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Post by Mizagium on Jul 21, 2009 21:19:15 GMT -5
go for it
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Post by Razgat on Jul 21, 2009 22:04:03 GMT -5
What have you done wrong when your wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? Made the chain too long.
That's right. I made the first sexist joke.
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Post by tuberjustin on Jul 21, 2009 22:35:50 GMT -5
i am so proud of you nicole!
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Post by Razgat on Jul 21, 2009 22:40:26 GMT -5
I've got more....
A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says "What seems to be the problem officer?" The cop looks bluntly at him and says "Are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?" The man let out a sigh "Thank fuck for that I thought I had gone deaf!"
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Post by Razgat on Jul 21, 2009 22:42:22 GMT -5
Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.
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Post by Razgat on Jul 21, 2009 23:07:19 GMT -5
And I have sexist jokes towards men, too...
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. A dog is always happy to see you
B. A dog only takes a couple of months to train
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
A. One - men will screw anything.
B. One - men will screw up anything.
C. Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it
How can you tell if a man is aroused?
He's breathing.
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
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Moniko
Short-story Writer
THAT KID!
Shaken, not stirred.
Posts: 396
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Post by Moniko on Jul 21, 2009 23:30:56 GMT -5
And I have sexist jokes towards men, too... What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A. A dog is always happy to see you B. A dog only takes a couple of months to train What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention. How many men does it take to screw a light bulb? A. One - men will screw anything. B. One - men will screw up anything. C. Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it How can you tell if a man is aroused? He's breathing. How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head. OMFG THESE ARE ALL HILARIOUS I've actually never heard a joke that is sexist towards men before. |
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Post by Razgat on Jul 21, 2009 23:45:08 GMT -5
An ex-wife spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on the pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited A few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked!
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man, asking how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she signed the papers that day.
She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
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Moniko
Short-story Writer
THAT KID!
Shaken, not stirred.
Posts: 396
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Post by Moniko on Jul 22, 2009 0:17:30 GMT -5
LOL
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Jul 22, 2009 9:29:25 GMT -5
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Post by tuberjustin on Jul 22, 2009 22:23:28 GMT -5
why are women bad drivers?
there isn't much road space between the kitchen, the laundry room, and the bedroom.
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thecheat
Local Author
The PuritanProphet
No use crying over spilled The Cheat.
Posts: 1,110
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Post by thecheat on Jul 22, 2009 22:25:41 GMT -5
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thecheat
Local Author
The PuritanProphet
No use crying over spilled The Cheat.
Posts: 1,110
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Post by thecheat on Jul 22, 2009 22:31:53 GMT -5
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Jul 22, 2009 22:39:28 GMT -5
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thecheat
Local Author
The PuritanProphet
No use crying over spilled The Cheat.
Posts: 1,110
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Post by thecheat on Jul 23, 2009 19:45:50 GMT -5
The second one is even better.
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Moniko
Short-story Writer
THAT KID!
Shaken, not stirred.
Posts: 396
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Post by Moniko on Jul 23, 2009 23:11:00 GMT -5
Epic
YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Jul 24, 2009 0:08:05 GMT -5
Epic YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH  |
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Post by Mizagium on Jul 24, 2009 7:56:15 GMT -5
Epic YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH no u |
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thecheat
Local Author
The PuritanProphet
No use crying over spilled The Cheat.
Posts: 1,110
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Post by thecheat on Jul 24, 2009 11:01:35 GMT -5
Why do the arms look furry?
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Jul 25, 2009 1:34:00 GMT -5
idk
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