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Post by Mizagium on Oct 3, 2013 13:45:24 GMT -5
"The Apocalypse? This day just keeps getting better and better!" Leto spun around and decapitated a demon before spinning his blade into a reverse grip and stabbed an angel.
"It's like Christmas come early!" He charged into the fray, losing sight of the original goal of the group somewhere along the way. He paused by Leah for a moment to give her a look. "Are you even aware of what's happening right now?" not waiting for an answer Leto dived into the battle. He was a blur of motion and death as his sword killed both forces. He didn't care which, for neither force served the gods he worshiped. He was a warrior, violence incarnate. Only Odin gained his worship.
But they hadn't been on speaking terms since that card-game last month so Leto just stuck to Horus for now and hoped something good would happen. "WKEHFJKWEF!"
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Post by Mizagium on Oct 3, 2013 13:45:35 GMT -5
Unfortunately for him, people had long forgotten of Post. While he had managed to get away through the impact thanks to what had been described by the mystical name of "Shadow-stuff" The problem, however, was rather the fact that the reason that he hadn't hurt himself while crashing at Mach-2 speed was that stuff's main property was being insanely elastic. This, however, meant that Post was soon flung howling in fear in the opposite direction at almost the same speed.
Meanwhile, in Heaven... Alarms blared through the vast plains of Heaven, and all angels were quickly making their ways out of the clouds and flying at full speed towards Earth's sphere. All except for one, that was... Bob looked more like a redneck trucker than an angel, if anything. His main sources of pride were his disgustingly large and fuzzy beard and his bulging beer belly. Reasons are still unclear on why God had accepted him to be one of his brave warriors in charge to fight back the demons when the Apocalypse started. And, as far as Bob knew, the Apocalypse had just started around 3 minutes ago and he was still stuck in one of Heaven's many crappers. Bob looked at the lonely tube roll, a last, tiny strand of toilet paper still hanging from it. Bob looked frantically around him for something. After a short while, the only things he had managed to collect were a good square of sand-paper, an old magazine (Paradise Lost, Volume 537, Heaven's premiere Gentleman's Magazine) and his slutty girlfriend's photograph. His gaze frantically moved from one item to the other, sweat damping his brows. One of them would have to be sacrificed, but which one. As he flushed, Bob through the now dirty photograph behind his back. "Bitch..." he muttered, as he pulled up his pants. He took a short stretch, the threw himself down to the surface of Earth. As he briefly hovered above the mighty Cthulga, watching with mild interest his companions and colleagues being ripped/raped to shreds, it was only too late before he noticed the black dot that was approaching him at a sickening speed... Post madly grabbed hold and twisted the Angel's wings. "How do you turn this on?!" he yelled, as they quickly made their way down to the cement below them. "Hey, let go!" yelled back Bob, as he clumsily tried to steer his way so as he could land on somewhere slightly softer than the ground below them. "And die a lonely death?! No way, mister! If I'm going to die, I'd rather bring down as many innocent lives that I can with me!" The angel, however, never managed to hear Post's last words, as they were both interrupted by a loud scrunch, as Bob finally collided with the Earth's surface.
Post emerged from the gory remains of what had been a red-neck angel named Bob, dusting off a few bloody feathers off his shirt. He then turned around to see what was going on. As the gigantic form of Cthulga raised itself above him, only one though filled Post's head; it had been a long time that he had last had some octopus for dinner. He was about to step into the fray, when a hand suddenly grabbed hold of his arm. Post spun around, only to find himself face to face with a surprisingly bearded individual. "Y-y-you?!" stuttered Post, a look of sheer surprise now all over his face. "Of course," said the Ranger, a slightly benevolent smile on his face, "I've been waiting for a long time for this to happen. Now stand back, boy; I have some ass-busting to deliver by means of roundhouse kicks..." Post stared in amazement at the silhouette of the being, as it slowly walked towards Cthulga. "Are you sure you'll be all right? I mean, you've been around for a long time by now..." called out Post. "Don't worry!" answered back the intergalactic supreme entity "I don't age. I level up..."
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Post by Mizagium on Oct 3, 2013 13:45:48 GMT -5
Darcs was literally taking a victory lap.
He finally caught some souls.
