Awesome Land!: An Interactive Story [archive]

[Mizagium]

"You wouldn't be referring to the Artifacts of Wisdom, would you?" the Queen asked. "Why, I haven't seen those things in ages!"

Cha Cha and Johnny exchanged worried glances.

"P-perhaps, Your Highness," Cha Cha began, stumbling over his words, hoping the Queen wouldn't become angry at his suggestion, "one of your subjects may have... misplaced them?"

[Mizagium]

The Time Keeper smirked, though his mouth was obstructed my his hands. "You are a fool...." Suddenly the very fabric of reality began to twist and warp around them.

The world around them shattered before their very eyes. It was replaced with whiteness. (Think Hyperbolic Time Chamber)

"Welcome to the Null-Void, a dimension on the very edge of reality itself. Get used to it, cause this is your new home. I can't have you interfering with my lofty goals."

With that, the Time Keeper vanished and reappeared back in Awesome Land. Now he had trapped two individuals beyond time and space.

[Mizagium]

Fortunatley for Cha Cha, The Queen was too loaded with fat to express any sort of anger.

"You must have!" Johnny exclaimed. "Those two guards told me they took they Ugly Stick and False Shield." Johnny then noticed that the guards had vanished.

[Mizagium]

The Time Keeper does not know Narrator very well. Even anti-physics cannot stand against his magic megaphone that he still had in his pocket. Narrator promptly took it out and, in a fashion befitting Super Buu, unleashed his pure vocal rage into it. The megaphone began to glow with the strain, but soon a hole appeared. Due to the sheer effort of the feat, the megaphone exploded and the tear appeared in some weird underwater place, but it still worked. Narrator stepped through the tear and closed it with the same dimensional zipper method he had used earlier. He turned around and saw some fat chick and all the other people in some underwater room. He knew who everyone was and what was going on because he's the Narrator.

"Sup peoplez. Miss me?" Narrator said.

Without waiting for an answer, Narrator went through another costume change. Instead of describing it in detail, I'll just tell you who he looks like now.





Goku

[Mizagium]

Johnny, Cha Cha, Salvatore, and The Queen stared in amazement as Narrator burst through a dimensional rift and promptly changed into a perfect Goku outfit.

"Narrator!" Johnny yelled excitedly. "I thought you were fighting Captain L--I mean Veralice--I mean Taenes' army..." Johnny stopped in confusion over the plot line that had been developed of late.

[Mizagium]

"Yeah, some shit happened and I shot that kid. Whatever, he'll probably be back. Some clock dude got mad at me for threatening me and ran away or whatever. My megaphone broke. I'm hungry," Narrator said.

[Mizagium]

"A clock man...hmmm..." Johnny mused over the meaning of Narrator's words as the Queen became angry.

"Who is this BUFFOON that DARES to disrupt my court!" She began hyperventilating now.

~Court?~ Johnny thought, ~I didn't know this was a court~

The queen calmed down. "Are you SURE you haven't seen the Artifacts of Wisdom?" Johnny asked of the Queen a final time.

[Mizagium]

"Did that fatty just call me a baboon?" Narrator whispered in Cha Cha's ear. "Who the hell are you anyways?"

[Mizagium]

FATTY?!" The Queen exclaimed. "I am the Queen of Special Land! A place that didn't even exist until a few post ago! Physics are defied here more often than in Awesome Land!"

Suddenly the throne rose up off the ground and the Queen hovered over to face Narrator one-on-one.

"You will PAY for your insolence!"

[Mizagium]

"Back off lady," Narrator said, somewhat repulsed by her breath.

Narrator brought up his boot and performed one of his signature moves, STANDING KICK. Fatty and her throne were blown back in a display of non-physics, hitting the wall and falling to the floor.

"What was that about physics?" Narrator asked. "Johnny, calm Fatty down before I have to kick her again."

[Mizagium]

"I'm sorry for my friend's insolence, Your Highness," blurted Cha Cha, anxious to find the Artifacts of Wisdom. The Queen was still fuming at being kicked around, but she calmed down enough to listen to Cha Cha. "He does that sometimes. You'll have to ignore it. Now, I don't mean to be rude, but we need to find those Artifacts."

"Don't worry, Trumpet Hero. I'm sure you and Johnny will be able to find it," the Queen reassured him.

"Thank you, Y -- wait. How do you know who I am?" Cha Cha stopped.

