Awesome Land!: A Rebooted Story

[Mizagium]

While the crew was standing around awkwardly, realizing that they had just slaughtered a bunch of innocent, peace-loving hippies, a dark Figure approached. Only it wasn't a Figure, because she wasn't Mysterious or Hooded. Just a Figure. A female Figure. A hot curvy female figure.

GOLDBEZ WAS ALREADY LEAPING AT GIANA BEFORE HE EVEN REALIZED WHAT HE WAS DOING. "HEY THERE, SEXY THANG. YOU LIKE TO PARTY?"

But Giana swept him away with a wave of her hand. Giana was tall and (yes, curvy) and menacing looking. Tight black clothes barely covered her. Long black hair reached down to her waist. Hey, cultists like to looks alike, alright? Unlike the leader, Giana brandished a staff with a blade at one end.

"So," she observed coolly. "You're the dogs of the Pretender Queen. Lolandas doesn't like having you nose around in our business. Nothing personal." She spun the staff around rather theatrically, conjuring crackling black lighting. "But I have to kill you."

[Sariel of Tevet]

Professor Calamitous would have raised an eyebrow at this scantly clad woman (a very curvy woman) if he had any. Cale and Stella were still caught in their embrace, GOLDBEZ seemed to be gearing up to gyrate his way into her curves and other various places before getting brushed away, so he took it upon himself to act.

"I do not know who you are," He said as he began to widen his stance and hydraulic clamps began to spread out from the ankles of his exoskeleton skeleton and anchor himself to the ground. "But, you seem to be very hot and curvy, but the semi-good side of myself has decided that you and this Andas person who is lol'ing are evilish."

He raised his science shooter, which still contained the entirety of the campsite, dead hippies and all, and aimed it directly at the cultist. "Let's see you curve your way passed this!"

He pulled the trigger and a monumental blast came from his gun. The shockwave cut a path straight through the ground towards her and the trees bent backwards from the wind. The beam contained a very...psychedelic light, no doubt from the hippie acid that was vacuumed up with the campsite. The drug infused energy blast hit the lightning that Giana had conjured and promptly exploded, sending drug lightning out and shocking every member of the team and Giana herself.

Professor Calamitous began to see purple flowered shapes all over and the world begun to move in a wave as if he were dizzy and swimming underwater. Psychedelic prog rock started to play inside his head and he became incredibly hungry for some reason, despite not having a stomach.

"Um...does anyone else feel a tad bit strange? And why is Sasquatch gyrating?"

[Calefrun]

Cale didn't react at first to being drugged, but after a few moments he started to slump over. Putting his arms around Stella and returning the hug that was still going on, he said, "Dude... Stella, you're so cool. I, like, love ya man." He looked up at Gianna and added, "Uh-oh, man. We forgot to go to Mrs. Nesbitt's tea party, and she is piiiiissed."

[Sariel of Tevet]

Professor Calamitous slapped his hands against either cheek and dropped his jaw and would have made an "O" face if he actually have a mouth and lips.

"Nooooo!!!" He ran over to Cale and shook him feverishly, which shook Stella as well since they were still embracing. "We can't miss her tea party! I know how we can get there!"

He began to search the pockets of his suit for his specialized science shooter shells, but he was having alot of trouble doing so. His hands were huge and wavy, and his pocket began to turn into a giant black hole.

"Aaaaah! A black hole! My shells I'll lose them all!"

He began to freak out and have sort of a bad trip. The psychedelic purple floating flowers began to change to a blood red and the trees started to cry. Mrs. Nesbitt was there too. Chancellor Awesome now had a blue flowered hat on with a pink heart apron, and was holding his own arm. He was spanking a nearby squirrel with his shield, with was now a teacup, and scolding it for missing last weeks tea party.

"I DON'T WANT TO GET SPANKED MRS NESBITT! I'LL FIX IT I SWEAR."

He fell on his back onto the hard ground and stared up at the sun in tears, muttering "I'll fix it Mrs. Nesbitt" to himself over and over. Eventually the sun began to turn inside out and became a giant purple moon that rained daisies onto the crew instead of sun rays. He lept up, rejuvenated.

