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Post by Mizagium on Jan 26, 2011 20:33:15 GMT -5
FINAL SECTION(S)
Despite the extensive damage to Central Dogma, business continued more or less normally – some part of the complex exploded every other day, so really, it was a fairly common occurrence. The technicians and janitorial staff were becoming numb to the strange occurrences not listed in their job contract. They had to, it was in their contract. Seriously, the clause “Oh, and there might be some other weird stuff that happens on a daily basis. You just have to put up with that as well” despite being scribbled in at the last minutes, was just as binding as the rest of the document. I guess.
There was one among them, however, that was no getting used to the daily destruction of NERV headquarters: Sub-Commander Yuan Ka-Fai. He was returning with Kratos’s nameplate – it had taken longer than it should have because the inscription office was still busy making the one from last time, so they had to stop that one and begin again. Actually, they had to do it twice before they got it right because they accidentally misspelled “Diamond Swordsman” as “Demon Swordsman”, even though Yuan tried to argue that Kratos wouldn’t even notice. And now to complete the original sentence – when the impaled Core of Gaghiel crashed into the Commander’s office. Yuan could only stare helplessly as it dangled over the untouched desk, which was empty by the way.
Kratos left a note: “Yuan – I am a super-viral male specimen; be back whenever.”
Not even stopping to consider whatever the hell that meant, Yuan placed the new nameplate on the desk and hurried out, desperately shaking bad images from his mind.
-
Elsewhere, eleven black monoliths phases into existence in an empty chamber. The one labeled “SEELE 01” spoke to the others. “I hereby call this meeting of the Council of Seele to order.” From the safety of his office, the man who was Seele 01, brushed aside his golden locks, straightened his flawless white garments, drummed his perfectly manicured fingers on the length of his glowing purple sword, and frowned.
Things were most certainly not going according to the scenario.
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Post by Mizagium on Jan 27, 2011 19:23:39 GMT -5
since I can really edit the chapters at any time, it's going up now.
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Jan 28, 2011 23:00:56 GMT -5
Hey, my internet is working again!
Once again, great stuff.
AND SEELE OOOOOOOOO!
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 8, 2011 12:52:59 GMT -5
Tales of Evangelion
Chapter 4: A New Flashback
first section:
The twelve monoliths hovered in silence for a long moment before SEELE 01 spoke again. “We have a problem with the Children.”
04: I’ll say. Gaghiel got taken down like he was nothing. I haven’t seen a beatdown that one sided since 10 over there got his ass handed to him.
10: It was four on one! How am I supposed to win against that? And besides, you all got beat, too.
11: We, at least, put up a good fight! And we didn’t go whining afterward like the bitch-ass punk you are.
12: I…wheeze…agree…wheeze
06: We were smart! We went three-on-one! Stupid you!
09: … … … …
12: Shut up, 09. No one can understand you anyway.
05: Look, everyone, why don’t we –
02: Make me king of this meeting? Well, sure ok! As my first order of business –
01 pressed a button on his control panel which switched all of the monoliths, save his own, from “Sound Only” to “Mute”. He basked in the silence for a few minutes until the others realized no one else could hear them. Most of them would stop once no one was around to hear them. “Are we quite through?” he asked once sound had been restored and received one or two yeses, which was all he could hope for.
01: As I was saying, we have a problem. The first four Angels were taken down with little effort.
03: And that big walking whatchamacallit.
01: …Yes, thank you. And Jet Alone.
11: What kind of a stupid - ?
11’s sound was promptly switched off.
01: And now there are three pilots in Tokyo-3. I’m taking suggestions.
12: I…think…we…
12’s sound was also switched off.
06 : OMG WE THINK THAT WE SHOULD TOTALLY –
As was 06’s.
04: Well, what’s the strongest Angel we have?
05: Zeruel.
04: Then why don’t we just send him in right now? Obviously, the pilots are just going to keep getting stronger with each Angel they defeat. I KNOW HOW THESE THINGS WORK!
10: Well, uh, there’s a couple problems with that, there, 04. Ain’t that right, 07?
07: Squawk!
04: What problems? Isn’t our goal to crush NERV as well as any and all opposition to…whatever…wait, what they hell are we doing?
03: Instruments…Insulation…Inception…
05: Instrumentality.
03: Yeah, that one.
09: …
02: If I were in charge, we wouldn’t have this problem!
