|
|
Post by Myrdraxxis on Mar 8, 2011 22:21:50 GMT -5
"Don't mind her." Azzi said, approaching the hooded man...with an afro? "I'm Azzi, by the way. Azzi Thundercougerfalconbird." the ninja greeted.
"Sindri." the shadow mage returned. He looked around almost nervously. "So, do you know what exactly this party is all about?"
"No idea." Azzi shrugged. "It might be because we beat a dragon, might not. I just got here to Awesome Land so I ain't sure."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Errr what?" Gree said, finally rescuing his arm from The Doctor's grip. "I'm afraid I'm not sure what you're talking about sir." He reached up and -dramatically- ripped the mustache off of his mask. "My name isn't "Captain". I'm Gree." he figured it couldn't hurt. nobody here knew that name....
...right?
|
|
|
|
Post by Mizagium on Mar 8, 2011 22:26:47 GMT -5
Sometime during that, Stella stopped spinning. Suddenly, she was right up in Sindri's face with her stuffed lawlasaurus. "I'll call you Squishy," she said to Sindri. "And you shall be my Squishy."
~~~~~
Torran nearly fell off the roof when he heard Gree's name. He then jumped off, disguising it as a fall. He totally didn't fall.
"GREE!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Myrdraxxis on Mar 8, 2011 22:46:57 GMT -5
"I...what?" Sindri asked in confusion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"GREE!" Gree froze, hearing his name. That voice was familiar....he whirled around just in time to see Torran falling jumping at him.
"OH SHI-" He jumped out of the way, pulling out a combat knife instinctively.
|
|
|
|
Post by Mizagium on Mar 8, 2011 23:16:19 GMT -5
Torran drew his knives and pointed angrily at Gree. "My name is Torran! You killed me! Prepare to die!"
~~~~~
Stella smiled warmly before saying, "Man, Vamp, Squishy is crazy. What did you want to talk to me about, Squishy?" She poked him lightly in the side of the head.
|
|
|
|
Post by Monika on Mar 8, 2011 23:21:19 GMT -5
And then the entire city caught fire.
No, seriously.
"While I normally don't question your judgment, Aurora, I must ask...Are you sure about this? It seems a bit-
"Over the top? Unnecessary? Disproportionate? All of the above? Yes. Yes it is. But Giggles made my brother cry and RUINED MY THRONE ROOM! He will suffer dearly for his crimes against the empire!" Aurora cut Chancellor Awesome off before hearing any more of his logic.
"But, Aurora, the throne room can easily be-
"NO BUTS! Just do it before I fire you!...Oh my gosh, did I just make a terrible joke? DO IT QUICKLY, CHANCELLOR!" Aurora's teenage rage, or, 'teenrage' blinded her to any form of actual thinking. With a heavy sigh, Chancellor Awesome lifted his staff into the air, calling upon the power of one of Awesome Land's elemental pillars. "As you wish, Your Majesty..." Immediately, all of the rain (which had still been happening) vanished, and the sky darkened. A beam of red light came from the direction of the First Imperial Tower and swept across the ground of Dynasty City. Almost immediately, the entire city burst into flames, and the city's perimeter was surrounded by a ring of fire.
"Thank you, Chancellor." Aurora curtly showed her gratitude to Chancellor Awesome before hovering over to a large stage near the center of the city. It had been set up for a concert and Miley Cyrus was playing.
"NODDIN' MY HEAD LIKE-
"I'm sorry. I need this stage now." Aurora produced her Imperial Sceptre from her robe pocket and pointed it toward Miley, who promptly turned into a writhing mass of Jell-O pudding. Floating above the stage, being sure not to step in the pudding, Aurora spoke into her staff, which apparently doubled as a microphone.
"People of Awesome Land! Our buildings are destroyed, are crops have been ravaged, and the entire capital is burning to the ground! Do you know why this is?!" Aurora shouted. Some of the people who had been watching the concert muttered something along the lines of 'Because you burned it?' Those people were promptly struck by lightning.
"SILENCE!" she yelled. Her voice rang throughout the empire despite the fact she was a teenage girl. "The problems and struggles we have faced for over 5 minutes now can all be attributed to one man!" Aurora pointed the sceptre in a random direction. The entire crowd in that area parted, not wanting to incur her wrath. The only person not smart enough to leave was...Giggles the clown. He was still there, playing in his clown car, laughing obnoxiously.
"Giggles the Clown!" Aurora shouted. The entire population of the city gathered around Giggles in an ominous, mob like fashion, glaring at him angrily for the damage he apparently caused.
"Wuh ha, wuh ha, wuh huh?" Giggles got out of his car and put his hands on his hips. "WHAT? What's goin' on here? What the hell did I do? Why's everyone starin' at me? Oh, I get it. You all want some quality jokes! Alright, how about this-
"SILENCE!" Aurora yelled once more. "It is because of your jokes the empire is in this state to begin with!" She motioned toward...everything around her, all of which was on fire. None of which was really Giggles' fault.