"I've got it! I'll turn the black hole inside out! How nefarious!" He flipped his pocked inside out and a shell fell onto the ground. He picked it up, placed it into his science shooter, and aimed it at the ground in front of them. He pulled the trigger and the shell exploded into a bright light upon impact right near Giana's feet. A figure rose from the light, and kept rising high up towards the clouds. It was a gigantic young boy, fifty stories tall, wearing a red cowboy hat and boots, and holding a trashbag.

"...no...no! Andy no! We are good toys! We will play with you I swear! Don't take us to the attic! Oh God no!!" He ran to Cale and Stella and joined their embrace shivering in fear, toys had to stick together you know, while Andy reached a giant hand down to the ground and picked up Giana.

[Monika]

"What...on Earth...just happened?" Chancellor Awesome raised an index finger as if to object to the explosion of preposterousness that spontaneously burst from nowhere. Squirrels? An apron and hat (which really didn't make sense, since he was already wearing a helmet)? Copyrighted characters from Pixar films? Deciding against even attempting to rationalize what had just happened, here merely shook his head and muttered the words "Enchantment, disengage!" As he expected, the apron, hat, and any irrational actions he may or may not have taken all were undone entirely. Pleased that his magical armor offered some form of protection against the drug lightning, he walked away and withdrew his shield, whispering into it. "Would one of you hippies be willing to do me a favor if I released you out here? There are, ah, illicit substances available, if you so desire."

A collective groan of "Yeeeeaaaaah, maaaaaaan..." sounded from the shield's reflective surface, so Chancellor Awesome took that as an "OK".

"Alright then. Hippie, I choose you!"

A young man with a tie dye shirt, an unnecessarily long mane of hair (with matching beard), and a large peace medallion appeared on the ground next to Chancellor Awesome's feet. No doubt about it. That was definitely a hippie.

"Please, if you could ask someone over there about the Scroll of Science we came for, I would greatly appreciate it. You would be well rewarded, on the off chance we made it back to the Empire," Chancellor Awesome explained.

But the hippie was too focused on the sudden appearance of a certain movie character to pay Chancellor Awesome any mind. "Duuuuude, like, don't grab us. We're good toys, maaaan!"

"Err, right." Chancellor Awesome laughed nervously from beneath his helmet. "Well, have at it, then. I'll be heading off to Really Cool Land to find out the local punishment for the use of controlled substances." And with that, Chancellor Awesome was running like hell away from the pandemonium.

[Mizagium]

Stella promptly fell over with Cale and Dr. Calamitous. He speech began to slip, somehow becoming vaguely Russian, rather than druggie. Stella's weird, maaaaan. "Cale good guy. Stella like Cale." She hugged them even closer. "I don't say often. But you guys best friends. No no no no. Serious time. Best friends."

Giana recovered from the explosion, but not the drugness. Is that even a word. Well, it is now.

She wobbled on her feet. "My lord...Xavian...protect me from these...fools..." But it was in vain. Her clothes became rainbow colored and left a sparkling trail in the air whenever she moved. Her staff-sword became a large daffodil. "Duuude. Flower power!" She raised the staff-flower and slammed it into the ground. A million daffodils spring up around them. Grinned daffodils. Maliciously grinning daffodils. With hands. And a hook nose. They started grabbing at Cale, Stella, and the rest while Giana/Mrs. Nesbitt pranced about shouting "You should have come to my tea party!"

Elsewhere, Blanche materialized beside Chancellor Awesome. She had been following the group at a distance and thus escaped the drug blast.

"Hey, shiny guy. What are you doing? The scroll is back there, right? You and I could grab it before the others sober up." She looked back, grimacing at Stella's state. "I think I could ninja-port us through the drug haze without being affected."

[Monika]

"Ah, there you are!" Chancellor Awesome enthusiastically greeted his ninja friend. Well, not friend, exactly. Ally, perhaps? She was certainly one of the more sane, dependable people he had encountered thus far...on those rare occasions he could encounter her. "Nice to see you again. Really, you have no idea how nice it is." The chancellor breathed a sigh of relief before continuing. "Yes, it would be excellent if we could just go through the drugs and grab the Scroll unnoticed. It's just a matter of pinpointing exactly where it is." Chancellor Awesome pointed at Bill Nye's Scroll Finder, fastened securely around his neck. "This device only gives general locations. Finding the Scroll could prove to be a lot more difficult than you expect."