01: Ugh…ok. First off: killing all the pilots this early in the scenario is…not in the scenario. So that’s out. And why don’t we send Zeruel? Well…see…there was a signup sheet back in 2000. Sachiel rushed to be first – and was promptly humiliated. See, Zeruel is all the way down here at 14, right after Bardiel.
The center of the monoliths lit up and three-dimensional image of a piece of paper labeled “Order of attack”. The sounds of palms slapping faces echoed in the emptiness. What they didn’t see was that between Ramiel and Gaghiel, someone had scribbled in 4.5: Jet Alone.
04: So, uh, who’s next on the list?
01: Is…Israfel.
02: Oh god not them! This is a noble organization of testosterone and sex; we don’t need no frilly, dancing, sissy-boys representing us!
10: Oh man. Even Matariel would be a better choice than that.
02: No. Matariel’s a wimp. He’s going to get his ass – er – eye kicked harder and faster than even Sachiel did! We should have set him first!
01: Look, that’s the list and we have to stick by it. If an organization doesn’t obey its’ own rules, then what is it?
02: America?
01: Exactly.
08: Squawk!
01: Before we send the Twin Angels of –
04: Gay and gay!
01: - Dance and Poetry, let’s go back over the last few battles and see if there’s anything to be learned. Alright?
02: Hellz yeah. I want to see Sachile get his face pounded again!
03: Is this one of them fancy telemawhosists?
04: I still think we should smash them!
05: It’s a smart idea; strategy is important.
06: [Muted]
07: Where is Asuka?
08: Squawk!
09: … … …
10: Aw man, what a drag.
11: [Muted]
12: [Mu…te…d]
Fighting back a massive migraine, SEELE 01 flipped a switch and the image of the list was replaced by a holographic recording.
-
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Feb 8, 2011 17:10:54 GMT -5
love
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 12, 2011 20:45:08 GMT -5
Somewhere east of Tokyo-3, a battalion of tanks lined the mountainside road, watching intently over the submerged ruins of some city. Were the tanks part of the Japan Strategic Self Defense Force, then sure, the soldiers would probably have known what the place used to be before Second Impact. But, alas, the soldiers were from the United Nations, and thus could not give less of a fuck.
The day had passed so far rather uneventfully. Most of the tanks were switched off and the UN peacekeepers had exited the vehicles and were huddling in the shade. Man, these Japanese summers were something, huh?
“Hey, Sarge?” one soldier called in a heavy Southern American accent.
“What is it, Private?” answered the grizzled army veteran. He had fought in the conflicts that had followed Second Impact.
“How come we’re out here?”
“’Cause I ordered you here.” He chomped on his cigar.
“Well, yeah, I know that. But I mean…why did the UN send us out here?”
Sighing, Sarge pulled Private to his feet and directed his attention to the ocean. “Look out there, Private. What do you see?”
“Ocean, Sarge.”
“Exactly. All that you can see used to be civilization. Now, it has been reclaimed by the sea. Now, it is our enemy.”
“S-Sir?”
“Nature, I mean. We are in a never ending struggle against the forces of nature, seeking to reclaim the earth from our grasp.” Drama filling his mind, Sarge climbed up onto one of the tanks and balanced himself on the barrel. “For hundreds of thousands of years, humanity has struggled against the unforgiving wilderness. We built towns, cities, empires! All to protect form the bitch that is Mother Nature. The Twenty-First Century was to be our triumph over her! We would be the undisputed masters of the world – and do you know what happened?”
Private shifted uncomfortably. “Second Impact, sir?”
“That’s right. Mother Nature threw a goddamn meteor at us. Not one like she threw at the dinosaurs – no, those motherfuckers got a true asteroid! – but a tiny one, millimeters across. Millimeters! Do you know how insulting that is, Private? To have Nature not pay us the same respect as the fucking dinosaurs? Give me a T-Rex any day and I could wrestle that fucker down to the ground and rape it into submission.”
Private wished Sarge wouldn’t straddle the tank barrel to illustrate his point.
“We ain’t no pansy-ass dinosaurs, Private, we’re humans, by God! And not just any humans, but mothefucking Americans!”
-
At this point I pulled up YouTube and found America, Fuck Yeah! I then looped it over and over again, deliberately writing slowly so as listen to its inspiring words as many times as possible.
-
Seemingly hearing the patriotism, Sarge saluted an imaginary flag and remarked, “And we American don’t know when to quit!”
