Awesome Land!: A Rebooted Story

[Nel]

Captain Danielle kicked in the door to the bar.

"Bring me an ale!!!!" The patrons in the bar just stared absently in the direction then went back to their lonely drinking. Getting slightly irritated, Captain Danielle pointed and the solemn bartender and shouted once again, "Being me an ale, good sir!".

Without looking up, the bartender poured her alcohol and threw her the glass (since she was still in the doorway). She caught it, drank the whole thing in one gulp, then smashed the glass on the floor.

"Another!" this time she went to sit at the bar to collect her drink. When she finished, she again smashed the glass on the floor.

"Wow, you can uh...really drink," the man next to her commented.

"Ha! You have no idea!" The man raised an eyebrow in skepticism. Captain Danielle knew where this was going.

"Two ales, bartender!!" And so the drinking contest began

[Mizagium]

Maybe it was the ale clouding her vision, but...was there something...odd about her drinking partner? Were his eyes a little too...bulbous? His head a little...fleshy? And what was up with that strange way he held his glass... It was probably nothing.

-

Oblivious to the three oddly German pirates whose names he'd never bothered to learn following him, Captain Uggo marched into the heart of Cloud Land. Wherever he went, women fainted, babies cried, and grown men soiled their drawers. Par for the course and he continued on. A great spire protruded from the center of the city, with big block letter proclaiming it to be the headquaters of the Hugh Mann corporation.

The suspiciously armed guards let him pass without incident and he rode the elevator to the top floor, where the spire pierced the upper atmosphere and the curvature of the planet spread out against a black backdrop. A lone desk occupied the room (it wasn't very big, after all) and at it sat a lone figure.

"Landro Takayaki," Uggo greeted with a hidden smile.

"Captain Uggo," the other returned, a little more reserved. "What brings you here?"

"Was in the neighborhood and decided to drop in on an old friend." He settled into an armchair. "Doing pretty well for yourself, huh?"

"You could say that. Unobgassium powers just about every starship this side of the Belt. Without it or Omnilium, there's nothing. All the Unobgassium in market comes directly from me. All the How's the wife, by the way?"

"Fine. Wouldn't leave the ship - you know how she is."

"I do indeed. Speaking of the ship..."

"Ah. Yeah. Got into a scrape and she needs some repairs and I - "

"Thought you'd mooch off a successful old friend," Landro finished.

"Hey, don't say it like that."

Landro sighed. "You really should have stayed away, Uggo."

"Look, it's fine. I'll pay and everything ok. Didn't realize you were still sore about the card game."

"This isn't about the card game anymore. You being here...you've jeopardized everything I've worked so hard to create."

"I...don't follow."

"Of course you don't. And that's the problem."

Uggo rose and put his hands out defensively. "Whoa. I haven't told anyone that you're really an Octopus in a suit, ok? I swear."

But Landro Takayaki merely sighed. "Sorry, Uggo. But you were the last loose end. It would have been better if you hadn't come."

A pair of Octoguards appeared from secret elevators in the floors, Octoguns, aimed at Uggo.

Uggo's hand went down to his plasma cutlass.

"Cloud Land is no longer welcoming to humans."

-

No, there was definitely something off about everyone in that bar. They way they stared at Danielle with those hideously bulbous eyes. And they way they walked. It was as if they weren't comfortable walking upright. Vut despite all of that, even the odd slapping sound their feet made as they went, and the curious rings they left on things they touched - there was absolutely no way that everyone in that bar was really an Octopus wearing human clothing.

Not a chance.

-

Down at the spaceport, two teams of Octoguards (cleverly disguised as human guards) surrounded the Monstrosity and the Black Swan. No one was getting out.

-----

The Crusaders stumbled out of the wrecked Skyskate except for Pulsar, who had to be dragged out of the smoldering wreckage of her custom spaceship. At least Nebula had the foresight to retrieve the FORD data files.

“At least we’re alive,” Moon Blade tried to console her, but to no avail.

“This place looks a lot bigger on the inside,” Starburst observed.

Nebula stared off absently. “We seem to be traveling at faster-than-light speeds. I image the Sunspot is giving chase.”

“We’ll deal with them when we can,” Moon Blade declared. “For now, she should find the captain of the ship and…apologize for crashing into it.

But before they could do so, Cale and Stella appeared at the breach and everyone went silent and still. It was strange for them to see her there. She hadn’t been dead, exactly, but reuniting with Stella was different than each other. They were out there, getting blasted, in order to save her – but here she was seemingly safe and sound.

“Stella?” Moon Blade asked quietly.

“Heeeey peoples!” She grinned. “Oh wait, I remember you! Masky! Flameo! Gun Lady! And the Gasman! Yay everyone’s all here. Cale,” she said seriously to him. “Meet my former bestest friend team evar: The Closet Caperers!”

Moon Blade cleared his throat. “Cosmic Crusaders.”

“Wow,” Starburst, whispered to Pulsar. “Blanche wasn’t kidding, huh?”

“We should find her, fast.” Pulsar stood. “Hey, where’s Blanche?”

But Stella was busy playing with the fire on some of the burning wreckage so she posed the question to Cale.

[Calefrun]

Cale frowned. "I... I actually forgot she was on the ship with us. You ninja-types are hard to keep track of." He thought for a minute, then added, "She's kind of like my cousin- by which I mean way too serious for her own good, and I think I saw him slip off towards the cargo hold. That might be a good place to start looking."

[Mizagium]

Nebula sighed and transmuted his body into a gaseous state, slipping through the floor and walls to where Blanche was having her angst-off with Zento.

"Hello, Blanche."

"Gaar! What are you doing here - was that the crash just now?"

He turned solid again and cleared his throat sheepishly. "...Yes. I would like to point out that Daar Lorra was driving."

"I figured. What's going on?"

"It's...this way will be faster." He reached towards her head and allowed one finger to become gas, which slipping into her skull, her brain, and conveyed the most recent series of events in a brief flash of understanding. He retreated quickly and Blanche grasped at her head.

"Where...where'd you learn to do that?"

"I have been...many places."

"Uh huh. We should probably take care of the Star Samurai following us, huh?"

"Er, about that..."

-

Back out in space, the Sunspot pursued the vanship through whatever method of faster-than-light travel they were using when, inexplicably, the occupants heard a thud from outside.

"What?" Ryoko asked no on in particular.

"The fizz was that?" several others demanded. "Ryoko, go out and see."

"Outside. While traveling faster than light?" She snorted. "No. I like my atoms in a nice, compressed form - not scattered across the spacetime fabric."