[Calefrun]

"Oh no, man! Not the flower restraints again!" Cale struggled to free himself, seeing his best friends doing the same nearby. "I have to, like, get us out of here... or else Mrs. Nesbitt is going to spank us all!" It was in the peak of his drug-induced panic when something happened. His body began to glow, and the parts of him that were being held by the evil plants disappeared, only to re-form themselves out of the flowers' grasp. Cale jumped too his feet, but felt woozy and immediately fell over again. "Dude... what?"

[Mizagium]

Blanche nearly swore. Even when things were useful, they were useless. Why did Bill Nye have to be one of the good Immortals? The kind that stayed in his Tower and didn't mess with the world? Thing would be so much simpler if he meddled like the others. No wait. She corrected herself. No it wouldn't. It's bad enough in Awesome Land with Darkness, Chaos, and Time running around, mucking things up. Adding Knowledge to the mix would only intensify the insanity. At least Light was a feeble old guy. And she could only thank Seraphina that Space and Order hadn't shown up yet.

"All right, Chancellor," she said finally. "What's the area that the Scroll Finder points to? I can teleport us there and around it."

---

Meanwhile...

Giana's Dark Flowers began to run amuckv(literally), reaching up from the ground, and de-rooting themselves. Hundreds of them piled on top of the increasingly illusive form of Cale. They also began to climb inside Professor Calamitous' exoskeleton, occupying the space between his bones, and trying to figure out how to usurp control from the mad scientist.

Stella, however, was a different case. They Dark Flowers were actually running from her. She had seized the first few that advanced on her, and shoved them in her mouth, chewing with mystifying ferocity. The umbral vegetation could only watch as their brethren were devoured by the brightly colored monster.

"MMM," she said woozily, swallowing the plant mash in one gulp. "Tastes like cauliflower!" She stood and raised and spread her hands. "Rawr Imma lawlasaurus again!" And she proceeded to chase the Dark Flowers around the area, swooping one hand down occasionally to snatch a hapless one and shove in her mouth. "Rawr!"

Elswehere, the Dark Flowers found themselves captivated by GOLDBEZ and he quickly organized a company of dancing flowers. GOLDBEZ AND THE RUFFAGE. COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU. PREPARE YOURSELVES. THERE WILL BE NO SURVIVORS.

Giana had fallen sometime during that and was laughing hysterically on the ground.

[Monika]

Chancellor Awesome pointed toward a particularly menacing group of closely packed oak trees in the distance. "The Scroll Finder indicates that it is in that general area, right beyond the..." He nodded at the cesspool of chaos that had devolved from a dignified fetch quest to a mass hippie slaughter to some sort of drug induced dance party. "If you can get us into that cluster of trees, hopefully we can find the scroll in a timely fashion." He gulped. "Hopefully."

[Sariel of Tevet]

"BADGERS! BADGERS NO! BADGERS STAAAAAAAAAAHHP!" Professor Calamitous was rolling on the ground and hitting himself mercilessly as the dark flowers were now turning into an army of tiny gerbil sized demon badgers. Their eyes glowed a fiery red as they scratched away at his bones and gnawed on the exoskeleton. A flurry of them began to crawl out from underneath his Lincoln style top-hat and carry it away screaming, "Lolandas will be pleased! We found the Scroll of Science!!" The badgers swarmed the hat, leaving the spaces between his skeleton and exoskeleton to protect the spoils of war and bring it to Giana, who was still on the ground laughing.

"Scroll of Science? It was my hat the whole time? My word! Come back here you adorable kleptic rodents!!" Professor Calamitous began to crawl after the badgers, he was too high to stand at this point, and snatched his hat back.

"Chancellor! Chancellor Awesome the badgers found the science scroll! We must protect it, catch!!" He threw his hat at Chancellor Awesome and watched the army of mini badgers chase off in his direction.

[Mizagium]

"There's no way that's the real Scroll," Blanche deadpanned. "Right?" Even still, she was gathering Dark Energy in preparation for a quick poof-and-grab.