On cue, a column of water shot up in the distance.
“What the hell was that?” Private asked no one in particular.
“The enemy,” Sarge said, chomping down on the cigar. Around him, hundreds of war machines sputtered to life, belching gasoline fumes into the air. “All tanks, concentrate fire on the Enemy.” Somehow, everyone could hear the capital letter. A hundred rounds whistled through the air towards the figure emerging from the water.
“Fuck nature.”
-
When Lloyd arrived in Tokyo-3, it was more or less devoid of human life. Or Elven life. Or half-elven life. Or even Dwarved life. That’s not fair: all places are devoid of Dwarven life. He remembered seeing something about the Dwaves on the Discovery Channel. Something about how there was only a few of them left and that they were all male and so couldn’t make any more baby Dwarves, which meant they were going to die out soon. After a moment, he remembered that it was actually Galapagos Tortoises – but the idea was the same. Short, funny-looking race. Slow to breed. Master of crafting tools. Eh, potato potahto.
Anyway, the city was empty. After a cursory glance around, Lloyd shrugged and decided the only logical course of action was to try to find someone to talk to. Some people might call that breaking and entering. He called it exploring. Whenever he found an apartment empty, he examined all of the shelves for useful items. Some people call that stealing. He called it…well, he still called it stealing.
Bag of swag dragging behind him, Lloyd pressed forward.
-
The UN tank battalion hadn’t been enough to stop the thing, but Sarge had refused to order a retreat. Instead, he had somehow located a cutlass and brandished it as he continued to straddle the barrel of his tank – even as it cranked out shell after shell. In sight of his sheer defiance of death, no one dared retreat.
The figure was vaguely humanoid, with hunched shoulders and long spindly arms and legs. A red jewel was partially protected by an external rib cage. Private drew some comparisons between the thing’s face and the Plague Doctors of the middle ages.
“Mother of God,” Sarge sword. “It hideous.” As it neared them, they could see the sheels were doing no damage at all to the creature; it didn’t even stagger when hit. “Mother Nature sure is pissed at you, huh, Private?”
“Me, sir?”
But he didn’t get a response. The thing raised a hand and swiped away half the tank battalion with one strike. As it raised its hand again, this time to take out Sarge’s men, the grizzled veteran raised both of his own hands in a double-middle-finger salute.
Private watched with aw. “I love you, Sarge.”
“Eh?”
All of the tanks went flying away.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 12, 2011 21:45:57 GMT -5
The modified 1918 Alpine Renault A310 sped through the abandoned streets of an unspecified Japanese city, whipping around corners, doing well over a hundred mph, generally behaving like it was goddamn Tokyo Drift.
Disclaimer: I have never seen Need for Speed: Tokyo Drift. Nor do I plan to.
Ninja-Summoner extraordinaire, Sheena Fujibayashi screamed as she drove. “Corrine! Which pedal makes it stop again?” I use the term “drive” very loosely.
“The right one, the right one!” The vehicle accelerated enough to get some decent air off the back of a parked pickup truck with the ramp lowered. “I mean left! The left pedal!”
“Too late now!” The blue Alpine soared through the air in slow motion. Behind her, something exploded and the vehicle raced the slowly approaching flames. It made for a very exciting moment.
“What the fuck, Sheena?” Kuchinawa shouted from the back seat. “Have you never driven a goddman car before?”
“What the hell are you doing here, Kuchinawa?”
“Well, I came here to possibly kill you and avenge the destruction of Mizuho, but now I’m going to try and keep us from getting killed!”
“Aren’t you one of the Bridge Technicians?”
-
Meanwhile, back in the Command Center, Yuan stared at Kuchinawa’s empty seat.
“Colette, where’s Kuchinawa?”
“Oh, um. He said something about exacting revenge on the woman who destroyed his home town and killed his family.”
“Uh-huh.” The Sub-Commander picked a handwritten note he had not seen until then.
“Out for Revenge. Back in ten.”
-
“…That’s not important right now,” the male ninja insisted. “What is important is that we are flying in slow motion. Therefore, you have a lot of time to correct your angle before you land, so – “
“Here! You take over.” Sheena hopped over into the passenger seat. With a seductive smile, she patted the driver’s chair. Were he not out for revenge on her… Anyway, Kuchinawa climbed into the front seat. In doing so, he tilted the wheel. Somehow, that made the entire vehicle spin sideways in the air.
