Awesome Land!: A Rebooted Story

[Nel]

But the Captain Danielle he tackled was ALSO MERELY A DECOY and he found himself grappling with the octopus that Captain Danielle had tied up.

"So you must be the leader eh?? Well that made things easy!!" she shouted from behind the ninjoctopus brandishing both her cutlass and her pistol.

[Monika]

Artemis had stayed behind in the Music Underground after Knox had taken Ollie away. As long as her space bubble remained intact, she was literally enveloped by peace and therefore capable of carrying out her mission. "Spatial Sight," she muttered, connecting her vision to many auxiliary portals she had placed around Awesome Land. "I do not have any clues as to the whereabouts of any of the other Immortals, so Awesome Land is as good a place to start as any." Her eyes glowing a bright white, Artemis' gaze remotely swept across her home country, scanning for any abnormalities that might indicate the presence of an Immortal. Her eyes paused once they came across the Second Imperial Tower. "What the...?" She saw an enormous shadowy creature coming from the roof of the tower, and a black, viscous liquid coming out of it. While the scene appeared to be stable-ish for now, there was no doubt in Artemis' mind that it would put Awesome Land in danger if left unchecked for too long.

"I estimate a 76.3% chance of that being Leon's handiwork..." Artemis sighed and shifted her gaze to Awesome Land's borders. "But I doubt that he would jeopardize his country." She raised an eyebrow, unsure of her own statement. "Too much, at least. Next is Really Cool Land. I am glad I had the foresight to set up auxiliary portals around Really Cool Land during my visit. It is improbable that any Immortal except Knox would be there, but there is no harm in trying." She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. "Spatial Sight!" When her eyes reopened, her vision was linked to the portals she had created in Really Cool Land. "There's the palace...The surrounding cities...Nothing I wouldn't normally see, I suppose...Wait." Her eyes went back to the palace and zoomed in. "That wasn't there when we left..." What appeared to be an enormous metal platform had been erected in front of the Really Cool palace during the short time Knox and Artemis were gone. She focused her eyes even further and noticed hundreds of fliers strewn about the ground. "Really Cool Land presents...The Immortal of Metal?" she read. Scowling, she deactivated the Spatial Sight and Spatial Barrier techniques. "I cannot be certain that the actual Immortal of Metal will be performing there, but this is the only lead I have. To Really Cool Land." Artemis cautiously summoned a portal in front of her and walked through it to her destination...
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"Man, this concert is gonna be awesome!" Scern shouted, jumping atop his makeshift metal stage. He picked up an electric guitar that had been resting there and began to strum. "Djeeeeennnnn dananananoooow!" he cried, mimicking the notes he was playing.

Galro scoffed. "The concert won't be awesome if no one knows about it. Will you stop fooling around and help me put up these fliers? They won't do much good on the ground." Galro scooped up a handful of the fliers and carefully pinned some to the surrounding trees using his UNMELTABLE ICE NEEDLES^TM, a technique he had picked up after Llenchi's firing overdue departure from the Immortals.

Scern shook his head. "I'm the musician, so I get to play with my guitar. You're the manager, so you get to handle all the advertisement stuff. Dananow dananow deneneeeeh danananana!" He continued strumming.

Galro clenched his teeth and muttered, "Gah, you insufferable little-"

"Excuse me." At that moment, Artemis had portaled her way to Really Cool Land at that very moment, arriving just a few meters away from Galro and Scern.

Quickly composing himself, Galro responded, "Yes? May I be of some assistance?"

Artemis nodded. "Yes, actually. I came across one of these fliers and couldn't help but notice that they read 'Immortal of Metal'."

"Well, it is written in 48 point font. It'd be pretty hard to miss that!" Scern noted, setting his guitar back down.

"Right." Artemis turned toward Scern and examined him for a brief moment. "It is clear that you are the person whose image is on these fliers. I came here to see if you were the real Immortal of Metal. That is, the one with the powers related to the element of metal."

Beaming at someone who was obviously a huge fan of his, Scern jumped from his place onstage and landed gracefully in front of Artemis. "Why, yes I-"

Before he had the chance to confirm his identity, Scern was pushed out of the way and Galro took his place. "You'll have to pardon my client, Miss...?"

"Artemis," Artemis said.