"YESS!!!!!" Darcs said, taking a bite of the generic translucent wisp, "YESSS!!!", He fell to his knees, black tears of everything vile in the universe filled his eyes in pure joy. "THIS IS DELICIOUS!!!!" The souls were everywhere, innocent souls, angel souls, demon souls, eldritch monstrosity souls, fermented souls collected by demons... It was a true miracle. An angel got hit by a missile above his head and a witch swore in Greek. The prophesied pumpkin mercenary knight of pure impartial neutrality slayed the legions of heaven, hell and earth alike and somewhere in the lost forgotten city, Cthulhu face-palmed at his brother imminent demise. His job as harbinger of the apocalypse was over, now he could just chill and eat souls.... Oohhh and help Max with his thing, he could do that too. He and the Cthulga regeneration clone sat in the shade, chillin' and eating the spoils of the battle (literally). "G'lob'dlyob sr'def..." "Heh..." He responded, Looking over at the now bloodied Post. "Wow man... You look like you've been through Hel-- HEAVEN and back... Hey who's your friend?"
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Post by Mizagium on Oct 3, 2013 13:46:02 GMT -5
Leon sighed as he walked aimlessly around this new dimension, looking down at the cup he was holding with a look of complete despair. "I'm sooooooo thirsty..." he whined. Leon ripped off the lid from his cup and shook it upside down, grimacing while the last few drops of a mysterious black liquid shimmied their way to the ground. "I've been walking for hours! Knew I should have gotten some more supplies before I left." The poor adventurer owned his own chain of fast food restaurants back home, but he insisted on not bringing too much stuff with him on his journey, something about 'building character'. All that sounded a lot nicer with a full stomach and a moist throat.
As if in response to his complaints, a good sized, ransacked building appeared before him. A half broken sign labeled "O'Malley's" was seated at the top of the building and, oddly enough, it was perhaps the least destroyed thing Leon saw. And I thought McJimmy's was bad... he thought, chuckling, although the sound of his laughter was immediately overshadowed by the rumbling of his stomach. "Whatever. I've eaten at worse. I'm sure this place isn't half bad."
More like entirely bad.
As Leon opened the doors to the restaurant, accidentally knocking one from its already unstable hinge, he was unprepared for what he saw. It seemed that there was nothing but a few people and velociraptors, each one on a fine line between life and death. But that's not what bothered him. The most upsetting thing about the restaurant was that-
"THERE ISN'T ANY FOOD!" Leon angrily stomped up to the counter, upon which was a hastily scribbled resignation letter by some guy named 'Sam'. "This service is pathetic! My restaurant staff went through far worse than velociraptors on a much more frequent basis, and they always showed up to work!"
While Leon continued ranting about how his country was better than wherever he was currently, a figure clad entirely in white with large, shining wings floated through the doorway. Noticing the chaos the restaurant was in and assuming Leon to be the cause, the figure cried "Halt, fiend!"
"Finally, some service." Leon whirled around to see the person, who in no way looked like any sort of waiter. "Yes, I'll have your finest sub sandwich and a large non-brand name soft drink, please." he announced triumphantly, as if he had just won some epic battle with hunger.
Puzzled, the white clad person cocked his head to one side and looked at Leon inquisitively for a while. Eventually, the person regained his composure and continued. "Who are you, fiend?!" he demanded. "And what foul sorcery have your used to torment these innocent restaurant patrons!"
"The only sorcery that needs to be done is the kind that can materialize some food in front of me!" Leon snapped, only half paying attention to what the person was saying, his stomach now doing his talking.
Without hesitation, the winged person summoned a large, downright holy blade from nowhere and brought it down toward Leon, who deftly drew his own blade and blocked the attack.
"I'm guessing you're not a waiter, then." Leon grumbled, rolling his eyes and looking down at his non-existent watch. "I really don't have time for this..."
The person paid Leon no mind and continued an onslaught of vicious slashes with his sword, each one countered by Leon.
"WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Leon demanded after he and this newcomer had exchanged a few hundred blows.
"This is the Apocalypse, boy!" the person said, still futilely slash Leon furiously. "And I am an angel sent down from Heaven to ensure that you demonic sorcerer types are punished severely!"
"..." Leon paused for a moment and lowered his sword, deflecting any subsequent attacks with magic alone. "Bwahahahahahahaha!" Shaking his head with a huge grin, Leon sheathed his weapon and spoke. "Mind if I borrow that?" he asked.
"Borrow what?" the angel responded, having stopped attacking after realizing the lack of success he was having.