“This just got interesting,” he remarked, fastening his seat belt.
-
Lloyd collapsed onto his bag of swag – which now had SWAG painted onto the burlap – and looked around. After nearly forty-five minutes of looting, Lloyd hadn’t encountered a single soul. He’d found a load of gels, money, paint (which he had used for the label), books (which he subsequently lit on fire), and a sandwich. He munched absently on the stolen meal.
Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw something - a short girl with pink hair pulled out in large tails. When he sat up to get a better look, a flock of birds fluttered away, drawing his attention. The girl was gone by then.
“Screw you, birds!” He threw the last of his sandwich at the pigeons, only to realize his folly as one of the flying rats swooped down and picked the food out of the air.
Defeated, he flopped back onto his swag. “What did that letter say?” He dug into his pockets and found the letter – the only piece of snail mail ever sent in the last thirteen years. I mean, come on, seriously. One word: E-mail. I refuse to believe that in four years, Japan, of all places will still be using paper mail.
The first letter was from a man named Kratos, who claimed to be his father, and requested his presence in Tokyo-3. The other was a picture of a woman named Sheena, bent forward to emphasize her cleavage. Unfortunately, Lloyd couldn’t read Japanese, so he had no idea what the characters on the picture said, but…well, he had nothing better to do.
Off in the distance, he heard an explosion. Curiously, he turned over in that direction. The next thing he saw made him sit up and smile. A blue car was spinning through the air at ultra-slow speeds while a cloud billowed out after them. He swore he could hear the screaming.
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Feb 12, 2011 22:12:45 GMT -5
Both of these updates were too funny.
Seriously, you have a knack for this sort of thing.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 12, 2011 22:48:59 GMT -5
“Three…” Kuchinawa gripped the wheel with both hands and shifted the car between drive, neutral, reverse, and back.
“Two…” Sheena gripped the sides of her chair with enough pressure as to actually puncture the fabric with her nails.
“One…” Corrine ran around furiously across the dashboard screaming, “WE’RE GONNA DIE WE’RE GONNA DIE OH HOLY SHIT WE’RE GONNA DIE!”
The Alpine Renault completed one final rotation just in time for the front wheels to hit the asphalt. Kuchinawa slammed the brakes until the back tires until they hit the ground as well, at which point he hit the accelerator. “I’m pretty sure cars don’t work this way, but I don’t give a fuck right now!”
The car continued on without trouble. Until they spotted Lloyd sitting on his swag. Everyone screamed as Kuchinawa cranked the wheel sharply to the right and slammed the brakes. The car did a sideways donut around the red-clad teen before physics decided to kick in again and it screeched to a halt.
The passenger-side door opened and Sheena fell out, laughing hysterically. “Dude, that was awesome! I’ve always wanted to be a stunt driver!”
“You didn’t drive!” Kuchinawa shouted, his voice shaking. Visibly, he was on the verge of tears.
“Whatever.” She noticed the kid standing over her. “Hey, is your name Lloyd?”
“Give me your name and I shall give you mine.”
“Yeah, the Commander said you’d say something like that.” With cat-like agility, she was on her feet. “Captain Sheena Fujibayashi, at your service.”
“Oh, so you’re the one from the picture.”
“So you saw?” she asked with a lecherous grin. He was much better looking than in the photos Kratos had showed her. And the ones she found on her own. Much better looking.
“Yeah. Man that was cool! You guys raced that explosion and everything!”
“It was pretty badass, wasn’t it?” Kuchinawa was breathing into a paper bag and Corrine had vanished completely. “Pansies. What exploded, anyhow? It just seemed like one happened for no reason.”
Oh, uh, see, a tank fired way off course, and it, uh…yeah. :3
Overhead, a squad of VTOLS zoomed away. The ground rumbled in a steady rhythm. Over the tops of the buildings, Lloyd saw the hunched shoulders of the Angel. “Whoa!”
Sheena checker he watch. “Damn, we’re behind. Hey, Kuchinawa, if you’re not going to grow a pair, get out of the driver’s seat. Kid,” she turned to Lloyd. “I’ve always wanted to say this: come with me if you want to live.”
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Feb 12, 2011 22:52:19 GMT -5
yay
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 12, 2011 23:17:13 GMT -5
“So, is this Kratos guy really my father?”