Unbeknownst to them - IT WAS NONE OTHER THAN EVERYONE'S FAVORITE CHARACTER, GOLDBEZ. HE HAD SOMEHOW FLOWN FAST ENOUGH TO CATCH UP WITH FASTER-THAN-LIGHT SHIP AND LAND ON IT'S HULL IN A POSE VERY MUCH LIKE THOR FROM THE AVENGERS MOVIE. RAISING HIS MIGHTY FIST, HE PUNCHED STRAIGHT DOWN INTO THE HULL AND SEIZED THE FIRST FORM HE TOUCHED. AS IT HAPPENED, IT WAS RYOKO, WHOM HE PROMPTLY TOSSED ASIDE, WHERE HER ATOMS WERE INDEED SCATTERED ACROSS THE SPACETIME FABRIC.

THEN HE SWAN-DOVE INTO THE BEST NIGHT OF YOU LIFE RIGHT INTO THE SHIP AND CONFRONTED THE REMAINING STAR SAMURAI.

"What." They all blinked.

AND THEN GOLDBEZ BEGAN TO TWERK. GOOD LORD DID HE TWERK. HE TWERKED SO HARD THAT MANY SIMPLY EXPLODED AND THE REMAINING THREW THEMSELVES INTO THE HYPERSPACE. ONE WOMAN REMAINED. SATISFIED THAT THE SHIP WAS NOW ABANDONED, GOLDBEZ SHIMMIED. HE SHOOK WHAT HIS MAMMA GAVE HIM (AND HIS FATHER, CAN'T HAVE A BABY WITH ONLY ONE PARENT. UNLESS YOU'RE SOME KIND OF AMOEBA - WHICH GOLDBEZ ISN'T) AND THE SHIP BEGAN TO QUIVER AROUND HIM.

THE SUNSPOT DISASSEMBLED ITSELF AND REFORMED AROUND GOLDBEZ, CREATING A LARGER, MORE MECHA VERSION OF HIMSELF.

"SUPER-GALACTIC GOLDEN GOLDBEZ," HE SHOUTED, WHICH THE PEOPLE IN THE VANSHIP WERE SOMEHOW ABLE TO HEAR. "JUST WHO THE FIZZ DO YOU THINK I AM?"

HE THEN FLEW ALONGSIDE THE VANSHIP AND TAPPED ON THE WINDOW SO THAT EVERYONE COULD SEE HIS MAJESTY. "THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM."

[Myrdraxxis]

Azzi just groaned and began banging his head against the nearest wall. "I'm not even mildly surprised anymore. Seriously, this isn't even the second weirdest thing to happen this week."

"Tell me about it." Myrxxan agreed. Azzi paused his cranial abuse to stare at the DCI member.

"Wait....when did you get here?"

"I've....I've been here the whole time."

"Really?"

"Yeah...so has the rest of my team." Despite now seeing that the rest of vanguad were indeed on board and in similar states of weary disbelief, Azzi still couldn't quite believe it.

"Like....this whole time?"

"Yeah we...we were with Aurora and Blanche looking for that Scroll and well....we just sorta have been here this whole time."

"Huh...."

The two glanced around awkwardly. "This happens a lot more than you'd think." Myrxxan sighed. "Apparently we're fated to be secondary characters."

"yeah that sucks."

Another awkward pause.

"So what happened to Havoc Squad?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

[Calefrun]

Ding! The sound of the elevator reopening behind Captain Uggo was quickly drowned out by a mighty "RAAAAAAARGH" as Gabe came barreling out towards him, with Al and Rick casually following. The vaguely German pirates stopped in their tracks upon seeing the Octoguards, and Gabe let out a confused, "I... what?"

While Gabe and Al stood there, dumbfounded, Rick slowly shifted into a crouching stance as he drew his laser pistols. He bore the same, excited smirk he had shown while boarding the Monstrosity. The young pirate flipped his firearms, transforming them into a pair of energy longswords. He suddenly leapt forward in the blink of an eye, landed momentarily on Uggo's shoulders, then jumped again, driving his blades straight down at Landro.

[Mizagium]

But the Octopus was faster. He lashed out with a tentacle, wrapped it around Rick's wrists, spun and snapped his tentacle, flinging Rick back towards his companions. Uggo drew his plasma cutlass and pistol as an Octoguard descended upon him.

"I'm sorry, Uggo," Landro sighed. "But you and your friends...you shouldn't have come back."

"They're not my friends," he said, parrying a strike from the Octoguard before blasting him full of hot plasma. "I ain't gonna tell anybody, Landro! You helped me out - I repay what I owe!" More Octoguards appeared from seemingly nowhere. Uggo was quickly getting overwhelmed.

"Perhaps...but I'm afraid I can't take that risk. Not after everything I've accomplished here." Suddenly, the Octoguards retreated by jumping up and sticking to the ceiling. Landro pressed a button on his desk - and the floor opened up, dumping Uggo, Gabe, Al, and Rick into a seemingly bottomless pit.

"I'll kill you, you backstabbing Octopus!" Uggo shouted as the top of the pit closed over them.

They fell for what seemed like hours before hitting the bottom, a large empty chamber illuminated only by the faint purple glow of Uggo's plasma cutlass. Somewhere in the distance, he heard the crunching of metal on metal and the low roar of a furnace.

"I think we're in some kind of incinerator," he observed. "Come on boys, who wants to go kill some alien marine life?"

[Nel]

Captain Danielle smashed her glass upon the floor of the bar again. At this point, the entire floor beneath her was covered in smashed glass.

"Suck my balls dick-face!!!" she yelled drunkenly at her drinking partner. Maybe it just that she was REALLY drunk, but the guy next to her looked different. Actually, he had been looking more and more strange since she began the drinking contest, but Captain Danielle had brushed it off as nothing. Now though.... something was definitely weird. Like his eyes were kinda bulbous and he held his glass not with a hand but a ........ ten....tacle..... What the fuck??? Captain suddenly felt uneasy like she shouldn't trust this guy. She turned to the bartender. He also looked strange.

"You giving up yet?" the guy next to her challenged. He seemed to notice her unease. He did not even look drunk at all. The more she looked at him the more she came to realize what he was. What the entire bar was full of.

"You can't fool me octopi!!!" she screamed as she stood up and drew her sword and pistol. Well, more like she tried to instead she stumbled and knocked over all of the bar stools before finally steadying herself on the a table that seated four octopi/people. Once stable on her feet, she raised her sword.