"Miss Artemis..." Galro repeated. He let the words linger on his tongue for a second or two longer than he should have. "What a beautiful name. And I'm sure it was given to an equally beautiful young woman." After an awkward pause (during which it was made painfully clear that Artemis was not the type to succumb to flattery), Galro said, "Ahem. Let's pretend that my client is indeed the real Immortal of Metal and that he didn't just assume the title as a stage name. Why would you need him?"

"As I said before, my name is Artemis. I am the current Immortal of Space. I seek to form a Council of Immortals. As fourteen of the most powerful beings across multiple dimensions, I believe we have a responsibility to come together to promote peace, balance and diplomacy," Artemis explained.

Galro rolled his eyes. "All honorable causes, I'm sure. But we Immortals tend to do things on our own."

"We?"

"Heh. I suppose the proverbial cat is out of the bag now." Galro snapped his fingers, conjuring up another magical rainstorm. "Galro, the Immortal of Water..."

Scern punched the sky with both fists, causing a pillar of steel to erupt from the ground beneath him, propelling him into the air. He made another graceful landing in front of Artemis. "...and Scern, the Immortal of Metal, at your service!"

Artemis' eyes darted from Scern to Galro to Scern again. After a few moments of consideration, she nodded. "Now that you have both been positively identified as Immortals, I can recruit both of you at once."

"Did you not hear me before, Miss Artemis? We have no interest in serving on this 'Council'. I can barely deal with this one," he pointed up at Scern, "during concerts. And now you're asking me to work with him and a dozen other strangers in a formal setting?"

"Haha, I gotta agree with Mr. Wet Blanket!" Scern laughed. "I'm more of a free spirit kind of guy. And besides, between concerts, songwriting and cartoons, I just don't have the time for anything else. Sorry, lady."

"Is there nothing I can do to persuade you?" Artemis asked. "The formation of this council is vital to the continued existence of the world. Your respective presences on the council would not only be appreciated, but are completely necessary."

Smirking, Galro deliberately scratched his non-existent beard and pretended to consider the proposal. "Let it never be said that the Immortal of Water walked away from the request of a damsel in distress. I'll tell you what, Miss Artemis. If you take off that hood of yours, Scern and I will join this 'Council of Immortals'. Free of charge."

Scern shot Galro a confused look, only to be met with a stern glare and a sinister grin. The Immortal of Metal had seen that look on Galro's face far too many times in the past. He knew what was about to happen. "Yea, sure, what my manager says."

Artemis gave the duo her own confused look. "My...hood?"

"Yes, Miss Artemis. Your hood. If I am going to be roped into joining this council, I would at least like to see my captor's face."

Artemis thought about the request for a while. On one hand, it was certainly an unusual one, and she preferred to retain her air of mystery. But on the other hand, it wasn't that great a request, especially considering she'd be getting two out of six Immortals in return.

After weighing the pros and (admittedly) few cons of the deal, she replied, "Very well." Artemis carefully pulled down her robe hood, revealing her unnaturally pale skin and white hair. She had the tired, narrow eyes of someone who had spent too much of her life reading, yet they still had the sparkle of someone anxious to see the rest of the world. Her hair was wild and probably hadn't seen a comb in years, but it completed her unkempt scholar look. She was not at all unattractive, and with just a little bit of maintenance she could easily go from Book 1 Hermione to Book 7 Hermione.

"Beautiful," Galro whispered, his eyes widening with hunger. "Simply beautiful. Yes, you'll do just nicely."

"Pardon?" Artemis prepared to put her hood back on, but her arms seemed to stop of their own accord without even getting close to her head. She noticed that Galro had assumed the posture of a marionettist, but before she could make the connection, she felt her body propelling itself straight into Galro's open arms, where she was met with an open mouth kiss.

The moment Galro's lips met hers, Artemis felt herself regain control of her limbs. She responded by kicking as much as she was able to and, after a few moments of her flailing, Galro eventually broke away from the kiss, releasing the captive Space Immortal.

"Delicious..." Galro licked his lips in a particularly unnerving way.

Artemis clasped her forehead and staggered backward once she was free. "What...What did you do? My head..."

"Hmm? Oh, I drank some of the water from your body." Galro found himself drooling at the statement and wiped the corner of his mouth with his sleeve. "You're probably experiencing the symptoms of dehydration right now. Headache, confusion, loss of appetite, fatigue. Standard stuff."