[Monika]

"It simply can't be," Chancellor Awesome said, although his words sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anyone else. "The Scroll Finder surely would have reacted to the professor earlier if he had been carrying it the entire time. I've known of Bill Nye for a while, and I'm positive his technology would work better than that." Some part of him, deep on the inside, couldn't help but think they should deal with the badgers anyway on the slim chance that they indeed had the real scroll.
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Meanwhile back in the Second Imperial Tower...

"Where on Awesome Land are those people?!" Aurora had been occupying herself by sweeping and mopping the main floor of her tower; it was still littered with balloons (and a few weapons and spots of blood) from the battle with Vampire Balloon Ridley a mere 20 pages ago. It was truly busy work, its only purpose being to keep Aurora's mind from drifting to other topics...

SWSHSHWKRKRLKRLKLRK!

Such was the sound of an interdimensional portal that appeared on the stage Giggles had been performing upon earlier. From the portal emerged Leon Veralice, Aurora's older brother and generally alarming guest. She loved him to death, of course, but his presence was disconcerting. Wherever Leon goes, trouble is sure to follow. His years as reigning Emperor of Awesome Land are proof of that.

"Oh, Leon," Aurora didn't look up from the pile of dirt she was sweeping. "You're usually a lot quieter when you teleport."

"And you usually have servants to do your dirty work," Leon retorted. "Don't you have that Galiana girl or-

She cut him off. "Is there a reason you've come to bother me while I'm working?" she asked, still not breaking eye contact with her broom or the floor.

"Just to chat, Ms. Empress-

"-Grand Imperatrix-" she corrected him.

"-but if you're too busy to talk, perhaps I'll just take my words elsewhere. Perhaps Really Cool Land or..."

Aurora sighed, defeated. Although Leon had long since reformed into a "good guy" (at the very least, he wasn't actively antagonistic toward people...usually), his very presence in Really Cool Land would probably unnerve the King and Queen, causing all sorts of diplomatic problems. Sitting down in a particularly comfortable row of seats, she patted the one next to her, motioning for Leon to sit down. "So, what's up? You're usually off adventuring right about now."

It was true. Leon's current career was world traveling. With no real job and few close friends, adventuring and causing mischief was his only comfort. And when adventuring failed him, well...He got a little depressed. "I lost my own tournament," he said shortly.

"One of those D.W.A.R.F. things?" Aurora asked. She had heard Leon mention them once or twice on their phone exchanged. "Wait, aren't you the announcer? How did you lose?"

Sighing as if the answer was obvious, Leon replied "Well, I was doing my thing, you know. Announcing fights and warping the combatants into their arenas. It's all working nicely."

"Uh-huh. Sounds pretty normal to me." Aurora's standards for normal had long since devolved into "anything not explainable by the laws of physics or anti-physics."

"Well, Round 5 of the 193rd tournament comes around, and these two fighters named Random Girl and the Illusive Squid-

"The...Elusive Squid?" Aurora raised an eyebrow.

"No. Illusive. With an 'I'. Anyway, the two get into this absolutely preposterous battle, and although it's entertaining at first, it starts to drag on forever."

"And you probably interfered at that point." Aurora sighed, shaking her head.

Smiling, Leon nodded. "You know me too well, Sister. At that point, I turned the tournament into a game show - Awesome Quiz Time! - and started asking some questions-

"All unfair, no doubt."

"That's beside the point. I started asking some questions. Five, to be exact. Whoever got three points after the five questions was to be the winner." Leon's smile slowly shifted, going from a smile to a smirk to a frown to a scowl.

"Reasonable enough," Aurora nodded, although her standards for reason had since devolved as well.

"I know, right? Simple. Well, after four questions, both of them had only 1 point, so I was going to declare myself the winner, but I opted to ask the last question instead."

Aurora, too, began to frown, fearing the worst. "And just what was this last question, Leon?"

"Well, it basically involved my taking a hostage and asking how the contestants would save her." Leon scratched his head sheepishly; Aurora just shook hers in disapproval.

"And what happened after that?"

"Well, unexpectedly, Cale pulled out his foam shooting pistols, shot me and-

"Cale?" Aurora turned in her seat toward Leon, now gripped by the story. "Who's Cale?"

"Oh, yea. During the fight, The Illusive Squid revealed himself to be Cale Efrun-

"Wait, you don't mean the-

"The very one. Now, if I may continue, Sister?"