"Comat me tentatatacle dicksss!" she slurred as the astonished patrons came toward her. Tentacles flew at her from all directions as she did her best to cut them before they could suction onto her skin. She their slimy limbs wrap around her from behind. Captain Danielle struggled to cut them with her sword, but could not raise her arm nor could she get free of them. She could feel her anger rising.

"You'll neverrr takeme!!!" Captain Danielle managed to get her lighter out of her pocket (because all pirates have them, duh), lit the flame and dropped it onto a puddle of spilled ale on the floor. Everything immediately burst into flames and the room began to smell of takayaki. Captain Danielle to get free of the tentacles in the confusion and lept over the flames and flew out the door. Wait...she literally flew out the door. Flew. She was flying. Holy shit. She was FLYING. Laughing uncontrollably with triumph, Captain Danielle drunkenly swerved through the streets of Cloud Land searching for her crew and ale.

[Sariel of Tevet]

"Captain's log, Stardate one-three-two-nine point eight. Vanship is pursuit of an unidentified being. Calamitous has merged with a Black Nova and become a work of evil the likes of which we have never seen. RB has plotted a course through the destruction left in his wake, but we are always one step behind. Since our departure into space, we have assembled a...motley...crew to battle the tyrant. Some time ago, before our most recent space jump, we collided with a passing ship who seems to be along for the ride. Their origins are unknown, but it matters not. Our focus is ahead, and not into the past. A new day has begun. A new day that hopefully will show us some much needed progr..."

"Um...sir?"

"Yes? What is it Blues?"

"You uh...you know you are just standing on the bridge speaking out loud...right?"

Captain Calypso took a long drag on his cigar and expelled the smoke into the recycled oxygen that fills the ship, and then spun his magnificent captain's chair around to face the crew and everyone on the bridge.

"Yes, yes I do."

"Why are you wearing a yellow sweater now?"

"I got....cold. We are...in...space. Can't..I be...cold?"

RB put the ship on autopilot and walked up to his superior.

"Sir, why are you pausing every few words dramatically?"

"We live in....dramatic....times my friend. Dramatic times...indeed."

RB and the rest of the crew just facepalmed and shuffled their feet.

"Forget it, I am going back to the helm.."

An automated voice began to bellow from speakers all along the ship. The bridge was bathed in a dim red light and sirens cried out.

Alert. Alert. Foreign body approaching. Alert. Alert. Foreign body approaching.

The crew rushed to the helm to try to catch a glimpse of what was coming.

"Ay mon, dar isn't a ting out there. Just some fog. Da damn scanna is on da fritz again. Blues, I toht I told ya ta fix dat mon."

"I did, I started working on it immediately after our little run in with our tag alongs. Don't blame me for this. RB just caught on the high beams or something. It won't be a big deal."

The ship was overwhelmed by the dense cosmic fog. Nothing was visible through any port, not even the nearest sun. The darkness consumed the vanship, and then began to fill the bridge itself.

Calypso put out his cigar and left the comfort of his captain chair.

"This is no fog boys."

The blackness spread it's way through the rest of the ship and the crew could no longer see each other. A monologue began to fill everyone's minds.

Mwahahahahaha. Fools. How can you hope to catch, what you can not even see? I have consumed all but the farthest regions of space. I have decided to put off the inevitable assimilation that will befall the rest of the universe, just so that I will deal with your little...how did you put it...aah....motley crew.

The Professor fell to his boney knees and drove his fists into the floor of the ship.

"Why brother?! Why are you doing this? What can you possibly gain from consuming all of space. There will be nothing left for you to rule!"

SILENCE. We were never brothers, nor will we ever be. Trapped inside the consciousness of that...bone riddled facade of a body you parade around in...with you for all those years was more than I could bear. I counted each day that I was trapped with you, and now that I am free I have become more than you ever would have allowed. You and your...morality. It would have gotten in the way.

"Gotten in the way of what? Murder? Destruction?

Order!! I am giving the universe order! Chaos exists within the universe from its faulted laws! Asteroids collide, planets go cold. Stars fade and die. Humanity slaughters itself to no end, and for what? The universe thrives on chaos but has no will. Its laws dictate action, but with no motives, no end game. No progress. I can give that to the galaxy.

But there will be no universe to direct! You would see it all destroyed even faster than it would destroy itself!

I will become the universe! I will consume it, every particle, every ounce of chaos and nature. It will become a part of me. My will will give a soul to the universe and I can release the universe anew. It will be better. It will have order.

Calypso, stumbled through the darkness and followed the voice of the Professor. His outstretched hands found the cold exoskeleton of the benevolent academic and he knelt next to him.

"We won't let you do this Calamitous."

No, no you won't. However you will not be around to stop me.

The darkness receded and brought its way to the back of the ship.

Calypso, where do you suppose he is off to now?

The Vanship shook as the engines began to rip apart.

"Captain look!"

The mist was flowing past the nearest port with shrapnel from the engines in tow.

He took out the engines, we are sitting ducks.

Calypso lit up another cigar and shot a glance at RB.

"Not for long, RB, would you be so kind?"

RB smiled and ran to the helm.

"Yes sir."

He slammed his fist down on the life ship ignition and a voice began to come over the intercoms again.

Attention. Attention. All crew members evacuate to the nearest life ship. Attention. Attention. All crew members evacuate to the nearest life ship.

"Alright everyone, it won't be too difficult. There are life ship accesses in nearly every room of the Vanship, there will be one for each of us individually. I'll explain the rest once we are all moving again. Hurry!"

[Mizagium]

When the alarms started blaring, Nebula and Blanche started running for the crash site, but when the black mist of Nova Calamitous filled the ship, they both stopped. Nebula first, groaning in pain.

“Nebula?” she called, unable to see. “What happened?”

“I…ah…he’s so pervasive…I can’t keep my form.”

And then the mist was gone. Nebula gathered himself together, sweating and panting. His form quivered, like gas trying to escape confinement.

“Nebula?”

“He’s powerful. He’s becoming one with…everything. I…” He steadied his breathing, but still staggered as he walked. “Let’s get everyone.”

But they hadn’t made any move towards the life ships. Moon Blade, Starburst, and Pulsar were all huddled around Stella, who had fallen to the floor and was clutching at her head, mumbling.

“What happened?” Blanche demanded.

“She just collapsed,” Pulsar said quickly. “The mist came in and she screamed – and when it cleared, she was like this.”

Blanche knelt down to her friend. “Stella? Hey, what’s going on?”

“Can’t you hear it?” she muttered weakly.

“Hear what?”

“The noise. It’s so loud, I can’t think. It hurts, Blanche.” She tilted over and fell into Blanche. “It’s in my head and it hurts.”

