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Post by Xelwes on Mar 17, 2009 21:59:46 GMT -5
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Mar 17, 2009 22:17:19 GMT -5
shitty angsty emo site is stupid
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Post by tuberjustin on Mar 18, 2009 20:57:11 GMT -5
Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we proceeded to have sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell your faking." FML
#415809 (94) - 03/17/2009 at 4:40pm by MrAwsum - sex - I agree, your life is f***ed (33417) - you deserved that one (14760)
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Post by tuberjustin on Mar 18, 2009 21:25:15 GMT -5
Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML
#322289 (112) - 03/14/2009 at 2:22pm by Noname - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (17125) - you deserved that one (45163)
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Post by Xelwes on Mar 18, 2009 21:59:54 GMT -5
The stories are hilarious.
Today, I was wearing my workout clothes that consist of short shorts and a tank top and was walking to my car. I then heard a bunch of men whistling and saying "Who's your daddy?" and "Why don't you come over here, cutie." As I got closer I realized that it was my dad and his friends. FML
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Post by Xelwes on Mar 18, 2009 22:00:25 GMT -5
Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML
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Post by Razgat on Mar 19, 2009 16:03:35 GMT -5
lololol, I love story time!
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 19, 2009 17:05:27 GMT -5
Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 19, 2009 17:10:19 GMT -5
Today, I woke up at three in the morning when two cops busted in the door to my apartment and a frantic voice on my cellphone saying "Sir? Sir? Are you all right? Sir?" Turns out I had been having a nightmare and dreamed I called 911. I actually did. FML
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Post by Razgat on Mar 19, 2009 17:13:04 GMT -5
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 19, 2009 17:13:58 GMT -5
best *facepalm* evar.
Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how neither of us is the other's usual 'type'. I explained that I usually go for insular asshole types and then asked him what made me different from his usual choices. He said 'Oh, well, I usually go for the attractive ones.' FML
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Post by Razgat on Mar 19, 2009 17:14:54 GMT -5
Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 19, 2009 17:16:18 GMT -5
Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, he looked at me and said "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML
Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant, I'd forgotten my glasses and had a migraine. I was straining my eyes, squinting and rubbing my temples to alleviate my migraine. I was kicked out of the restaurant and banned henceforth because my waitress thought I was mocking her eyes. FML
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Post by Razgat on Mar 19, 2009 17:16:19 GMT -5
*facepalm*
Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 19, 2009 17:18:22 GMT -5
Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your fucking problem asshole!? Get a fucking life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML
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Post by Razgat on Mar 19, 2009 17:20:19 GMT -5
Today, I received a letter in the mail from my Grandma about how much she adores and loves me. Then it went into detail about how much prettier, smarter, and successful I am than my sister, Leah. I am Leah. She mixed up the letters to the wrong envelopes. FML
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 19, 2009 17:20:19 GMT -5
Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 19, 2009 17:23:20 GMT -5
Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It's one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I'm waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML
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Post by Razgat on Mar 19, 2009 17:27:09 GMT -5
Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been begging for one for a year and they always said that I would have to pay for it myself. I got really excited and went to the garage to see my new ride. It was a Hot Wheels car with a note saying "save your money". FML
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Post by Razgat on Mar 19, 2009 17:28:05 GMT -5
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he says ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me'' FML
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