Aurora nodded, propping her face up against her palms.

"Cale took the pistols, shot me and wrote the hostage to safety. He humiliated me on live television! I had no choice but to let him win the round at that point!" Leon was shouting now, steam nearly rising from his ears. Aurora patted him on the back consolingly.

"There, there..." Aurora mumbled. "If it's any consolation, my problems aren't much better..."

"Heh. Having troubles with the throne, Ms. Grand Imperatrix?" Taunting his little sister always made Leon feel better.

"Hmph." She removed her hand from his back. "The same Cale and his band of adventurers are off right now trying to fetch a bunch of Scrolls or something we need to destroy a black hole." She paused, waiting for Leon to reply.

In response, he stared at her. Hard. For several, very long seconds. And then he burst into uproarious laughter. "BWAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? YOU'RE SITTING HERE DOING HOUSEHOLD CHORES BECAUSE OF A LITTLE-

"It can't be magicked away." Aurora sighed. She clapped her hands and the ceiling of the room shifted from its original, extremely girly shade of pink to a translucent blue. Visible through the ceiling was the cosmic disaster that threatened Awesome Land. And probably the surrounding countries. And the planet in general.

Leon nearly choked on his own saliva at this new revelation. "You're sure? You can't just magic the black hole into non-existence?" His eyes widened in incredulity.

"We tried, the Chancellor and I. Our combined magical powers are formidable enough to solve a lot of problems, but that black hole...Well, you see for yourself how menacing it is." She sighed again, dispelling the clear ceiling and replacing it with her usual pink color.

"I see." Leon was at a loss as to what to say next. A problem that couldn't be solved with magic? What is the world coming to? Aurora picked up on this and continued talking.

"Each passing hour I get the feeling that sending that band of misfits to get the Scrolls was a bad idea. I'd love to go spy on them, but if I leave this place unattended...Well, you know how Awesome Land goes." She managed a weak laugh.

"Yes, I sure do..." A proverbial lightbulb went off in Leon's head and he lifted his index finger into the air, prepared to spout out the greatest idea of all time. "That's right! I do know Awesome Land! I worked here for years! I was practically raised here!"

"Leon, you were-

"I've got it!" He clasped Aurora's hands between his own, startling her. "Why don't you let me take over for a bit?"

Not it was Aurora's turn to laugh uproariously. "You? Take care of Awesome Land?! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's rich, Leon. Thanks. I needed a good laugh..."

Paying her little mind, Leon said "I'm serious, Aurora! You desperately need to get away from Awesome Land - it's starting to take its toll on you. You also need to go check on your little servants to make sure the quest is going smoothly. But you can't afford to leave the Empire, not unless you leave it in good hands. And you just happen to know a former-Emperor, and he's sitting right next to you..."

Aurora, once she had stopped laughing, mulled over the idea a bit. On the one hand, she was desperate to leave, like Leon said, and she couldn't bear to wait any longer for those Scrolls. But on the other hand...Leaving Awesome Land in the hands of Leon could not end well. It would not end well.

"Well, it's either that, or you let your adventurers - ridiculous and dangerous, no doubt - frolic around, mess with foreign countries, kill innocent civilians and do illegal drugs, all the while neglecting to grab that life-saving Scroll of yours." Leon had no idea how close he was to the truth right now.

And that was enough to push Aurora past the breaking point. "Fine, Leon." She conjured her Imperial Scepter, stood to her full height, and tapped Leon on each shoulder. "By the power vested in me by the Awesome Land Empire, I, First Grand Imperatrix Aurora Veralice, do hereby declare you, Leon Veralice, to be Interim Grand Imperator until I return from my official business." Looking at him, noticing the typical mischievous, devilish grin on his face, she hastily added "And not a second longer, understood?"

"Yea, yea, got it, Sis." Leon stood up, too, summoning his classic hooded robes - garments he hadn't worn (in his adult form, at least) in at least four stories. The purple, gold trimmed robes (truly, the highest sign of royalty in Awesome Land) wrapped themselves snugly around his body, almost as if they had been waiting to return to his side.