Before a verbal answer could be given, Leon had grabbed the angel's hand. Slowly, the angel's natural glow began to fade while the same mysterious glow appeared around Leon. After a while, the angel lost the glow, his wings, and any other angelic features in their entirety, collapsing upon the ground.
"Thanks. I'll return them in a bit!" Leon hovered in the air and flew outside of O'Malley's, having absorbed the angel's power of flight. Rising even higher into the skies, Leon was able to get a bird's eye view of the world around him. Angels, demons, and a series of giant tentacles were plaguing the land, and immediately Leon was reminded of home.
"And I thought I had gotten away from Awesome Land..." Leon sighed and, performing an audible facepalm, he flew over to where the protagonists (as protagonistic as an incubus and pumpkin headed warrior could be, anyway) were to see how the battle was going.
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Post by Mizagium on Oct 3, 2013 13:46:24 GMT -5
Max, in the process of having a demon "stop hitting himself" looked in the direction of the newcomer. "Greetings, my fellow warrior of justice or something! Have you come to help me in getting to bottom of who broke into my father's company?" Nevermind the fact that that entire plotline was dead, never mind that no one in the immediate vicinity ever actually cared about that. Never mind that the LOKI-DAMNED APOCALYPSE WAS OCCURING. No, it was about a corporate break in.
I think.
Either way, Aquarius, CEO of the hydroelectric power company that supplied power to about 1/3 of the city, decided it was time to get involved. Especially since Cthulga wasn't obeying orders. He summoned his water magic and formed a water spout in the river where Cthulga once resided. Faster and faster it spun until water began flyign off in all directions. Then he cooled it, sending a spray of razor-sharp ice shards shooting off at angels and demons alike.
Some dropped from the air like birds that had a heart attack. Others simply exploded in a comical puff of feathers. Some demons eventually said "Screw it: and left".
Cthugla got his tentacles tied by the water spout. It was weird.
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Post by Mizagium on Oct 3, 2013 13:46:38 GMT -5
Leto was having the time of his life. Blood was in the air, his sword was humming with battle as angels and demons let out cries of pain and somewhere someone was laughing in maniacal glee. Oh wait, that was him.
At this point -both from panic at the sudden attack of ice shards as well as noticing the Loki-damned berserker in their midst, many of the attackers started turning their attention on Leto. As if some silent mutual agreement between angels and demons to kill each other AFTER this crazed battle freak had been put down.
Leto let out a roar as he stood atop a pile of bodies, surveying the battle. "If only there was some way to make this even better." he said.
In the realm of gods long forgotten, his prayer was heard. Forces that had watched the coming apocalypse finally decided to add their own contribution to the frey of chaos.
Divine energy surged down from the sky in a beam of gold light, striking Leto. Ancient Hieroglyphics orbited his form as a transformation took place. Leto felt divine power on an ancient civilization well up inside him as His armor became a bit more Egyptian-like. Leto felt the power of a god.
Leto blinked (which he could somehow do with his pumpkin head) and looked around. People were staring at him. He grinned. "Thanks Horus!" He called up. There was a loud DON'T MENTION IT DAWG from the heavens.
And thus did Leto Ahriman, newest god of the Egyptian Pantheon swan-dive into the frey once more, continuing his battle.
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Post by Mizagium on Oct 3, 2013 13:46:48 GMT -5
Post was busy having his ass kicked by a gang of demons that had just surrounded him. Not that he cared, that was. He was far too busy solving a conundrum he had just posed to himself after seeing the Pumpkin-headed killing-machine gain godly power from the Heavens. But, since Gods existed, did that mean that the High School entities were up there with them or if they controlled even the Gods too with their intricate webs of words. The demons were by now getting ready for some major curb-stomping, as the strange man had quickly fallen to the ground by now, and they had been bored with him ever since a few of his last remaining ribs had been broken.
Luckily for him, it was just at that moment that all the demons were quickly ripped to shreds, which floated up into the air like some bloody confetti at a marriage between barbarians. Post, half-surprised, looked up at the looming orange-bearded figure that stood above him. Post caught the friendly out-stretched hand and picked himself up. Amazed, he felt his rib-cage; what had been a second ago in pieces was now as strong as ever, not unlike Michael Cera's career after Scott Pilgrim... Then again, Post doubted that Michael Cera's career was still any good at the moment... Anyway, Post was back to being amazed by his sudden healing. He looked up at the amazing Texan again "H-h-how is it possible...?!" The Ranger grinned; "My tears are able to cure cancer. Too bad that I never cry..." And, just as he had come, in a second he was gone again...