“Yep. Why?”
“Well, I just always lived with Dirk, so I kind of assumed he was my dad.”
“But he’s a Dwarf. Don’t you watch the Discovery Channel?”
“Yeah, but grow up with him for 14 years and it’s hard to think of him as anything else.”
“I understand. Igaguri wasn’t my real father, but he took me in after he found me in the forest. Ramp!”
The blue Alpine Renault caught some massive air; Lloyd and Sheena screamed in delight. Kuchinawa curled up on the floor of the back seat and whimpered. He could drive crazy – hell, he just outran that slow motion explosion not a few minutes ago. Or was it longer? He studied the effect slow motion action sequences had on time dilation in college, but right now he was having trouble thinking beyond an ‘I’m gonna die’ level right now.
Unbeknownst to many, but ninjas are actually very well educated, particularly in quantum physics. How else do you think they can avoid detection or kill with a single motion? Kuchinawa’s study of time dilation and relativity is actually a fairly common field for ninjas to go into. One of the most important things a ninja can learn to awesome action scenes, preferably those that occur partially in slow motion. The so-called “bullet-time” is skill all ninjas are born with, able to slow down or speed up time in a localized area. The more awesome a particular attack is, the more time slows. Explosions rank nearly at the top as producing the most time dilation. Most ninja skills rank somewhere near the middle, above dramatically spinning around, but below dropping a glass after a dramatic revelation. Going off a ramp ranked fairly low on the chart, unless there was an explosion; there wasn’t.
He would have to remember to sync the clocks with the correct time once they returned. If they survived.
The car rocked as it landed. “I guess you’ll just have to talk to him when we get there.”
“How is he?”
“Er…”
-
Bottle of chardonnay in hand, Kratos leaned over the railing of Cage 7. “I say, aren’t you a sexy little kitten?”
Unit 01 broke the restraints on its mouth and let out a bestial RRRWAAAAAAWWR.
“Fiesty.” He poured two glasses.
-
“He’s alright.”
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Feb 12, 2011 23:18:35 GMT -5
:3
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 13, 2011 0:09:18 GMT -5
05: I’m sorry, but how is any of this relevant?
The hologram froze.
01: I’m sorry?
05: Well, it’s just…you said we would go over the last three Angel battles, but so far we’ve hardly seen Sachiel.
10: Yeah. I mean, I enjoy a good cartoon now and then, but – look I don’t really want to be here. Can we speed this along.
04: Fools! This only builds the suspense! We all know Sachiel is going to get his ass kicked, we just don’t know when!
10: No, I’m pretty sure we do know when.
04: You wanna go, Mole-butt?
10: What? Dude, no I was just –
02: No fighting in my court! Unless I say it’s allowed. And I do.
03: Keep it down, you kids! I’m trying to watch the holojigger!
SEELE 01 slammed his head repeatedly on his desk, pressing the Play button by accident.
-
The female figure climbed up out of the coolant, having thoroughly inspected the portions of Unit 01 that were submerged. Regular inspections were important because…uh, just because. Got to make sure the giant armored cyborg continued to operate in top shape right? I guess, considering the damn thing had never been used. Ever. …Eh, I’ll quit now, while Eva 01’s eyes are only glaring slightly at me.
The female hoisted herself up onto the edge of the platform and removed the breathing mask, spitting out a small amount of the coolant. Off came the flippers and the head portion of the wetsuit, revealing long silver-blond hair. Uncertainly, she looked over at her supervisor.
“Very good,” Raine said. “Now the rest.”
-
“Did you guys hear that?”
“What, Lloyd?”
The teen looked around uncertainly. “Sounded like a woman screaming.”
Sheena and Kuchinawa exchanged a look. “Probably Raine’s newest assistant,” the male ninja said carefully.
Sheena sighed. “She already went through the last one that quick?”
“Poor choice of words.”
The elevator slid to a halt before Lloyd could ask any further question – not that he was going to; Kuchinawa’s comment had thoroughly disturbed him – and the door slid open, revealing a tall, half-elven woman. She was probably the only one remotely dressed for her job. Underneath her orange vest, were a white button up and black pants. Not that anyone seemed to care.
“Hello, Sheena. Kuchinawa.”
The two ninjas nodded their greeting. “What was that we heard?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
They shivered.
“Is this the Third Child?”