"I'm counting on you, Leon. Please, for the love of Seraphina, don't mess anything up. I'm begging you." Her eyes were sparkling, her hands were clasped, and it was clear that she was genuinely worried about the fate of her empire.

"Of course, Aurora." Leon knelt down and kissed her on the forehead before shooing her away. "Now, off you go. Give your adventurers my best regards. Good luck and all that."

"Bye, then. Good luck Leon." Aurora made her way toward the front exit of the Imperial Tower. Right before opening the door, she muttered under her breath "And good luck to you, Awesome Land" and disappeared in a flash of darkness.

"Heheheh, Leon Veralice is back in business. First thing's first: Get rid of this silly title. 'Interim Grand Imperator' is way too formal. Just call me..." He pulled out a pair of sunglasses from his dimensional pockets and deftly placed them upon his face. "...the Temperor!"

[Mizagium]

With a sigh, Blanche disappeared in a cloud of Dark Energy. She reappeared in the company of the badgers, holding her breath. She had a few things to shout, but she preferred not to breathe in the drug cloud. The nearest two badgers went flying via swift kicks to their tiny, furry bodies.

Then she realized they weren't badgers because they were product of the Professor's drug-addled mind. Refusing to waste more time, she snatched the scroll and vanished in another Dark Energy cloud, reappearing by C. Awesome.

"Two things," she said passing the Scroll into his hand (NOTE: C. AWESOME HAS THE SCROLL IN HIS ARMORED, MAGICAL FIST. NO HIJINKS), "One, here's the scroll. Two, I think that drug-cloud has the side-affect of reifying thoughts. Which is bad. Also, I'm retreating to a safe distance. Here," she passed him what looked like an earpiece. "Ninja communicator. Need me, contact me with this."

With a final, sidelong look at the drug-group, Stella in particular, she said, "I have some investigating to do."

Then she was gone in a burst of Dark Energy.

-----

GOLDBEZ'S FLOWERS TEAMED UP WITH THE BADGERS AND FORMED TANGO DUOS. "DANCE MY MINIONS, DANCE," HE COMMANDED. AS A TEAM, THE PERFORMED A SERIES OF INCREASINGLY COMPLEX DANCE MOVES, CAUSING THE EARTH TO BEGIN TO CHURN BENEATH THEIR PAWS AND ROOTS. FISSURES IN THE EARTH BEGAN TO FORM, REVEALING DEEP POOLS OF LAVA AND THE CORPSE OF AMARILLO SLIM.

"AWW YEAH, SON." GOLBEZ INHALED DEEPLY, SUCKING ALL OF THE DRUG-HAZE INTO HIS ARMOR. "I CAN SEE IT. I CAN FEEL IT. THE UNIVERSE QUAKES WITH FEAR AT THE SIGHT OF MY DANCE."

HE TRANSITIONED INTO A RIVER DANCE, WHILE ALSO PERFORMING THE WORM. THE SKY TURNED NEON GREEN AND BEGAN RAINING KITTENS.

[Myrdraxxis]

"I'm leaving." Sindri said. Gree glanced back at him.

"Already? But it's just getting funny."

Shadow beings such as Sindri and the members of Havoc squad were (apparently) immune to mind-addling drugs and had watching with bemusement and no small amount of horror as their "comrades" were reduced to various states of drooling messes.

"It's very obvious that nothing more is going to be accomplished by being here."

"What about the cultists?"

"Screw the cultists. Mistah Jangles get us out of here....Jangles?"

It was then that Sindri remembered something. Mistah Jangles was many things: a bloodthirsty daemon from a eldritch realm of horror, a terror that had bathed in the blood of a thousand dying worlds, a dreadlord of terrible strength and a respectably talented defense attorney.

But a shadow being he wasn't.

THe massive daemon was staring blankly at the forest. Hearing his name, the daemon's head slowly turned and looked at Sindri, who was beginning to sweat nervously. The daemon opened his mouth, but rather than the usual deafening roar, a rather cultured voice spoke,

"What is it that you need, Doogle?"

Sindri blinked. THe members of Havoc Squad exchanged confused looks. "That's not my name...."

"You know Doogle," Jangles cut Sindri off, sitting down beside the shadow mage with a 'thud' "I've been thinking. What are we doing? What good will come of all of this violence? Nothing lasting will come from such brutal methods. I find myself fearing for our empire's future with such short-sighed and barbaric tactics in play."