"YEA! THIS CLOWN HAS CAUSED ALL OUR PROBLEMS!" the crowd chanted. Suddenly, they were all armed with pitchforks and torches, and the sky grew even darker.
"Make it rain for dramatic effect." Aurora whispered to C. Awesome. Another sigh later, the chancellor summoned a torrential rainstorm. Somehow, it didn't put out any of the fire.
"What are you on about? My jokes are Grade 'A' quality!" From his clown car, Giggles pulled out a carton of eggs labeled 'Grade A' on them. "In fact, you might even say they're eggcellent! Wuh ha! Wuh ha!"
The crowd moved in around Giggles.
"Tough crowd..." he muttered.
"Because of you, all of Dynasty City is under siege by the flames of anti-comedy! Because of you, Leon Veralice, once the most feared man in all of Awesome Land, has been reduced to a shattered wreck from the horrors of nega-humor! Because of you, Giggles, my throne room has been deluged by the waters of the ocean of unfunny!" Clearly taking after her brother in this respect, Aurora somehow managed to turn the entire city against a single person with a wondrous speech that made little sense if thought about for too long.
"YEA! THE CLOWN MUST DIE!" they yelled.
"What do you have to say in your defense, fool?!" Aurora pointed the sceptre accusingly at Giggles and waited for an answer. Regardless of what the answer was, though, she had no intention of accepting it.
"Boy, I haven't seen this many flamers since I went to California! Eh, eh?" Giggles pointed toward the flames from the torches around him in a useless effort to explain his joke.
Aurora shook her head and prepared for the final verbal blow. "Giggles the Clown, you are a danger to yourself, to society and to the empire. For your crimes against the nation of Awesome Land, you are hereby banished from the country."
"W-What? Be reasonable, Toots! My jokes weren't all-
But Aurora would have none of it. "Since this problem arose from the flooding of my tower, the only suitable location for you would be under the sea."
"Hey, hey! Wait! Can't we talk about this? Wanna hear my mermaid joke again? What did the mermaid-" But before Giggles could finish, his mouth had been gagged and taped over, he had been bound and cinder blocks magically appeared around his feet.
"People of Awesome Land, with this you may take the source of all of our problems and cast him away into the watery abyss!" Aurora nodded and watched the crowd of people grab the poor clown and drag him to the shore, hearing chants of "DOWN WITH GIGGLES!" every now and then.
|
|
|
|
Post by Mizagium on Mar 8, 2011 23:28:32 GMT -5
The other four member of the Crossmen squad watched the scene from afar, somehow having escaped the flames of their Empress's teenrage.
"Should we do something?" Matteas asked.
"Nah," Jace replied simply. "I think the people have got this covered." He casually indicated the murderous mob. "Besides, our job is to protect the land. According to Aurora, this unfunny clown man is a threat." He shrugged, as if to say, what can we do?
"Still doesn't seem right," Sherri mused. "Poor clown. He wasn't funny, sure, but this?"
Crass was busy chanting with the crowd to say anything.
"I wouldn't worry too much," Matteas added, fixing his glasses. "If he drowns, he'll just end up in Special Land. You can breath down there."
As if that made complete sense.
"Hey." Sherri looked around suddenly. "Has anyone seen Torran?"
"He muttered something about avenging his death," Jace waved off. "I don't know."
|
|
|
|
Post by Myrdraxxis on Mar 8, 2011 23:35:09 GMT -5
Gree (as well as the rest of Havoc squad) stared at the mob for a moment, before Green quickly turned back to Torran pointing his own knife at the man. "Yeah? Well my name is Gree! and You kill me! You will die!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
"Uhhh....well..." Honestly Sindri had lost his train of thought with this new series of events. What was he supposed to be doing again?
"Don't worry, you'll get used to her." Azzi grinned at Sindri.
"Really?"
"......no." Azzi shook his head.
........
"Well, honestly, I'm not sure what I was going to say anymore." Sindri said. In his mind, he was debating.
There were defferent levels of contingency planning in his mind. A sort of DEFCON system, if you will. Thus far, given the state of things, it had risen from a "Wait and see" level to "Get ready for shit to go down" level.
When the city caught fire it had officially gone to "The world is going mad, call in the boss" mode. Hence, it was time.
"If you'll excuse me...I have some associates to gather up." Sindri grinned. He ripped off his phony disguise and ran off into the crowd to fond Havoc squad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The main office of the Dynasty City Intelligence was a rather big building. Ever since the city's founding, the agency had been growing, and to date there were roughly twelve teams of agents in the field. But right now, Department Chief Dace wasn't concerned with any of that.