"Mmm? Your father never told you? Tsk, tsk. That Phantom never was a very good parent. When we were young, the King and Queen of Really Cool and I were all great friends. We often went on adventures throughout various lands, including Awesome Land and Really Cool Land. Then, one day, we were sailing back to Awesome Land from Really Cool when a massive storm hit our ship. Our ship sunk to the bottom of the ocean. We managed to escape the ship, but we were stranded in the middle of the ocean, clinging to a life raft. We drifted along for days without food or water. Then, one day, Queen Mambutoo O'Malley spotted a boat in the distance. Using the False Shield, the King created an illusion: a replay of our ship sinking. Your father, Phantom, was piloting the boat, and he spotted the illusion and hurried to our rescue. We boarded his boat and he took us to his home in Ausum Land. On our way back to Awesome Land after we had recovered, your father brought us here, to Special Land. He had discovered it years before when he was a mere child. He told us that, if we were ever in trouble on the seas, the people of Special Land would be there to protect us. If a ship sunk, its passengers always ended up in Special Land, no matter what side of Awesome Land the ship was on or how far away from Awesome Land the ship was. I decided to stay here because of my fascination with underwater life, while the Mambutoo O'Malleys returned to Really Cool."

"Now, as for your Artifacts.... GUARDS!!" A team of ten guards appeared from a side door in the throne room. "Find those two guards... what were their names again?"

"Fred and George, Your Majesty?" said the leader of the team.

"Ah, yes. Fred and George. Thank you, Rowlek. Find them and confiscate any items they may have with them, especially any swords, sticks, and shields. Bring both the weapons and the traitors to me. You will be rewarded greatly if you succeed in this task."

"Yes, Your Highness," said Rowlek. He and his team of guards bowed, then left hurriedly at the promise of a reward.

"Now," huffed the Queen, "back to you." She turned to Narrator and glared at him. "Who are you?"

[Mizagium]

"I'm the Narrator," said the Narrator.

[Mizagium]

As the many troops of Veralice's IA began to chatting about the scene taking place in the queen's throne room area place thing, Veralice awoke from his trance, slightly confused. Hystoger had apparently been confiscated when he 'trespassed' upon Special Land's ground, thus rendering him susceptible to confusion.

"Blast...Stupid fools must have taken my weapon. It matter's not...Perhaps my magic still works?" Veralice asked himself. Focusing all of his power he attempted to blow up the entire prison cell, failing miserably and only creating a small flame. "There must be a magic seal or something...Ah, well, perhaps my army knows a way to escape."

"You there!" Veralice addressed an unnamed generic soldier of the IA. "What is going on here?" he asked.

"Well, some guys just left the cell and now they're talking with the queen of Special Land, a piece of land you don't own lol." replied the generic soldier.

"..." Veralice said in a very annoyed tone. Using what little magic he could, he forced the soldier to spontaneously combust into flame, despite the fact they were underwater. Physics meant nothing in Special Land.

"Hmm? People left? And they're speaking with the queen. I must make sure they don't anger her any further; the last thing I need is to be executed!" Veralice said. Struggling to use some epic dark magic, he turned invisible and teleported to the queen's room, spying on their conversation like the ninja he wishes he could be.

[Mizagium]

"Well, Mr. Narrator," the Queen wheezed angrily, "youz gots some 'splainin' to do."

Cha Cha watched the door until the guards had left. He thought he saw something strange: a kind of blur. Not so much a blur of movement as blurred objects. The last guard to leave appeared to be passing through steam rising from the ground on a hot day. Cha Cha blinked and shook his head, then looked back. The door closed and the blur was gone. He thought nothing of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You, there! Stop!" someone shouted. The sound of hurried footsteps echoed down the long stone corridor in the underwater palace of Special Land.

"Oh, no! George! They've discovered us!" said Fred. "What should we do?"

"What're ya arskin' me fer?" said George. "Yer da smurt wun."

Fred stopped and smiled like a fool in pride. "Oh, yeah."

George slapped him in the face and grabbed his wrist, the Artifacts held tightly against his chest with one arm. "C'mon! They gunn' catch us!"

The two thieving guards kept running. They came to an intersection and turned off into the side hallway. They found a door and slipped inside, shutting the door behind them.

"Phew!" gasped George, trying to catch his breath. "That were close!"

"Yeah," panted Fred, putting his hands on his knees, glad to have some rest. He looked over at his brother and noticed the Artifacts in his arms for what seemed like the first time. "Now wait a minute! Why do you get to keep all of those shiny weapons? Gimme tha' sword," he demanded, disreguarding the capitalization of Sword, as he didn't realize that it was one of the Artifacts of Wisdom... actually, he had never even heard of them before. He grabbed at the the Sword, but George slapped his hand away.