No one moved or said anything for a long moment until Nebula said, “Get her into a life ship,” and started away.

“Where are you going?” Pulsar demanded.

“To him.”

-

Outside the vanship, Nebula let his form expand, much more comfortable as an amorphous cloud than a human. What did that say about him? He had never felt comfortable around people – at least, not as one of them. He felt a certain affinity for all living things, but not kinship. This…Nova Calamitous, though. This was a being he felt kinship with.

The void between them was immense, but crossed in seconds. Nova Calamitous seemed not to notice Nebula even in this form. His was a greater being, becoming greater with each passing second. So, Nebula skipping the middleman, bypassing indirect communication and going right for the source. He allowed his form to dissipate even more, becoming one with the spacetime fabric. There he found Calamitous’ mind. There they met on the deepest, most direct level. There Nebula found the truth.

There he nearly died.

-

It took all four of them, but the Crusaders managed to put Stella into a life ship before getting into one of their own. It launched automatically, sending her out into the void of space before transforming. Acting on a pre-programmed instructions, the life ship reformed into a giant mecha version of Stella. The term “life ship” seemed accurate, as it was partially organic as well, allowing for more responsive controls.

Unfortunately for Stella, that meant the splitting headaches she had been receiving did not let up. She whimpered and curled up as tight as she could, and the Stella-ship followed suit. “It hurts,” she whispered. “I hear him.” The others launched their ships as well, but were in the process of transforming when Nebula reemerged from the cosmic web.

“Stella,” he groaned, appearing as a light green orb of gas.

“Nebby?”

“I need…help…let me…in…”

“It hurts, Nebby.”

“I know…I can…help.”

“Make it stop.”

He passed through her, lodging himself deep within her mind. Instantly, he knew the sound that pained her. He could also see what had been done to her mind by FORD. Carefully, he arranged his makeup, filling in the gaps and bridging broken connections.

Stella sucked in a gulp of air as if it was her first breath. For the first time in over a year, she could think clearly. The signal no longer pained her and she was able to sit up.

“Gaar?”

I’m here.

“Thank you, Gaar. I…I couldn’t think right.”

I know. Can you see what I’m thinking?

“I can.” She stood, noticing the open cockpit. It was a cylindrical room that she could run and swing her arms in without fear of hitting anything. The lifeship around her responded to her every movement with incredible precision. “Nova Calamitous has to be stopped. Especially since he’s in there.”

I can’t keep him out forever, Stella. He’s rapidly shifting his signal matrix. Sooner or later…

“Then we’ll end this sooner.”

By then the other Crusaders had transformed and arrived.

“Stella!” Blanche yelled over the universal communicator (ucom). “You’re…?”

“I’m ok, Blanche. Nebula is keeping me sane for now.”

Inside her ship, Blanche began to cry. “I’m just…Stella…” She flew into Stella and hugged her as tight as she could. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok.” She returned the hug. “We gotta do this, ok?” But she squeezed tighter. “I missed you, Blanche.”

“I missed you, too.”

“Ahem.” Alaizabel cleared her throat. Cosmic fire coated her ship’s hands and upper arms. “We’ll do the reunion later, ok. We have a burgeoning cosmic being on our hands here and I don’t want to have another god watching me, ok?”

“I LIKE HER, SHE’S GOT THE RIGHT IDEA.”

AS IF ANYONE COULD FORGET, EVERYONE’S FAVORITE SEXY BEAST FLEW ONTO THE SCENE. SUPER GALACTIC GOLDEN GOLDBEZ ZOOMED ONTO THE SCENE, COMPLETE WITH NEWLY FORMED TRIANGLE GLASSES OVER HIS SPACE ARMOR.

“LET’S KICK SOME SPACE BOOTY.”

HE LOCATED THE GENERAL AREA OF NOVA CALAMITOUS AND FIRED OFF SOME NONDESCRIPT ENERGY ATTACKS AT HIM.

-----

“Sir,” Octoguard Alia approached Landro Takayaki cautiously. His office was still disheveled from the intrusion not too long ago.

“Yes?” the Octocapitalist leader of Cloud Land looked up from his paperwork with an expectant sigh.

“We have a…problem. Down by the docks.”

“What kind of problem.”

“Well. A human – she’s the captain of the other ship – she, well, she got drunk, lit a bar on fire, and flew away.”

“Does…she know?”

“She does, sir. Reports have come in about her yelling about us being Octopi. She didn’t appear to notice until she got, and I quote, ‘super wasted’.”

“Do we have Butterface in custody?”

“She is being transported as we speak.”

“Then we have no time. Send…the Ninjoctopi.”

“…Yes, sir.”

-

High on the rooftops of Cloud Land, a lone figure watched and waited. As well did several other lone figures. A team of lone figures gathered. All dressed in active camouflage, they identified their target: the human known only as “Captain Danielle”. Their threat assessment was being rapidly rewritten, as she was demonstrating powers she had never before: Octosense (from drinking Octoale) and flight (source unknown).

Dresmon Niles, the Ninjoctopus squad leader, signaled with all eight tentacles – and his mates scattered. He then lept from the rooftop, eight tentablades equipt, and dove right for Captain Danielle.

[Calefrun]

"STELLA!" Cale yelled as he slammed his fist into the now-closed airlock door the that Crusaders had carried her through. He whirled around, and saw that there was only one life ship remaining in the area. He made a mad dash for it, but a figure suddenly appeared inside of it and began to manipulate the control console. "Zento, wait!!" The airlock door slammed shut, and as Cale collided with it and fell backwards he could hear the life ship launching.

Cale slowly stood up and, and for a moment he just stood there, unsure of what to do. An image flashed through his mind- one of Stella on the ground, clutching her head in agony. He drew his katanas. "No..." he said through gritted teeth, "I will NOT just stand by! I HAVE to help her!" Cale thrust one of his blades into the door, piercing through the metal plating. He forced his sword downwards, and air began to rush out through the opening. Using his other sword he cut the door horizontally, and with a kick he sent it flying into space, along with himself and some debris from the Crusaders' crashed ship.

As Cale floated through space, he could see all of the combatants, though there was no sign of Zento's life ship. He felt his resolve falter upon entering the cold abyss of space, but spotting Robo-Stella filled him with renewed vigor, and he clutched his swords tightly. Closing his eyes, he was able to feel the power emanating from the weapons, a power he had first become aware of around the time that he first learned how to transform them. Focusing on the power, he tried to draw upon it, determined to do whatever it took to help the person he cared about more than any other.