"I have no damn clue what you're saying you overgrown hellspawn-"

"Lord Zais' plans of conquest of course." Jangles explained. "He uses force to conquer worlds, but that is a short-sighted solution. I have come to believe that only through love and peace can we achieve our goals."

Sindri felt a migraine forming. "Listen, I don't have time for thi-"

"You know what we need?" Mistah Jangles asked brightly, an idea forming in his rather blazed out mind. "Music! The best way to spread love and peace!" Jangles jumped to his feet. Sindri began to back away nervously. Havoc squad was, by this point, hiding in the tree-line.

"What are going to do?"

Mista Jangles grinned. "Why, I'm going to DROP THE BASS!!!!!

The mighty daemon threw his arms wide and opened his jaw as wide as it would go. "WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WEE WOO WEE WOO WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB"



And lo the bass was dropped. The entire forest-nay, the entire country - shook in the wake of the massive bass drop.

[Calefrun]

Cale looked at GOLDBEZ. Then at Mistah Jangles. Then he swatted away a kitten that had fallen in his face. He cast his gaze upon his pink-haired bestie. "Man, Shiny2 and Fluffy guy are crazy, amirite?" He covered his mouth with his hands, then immediately uncovered it in order to scream, "What is this? What IS this? WHAT IS MY LIFE?!?"

[Sariel of Tevet]

Professor Calamitous, now clear of any trace of acid, had a kitten fall on his face and begin to claw at him like crazy.

"Strange...I thought I was sober now."

The sky was a horrible shade of green and it was raining kittens (not even fixed kittens of course, so once they landed on their feet they presumably began to populate and exponentially increase their numbers in what would because the third kitten plague of Really Cool Land). Instead of dodging the would be feline pandemic, Professor C. simply raised his science shooter above his head and turned on the super sucker (which, ironically was also the name of his ex wife). As he strode over to speak with Chancellor Awesome the vacuum just took care of all the falling cats above him and kept him spray and scratch free. That is...until the world began wubbing.

As the entire country began to wub and shake, Professor Calamitous fell to the ground and dropped his science shooter, which unfortunately for Cale fired the most unfortunate ammunition in creation. It can only be described as a mixture of furballs, spray, and a couple of females in heat. It collided with his hindquarters and caused the kittens who had hit the ground already to chase after him.

The Professor climbed to his feet yet again, thinking that he ought to install some sort of inner ear function into his exoskeleton and finished his walk to Chancellor Awesome.

"So...my hat was the scroll the entire time?"

[Mizagium]

Stella immediately seized Cale around the waist and kept on running until she hit Mistah Jangles. She and Cale (by force) proceeded to hug the horrible monstrosity as tight as she could. Her ears, indeed, her very being throbbed with the pulsing base of netherstep.

"He's so FLUFFY," Stella shouted, "So Fluffy I'm gonna die!" Of course, Mistah Jangles was anything BUT fluffy. But the inner workings of Stella's mind are an enigma wrapped in a a mystery.

GOLDBEZ ABSORBED THE BASS PULSES INTO HIMSELF, THEN SENT THEM BACK OUT VIA CAREFULLY TIMED HIP-SWINGS, SENDING SHOCKWAVES ACROSS THE LAND.

Giana massaged her temples, coming down hard off the drugs. "Um, ok. Uh. Halt, lapdogs of the...queen. OR something. Darkness..." She was still a little loopy.

[Calefrun]

"Why is it always me?" Cale was somewhere in between feeling defeated and depressed. "Then again... so... fluffy....."

[Monika]

Not bothering to even look at Professor Calamitous, Chancellor Awesome replied with a curt "Yes. Yes it was. Let us never speak of it again." and continued walking. As an aside, he muttered under his breath "I'm not cut out for this. I mean, honestly! I can't believe this journey has gotten this ridiculous this soon. And we only have one Scroll. Aurora's going to-

"WHAT. THE. HELL!!!" A thunderous, deafening roar resonated through the clouds. Just as suddenly as the sky had changed to a sickly, pale green color did it change to a sinister, chill inducing black. All of the kittens fled the area into deeper parts of the Really Cool Forest, keenly aware of what was about to come next.