"Wh-Why?" Artemis took a few careful steps backward and stared at the two Immortals in front of her. Her normally perfect vision was blurred; it looked like there were half a dozen people there instead of two. Either way, it was more than she was willing (or able) to fight in her current state.

"Sorry, lady," Scern chimed in. "Galro here has this sick obsession with sucking the fluids out of cute girls. Through their mouths. I keep telling him to get some psychiatric help or something, but he's too stubborn."

"I have a problem. I'll admit it." Galro shrugged. "But I don't really care. Now, why don't you come here, Miss Artemis, and let me finish-

"Add: One hundred energy blasts!" Artemis outstretched her hands and used her knowledge of mathemagic to summon a cascade of magical energy spheres, each one poised to strike Galro.

"What the-?" The Immortal of Water reacted by collecting the rain into a dome around himself, which he froze into an icy barrier not a moment too soon. Once the last drop of water had frozen, his dome was bombarded with the energy spheres, each one generating an explosion on contact. "Damn it! Scern, apprehend her!"

Scern nodded. "You got it, manager!" He snapped his fingers, transforming his metal stage into an array of floating metal blades.

"Don't be reckless! Gah!" Galro collected more water around himself to reinforce the barrier. "Keep her body intact! I want the rest of her when we're done!"

Artemis gave a frustrated sigh and continued adding energy blasts, finding it too difficult to rely on her advanced space techniques while suffering from dehydration. "This is going to be a lot harder than I originally anticipated. I can only hope that Knox is having more luck than I am."
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"None of our attacks are having any effect on Calamitous," Aurora noted.

"And we keep getting blasted by your brother," Chancellor Awesome added.

"Pew pew! Ahahahaha!" Leon made full use of every cannon the Crimson Shadow Epsilon had to offer. His ship absorbed matter from the constant stream of asteroid fragments, transformed it into energy, and fired it toward everyone and everything around him.

"And it occurred to me that no one is monitoring Awesome Land if the Interim Imperator is up here attacking us." Aurora sighed. "I can't deal with this."

[Mizagium]

Julia Wankershim shared Artemis' frustrations. Unfortunately, she was too distracted by Scern (and Galro) to stop the Immortal of Water before he vampire-kissed Artemis. However, she was certainly paying attention once energy blasts started getting tossed around.

"Well, that's quite enough." Julia sauntered over to the scene and snapped her fingers. Incredibly, the ice shield and the energy blasts disappeared with a soft "click" leaving the Queen's sister standing there, hip popped, and a sharp look in her eyes. "Really now. I expect better of Immortals - particularly you, Miss Artemis." She raised her eyebrows. "But I suppose I can't expect everyone to be as well-behaved as my niece. Now. Are we going to have the concert, or are we going to continue destroying everything?"

She shot Galro and Scern a look that said 'I mean business'. "Get up on that stage, young man, and get to rockin'. Mamma needs her jams and you do not want to know what happens when mamma don't get her jams."

[Calefrun]

CALE CONTINUED DANCING, BUT WATCHED GOLDBEZ WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING WHILE HE PROCESSED WHAT HAD BEEN SAID. LUCKILY THAT ONLY TOOK 3.14 NANOSECONDS BECAUSE IN THIS FORM CALE HAS LIKE A THIRTY-TWO CORE CPU.

"I... YEAH ALRIGHT. SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW?"

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As Rick seemed to still be sleeping and Gabe seemed to still be punching the wall, it was Al that answered Uggo's question. "I'm Al, that guy punching the wall is Gabe, and the guy on the floor is R-"

"Call me... Cozaltene." Rick suddenly said, apparently not sleeping after all.

Al gave Cozaltene a confused look, then continued, "...Sure, why not. Anyway, we joined the Association for Space Ship Adventures in the hopes to explore space, but on the day we were supposed to ship out, Captain Danielle came aboard and killed our previous captain. Sooo... I guess we're pirates now. Or something."

[Mizagium]

Much to Knox’s chagrin, Karzem was seated rather elegantly upon a crystalline throne when he and Ollie teleported in. The Guardian (or whatever Karzem had since transformed him into) stood at the Immortal of Chaos’ right hand. Karzem had adorned himself in new, rather kingly robes patterned in tie-die toxic green, jet black, and glittering gold. The pattern appeared to swirl about on the fabric, implying some kind of magic at play. He displayed a ridiculously oversized sword in one hand, planted downward.