Slowly, Cale could feel the swords begin to add their power to his own, and upon opening his eyes he saw that his body had begun to glow a bright white. Looking again towards the giant, mechanical space ninja he screamed, "STEEEEEEELLAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" A blinding flash of light burst forth from him, and when it ended Cale Efrun was no more. Instead, there was now an enormous, humanoid being composed of pure, bright blue energy. On its back it wore a red cloak, which bore an image of a rather pleased-looking pink squid. This being resembled Cale, though from the back of its head flowed six long tentacle-like appendages. In each hand this being held a massive sword. The blade on the left was entirely black, save for the word "Sanitas" inscribed just above the hilt. The other sword was identical, but was red, and was engraved with the word "Furor."

The being flew up alongside Robo-Stella, and entered an offensive stance as it directed its gaze towards Nova Calamitus.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Al thought for a moment. "Technically," he responded to Uggo, "our mission was to hunt you down. But I guess we have bigger problems now. I don't suppose you can get us out of here?" Meanwhile, Gabe was furiously punching the wall, and Rick was sitting down, appearing to have fallen asleep.

[Mizagium]

Stella and the Super Guardians of the Galaxy Crusaders of the Cosmos regrouped a short (relatively) distance from Goldbez.

"So," Daar Lorra said finally. "Plan? This is sorta beyond my expertise."

Everyone glanced at the now lucid Stella/Nebula hybrid. She pondered.

"He's...kinda merging with the universe."

Daar nodded her head faux-thoughtfully. "And that's...bad?"

"Very."

"Which means we should..."

"We should - "

"AVAST YE HARPY." GOLDBEZ DECLARED ACROSS THE FABRIC OF SPACETIME. YOU DIDN'T HEAR HIS WORDS. YOU FELT THEM. THEY BECAME A VERY PART OF THE UNIVERSAL STRUCTURE. EVERYTHING GOLDBEZ SAYS FROM NOW ON IS LIKE THAT, UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. "FEEL THE SEXY ENERGY CONTAINED WITHIN MY GIANT GALACTIC GOLDEN FINGER BLAST!!!!!" ALL THOSE EXCLAMATION MARKS BECAME A PART OF THE UNIVERSAL STRUCTURE, TOO.

HE THRUST FORWARD, EXTENDED ALL FOUR FINGERS (THE THUMB ISN'T A FINGER, YOU TOOL), RETRACTING HIS RING FINGER AS AN AFTER THOUGHT, AND FLEW STRAIGHT AT THE HEART OF NOVA CALAMITOUS.

"-Not do that," Stella finished.

[Myrdraxxis]

Azzi wandered over to what he assumed was a hatch that led to one of the many lifeships. He wasn't sure. He had never actually been in space before. "I suppose now I can add astronaut to my list of titles." he mused.

With that he climbed into the ship. A few seconds of confused stumbling and cursing later he found himself in some sort of cockpit. He glanced around in confusion at the various buttons and levers.

After a moment Azzi shrugged, covered his eyes with one hand and with the other slapped a random button.

The lifeship ejected from the main ship and began to change form. "Uh..." Azzi looked around. "I totally meant to do that."

THe lifeship now looked like a giant coffin with thrusters coming out of the back. Large cannons jutted out from the nose of the craft. "Subtle." Azzi mused.

"Ah well. Off to the fight I suppose." Azzi turned the ship and began firing (he hoped) towards the direction everyone else was aiming their attacks.

Large energy shurikens sped towards Nova Calamitous with the righteous fury of a thousand ex-wives.

[Monika]

Chancellor Awesome and Aurora had zoned out for what seemed like two months or so, only half-paying attention to the goings-on around them.

Aurora was the first to speak up after the long, peaceful silence that they had lulled themselves into. "So...It looks like everyone is getting on those...life ships? I think I remember hearing something about life ships." She rested her chin on her hand thoughtfully, trying to recall what had happened during her state of self-induced semiconsciousness.

"Yes. That sounds about right. I think we were in an accident of some sort. We might want to evacuate as soon as possible," Chancellor Awesome replied. "Look, there seems to be a pair of life ships right over there," he said unenthusiastically, pointing to a set of spacecrafts in a room across from them.

"Oh boy. I've always wanted to fly my own ship," Aurora said in an equally unenthusiastic tone. "Let's go..." As Aurora solemnly walked over to the nearest life ship, a familiar, unwelcome voice called out to her.

"Yaargh...Ye should be a little more excited, lass! It isn't ev'ryday ye get to become a space captain!"

"No. Please no. You aren't really here," Aurora protested weakly.

"Y'know, a lot of kids would kill for the opportunity to get their own ships and sail through the cosmos! I know I did. Couldn't begin to tell ya how many people died in that little tourney o' mine just so I could get me own spaceship! But boy was it worth it..."

"Aurora, who exactly is talking to us? And why do I get the feeling that I don't want to know the answer?" Chancellor Awesome asked. He had gone from casually walking to the life ship to running toward it at full speed. Just as he was about to make it through the door, he was thrown back by an invisible force.

"It is the one...the only...CAPTAIN L!" The notorious sea-captain-turned-space-captain, Captain L, appeared in front of the door to the life ship room, protecting it from entry. Wearing a tricorn hat with a golden "L" on the front, a navy blue jacket, and a cape with a skull and cross-swords (like crossbones but with swords, of course) logo, he looked like he was ready for some hardcore space pirating. Just what Aurora needed at the climax of her world saving adventure.

"For the love of..." Aurora slapped her palm against her face, almost considering zoning out again and hoping that everything would be resolved by the time she came to.

"Ye don't seem happy to see me, lass!" Captain L exclaimed, putting on his least sincere 'I'm shocked' face. "Or perhaps it's just that ye aren't in th' mood fer adventuring right now."

"Both," Aurora growled.

"Arr, that be too bad. But I can fix one of yer problems! I'll get ye into the adventuring spirit real quick!"

"Please don't."

"Atomic Disassembler, engage!" Captain L unsheathed a laser cutlass from his side and lifted it high into the air, calling forth a stream of energy from the far reaches of space. The energy stream struck the vanship and, as expected, atomically disassembled the entire thing, bar the two life ships that Captain L was still guarding. "Look around and tell me what ye see!" he demanded.

Aurora, no longer surrounded by the walls of the vanship, was free to see everything going on around her. "It would appear that every major character has gotten into a ship that reflects his or her personality," she observed. After a brief pause, she continued. "It also appears that they are fighting a Black Nova-infused Professor Calamitous or something."