He sat behind his desk, staring at the assembled Vanguard squad from behind a haze of cigarette smoke. "Well, I gotta tell ya guys. I'd really like to know what happened here." he referred to the rather large fire that was raging outside the giant window behind him.
Myrxxan cleared his throat, the young mage deciding to speak for the rest of Vanguard. "well chief...we believe that it was Empress Aurora-"
"I know it was." Dace snapped. "What I want to know is why we allowed it to happen. Half of this agency's job is to make sure that the mental balance of our Empress is stable so THIS-" he waved out at the fire, "doesn't happen!"
"Uhh....oops?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Mizagium on Mar 9, 2011 13:25:02 GMT -5
Jace scratched his chin. "I guess we should make sure that Giggles doesn't drown, huh?"
Sherri sighed. "That's what I was saying."
"But the clown is unfunny!" Crass complained. "Also he's kinda creepy. Have you heard his laugh? It's like he's got a busted lung of something."
Sherri flicked him in the ear. "We still can't let an angry mob kill him."
"Torran is that way," Matteas pointed. "We should pick him up along the way."
Jace nodded. "Right. Crossmen, move out!"
~~~~~
Before Torran and Gree could engage in an Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, he heard Jace call his name from the rooftops.
"Torran! Move your butt, we've got a clown murder to stop."
"Grr. Fine. Next time, Gree, I swear I'll kill you."
He was gone.
~~~~~
The five cloaked figures bounded from rooftop to rooftop.
"So Havoc Squad is in the city," Torran said offhandedly.
Without missing a beat, Jace shouted, "Crossmen, about face!"
The Chief needed to know about this. Giggles would be fine. Right?
|
|
Major Xeno
Aspiring Author
Master of Fire
A Perfect World makes a Horrible Story
Posts: 639
|
Post by Major Xeno on Mar 9, 2011 15:02:47 GMT -5
"Jack, what are you doing? And where's your sonic blaster?"
|
|
|
|
Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Mar 9, 2011 16:53:39 GMT -5
"I eated it," replied DERRICK.
|
|
|
|
Post by Calefrun on Mar 9, 2011 17:14:48 GMT -5
Cale, his new weapons at his sides, walked over to Stella and Azzi. Gesturing at the burning city he said, "Sure is some weird fiz going on around here, eh?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Mizagium on Mar 9, 2011 17:27:13 GMT -5
Stella whipped around with enough force to stir up a moderately sized dust cloud. "Hey, other guy! Ooh! Look, you've got swords now!" She did a sliding dash towards Cale, winding up with her head beside his legs, looking up at the weapons. "Shiny :3"
|
|
|
|
Post by Calefrun on Mar 9, 2011 17:32:48 GMT -5
"Ummm... yeah." He said, still not accustomed to Stella's... energetic-ness. "Anyway, what's all the fire and stuff about?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Mizagium on Mar 9, 2011 17:34:18 GMT -5
"Weeeeeeell, Lady was all mad and stuff at Creepy Clown Man for making her bro cry or something. So the city caught fire - and that was cool - it was all WOOSH AND BOOSH AND AFVDRSBDTLBKNDTKLBJDTN! But then other stuff happened and Squishy wanted to talk about things." Stella absently batted at the swords, while laying on her stuffed lawlasaurus.
|
|
|
|
Post by Myrdraxxis on Mar 9, 2011 17:37:41 GMT -5
"In a nutshell." Azzi deadpanned. "Also, is anyone else concerned that the city is on FIRE?" he asked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"My name isn't Jack." Gree growled at The Doctor, his patience running thin after the sudden appearance of his archenemy. "It's Gree."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"We could...I dunno, go try and put out the fires I guess." Myrxxan said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly while the other squad members glanced around awkwardly. Dace glowered at him.
"Yes, you do that."
Myrxxan was about to leave when Dace's secretary popped her head in the door. "Sir, Crossman squad is here to see you. Say it's important."
Dace sighed and nodded. "Show them in."
|
|
|
|
Post by Calefrun on Mar 9, 2011 17:41:44 GMT -5
"Uh-huh..." Cale said in response to Stella, knowing it would be better to just go with it, instead of trying to make some sense out of that. He then saw the angry mob dragging Giggles along. "Hey, that's that horrible clown from earlier! I think I'll go see what's going on, since the rest of the party seems to have stopped." With everyone trying to kill Giggles, the stands had all been abandoned.
Cale began walking towards the mob.
|
|
|
|
Post by Monika on Mar 9, 2011 18:32:52 GMT -5
"DOWN WITH GIGGLES! DOWN WITH GIGGLES!" the crowd roared, tossing Giggles up and down as they made it to the shore of Awesome Land.
"GHGRGSRGMGNRBG!" Giggles couldn't really say anything with his mouth gagged, but his words could most likely be translated as a poor joke in a poor attempt to escape his predicament...poorly.