It was all very painterly.

“Well, well, well,” Karzem greeted with a smirk. “What brings the Time Keeper to my Vortex Castle?”

“Lovely place,” Ollie deadpanned. She glanced out a window at the swirling chaos beneath the structure. “Very final-boss lair.”

“Why thank you. I don’t believe we’ve met. Karzem, the Sporadic Musician.” He inclined his head just so.

“Thanks. Uh. Ollie. The, uh. Lightbringer? Hm. Now I have to work on a title. Did Grand…Theksa ever use a title?”

She asked the question of Knox but Karzem answered. “Theska was an old stick-in-the-mud. If there ever was a title for the Immortal of Light, he never used it. What about ‘the Daystar’?”

“Not bad. I’ll get back to you on that.”

“Always happy to help a fellow Immortal, which brings us back to,” he acknowledged Knox theatrically, “Knox. What I can I do for you? I don’t believe we’ve been together since…were you there at the Seth battle? It’s all one long blur of fight scenes and betrayal. How are you?”

“Oh you know. Trying to piece together the shattered remains of my life. You?”

“Come now. It can’t be all that bad.”

“I think it is.” Knox started to say something, stopped huffed, and flexed his hands. “You know, Karzem. I used to hate you for killing him. I used to think of returning the favor, of killing you with my own hands. Because you killed the man who found me when I was broken and taught me how to become who I really was.”

“What changed?”

“My perspective. I hit a low. Rock bottom. I found out that someone I called friend…Torran. You remember? He was the reason my first love died.”

“If I know my history like I think I do,” Karzem interrupted. “I believe it was you who dealt the killing blow.”

“Then you understand my devastation. I killed the girl I loved for some organization who used us. I went back. I tried to save her. She refused.” He felt the anger and frustration come back again. “Can you believe that, man? She knew she was going to die and she still went anyway. It was me. She refused life with me for death! So then what? I broke. I got swept up in time and surfaced at the end of the universe.”

“The end?” Karzem leaned forward, intrigued.

“Yeah. I met End. Didn’t even know he existed. But I actually met the end of the world.”

“What was it like?”

“Calm. He was so…calm, not the monster I thought. He set me straight. But see, turns out – and this is the point I’ve been getting to – the Time Keeper, he…manipulated my whole life. He took me when my family died, brought be back and gave me to Ara, to be trained until it was time for me to meet him. It’s so ridiculous I can’t believe it almost. I’ve never had any control of my life until recently.”

Karzem face twisted into something unreadable. “So what are you doing here, then?”

Knox ran his hands through his hair and took slow, deep breaths. “Artemis is putting a council together. A Council of Immortals.” Karzem’s eyebrows went up, but he didn’t respond. “I think it’s a good idea. All we’ve done for so long is manipulate the world from the sidelines. We should be public with what we are. Everyone should know what we’re capable of and that we’re here to help.”

That made Karzem grin in a way that unsettled Ollie. “Now that I can agree with! You tell this Artemis to expect to see me at the first meeting. And Knox? Don’t be a stranger.”

Knox nodded and teleported himself and Ollie away before Ollie could say, “I don’t like him. He’s creepy and obviously evil.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Then why – “

“If he’s at the Council then we can keep an eye on him better. He takes his job too far, even for Chaos. Let’s go. I’ve only got one more stop to make – and I’m not looking forward to it.”

“Wait.” Ollie grabbed his arm before he opened another portal. “All that stuff you said – was that all true?”

“And then some.” He looked distant. “Let’s go. This next visit is more of my past, so, you know. Brace yourself.”

-

Dresmond Niles was everywhere at once – or maybe Captain Danielle was just THAT drunk. Either way, the Ninjoctopus chuckled. “Fool. I was also trained in the art of drunk-foo. Behold!”

Six of his arms seized conveniently placed alcohols (his other two still held weapons) and dumped the contents into his beak. The world blurred. Everything wobbled and swayed. Who messed with the gravity?

“Arghshmehearties,” he slurred. “Illshhhow youuuudman PRIATE!”

He flung himself rather…gracelessly at Captain Danielle, blades akimbo.

[Monika]

All three Immortals stopped what they were doing at once (not that they had a choice). Galro and Scern looked at each other, then to Julia, and then back at each other, nonverbally asking themselves the same question: What in the world just happened?