"Exactly! How can ye not be excited about this epic battle between th' forces of good and evil? It oughta get yer blood pumping!" Captain L shouted, waving his arms dramatically to emphasize his point.

"Look," Aurora said firmly. "I'll get in the life ship. I'll help fight whatever we're fighting. I'll use the Scrolls of Science to stop the Black Nova. But I'm not going to be excited about it. This isn't a game. This is an unfortunate series of events that has spiraled out of control. Now, if you will please stop blocking the life ships..."

"Yaarrgh...If that's how it's going to be, lass. Cloaking Device, disengage!" Captain L pointed upwards, indicating the source of the massive energy wave from a few moments before. Above them appeared the Crimson Shadow Epsilon, a ridiculously massive spacecraft that easily dwarfed the size of the piloted life ships, SUPER GALACTIC GOLDEN GOLDBEZ, and the strange energy mech that Cale had gotten himself into. "Behold the Crimson Shadow Epsilon, lass. I'll be using it to wage war on ye and yer friends. If this doesn't put some pep in yer step, I don't know what will!" And with a snap of his fingers, Captain L was now several miles above Aurora and Chancellor Awesome, at the helm of his gargantuan spaceship. "CRIMSON SHADOW EPSILON! NEUTRON BLASTERS ENGAGE!" Hundreds of doors and hatches opened across the ship, each one revealing a chrome plated cannon. The space around them began to distort as they started to siphon comets, meteors, space debris and other forms of matter from every direction. Deep within the bowels of the ship, the material was converted into energy. Never one to waste good energy, Captain L pointed his cutlass at each and every life ship/mech/non-Nova Calamitous entity in the immediate vicinity, prompting his ship's Neutron Blasters to fire continuous beams of energy at each target.

"We might want to head up there pretty quickly," Chancellor Awesome sighed.

"Damn it..." Aurora got into one of the two remaining life ships; it immediately took the form of a large black dragon and flew off toward the rest of the protagonists. Chancellor Awesome followed closely behind her in his own life ship, which took the form of, well, a life ship. He wasn't a very creative one.

[Sariel of Tevet]

Calypso and crew had entered their life ship, which changed into a giant vanship mothership ship. It had enough holding bays to fit all the other life ships back in again, without having them transform into it's original state, and it wouldn't even mess with the giant indoor jacuzzi and replica rainforest.

The Professor's lifeship had turned into the chassis of a normal lifeship, however made of a skeleton with an exoskeleton on top to mimic his own anatomical makeup.

Both ships joined the fray and lined up along side the rest of the group.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All the attacks from the group passed through the mist that is Nova Calamitous and continued on through space. His voice once again boomed throughout the universe for all to hear.


Foooooools. You are merely contributing to the chaos that I am going to bring to order.

The attacks from the group phased out of existence and became apart of Nova Calamitous.

Now you will be brought to an end by the very chaos that you are trying to protect.

The mist surrounded the group in a large circle and began to spread miles wide and then form into an asteroid belt.

Now this ends.

The asteroids began to fall towards the group from every direction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Evasive maneuvers team!"

The giant vanship mothership ship started to weave in and out of the larger masses of rock, but it could hardly pass between the smaller, faster ones. The hull began to get pelted by asteroids and the warning sirens began to blare. RB started up the com link to The Professor.

"Professor you gotta start to blast apart these asteroids or we aren't going to make it."

"Got it!

The Professor's hydraulic exocannons began to blast apart the nearest asteroids, sending fragments flying every which way to add to the ever expanding and growing asteroid belt.

[Mizagium]

GIANT GALACTIC GOLDEN GOLDBEZ AND FRIENDS (FORMERLY KNOWN AS TEAM FRIENDSHIP) FLOATED THERE IN SPACE FOR A WHILE. THEY WATCHED THE VANSHIP ATTACK NOVA CALAMITOUS, BUT TO NO AVAIL, I ASSUME. ALSO OF NOTE, THE "AND FRIENDS" SECTION GETS INCLUDED IN THE ALL-CAPS GLORY OF GOLDBEZ BECAUSE THEY ARE IN HIS GENERAL VICINITY, WHICH, IN THIS CONTEXT, MEANS THE SOLAR SYSTEM OR WHATEVER. WE WEREN'T EXACTLY CLEAR ON THAT. REGARDLESS, GOLDBEZ ALLOWED THEM TO BORROW HIS ALL-CAPS. BUT ONLY THOSE WHO WERE FORMERLY A PART OF TEAM FRIENDSHIP: STELLA, BLANCE (AND BY EXTENSION, THE CRUSADERS), AZZI THUNDERCOUGERFALCONBIRD, AND CALE EFRUN. BUT NOT ZENTO BECAUSE HE'S MOODY.

"SO, THIS ISN'T WORKING," SUPER BLANCHE OBSERVED. SHE STARTED TO GO ON, BUT REALIZED SHE WAS SPEAKING IN THE ALL-CAPS. "WHAT THE. HOW AM I DOING THAT? HOW DO I KNOW I'M DOING THAT?"

GIANT GALACTIC GOLDEN GOLDBEZ (WHO MAY BE REFERRED TO FROM THIS POINT ON AS GGGG OR G4) SWUNG HIS HIPS AROUND, SHIFTING GRAVITY BRIEFLY AND CAUSING THE PLANE OF THE ECLIPTIC TO WOBBLE. "THAT'S THE POWER OF THE DANCE, BABY. GIVES YOU THE POWER TO TALK IN WHATEVER WAY YOU WANT, YO. I COULD SPEAK IN COMIC SANS IF I WANTED TO." G4 DECIDED NOT TO SPEAK IN COMIC SANS BECAUSE THAT FONT IS ONLY USED BY LUCIFER AND THE GREEN PARTY AND WE ALL KNOW WE DON'T WANT TO BE THEM.

"IT LOOKS LIKE CALAMITOUS IS BECOMING ONE WITH THE UNIVERSE," SUPER STELLA OBSERVED. "AT LEAST ACCORDING TO NEBULA." NEBULA DOESN'T GET A SUPER TITLE BECAUSE HE ISN'T RIDICULOUSLY BIG.

"THAT'S BAD." SUPER PULSAR MANIFESTED A GIANT RIFLE BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE HUGE. "WE SHOULD PROBABLY STOP THAT, YEAH?"

"PROBABLY."

"BUT WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?"

SUPER BLANCHE DIDN'T HAVE AN ANSWER. SHE WAS STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW THE ALL-CAPS WORKED.