“Who the hell do you think he is?” Sheena deadpanned. Then, “He better be. We just raced across two cities, outraced an explosion in slow motion, and nearly got trampled by the Angel. Kuchinawa nearly had a heart attack.”
“I did not!”
Raine sighed. “Can I see your hand, Lloyd?”
“Sure.” He instinctively held up his right hand – the hand with the Exsphere embedded in it.
“Hm. This seems right. Ok, just had to make sure. Welcome to NERV, Lloyd Irving.”
He grinned. “Hey, thanks! What is it you guys do here?”
Raine raised an eyebrow. “Did you read the folder they sent you?”
Folder? Lloyd thought back to the pile of books he burned earlier. He vaguely remember tossing something with the NERV logo onto the top of the pyre. Boy did that thing burn – oh crap. He left it burning, didn’t he? That means someone will be coming home to find their couch on fire.
“No,” he answered honestly. “Reading is for losers and the British.”
“Just as well. Everything in there is a complete load. The real good stuff is classified.”
After a moment, Sheena asked, “Why do we even make those?”
Silence passed uncomfortably as the lift continued downward. The door opened and they filed into a dark room. It was Sheena who asked, “What the hell?”
“Behold,” Raine announced. “The ultimate weapon of humanity! And elven and half-elven and dwarven! The cybernetic life-form known as – “ the light clicked on, revealing a large, purple visage. “Evangelion!” Somehow, Lloyd was positioned exactly in the center of the thing’s eyes.
“Was that necessary?” Sheena shot at Raine.
The half-elf scientist shrugged. “I don’t get to dramatically reveal things to people that much, so I figured I should ham it up as much as possible now.”
Lloyd back up, admiring the Eva. “Right, right. So…why am I here?”
“You remember that thing that nearly killed us earlier?” Sheena asked.
“You?”
“Besides that.”
“The car?”
“Besides that!”
Lloyd blinked. “…You again?”
“No! That big think we saw: the Angel.”
“Oh yeah. What about it?”
“If it isn’t stopped, it’s going to kill all of us or something – we’re not exactly sure. But we need you to – “
“Pilot the Evangelion!” Raine finished.
Lloyd looked from Raine to Sheena to Kuchinawa. They all nodded; no, this woman wasn’t completely insane, we really do need you to pilot this purple robot. “Hm. Do I have to read the instruction manual first?”
“No, I’m afraid there isn’t any time.”
“Awesome.”
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Feb 13, 2011 0:16:03 GMT -5
Yessss. Good. No the rest...
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 13, 2011 2:10:29 GMT -5
This section goes right after SEELE council scene and right before the Raine-creeper scene.
-----
“Why did we stop?” Lloyd peered out the window at the mountains.
“Because Kuchinawa needed time to change his pants,” Sheena replied disinterestedly.
“Shut up!”
“No! Be a real ninja and grow a pair! Crazy-ass stunts like we just pulled shouldn’t even faze you.”
“I don’t think driving the car off the side of the roadway and landing three terraces down merely for “shits and giggles” counts as crazy-ass stunts! That crosses into suicidally insane!” He was raving now, waving his hands wildly though the air even when not speaking.
Sheena produced a pair of binoculars from her bra and leaned over Lloyd and out the window. “I don’t think ‘suicidally is a word. Look, see? That little red zigzag line is underneath it.”
“You’re missing the point! Aaaahhhh!” He gripped the back of Sheena’s seat and started shaking it violently, almost spastically.
“Whatever.” Sheena’s position afforded Lloyd an excellent view of her breasts. Obviously she was doing that on purpose. Unfortunately for her, Lloyd was an idiot.
“Nice binoculars! Can I see?”
“No.” She scanned the mountaintops looking for… “Aha. There’s the bastard.” The Angel, Sachiel moved with lazy intent across the countryside, on a direct route to Tokyo-3. Ever so slowly, it vanished behind the mountains. “Oh crap. There’s an N2 Mine planted there – get down!”
Sheena seized Lloyd and covered him with her body –basically shoving his face into her chest. Kuchinawa was frothed at the mouth and continued to shake the seat. Moments later, the area was drenched in a terrible light, like a second sun born behind the mountains. Kuchinawa barely had time to think Ooh, pretty before the shockwave rolled the car over. And over. And over. Finally it landed on its side in the dirt. In the chaos, Lloyd had somehow been thrown out of the car and landed on his ass a dozen feet away. Kuchinawa had been thrown forward and now replaced Lloyd as having his face in Sheena’s chest.