Ironically, the ever quiet Artemis was the first to speak. "My apologies," she said, giving a slight bow to Julia. "It was reckless of me to use such dangerous magic near the palace. I endangered both you and the citizens of Really Cool Land. Again," she bowed once more, "I apologize."

Galro and Scern opened their mouths as if to say something, but no words came out. Their eyes were large with fear and surprise and, as they met, another nonverbal question was posed: Julia wants her jams right now, but there isn't anything even resembling a crowd nearby. If no one shows up, how are we supposed to raise money? And if we wait for a crowd, how long can we bide our time until Julia shows us what happens when she goes jamless?

Keen as always, Artemis picked up on the other Immortals' thoughts (without using her Telepathy technique, I might add) and responded. "I'll tell you what, Galro. Scern. If you join my Council of Immortals, I'll gather a crowd for your concert right now. Free of charge."

Galro glared at Artemis for a second before glancing back to Julia; the look in her eyes suggested that she needed her jams at once. There could be no negotiating on this point. Feeling somehow beaten and backed into a corner, Galro conceded. "Fine. Well played, Artemis. Scern and I will join your council. Just get us a crowd." He looked at Julia one more time. "Please."

Artemis nodded. She felt her headache and nausea fade away - Galro was probably doing something to restore the water to her body - and now had access to all of her advanced spatial powers. "Technique of the Current Immortal of Space: Spatial Projection. A derivative of the Spatial Sight technique. Allows the caster's voice to be heard from external auxiliary portals."

Galro and Scern looked at her confusedly, to which she replied, "Get the stage ready." As the other two Immortals made preparations, Artemis announced as enthusiastically as possible with her Spatial Projection technique, "Attention, all citizens of Really Cool Land. I, Artemis, the current Immortal of Space, would like to inform you that the legendary Scern, the Immortal of Metal, is holding a concert outside of the palace at this very moment. This is a one time opportunity, so you don't want to miss it! Admission is only fifty Verabucks - that's a bargain since you'll be seeing the greatest rockstar of all time! Plus, all proceeds will go toward helping Princess Sarah pay certain country expenses to ensure the continued prosperity of the Really Cool kingdom. Just throw your money through the portals you see in front of you, walk on through and come experience the concert of a lifetime!"

Artemis just barely created enough portals in time; what appeared to be the entire population of Really Cool Land (and probably some people from neighboring countries) barreled through the tears in space around her at once, swarming the grounds near the palace. Artemis levitated herself high above the ground to avoid a potential stampede. She looked at Julia, Galro, and Scern and pointed toward a bubble of space resting next to her. It was collecting all of the money people had thrown through the auxiliary portals; there had to be at least a million 50 Verabuck bills in there.

"She's good!" Scern remarked.

"Hmph. Just get on stage." Galro snapped his fingers, darkening the skies with clouds to create the right concert atmosphere. He and Scern then both jumped onto the wonderfully crafted stage (metal platforms, watery curtains, weird ice lantern things - it was pretty intense). Grabbing the guitar Scern had been playing with earlier, Galro shouted, "ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!"

The cries of the crowd were so deafening and jumbled together that he couldn't make out a single word.

Manifesting his own guitar from a set of magical strings, Scern shouted, "My partner here didn't hear you! Let's try again. ARE YOU READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOCK!?!?!?!?"

Artemis hastily muttered, "Spatial Barrier. Minimize: Sound." She performed the technique just in time to avoid an ear-splitting roar from the crowd. Noticing that hundreds of windows had been cracked and several of the surrounding buildings had exploded because of the sound waves, she counted her blessings that she was the Immortal of Space.

"THAT'S MORE LIKE IT!" Scern yelled. "NOW, LET'S ROCK!" He decided to warm up with a song he had heard in some fighting video game once upon a time. With Galro summoning watery appendages to play percussion, piano, and backup guitar simultaneously, all Scern had to do was rock to his heart's content.

[Mizagium]

While the crowd began to appear and dump their money into the portal, Julia somehow produced a VIP section in the outdoor crowd, complete with comfy-looking chairs and a fan to keep her cool. Drink in hand, she enjoyed the concert.

Sarah reappeared in time for the concert. Confused, she sought out her aunt. "Aunt Julia...what happened?"

"Solving your money troubles, sweetie."

"But. The crowd. The people."