"Oh, fiz..." Chancellor Awesome froze in his tracks, clasped his hands together and made an appeal to the heavens. They answered him with a massive, swirling ball of black fire which devastated the forest upon impact with the ground. Trees were vaporized. GOLDBEZ's bass waves dissipated. Kittens were spayed and neutered. Such calamities heralded only a few people in the world of Awesome Land, and this particular one was...

"Hello, Aurora." Chancellor Awesome stared into the black fire, nervously clearing his throat and fiddling with his fingers while silently cursing the heavens for their response.

"DON'T YOU 'HELLO' ME, CHANCELLOR!" Aurora (quite angrily) stepped forth from the flames to greet her, er, loyal adventurers. "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? I SENT YOU TO GET THOSE SCROLLS AGES AGO!" Aurora was fuming, steam literally escaping her nostrils as she struggled to breathe through her own rage.

"Erm, well..." Chancellor Awesome avoided his employer's burning gaze, focusing on his own, heavily armored feet. "Well, we did manage to procure one scroll..." He pitifully presented Professor Calamitous' hat to Aurora, praying to the heavens that this would comfort her, if only a little.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!" Aurora's screams, magically amplified, tore apart the few trees that still stood and probably knocked some of the lighter characters off their feet. "YOU BROUGHT ME A HAT?!? AWESOME LAND IS ON THE VERGE OF VAPORIZATION BY A SUPERNOVA, AND YOU BROUGHT ME A FIZZING HAT?!"

"But, um, it's a scroll, milady...Honest?" Even Chancellor Awesome wasn't sure. I mean, the Scroll certainly didn't look like a scroll, but those badgers were certainly positive of it. And badgers had never lied to him before.

Incredulous, Aurora continued her tirade, dismissing Chancellor Awesome's miserable attempts at appeasement with a shrill, soul piercing shriek. ""EVEN IF THAT PIECE OF JUNK IS THE SCROLL, YOU SHOULD HAVE FAR MORE TO SHOW ME. YOU'VE BEEN GONE . FOR. DAYS. MY BROTHER HAS NEARLY GOTTEN A TOURNAMENT DONE IN THIS...OH NO..."

Should I even bother to ask what's wrong? I don't think I'll like the response...But it can't get any worse, right? Nothing ventured, nothing gained... "Milady, is something wrong with your brother?"

"BECAUSE I HAD TO TAKE TIME OFF TO BABYSIT YOU FIZZING IDIOTS, I WAS FORCED TO LEAVE MY EMPIRE IN THE HANDS OF LEON VERALICE, AN INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH PERIL MY COUNTRY IS IN BECAUSE OF YOU FOOLS?!?"

"Certainly no more than it was already," Chancellor Awesome muttered as silently as possible.

Unfortunately for the Chancellor, he forgot that one of Aurora's powers was super hearing. Needless to say, the comment did not go over well with her. "OH, YOU'VE GOT JOKES, DO YOU, CHANCELLOR? MAYBE I'LL DEMOTE YOU TO IMPERIAL JESTER, HUH? HAVE YOU REPLACE THAT FIZZING OAF, GIGGLES!"

Not keen on contemplating being reduced to a mere clown, Chancellor Awesome made a feeble attempt at changing the subject. "But, milady Aurora! It was, uh, um...Her fault!" He whipped around and pointed toward the still dazed Giana. "She assaulted us! She distracted us from our mission! Please try to understand, milady, we-

"I AM SO SICK OF YOUR EXCUSES, CHANCELLOR. YOU CAN'T EVEN HANDLE ONE VILLAIN? YOU INCOMPETENT MORONS! AND I GUESS I'M EVEN MORE OF A MORON FOR EVER HIRING YOU ALL IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Without so much as a second glance toward her adventurers, Aurora tromped across the field toward Giana and looked at her for a brief second, sizing her up. Then Aurora lifted up her own right sleeve, revealing a long, pitch black scaly arm that ended in a series of dragon like claws. She clenched those claws into a fist and punched Giana in the stomach, sending her flying through the open air several meters away. And then, for good measure (or, more likely, to release the rest of her aggression), she opened her mouth and exhaled a torrent of black flame toward the spot where Giana had landed.