"Ay, what should we do wi' 'im?" yelled one of the mob members in a Cockney accent.
"Arr...I say we do what 'er Majesty said and throw 'im into the depths of the ocean! We'll let the sea take care o' the rest!" replied another member of the group, one dressed in a pirate outfit that had been stolen from Veraland.
"No way! That ain't good enough! Everyone knows that he'll be able to breathe just fine down there! We need to make sure that once he goes down there he'll die for sure! He'll pay for all this stuff he didn't do to the city!" yelled another, this one in an Australian accent.
"OH, I'VE GOT THE PERFECT IDEA!" came the voice of what sounded like a...woman? Everyone in the crowd turned around to see who was behind them and it was...QUEEN CRIDER! The former queen of the underwater Special Land, she had been deposed by Laurine during the most recent war. Horrendously ugly and equally fat, her words were barely intelligible behind the wall of food in her mouth. Apparently, she had come to Awesome Land to nab as much junk as she could stuff in her face.
"Uh...Right. What's your idea, then, Queenie?" the Australian one asked.
"When I was a young, beautiful-
The mob snickered. Crider paid no attention, apparently.
"-princess, I used to keep a miniature pet squid." Crider said in a voice as ugly as she was (yes, voices can be ugly). Stuffing her face with some popcorn she had just snatched from one of the empty booths, she continued, spitting kernels everywhere as she did. "When this curse was laid upon me to make me into a hideous monster, it affected my poor pet as well!"
"I'd hate to see a monster as ugly as she is." someone muttered. That person disappeared. Queen Crider proceeded to belch.
"Anyway, my poor pet became angry and violent afterward, so he had to be sealed away deep inside my palace, only to be called when I needed him via this whistle." Crider reached a meaty fist into her belly button, pulling a solid golden whistle from it. A few people in the crowd vomited.
"So you're saying we-
"Use my pet to get rid of this poor clown? Yes. But only after I hear one of his jokes to see if he is as threatening to the empire as Ms. Veralice says he is. Release him, please!"
With a few short-lived murmurs of disagreement (who would really disagree with someone fully capable of eating them?), Giggles was dropped to the ground and ungagged long enough for a single joke.
"You've one joke, Clown. Make it...delicious." Crider shoved some chips in her face, making it unclear if she was talking about her food or Giggles.
"Alright, alright. Thanks, fatty." Giggles said.
"No problem." Flecks of chocolate flew from Crider's mouth.
"Ok, I got one that'll knock 'em dead. What did the rabbit say when he fell into a hole filled with water?" A huge smile appeared on Giggles' face as he prepared for the punchline. "Oh, well! Wuh ha! Wuh ha! Wuh ha!" True to his word, a couple people in the crowd did actually die.
"Release the Kraken." Without missing a beat, Queen Crider blew on her whistle. No sooner had the golden instrument touched her lips, the entire ocean began to tremble. An enormous tentacle, roughly the size of Aurora's Imperial Tower, shot out from the sea and grabbed Giggles, throwing him into the sky.
"YEEEEEEEEAH!" The crowd cheered as they were rid of their troubles once and for all.
...and then more tentacles came. Dozens of massive, rubbery, suction cupped appendages emerged from the ocean and began dragging members of the mob to their doom. As each tentacle came from the ocean, tidal waves crashed into Awesome Land, putting out the flames. That's good, right?
"Beaker!" Queen Crider rolled over to one of the tentacles and rubbed it affectionately. "I haven't seen you in ages! Take care of the awful clown for Mommy, will you?" Beaker the Kraken nodded that particular tentacle in compliance. With that said, Crider rolled herself into the ocean, leaving Beaker to take care of Giggles...and the rest of Awesome Land.
|
|
|
|
Post by Mizagium on Mar 9, 2011 18:58:27 GMT -5
On top of some distant hill, PFG giggled. "I think I like this new enemy." He then bounded off to greet the Kraken. PFG likes tentacle porn. "teehee"
|
|
|
|
Post by Monika on Mar 9, 2011 19:02:07 GMT -5
One of Beaker's auxiliary tentacles wrapped itself around the PFG and dragged him into the depths of the sea where he would be raped to his heart's content for all eternity.
|
|
|
|
Post by Calefrun on Mar 9, 2011 19:04:37 GMT -5
Cale, who normally would do the rational thing and GET THE FIZ OUT OF THERE, for some reason felt a strange stroke of courage. Or stupidity. Those two usually go hand-in-hand anyway. To him, this looked like the perfect opportunity to test his new weapons. It didn't matter that it was possibly as large as the city beneath the water's surface. He could probably think of something.
He drew his swords and dove out of the way of one of the enormous tentacles as it came crashing down where he had been standing, crushing some of the mob instantly. Knowing it probably wouldn't do much, but willing to do as much damage as possible, he made a large slash through the side of the tentacle.
|
|