"Ow!" cried Fred. "What was that for?"

"I finded these shinymabobs. They shud bez mine!" said George.

"Well, I helped take them! Now gimme tha' Sword!"

"No!" George swung the Ugly Stick and it connected with Fred's outstretched arm.

"Ow!" shouted Fred. He snarled at George and started to reach for the Stick. But then he noticed his arm. It had transformed. It was now as fat as the Queen's fist (and that's pretty huge) and as hairy as a bear, with meaty hands and claws for fingers. "Hey!" he yelped in fear. "What's going on?"

George took one look and burst out laughing. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. Fred growled and swiped at George with his new bear claws. George ducked, but Fred's claws still sliced off a chunk of his ear. George yelled in pain. He dropped the Sword and Shield and fell into a fighter's stance, impressive for his intellect. He hit Fred upside the head with the Ugly Stick, and his brother's head morphed into the ugliest, chubbiest, hairiest face you've ever seen. It was horrendously similar to that of Mrs. Beetschen's face. Fred roared and pounced on his brother. They rolled on the stone floor, hand to hand, Stick to claw, beating each other mercilessly until Fred looked like Mrs. Beetschen with about fifty times as much hair and George was dripping with blood. You decide: which would be worse.

While the two guards were fighting, the door creaked open and a blur moved into the room. The blur bent over consumed and the True Sword and False Shield. When Fred and George had finally finished fighting, George dropped the Ugly Stick, which clattered to the ground. The room they had chosen to hide in was the dining hall, so they went through another door into the kitchen to get a drink and regain their breath. The blur consumed the Stick then disappeared.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You, there! Stop!" yelled Rowlek. He and his team of guards had spotted the thieves and were now in hot pursuit. The only thing in their minds at this moment was "How would the Queen reward them?"

The team came to an intersection. Rowlek didn't take long to make his decision. "Xero, you take Mark, Yoret, Karrl, and Ysaak and go down that hallway. I'll take the others and keep going this way."

"Yes, Captain Rowlek!" said Xero. He headed off down the side corridor with his squad trailing behind him.

"Alright, men! Follow me!" Rowlek ordered. He continued down the stone hallway, constantly alert for the slightest movement.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xero panted as he and his squad kept running down the corridor. They ran past the dining hall, past the kitchen, past the armory, past the anime club's headquarters, past the aquarium, past Rowlek and his squad, past the dining hall, past the kitchen.... Xero stopped. ~I hate this place~ he thought, realizing he had been going in circles. Rowlek hadn't noticed Xero because Xero had emerged from the hallway behind Rowlek and his team after they had passed by. He started back toward the throne room, dejected and defeated. He passed the kitchen, then the dining hall. As he passed the dining hall, he heard a door creak. He turned around just in time to see a blur and the door to the dining hall close. He crept to the door and cracked it open to take a peak. There were the thieves! But they were fighting each other. And where were the Artifacts? One of the guards was holding the Stick, but where were the Sword and the Shield? He cracked the door open a little more and saw something flash in the candlelight. But then it disappeared in a blur. ~What is that blur??" he wondered. He looked back at the guards. They had stopped fighting, and the one with the Stick had dropped it with a clatter. The brothers walked into the kitchen, and Xero took his chance. He burst into the dining hall and dashed for the Stick. But it disappeared in a blur before he could reach it. He whirled around just in time to see the blur disappear out the door. He sprinted for the door, yelling an order for his squad to arrest the two brothers and putting Mark in charge. He came out into the corridor and looked both ways. He saw the blur moving hurriedly toward the Queen's throne room. ~No!~ He couldn't let the blur reach the Queen. He had no idea who the blur was or what its intents were, but he knew he had to stop it. He chased the blur at full speed, but the blur was too fast for him. Xero tripped on a loose stone and landed with a thud. He jumped to his feet, wiping blood from his nose, and ran after the blur.

"Stop!" he shouted. But the blur was gone. He had reached the throne room door. It was cracked open. No! It was too late!

He cautiously opened the door and came inside. Seeing the Queen was alright, he sighed in relief. The Queen just looked at him strangely. In front of her throne was a man. He wore a long silver cloak. In the center of the cloak was an image of a note. A musical note. An eighth note to be exact. The man had long graying hair that reached to his shoulders. He had a silver beard that extended to his chest. In his right hand was a long oak staff. In his left, he held out the three stolen Artifacts of Wisdom, extended out to be presented to the Queen. The man stood up and turned around. He looked at Cha Cha, then at Xero.

"Hello, boys," he said in a deep, heroic voice. "It's been a while."