“What the – Kuchinawa!”
“…I don’t hate this.”
Moments later, he was thrown from the vehicle and landed on his face beside Lloyd. Faintly, he heard her whisper, “That spot is reserved for Lloyd.”
“How’re you feeling, Kuchinawa?” Lloyd asked.
“Sane.”
“That’s good.”
Sheena tumbled out of the overturned car. “Well, don’t just stand there, you idiots! Come help me flip this car!” Sighing, the two men obeyed the call of their demon driver.
When it was right side up again, they all resumed their original seats. Kuchinawa had regained his sanity during the explosion and was sitting rather at ease in the back. Lloyd twiddled his thumbs in the passenger seat while Sheena casually steered down the mountain. She seemed to see something in her rear view mirror.
“We’re not gonna make it.” The brief silence that passed was just long enough for them to realize exactly what that meant. Calmly, Kuchinawa slid from his seat and curled up on the floor. Lloyd braced himself with one hand on the ceiling, and the other on the dashboard. On cue, Sheena veered to the left and smashed through the guardrail, sending the Alpine off the side of the mountain.
“It’s a shortcut, I promise!”
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 13, 2011 2:55:57 GMT -5
Thoroughly pissed off at being hit with an N2 Mine, Sachiel marched through the empty streets of Tokyo-3. Man, they even made me have to grow a new face…thing. And it itches! They say I shouldn’t scratch at it while it’s healing, but it’s so itchyyyyy! I really could use something to take my RAGE out on!
Right on time, Evangelion Unit 01 was hoisted up through the access elevator. Directly in front of Sachiel.
Oh, you’ll do nicely.
“The water smells like blood.” Lloyd complained.
Sheena answered over the radio. “Two things. One: it’s LCL not blood. Two: shut up and deal with it.”
“Hey look it’s that thing from before.”
“It’s an Angel, Lloyd,” Sheena answered levelly. “You know, the think that almost killed us.”
“Your car?”
“…”
“Where’d Raine go? I thought she was supposed to be talking me through this or something?”
“She’s having an episode right now.”
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“OH MY GOD DO YOU SEE THAT THING? WHAT A MARVELOUS PIECE OF EVOLUTION! LOOK AT IT. OH MY ARE HOSE GILLS? WHAT WOUL IT NEED GILLS FOR …UNLESS – OF COURSE! IT CAME FROM THE SEA, SO IT MUST BE AMPHIBIOUS! IT HAS TWO HEADS? NO, ONE IS DAMAGED, SO IT MUST BE TRYING TO REGROW A NEW ONE! OH MY THE CORE! THE CORE THE CORE THE CORE! I NEED TO STUDY THAT RIGHT AWAY! I WONDER WHAT THAT BONE PROTruding from the baaaaaaack ooooffff theeeeee aaaarmmmsss……” Raine wobbled on her feet before falling forward onto the main console, narrowly avoiding Colette.
Kratos surreptitiously stashed the blowgun away in his breast pocket and folded his hands in front of his face. “Just as planned.”
-
“Eh. Looks Like I’ll be your contact for now, okay ♥?”
“Can you just tell me how to kill that thing over there?”
“Let’s start slow. Try and make it walk.”
“How?”
“I don’t fucking know! I’ve never driven a giant robot before. Raine is the only person who can help you right now, but she’s drooling on the linoleum.”
“I’ll figure it out.” Lloyd looked around. “Hm. Those must be the leg controls, and these must be the arms…so ALL FORWARD!” Lloyd depressed both pedals and thrust both hand controls forward. Eva 01 lurched forwards as though it were a rag doll a giant tossed aside.
Sachiel blinked as the robot flew its way.
Oh crap.
The two giants tumbled through the streets before landing with Eva 01 on top of Sachiel. “That was awesome!” Lloyd exclaimed.
“The core, Lloyd! Hit the core!”
“The what?”
“The fucking red ball thing poking out of its chest!”
But before Lloyd could react, Sachiel seized Unit 01 and tossed it away like yesterday’s burnable garbage. Angrily it jumped to its feet and sent a fricken eye blast in Lloyd’s direction, but overshot it. The harbor went up in a pink cross-shaped explosion.