"All taken care of, courtesy of your friend, Artemis."

Sarah furrowed her brow. "Artemis? My friend? I suppose so." She settled into a seat beside her aunt and grimaced.

"Something wrong, my dear?"

"No. Just a stomachache."

-

"Rick. Al. Cozaltene," Uggo acknowledged the three pirates in turn. "Good to meet and not kill you today. Now, I apologize for my briskness, but I believe my wife has been kidnapped by space octopi, so we should be on our way."

Plasma saber thrust forward, illuminating the way, Uggo urged the three pirates along.

[eh...I'll do something else with them later]

[Sariel of Tevet]

Hmmm. I grow weary of watching these peons dancing between the asteroids. These months of torture have gone on long enough.

With that he withdrew the asteroids, dissipated all the scattered cosmic dust, and revealed natural form to the group.

"We had been chasing him for so long, I almost forgot what he looked like.

Calypso shook his head at the voice blasting through the radio.

"Professor, he looks just like you. Just...darker."

I suppose so, you may be right. It is just refreshing to be fighting a boss battle in which the enemy is fairly normal size.

Calamitous raised his hands above his head and his body began to glow. The atoms of the universe began to find their way to his palms like a vortex, swirling with the building blocks of the cosmos. His form became consumed as he drew in more and more pure energy from the surrounding area. Aside from the "heroes", and a few lands from the farther reaches of space, Calamitous had finally consumed nearly the entirety of all space and matter, and used it to fuel his transformation.

He exoskeleton skeleton expanded and began to form an exosuit, one made of the hardest materials ever created. He grew exponentially, so large that galaxies would fit on a finger tip and the group awaiting battle would have gone out of his sight, if not for his new advanced exobattlesuit.

Worthless, fools. How can you expect to defeat the power of the entire cosmos?

Captain Calypso, unphased, lit up a cigar and opened up the com link to the rest of the ships.

"Ladies, gentleman...and Blanch....would you all hit the green button please."

RB pressed the green button for the vanshipmothership, and it transformed into an armored leg.

The Professor pressed his own button as well, and his ship turned into a giant robotic skeleton with usb connection ports where extremities and various body parts are meant to plug in.

[Myrdraxxis]

Azzi stared at his controls for a moment. Honestly he was fairly certain that there hadn't, in fact, been a green button there before. But there was now, oddly enough alongside a blue and red button. He stared some more.

"You know I kinda want to press the red button instead." he said over the intercom. His finger lingered over it for a moment. He sighed. "Some day..." He pressed the green button instead.

The ship around him suddenly morphed into a giant an armored, blade-pronged gauntlet and attached itself to the appropriate port on the vanmothership. "....I can already see where this is going."

Azzi flipped on the radio and turned up the tunes.

[Monika]

"A lot of crazy things go on around here, but this is just beyond reasonable," Aurora noted. "Calamitous is easily the size of a few hundred thousand galaxies. And we're supposed to become that size? And defeat him?"

"If we ever want to clear up this crisis and return to Awesome Land..." Chancellor Awesome answered. "Let's go ahead and press these buttons, help form the rest of this giant robot and save the universe." The chancellor pushed the green button in his life ship, not batting an eye as the vehicle morphed into an enormous leg and attached itself to the Professor's skeleton's leg port, right across from RB.

"Ah...I call dibs on the head," Aurora sighed. "It's only fair since I'm the leader of this group...and the country that is arguably responsible for all this. Not that I need to explain myself, since I'm Empress and everything..." Aurora pushed her own green button and relaxed as her dragon-shaped life ship transformed into dragon-shaped robotic head and connected itself to the top of the robotic skeleton, a fitting song playing while she docked.

Not to be outdone, Captain L unsheathed his laser cutlass and slammed it into a key slot on the control panel of the Crimson Shadow Epsilon. "Alright! Now it's time to get serious! Time to unleash my secret power. It's CHANGIN' TIME!" Rather than describe the entire transformation sequence, just know that Captain L made a bunch of ridiculous arm movements and hand gestures, and suddenly he was wearing very tight-fitting black and silver spandex that matched the color of his ship, as well as a totally-not-Power-Rangers-inspired helmet. "I am the Silver Shadow Ranger! Now, prepare to witness the power of the Crimson Shadow Epsilon: Battle Mode!" Captain Silver Shadow L Ranger struck a Ginyu Force style pose and summoned a few million Shadow Fiends, which his ship's cannons promptly absorbed. Inexplicably, the Epsilon grew to rival the size of Nova Calamitous and, after another lengthy sequence, became a massive humanoid mech with a few dozen energy cannons comprising its fingers, toes, shoulders, chest, stomach, waist...