"Phantom!" Cha Cha and Xero whispered in disbelief.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Mizagium]

"Did you know," started Cha Cha, "that, in Japanese, 'taco' means 'octopus'?"

..... Everyone just stared at him.

"Oh, sorry," apologized Cha Cha, reproving himself for blurting out random information after having been able to contain himself for so long. "That happens sometimes." That hadn't happened since he was a child. Perhaps it was the sight of his father that brought back that old habit.

[Mizagium]

Veralice, who had been staring at the queen's horrible figure, became startled not only by this random fact. He looked around from his hiding spot and saw the source of the fact: Cha Cha. His blood began to figuratively boil until he saw Johnny there as well, at which point his blood cooled down and he did his best to hold in his maniacal laughter.

[Mizagium]

Xero chuckled at his younger brother's forgetfulness. But his good humor disappeared abruptly when he saw the blur again. What was that thing!? It was behind his father, next to the Queen's throne.

Cha Cha noticed it too. Cha Cha grabbed his trumpet (he had reformed his trumpet from his various brass adornments) and held it beneath his cloak, ready just in case there was any danger.

Xero had done the same. He held his spear out in front of him in the manner of the Royal Guard. Having been summoned for a chase mission, he had decided to wear his cloak over his Guard uniform in case he had to disguise himself. This came in handy now, as he was able to hide his trumpet under his cloak and hold it unnoticed.

[Mizagium]

Phantom, being the father of the two trumpet warriors, noticed even the slightest movement of either one of the brothers. Seeing both of them reach for their weapons, he gripped Strad even tighter in his closed fist and made a very slight nod to his sons. They nodded back. They all understood.

Phantom spun around and flipped the True Sword into the air with his staff. Cha Cha caught the True Sword with his free hand and pulled his trumpet from his cloak. Xero lifted his spear to his shoulder, ready to throw, and brought his trumpet to his mouth. Phantom turned to face the direction his sons were facing and noticed the blur. The three trumpet warriors let out the biggest, loudest, highest, most perfectly in tune unison screamer note anyone in the room had ever heard. Veralice lost his concentration and dropped his invisibility, falling to his knees. The sound from the three trumpets were lazars, so everyone else in the room was unaffected, although they heard it. Xero and Phantom leapt at the fallen Emperor and swung their staff and spear. The two weapons collided, creating a scissor-like mechanism around Veralice's neck. Cha Cha jumped into the air and landed weightlessly on top of the sticks and held the True Sword with the tip at Veralice's throat.

"Veralice!" Cha Cha spat. "How'd you get out of your cell? And what do you want here anyway?"

[Mizagium]

What a nice formation... thought Veralice.

"Silence, triple crosser!" Veralice commanded Cha Cha. Using his dark magic he teleported behind Xero, Phantom, and one of his most hated nemeses, second to only Johnny. Rising to his feet, Veralice brushed off his hooded cloak.

"Someone seems to forget my abundance of magical power...But that is beside the point..." Veralice trailed off as he saw Cha Cha's sword. Words of the Time Keeper flew through his mind as he noticed a shield and stick were in the same room.

Snapping back to his senses, Veralice said "I refuse to be executed at dawn. Do you know how bad that would be for my reign over Awesome Land?" the emperor asked sincerely.

"My crew alerted me that some people had left after I awoke from my trance. I found that quite odd considering my soldiers are loyal beyond belief...So to make a long story short, after attempting to light someone on fire I remembered I had dark magic. I then turned invisible, teleported into this room, and began spying on you all to ensure you did not upset the monarch of this place." Veralice said breathlessly.

[Mizagium]

Cha Cha jumped from the sticks and landed behind Veralice and spun around to point his Sword at Veralice's chest. Xero and Phantom turned around and clashed sticks again, trapping Veralice between the four weapons.

"I see," said Cha Cha. "Did it ever occur to you that, perhaps, your minions are not as loyal as you think? Maybe someone else escaped after us?"

Cha Cha noticed Veralice glancing at the Ugly Stick and False Shield, and he kicked it aside, sending it skidding across the floor to Johnny's feet.

"Veralice," Cha Cha breathed, "you time is short. We've almost prepared the weapon of your doom. Be ready."

Cha Cha nodded at Phantom and the Music Legend disappeared. Xero backed off and lowered his spear, and Cha Cha replaced the True Sword in his belt. The two brothers hid their trumpets under their cloaks and stepped away from the imprisoned, weakened Emperor of Awesome Land. Xero continued to watch Veralice warily, keeping a tight grip on his spear in case the Queen was attacked.