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Post by Mizagium on Oct 3, 2013 13:46:58 GMT -5
On GoldenStriker's way to the diner, the female cybertronian heard loud explosives, unearthly roars and hellish screams taking place miles away. Her advanced hearing caught, organized and sorted each different individual voice and every ruinous bomb exploding. As her old battle programming began to resurface; it screamed to her within the confines of her processer. In the unique fashion of bold flashing text and messages written in her homeworld's language. Informing her that there was an ongoing war/battle happening fairly close to the outskirts of the city...
... And before she knew it, the cybertronian medic took an illegal U-turn. Using both of her audio receptors and internal GPS to pinpoint the exact location of the whereabouts of the 'so called Apocalypse'. While creating a strange symphony of some sort; one that heavily consisted of squealing tires and honks as the acrid smell of burning rubber filled the air around her. As she effectively avoided local traffic and unfortunate events, that could've potentially harm those around her ( she had always used caution whenever it came to driving, after all ).
And for those who had witnessed her 'newly' acquired method of driving. They would've all been looking at the ever disappearing figure of the Autobot's disguised form, with large gaping mouths with drool running down their faces... Wondering just what the heck happened in those last few seconds.
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Post by Mizagium on Oct 3, 2013 13:47:20 GMT -5
Leon surveyed the land before him again, noticing a rapidly increasing body count and a tentacle monster that had gotten itself tied up. "Right. Corporate break-in. That's what this is about..." he nodded to Max with a relatively low dose of skepticism. Indeed, he had seen far simpler plots turn into far more ridiculous adventures. "I guess I can go along with it. I've nothing better to do." Except get something to eat... he added as an afterthought.
"Well, I guess first thing's first. We should tidy up the place and do something about those ice shards." Leon lifted his staff-sword into the air, and from it a beam of dark light (which can exist on the visible light spectrum, if you believe) pierced the skies above. A large, swirling vortex of some energy or another appeared where the beam struck and soon all of the dead bodies on the ground started to float toward the portal, vanishing completely once they had reached it. The ice shards, too, made a sharp arc, changing direction entirely from flying toward the heroes to flying into the portal, disappearing just as the bodies had. In due time, the ground was literally sparkling with cleanliness, now clean enough to eat off of, which Leon was keen to do.
"Bar these last few divine and infernal soldiers who haven't taken the hint to leave (and the giant tentacle monster over there) I believe the problem is solved. Now, let's see..." Leon scratched his head as he ransacked his brain for a certain bit of magic he knew, having learned it from one of the stranger dimensions he had traveled to. "Ah, here we go!" Conjuring up an entirely blank magazine, he opened it up, set it on the ground and fired another beam of energy, this one directly at one of the blank pages. Similarly to the sky, a black vortex appeared on this page, waiting to suck in anyone unfortunate enough to go near it.
"Alright, let's do this!" A red and white baseball cap appeared on Leon's head. Turning the cap around gangsta-style, he shouted "Magazine ball, go!" in an overdramatic anime fashion and threw the magazine right at Cthulga. The beast turned into a stream of red light and flew into the magazine portal. The magazine fell upon the ground and, after shaking three times, gave off a loud 'DING!' sound. A textbox appeared over Leon's head and said:
"Would you like to give a nickname to the newly captured Cthulga?"
"H-E-N-T-A-I-M-O-N." Leon entered in the letters on a keyboard that had just appeared in front of him.
"HENTAIMON was sent to BOX 1 of the Magazine Dimension." the textbox announced, and with that, it (as well as the keyboard and stylish baseball cap) disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"I liked that cap..." Leon lamented. "But there's no time for that now!" He picked up the magazine, opened it up and held it out in front of him toward the last few angels and demons that lingered there. "Hentaimon, use Wrap!" With a loud, otherworldly scream that could not accurately be portrayed with the Latin alphabet, hundreds of tentacles shot out from the magazine and grabbed the remnants of the forces of Heaven and Hell, dragging them inside the magazine for a little 'fun'. Leon then closed the magazine, whose cover was now no longer blank. Instead, it was now entitled 'Tentacleboy Magazine' and showed a picture of Cthulga holding a bunch of angels and demons in the air, all of whom gave expressions of utter terror.
"Can we continue on with this adventure and get something to eat now?" Leon's stomach growled fiercely, eager to fill itself before another completely random threat showed up.
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