[Mizagium]

All the Cosmic Crusadsers pressed their respective green buttons, albeit somewhat skeptically. Instead of transforming into various body parts, they all quickly melded into a single giant space katana of robots and awesome. The Cosmic Katana settled into the open hand of Azzi's space gauntlet.

"Does this robot have a head?" Stella asked, noticing that her cockpit was inexplicably at the tip of the sword.

"IT SEEMS MY LOVELY LADY FRIEND, AURORA HAS TAKEN THE HEAD. I THINK YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS." G4, OF COURSE, STEPPED UP AND ASSUMED THE MANTLE OF WHATEVER HE FELT LIKE. HIS MAGNIFICENT ROBOT FORM TRANSFORMED INTO A MASSIVE CODPIECE THAT WAS SOMEHOW MORE GLORIOUS. IT SETTLED INTO PLACE BETWEEN THE VANSHIP LEG AND CHANCELLOR AWESOME LEG.

ALSO THE DANCING GALACTIC BADGERS PLUGGED INTO VARIOUS SMALLER USB PORTS LIKE MINICONS, AMPLIFYING VARIOUS POWERS.

[Calefrun]

Cale glanced from the forming mech to Calamitous. For a brief moment, he considered staying separate from the others and taking on the foe from both sides. No, he thought, I would just be holding them back. The only way we can beat this... this thing, is if we combine our powers. He began to drift towards the remaining arm socket, when suddenly another vessel shot into place. "Zento?"

Cale stopped and watched as his cousin's ship formed into the shape of a massive, armored arm. Instead of a forearm and hand, however, there was instead a colossal blade. Rather than stopping, the Other Guy of Team Friendship continued to float towards the others, but changed his direction so that, instead of the now-filled arm socket, he was instead heading directly for the skeletal torso.

"RAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!" He called upon even more power, further expanding the size of his ethereal form. He did not plug into the mech's frame as the others had, but instead fused with it, spreading his energy into each of the components already in place. At the machine's center of mass grew a ball of energy so dense it was essentially solid, and the mech began to emit a bright blue glow. Cale opened his eyes, and saw through the eyes of Aurora's dragon-head, which now released flames of the same hue has the aura. He moved an arm, and saw Azzi's ship move accordingly. He thrust forth his groin, and saw G4 spring forth to protect his celestial crotchal region. He positioned himself and the others into a battle stance, and prepared for whatever would come next.

[Mizagium]

"OH YEAH, BABY," CODPIECE G4 ANNOUNCED OVER THE INEXPLICABLE TRANSMECHA COMMUNICATION DEVICE. "I FEEL YOU, CALE. I FEEL YOU INSIDE ME! WHEN YOU THRUST, I THRUST! WE'RE CONNECTED - LIKE BROTHERS ONLY CLOSER!"

Stella, grinning, added, "My my, Cale. You feel so strong. I'm yours then; use me however you see fit."

[Mizagium]

The bowels of Cloud Land consisted of antfarm maze of rather spacious tunnels, lined with pipes and a thick layer of an unidentifiable slime. Luckily, Captain Uggo’s peglegs didn’t have any feeling, so as long as he didn’t touch the walls with his hands, he was spared the disgust. Aside from the occasional blinking red or green light, only Uggo’s plasma saber provided any illumination. Although seemingly picking tunnels at random, Uggo followed the dim light at the end of the tunnel, and the branch where the air felt the least stale. After some time down there (he hadn’t brought a watch or anything) the tunnels began to narrow, but ceased branching off as frequently, until they had to stoop over to progress.

And then suddenly the tunnel opened to a large, hot room. At least six great vats filled the chamber, each labeled “Unobgassium Processing”. The sounds of machinery were almost deafening. Upon spotting a few Octoguards on higher catwalks, Uggo motioned for the Germans to follow him, and pressed against a nearby wall.

“Ok, so here’s the plan: we – “

“…help…”

“Eh?”

Not a few feet down the wall, a thin arm reached out from between a set of iron bars. Six people were crowded into a tight cell, wearing ragged clothing and all looked half-starved.