Hm. That should have hit him. Althought I’m still seeing through BOTH of my heads, so I guess it makes sense that my aim is a little wonky. Oh well, I got time. I’ve got all the time in the OHHOLYSHIT!
Unit 01 jumped onto Sachiel’s back, holding on by wrapping it’s legs around the Angel’s middle and throwing both arms over the shoulders. Everyone in the Command Center could swear they heard Lloyd shout “EAGLE!” before jumping.
-
Sheena held the radio out in front of her face and shouted into it, “Lloyd! The knife! In the left shoulder pylon is the progressive knife!”
“The what in the what?”
“Grr. In the right shoulder thingy in a knife thing that can glow and vibrate and pierce Sachiel’s core!”
Richter blinked at her. “Can vibrate and pierce?”
“Oh shut up.”
-
Eva 01 retrieved the deployed progressive knife and jammed it into the Core. Sparks flew everywhere as the Angel thrashed against its attacker. Lloyd, however, was the master of Surprise Back Sneak Attack Eagle Jump Strikes! On an unrelated not, he was also very bad at naming his attacks.
Feeling its time was done, Sachiel reached back and grabbed Eva by the shoulder pylons. Fuck it. If I’m going down, I’m taking you with me. The entire body of the Angel turned to rubber and wrapped around the Eva. The core and its eyes flashed with power.
Lloyd had just enough time to exclaim, “What the fu – “ BOOM!
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 13, 2011 3:14:06 GMT -5
AND THE FINAL ACT
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SEELE 01 paused the hologram. Against his better judgment, he un-muted the other monoliths. Very much to his surprise, he was met with silence. He took advantage of the quiet to apply a cream to the large bruise on his forehead. The desk now possessed a deep indentation exactly the shape of his head. In the forehead vs. desk showdown of the century, the desk came out the loser. But it was a pyrrhic victory.
10: I’m pretty sure it didn’t happen that way.
01: What?
10: The fight. I don’t remember any of that.
05: Agreed. My memory recalls the battle in a much different manner.
01: That’s impossible. This recording is generated from every surveillance device present in the city at the time of the assault, as well as three orbiting satellites, and the second hand account of a mentally disabled hobo. There’s no way it’s wrong.
11: Seriously! What happened to the head-piercing? And the blood! What about the ten thousand gallons of pressurized blood spewing forth from its head?
10: I don’t remember that either, though.
11: Hey shut up!
07: Where is Aska?
03: I don’t know where I am.
SEELE 01 wasn’t paying attention, thankfully. He was examining the hologram generator. Curiously, he found two extraneous cords that didn’t seem to connect to anything. And that’s when he noticed the logos: SEELE 02, and SEELE 04. It took about three seconds to realize what had happened. He gave the cords a quick tug.
02: Hey what gives?
04: Are you trying to screw me up, four-arms?
02: As if I require cheating in order to deliver a most satisfactory beatdown unto your ass!
04: You still did it!
02: I said I didn’t need, to, not that I wouldn’t.
01: Did you two hack into the hologram and use it as a game console?”
02: …
04: …Maybe.
01: Uh-huh.
He disconnected the cords.
01: Thanks to that ungodly waste of time we’re moving right along. Right after 12 gives you the short summary of the ACTUAL battle, mmkay?
12: So…there was…like these two…things…one was…purple…
SEELE 01 switched off the speakers to his room and reclined in his chair. He had a good three or four hours in which to get some beauty sleep.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 13, 2011 3:33:13 GMT -5
POST CREDITS SCENE
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So you’re all spared three hours of wheezing (and because I feel the need to explain some things) we’re going to skip right to the end of the speech. Everything about that battle happened the same way as was described, except that when Sachiel tossed Eva 01, he did the whole ‘lance of light though the eye’ thing. Then Lloyd did the flying Eagle attack strike…thing.
-
“Aim the cannon downward!”
The barrel of the tank rotated to point directly at the ground.
“Fire!”
The tank jolted up a bit in the air and flipped over so that the treads were flat. Up ahead, the metropolis of Tokyo-3 sprawled out before them. A large cross-shaped explosion shot up near the center of the city.
“Sir, we’re approaching Tokyo-3. At this rate, we’ll land just off shore.”
Sarge chomped down on his cigar.
“I love it when a plan comes together.”
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Feb 13, 2011 12:11:22 GMT -5
...Did that tank just rocket jump?
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 13, 2011 12:34:33 GMT -5
Yes
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