Vortex Guardian was gone in a flash.

Grimacing, Karzem opened a chaos gate and stepped through…appearing beside wherever Zais was holed up. “Easy, Zais,” he said immediately, putting his hands up. “Not here to fight. Just wanted to ask you a question.”

-

The Dark is Rising

Lolandas Raymar stepped out into the world, from her underground hideout/shrine to Xavian. If everything was progressing as planned, then her disciples were activating the Altars at that very moment. Giana appeared at her side, still sulking over her defeat in ALR.

“Go Giana,” Lolandas told her. “You have your orders.”

“As you say.” Giana vanished into the shadows, leaving the Bride of Xaivan alone in the empty field. The Blackblade was sheathed at her waist, but the Nocturne, she grasped with both hands. As each Altar around Really Cool Land was activated, she felt the Dark Artifacts shudder with glee. And then all nine were activated. It was time.

She thrust the Nocture staff over her head and chanted something incomprehensible. A thick, black mist seeped out of the end of her staff. Elsewhere around the country, a similar black mist oozed out of the nine Altars of the Night and spread across the land. Everywhere, Really Cool citizens felt their willpower drain, their personalities pushed aside as a new, insidious presence took hold.

Lolandas heard Xavian laughing as he eased himself into every citizen of Really Cool Land…

[Razgat]

“What. The. FUCK. Is this SHIT!?”

Somewhere in Awesome Land, a group of guards are huddled, looking at the wreckage created by the shadow creatures.

“I was gone for ONE MONTH! Just one! And everything’s gone to shit!” A woman standing in front of the guards is standing in complete shock of what has happened. She was dressed in a general’s uniform with a tattered cape over her shoulders. “How the fuck did this happen!”

She kicks over a trash can during her tirade.

“Um...ma’am?” One of the other guards pipes up. “Everyone knew about Zais. I think you’ve even...met him before.”

“THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?!” The woman whips around, completely red faced.

“Um...uh..nothing, ma’am...uh general.” The guard quickly tried to cover up his blunder and look away.

Within a split second, the woman had grabbed his collar and yanked him to her face. “SAY THAT TO MY FACE!” The guard remained silent, completely terrified in fact. She leaned in close and said very quietly, “Don’t fuck with me.”

“AUGH!” The woman tossed the man in the air, sending him several feet away. She suddenly began pacing very quickly, yelling about all the work she had to do. “How do they expect me to watch every inch of this city with barely any guards to work with. THEY COULDN’T EVEN GUARD A FUCKING BANANA FROM A MONKEY! I leave to work undercover to tear apart the SCUM working underneath Awesome Land, and I get rewarded with THIS SHIT!”

She begins tossing trash cans while screaming.

“Uh...General?” A guard suddenly had an idea.

“WHAT!?”

“Those shadow soldiers over there said they only were able to take over because of your incompetence.”

“WHAT!? OH, FUCK THEM?!” The woman’s tirade was suddenly moved in the direction of the shadow soldiers. It didn’t take long before they were being kicked around.

“Perhaps working under Guardian General Cybelle wasn’t the best idea...” The guards watched in horror as she worked her way through the enemy. “But she works better than a tank.”

They all nodded in unison.

[Monika]

"You have until the rest of this sand falls to the bottom of the glass to explain how you can be of service to me," Emperor Awesome said, still holding his stare. "I have dealt with as many intruders today as previous rulers have dealt with during their entire tenure. You fly through my barrier, crash into my tower, cause untold property damage during a time of crisis...You will have a very good reason as to why I should not have you killed or thrown into the Imperial Army with the rest." It was not so much a question as a statement of fact; Uggo would have a good reason if he wanted to preserve his life.

The hourglass continued to count the time. About thirty seconds remained...

---

"Looks like Heimrall's okay," Artemis said as the Whooters waitresses burst up through the floor. "Good. I fight much more easily when I don't have to worry." She ran the tips of her fingers along the length of her sword and said, very calmly, "Release: Eigenspace." An ever-brightening purple glow emanated from the beads in the Mathamune's abacus as they hummed and whirred wildly. Before any of Sark's slashes could connect, both he and Artemis were engulfed by a dark void.

-------------------------------------------------------

The two of them appeared on opposite ends of a lone rectangular plane in what looked to be the vast expanse of space. But there were no stars in the distance. Only the occasional glowing sphere or triangle or symbol illuminated what would otherwise be complete darkness. All in all, the place looked like Smash Bros.' Final Destination, if it had been designed by an overzealous geometry teacher.

"Welcome," Artemis announced, "to Eigenspace." She removed her hood and brushed a few strands of hair from her face, surveying the scene around her with amusement. "Beautiful, isn't it? It has been said that this dimension was created eons ago by a man known only as Lord Eigen, a mathemagician even more powerful than I." She turned to face her opponent, an uncharacteristic smile on her face. "Can you imagine, Sark? A sorcerer, powers born only of mathematics, stronger than an Immortal, guardian of one of the Universal Elements!" As she spoke, the various math symbols and geometric constructs around them froze in midair, as if waiting for a command.

"In this world, both mine and the Mathamune's powers are virtually limitless. I can slash hyperbolically," she said, demonstrating by swinging her sword in a perfect arc in front of her. Mysteriously, the force of the attack came at Sark from behind, tearing into the back of his cloak. "I can make my blade infinitely long or infinitesimally short." The Mathamune disappeared entirely before reappearing several meters longer than it had been before. The tip of the blade stopped just short of Sark's neck, trimming a few silver hairs from his chin. "I can be nowhere," she said, vanishing, "or everywhere at once!" A thousand perfect copies of Artemis lined the perimeter of the field, each one pointing at Sark with her sword.

"There is no escape from here," she warned, her manifold copies disappearing. "Even without my Spatial Seal, you would die a thousand deaths before you figured out a way to leave. Not even I, with all the powers of Space at my disposal, could access or leave this space without the aid of this sword. Lord Eigen was a genius ahead of his time..." After a second, she added as an afterthought, "Oh, and the best part about this place is that I don't have to call any of my mathemagical attacks. I know how much you hate that." On cue, the various shapes in the distance morphed into perfect dagger-like rhombuses, all poised to give the vampire a geometric stabbing.

"With all of this said, Sark, I will give you one more chance to surrender. Give yourself up to the judicial system of the Awesome Land empire, or perish before the unlimited power of Artemis, Immortal of Space."

---

Back in the Really Cool Palace, Leon frowned as the already tepid applause from the audience became even less enthusiastic before dying down completely. "Come on, guys!" he urged, going from guest to guest, clapping their hands for them. "I know Johnny is an unwed father, and you barely even know his girlfriend, but you-

Leon stopped and shuddered, a cold chill sweeping over him. "You guys feel that?" he asked, addressing Johnny and Cassandra. He continued to move from person to person, noting that they had not only stopped clapping, but they had stopped moving entirely. "Hello? Anyone home?" He waved a hand in front of one guest, who promptly snapped at him like an agitated dog.

"Oh boy." With a snap of his fingers, the Masamune was in his right hand, glowing with its usual semi-holy light. "Johnny," he said, "I'm going to take a guess and say that palace guests usually aren't this lifeless, are they?"

Amelia continued to sit in the audience, unaffected because of her +10000 Darkness resistance, but unsure if she should take part in the obviously upcoming battle.