“What…”

“They did this to us,” spoke the one at the bars, a middle-aged woman with graying blond hair and tired blue eyes. “The Octopi. We never even knew they had taken over until…”

“But why?” Uggo asked. None of this sounded like Landro. He wasn’t a slaver or anything. “Why are you down here?”

She couldn’t find the words, but simply pointed to something upwards. Slowly, Uggo turned and saw a conveyer belt of prisoners, the former inhabitants of Cloud Land, roll into one of the vats labeled “Unobgassium Processing” and disappear.

“Oh no.”

-

“Sir?”

Landro Takayaki drummed his tentacles on his desk nervously. “Yes?”

“It seems that Ug…the humans have discovered the processing chambers.”

“Uggo,” Landro sighed. “Why couldn’t you have just stayed away.”

“And we have a Space Land envoy due to arrive in a few hours for negotiations on Unobgassium trading.”

“So we need to take care of the situation at once. Is the drunk pirate being taken care of?”

“Dresmond Niles is on the case, sir.”

“Good. Send the OctoMechs after Uggo and the others. This has gone on for too long.”

[Nel]

Captain Danielle saw the now drunk Octopus fling himself in her general direction flailed his tentacles about and surprisingly gracefully dodged his attack as he crashed into some unfortunate citizens. She began to feel less weird and more normal. Her vision seemed to be clearing and she left with a slight headache. She realized that her drunken state was wearing off. She had to find some alcohol quick or all would be lost. With her remaining power she sped away from the fight in search of alcohol of any sort.

Seeing what looked like a bar up ahead she careened through the window spraying glass everywhere and grabbing at the first barrel in sight and quickly downed its contents.

[Calefrun]

Al gave Uggo a confused look. "What? What is that stuff?" Gabe cracked his knuckles, and Cozaltene yawned.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A faint blush could be seen on the giant mech's dragon-face. "Thanks guys," Cale said, sounding calm and confident. "Alright, Calamitous. Your move."

[Sariel of Tevet]

Calamitous watched the gyrations of the groups makeshift robot.

Fools. This is exactly the sort of chaos the universe needs to be rid of. Why bother opposing me? You are merely postponing the inevitable.

He opened his palms and two cosmically charged swords came forth, burning with intensity of the various absorbed stars within him. He took the blades and slid them down either side of his torso, creating an open gash. An arm sprang forth from each, one wielding a diamondium shield, the other had a matter dispersing hand cannon in its grasp.

With a nod of his head a galaxy appeared within his reach. With two arms he swung his swords and sliced the galaxy to pieces, and then follow the furious strikes with a shot from his gun, which dissipated the remains into the tiniest of atoms, ready to be consumed by Calamitous again at any time.

This will be over fairly soon.

Calamitous charged up a round from his gun, fired it, and then lunched at the group's mech behind the shot, swords raised.

[Calefrun]

Cale quickly raised his left arm to block the massive bullet, which crashed into Zento's lifeship with enough force to embed tear through the hull, embedding itself within the blade and sending hunks of debris flying into the void. He used the Cosmic Katana to deflect Calamitous' attack as hatches opened all over his "body," launching hundreds of thousands of missiles straight towards the monster.

"ZENTO!" his voice boomed through all of the mech's speakers, "Are you alright?!?" There was no response, and air continued to pour out of the damaged ship.

[Sariel of Tevet]

Calamitous raised his shield to absorb the missiles on impact, and the ones that escaped began to explode and rip holes in his magnificent form. Enraged, he reabsorbed the solar swords and used the nuclear fusion to emblazon his entire form.

He burned away the gun and shield, transforming them into galaxy sized, fire infused diamondium knuckles. Calamitous bared down upon the opposing mech and began to swing with all his might.

[Calefrun]

Reflexively, Cale again raised his left arm to block. One of Calamitous' fists smashed into it, completely breaking off the blade. "NOOOO!" Desperately, he did his best to deflect attacks with the Cosmic Katana without letting it take the full force of any hits as his mind raced, trying to come up with a way out of this situation.

Finally, he had an idea. It was not a good idea, but it was all he had. "GOLDBEZ! I need you to gather up as much energy as you can from what's left of the universe into your ship!" Another attack slipped past his defenses, hitting him square in the face and delivering a destructive blow to Aurora's ship. "HURRY!!"