"WE KEEPING PUMPING HIM FULL OF HOT, TASTY SPACE LEAD!" G4 DECLARED. SUPERS PULSAR AND STARBURST TOOK THE INITIATIVE AND JOINED THE VANSHIP IN SHOOTING NOVA CALAMITOUS WITH ENOUGH ENERGY WHATEVER TO DO SOMETHING TO A BIG PLACE. I DUNNO MAN. SPACE IS HARD. EXPLOSIONS!

BUT SUPERS AND STELLA AND BLANCHE STAYED BEHIND (SB WAS STILL WORKING ON THE ALL-CAPS THING AND SS WAS LOOKING ALL CONTEMPLATIVE. PROBABLY TALKING TO THAT MIND-WORM NEBUCHANDZZAR OR WHOEVER. BUT NOT G4. HE DOESN'T THINK. HE KNOWS. BUT HE WAS THINKING ANYWAY, WHICH WAS DANGEROUS. DANGEROUS ENOUGH THAT -

WHAT'S THAT?

OUT IN THE DISTANCE!

IT'S A BIRD!

NO IT'S NOT - WE'RE IN SPACE YOU IDIOT.

OH RIGHT. IS IT A...

NO. NO. JUST...JUST GO HOME.

...OK...

...ANYWAY. IT WAS LIKE A COMET OF SOME KIND. NOT JUST ANY COMET OF SOME KIND - IT WAS THE COMET OF SOME KIND. SPEEDING TOWARDS THE BATTLE AT SOME KIND OF LIGHT SPEED OR WHATEVER WAS NONE OTHER THAN THE LEGENDARY SPACE HERO: THE COMET.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T PAY ATTENTION OR READ THE ONLINE SUPPLEMENTAL MATERIAL (SERIOUSLY, WHAT KIND OF NERDS ARE YOU?) THE COMET WAS AN ALIAS FOR THE LONG-LOST BROTHER OF KING RANDOLPH OF REALLY COOL LAND: JONATHAN MAMBUTOO O'MALLEY. THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S A MAMBUTOO O'MALLEY. AND HE'S A SPACE HERO.

HE LOOKED A LOT LIKE JOHNNY DID AT THE BEGINNING OF AL! YOU KNOW. WHEN HE WAS DISGUISED AS AN ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH MODEL. WHAT? YOU DON'T? GO...GO READ THAT. I'LL WAIT.

.........

GOT IT? OK. YEAH, HE LOOKED LIKE THAT, SANS BURGER COSTUME AND NOT AN ABSOLUTE MORON.

ANYWAY, THE COMET APPEARED, SHIRTLESS, IN A BLINDING FLASH OF MANLINESS. ALTHOUGH HE WAS OF NORMAL HUMAN SIZE, HIS ABS GLISTENED WITH THE WHITE-HOT INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND SUNS. ALSO THE SOUNDS OF A PACK OF SCREAMING MIDDLE-AGED HOUSEWIVES ACCOMPANIED HIM, WHICH WAS WEIRD BECAUSE, YOU KNOW. SPACE.

"HEY THERE, SON, HOW'S IT GOING?" HE ASKED OF G4.

"OH YOU KNOW. BATTLE OF THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE."

"EXCELLENT. NOTHING AN AVATAR OF THE SEXY FORCE CAN'T HANDLE."

"HELL YEAH." THE TWO EXCHANGED A SERIES OF INCREASINGLY INTENSE MUSCLE FLEXING POSITIONS WHICH THREATENED THE STABILITY OF LOCAL SPACETIME.

THE COMET NOTICED CALE AMONG THOSE DOING SPACE THINGS. "AH. I SEE YOU BROUGHT THE UNIFIER."

"YEAH, IT WASN'T EASY. HAD SOME AMNESIA THERE WAS A PARTY THAT I WASN'T INVITED TO I STOLE A BAR AND SOME WEASELS AND MET MY MIRROR SELF BUT WE'RE HERE NOW AND THAT'S THE IMPORTANT PART."

"IT SURE IS. WHILE I CAN'T STAY, AS I HAVE IMPORTANT SEXY THINGS TO DO, I WILL GRANT YOU SOME OF MY ABS POWER." HE MASSAGED HIS NIPPLES SENSUALLY (LADIES, LOOK AWAY LEST YOU BECOME INTOXICATED AND UNABLE TO RESIST THE MANLIEST OF MEN) UNTIL THE GLOWS ON HIS ABS BECAME SO GREAT, IT CAUSED THE SUN TO SHOUT "HEY, TURN THAT ISH OFF!" AND CLOSE THE BLINDS. A GREAT SIX PACK BEAM OF ENERGY SPRUNG FORTH AND TOOK HOLD OF G4. IT SMACKED HIM AROUND A FEW TIMES FOR FUN BEFORE EMBEDDING ITSELF WITHIN HIS CHEST. G4'S ROBOT SPACE BODY MANIFEST A GLORIOUS SEX PACK, EACH ACTUALLY A HIGH-GRADE LASER WEAPON OF SOME KIND THAT I'LL DECIDE ON LATER.

"THANKS, DAD!" G4 AND THE COMET HIGH-FIVED.

"NOW REMEMBER. DON'T SPEND IT ALL IN ONE PLACE!" AND THEN THE COMET WAS GONE, ZOOMING OFF TO THE FAR REACHES OF THE UNIVERSE, DOING SEXY THINGS THAT NEEDED TO BE DONE.

G4 DID A LITTLE DANCE AND TOUCHED HIS ABS (I DIDN'T TELL YOU LADIES TO LOOK BACK!) AND SAID "ALRIGHT. NOW IT'S TIME TO FIGHT THE FINAL BOSS."

SUPER STELLA AND SUPER BLANCHE EXCHANGED A LOOK. "WHAT."

GOLDBEZ BEGAN CHARGIN' MAH LAZAHS AND ALL SIX OF HIS PACKS ERUPTED IN A FIERY EXPLOSION OF MANLINESS, SEXITUDE, FATHERLY AFFECTION, AND AWKWARD AROUSAL. ALL OF THESE STRANGE EMOTIONS JOINED THE VANSHIP BARRAGE AND THREATENED TO FILL NOVA CALAMITOUS TO THE POINT OF BURSTING.

"AWWW YEAH. TAKE IT ALL!"

(OK LADIES, YOU MAY NOW LOOK BACK - WHAT!? YOU ALREADY WERE? FOR SHAME.)

[Calefrun]

CALE LOOKED AT-

"HOLY SHIT! I'M IN CAPS TOO! IT'S JUST LIKE THE VOICE SAID!"

DUDE, DON'T INTERRUPT ME LIKE THAT. NOT COOL.

"OH. SORRY BRO."

ANYWAY, CALE LOOKED AT GOLDBEZ AND ASKED, "...WHO THE HELL WAS THAT? WHAT THE FIZ IS A 'UNIFIER?' WHAT THE DOGMORTONFUNGUSLEAVES ARE YOU-" HE STOPPED HIMSELF, REALIZING THAT HE WAS MAKING A MISTAKE. IDIOT. "ON SECOND THOUGHT, THAT'S TOO MANY QUESTIONS. JUST ANSWER THE SECOND ONE, SINCE IT HAS TO DO WITH ME."

WHILE HE WAITED FOR A RESPONSE, HE DECIDED TO KEEP ATTACKING NOVA CALAMITOUS. SINCE IT WAS BECOMING CLEAR THAT THE FINAL BOSS NOVA CALAMITOUS COULDN'T BE HURT BY PHYSICAL ATTACKS WHILE HE WAS IN THIS FORM. CALE DECIDED INSTEAD TO DO THE ONLY SENSIBLE THING. THE MACARENA. IN SPACE.

THE SPOCKARENA

[Mizagium]

REALIZING THAT ANSWERING CALE'S QUESTION WAS IMPORTANT, G4 SNAPPED HIS MIGHTY FINGERS AND LO AND BEHOLD, HIS TEAM OF DANCING BADGERS REAPPEARED FROM THE BOWELS OF HIS ARMOR. ONLY THEY WEREN'T REGULAR BADGERS ANYMORE. NO, THEY WERE SUPER GALACTIC DANCING BADGERS - THEY'D BEATEN THE WEASEL TEAM BY FRACTIONS OF A POINT LAST WEEK FOR THE "SUPER GALACTIC TITLE".

"AH MY LOYAL BACKUP DANCERS. HERE." HE REMOVED HIS SIX PACK AND HANDED THEM TO THE BADGERS. IT TOOK THE ENTIRE TEAM TO HOLD THEM, BUT HOLD THEM THEY DID. "NOW REMEMBER, DON'T ACTIVATE THE LAST TWO ABS JUST YET; I'M SAVING THEM FOR THE REALLY DEFINITELY FINAL BOSS." THE BADGERS NODDED IN UNDERSTANDING AND CONTINUED TO PRESS THE ASSAULT. FOR THOSE INTERESTED, G4'S REMAINING TWO PECS CONTAINED THE EMOTIONS OF "DANCE, MONKEY, DANCE" AND "NO, YOU'RE THE UGLY ONE".

TEMPORARILY FREE OF HIS DUTIES, G4 FLEW ON OVER TO CALE AND FLUNG HIS ARM AROUND THE YOUNG LAD. "WELL, CALE, IT'S LIKE THIS. I KNOW IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE USELESS SOMETIMES - THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS WAAAAY BETTER THAN YOU AT THINGS - THAT YOU'RE JUST THE OTHER GUY. WELL, THAT'S TRUE. BUT ONLY FOR NOW. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, YOU'RE ACTUALLY VERY, VERY IMPORTANT. SO IMPORTANT, IN FACT, THAT I TOOK TIME OUT OF MY BUSY SCHEDULE OF BANGNING MY ACROSS THE UNIVERSE TO COME GET YOU. I LOST MY MEMORIES TEMPORARILY BACK THERE BECAUSE IT MAKES FOR GOOD DRAMA, AMIRITE? BUT SERIOUSLY. I WAS TO INSTRUCT YOU IN THE WAYS OF THE DANCE, WHICH I DID - ADMIRABLY SO, I MIGHT ADD. YOU PROGRESSED WITH INSANE SPEED, EVEN MANAGING TO SUMMON THE SEXY SPHINX BY YOURSELF - ACCIDENTALLY, OF COURSE, BUT STILL."

HE LOOKED OFF INTO THE DISTANCE, SADLY. A COUPLE PLANETS STARTED TO CRY FOR HIM.

"BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO MOVE ON - TO FIND A NEW TEACHER. YOU MUST MASTER THE DODECAHEDRON. THERE ARE ELEVEN OTHER FACETS OF THE SEXY FORCE FOR YOU TO MASTER - A FEAT WHICH I CAN NEVER ACCOMPLISH. ONLY YOU CAN, CALE. WHENEVER MY DAD (THAT GUY THAT WAS JUST HERE - THE COMET. HE'S MY DAD. HE'S ALSO RELATED TO THAT SARAH CHICK WHO'S HOUSE WE TRASHED) GETS BACK AROUND, I'LL POINT HIM YOUR WAY. BUT YOU MUST FIND ANOTHER TEACHER, ANOTHER AVATAR OF THE SEXY FORCE TO HELP YOU MANAGE YOUR GROWING POWERS."

HE GAVE CALE A MOMENT TO PROCESS THIS NEW INFORMATION. G4 WAS NOT ALSO WEARING A SOMBRERO THAT LOOKED LIKE A MINIATURE GALAXY. HECK, IT PROBABLY WAS A GALAXY OR SOMETHING.

SPACE, MAN.

[Nel]

Captain Danielle suddenly felt a tingling sensation...no more like a vibration...no more like... Well whatever it was caused her to swerve violently to the right just some octopi dove where she had once been. She attempted to draw her sword and swerved even more into several people and one cabbage stand. Seeing them closing in on her, Captain Danielle threw her sword harpoon-style at the head of one the octopi chasing her and despite her double vision she hit her mark and began reeling in the catch. Tying several of its tentacles in knots, she began demanding to know what was going on, why are there octopi everywhere, and to take her to their leader.

[Mizagium]

Uggo took stock of the situation: sewer, German pirates, octopi. Not the weirdest Tuesday afternoon, but close. "Not even my booster peg legs can fly me back up that shaft," he observed, craning his neck back. "Plus I might be out of fuel or something. C'mon. We need to press on; eventually there will be a vent of some kind or it'll open to a larger chamber - we all know how absurdly spacious sewers work."

With the glow from his plasma cutlass leading the way, Uggo urged the others to follow. "So. Who're you three supposed to be?"

-

Too bad the Ninjoctopus she had tied up with itself was MERELY A DECOY! Real Ninjoctopi are smarter than to get caught by some drunk pirate wench, even if she could fly.

While she was busy tying up that hapless distraction, Dresmond Nicole swooped down and tackled Captain Danielle, wrapping all eight of his tentacle around her, each brandishing a weapon of some kind.

"Landro Takayaki sends his regards," he grumbled as he prepared to end the short career of Captain Danielle!