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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:29:32 GMT -5
What a great opportunity. the emperor thought, causing a spontaneous burst of maniacal laughter to force itself out of him. Derp-Bot responded with "DUUUUUUUUURP? Derp derp!" and the creepy man still stood there, breathing heavily and scaring Derp-Bot.
"Tell you what. If you sign this paper, I'll rid the world of this man forever and give you the greatest mustache in the world." Veralice said, taking out a paper with the bold title "Demonic Contract". Demonic was poorly scratched out and replaced with the word 'happy'.
Derp-Bot obliged, and ran over to Veralice, signing the paper with the pen that he apparently had.
"Good, good." laughed Veralice as the contract seemed to disappear in a burst of flame. "Now, to address this...problem." Veralice said. Without warning, the fat perverted man burst into flame and began running around in circles before collapsing and burning away. The grease from his body kept the fire going for a long time as Veralice laughed.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:29:51 GMT -5
Passing overhead on his way to Taco Bell, Narrator saw the obese spectacle that was the fat man. Overcome with rage and disgust, Narrator hurled his baseball bat. The fat guy's face got in the way of the baseball bat, as did one of the restaurant's walls, and the fat man was no more. He was knocked into a different plane of existence, forever doomed to live in such a manner for being excessively creepy. Narrator continued on his way to Taco Bell, not even looking back to see what had just happened. Seeing as how he's omnipresent, he already knew anyways.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:30:10 GMT -5
"Now then...Derp-Bot, you are now owned entirely by me." Veralice said, as if Derp-Bot already knew.
"Derp Derp DUUUUUURP!!!!" the robot protested loudly; Veralice seemed to only become infuriated by this.
Regaining his calm, Veralice said in a sinister tone "Ha, you forget already? You signed the contract." Veralice said, producing the Demonic/Happy Contract and showing the words to Derp-Bot, who tried and failed to rip it.
"Now, since you are my newest ally, you shall speak only English." Veralice said, and angry 'Derps' from Derp-Bot soon became angry 'noooooz" and then angry 'NOOOOOOO's' with proper use of capital letters and everything.
"Much better. Now, to the Employer's Office, which shall be my new base. I shall add extra modifications to you and force Johnny to join me. The other details of my plot I'll keep to myself for now." Veralice stated, dragging Derp-Bot to the office, where they started building his new base of operations.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:30:28 GMT -5
McJimmy failed to mention the OTHER weord thing that was in his office...
A rather large clock hung above the desk. The clock had a face, and hands, and feet? And EYES?!
The clock was a man, cursed to look like a clock for reasons I am not entirely sure of...
He was: The Time Keeper!
Veralice entered the office and the Time Keeper Jumped down to greet/confront him.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:30:44 GMT -5
"...Hello. What are you doing in my base?" asked Veralice impatiently. Derp-Bot merely stood on his roller skates watching the weird clock man.
"Why are you shaped like a clock?" Veralice added as an afterthought.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:31:01 GMT -5
McJimmy, with his new working car, decided he needed to confront Bill Nye, for Narrator was becoming ubelievably powerful with his anti-physics powerz.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:32:01 GMT -5
"Why am I shaped like a clock?" The Time Keeper repeated. "I'll you why. I am -- IT IS 6 O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON -- ahem, sorry about that. Anyways, I was once an adviser to the royal family of the Kingdom of Really Cool. The children were always late to their lessons and I would lecture them about the importance of being punctual. They soon grew tired of it and eventually the little brat Johnny hit with the Ugly Stick. I was thrown out of the castle because the queen thought I was going to man-rape Johnny. So now I have come, seeking a way to get revenge on the Mambutoo O'Malley's!"
The Time Keeper finished his narrative and crossed his arms proudly. But that didn't work so well as his arms need to point to the right time.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:32:24 GMT -5
"So you want revenge, eh? You say you used to be an adviser to the royal family? Hmm...Tell me, do you happen to know the whereabouts of a particular object that Johnny is looking for? I believe it was the True Sword." Veralice said, always happy to help people exact vengeance.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:32:56 GMT -5
Oh Awesome Land, how you have...developed?
Now in our story along comes another character not nearly as powerful as Dante but related by being brothers, Salvatore. Now, Salvatore never really sought strength and power like Dante, nay, he only wanted to make sure he was never knocked around too badly. Sadly I digress.
You may be asking "Why! Dante/Donnala was/were powerful enough! Why does Dante's brother need to be here?"
Well, Laitia, Dante's and Salvatore's homeland, was destroyed, leaving both homeless and wandering. Dante met up with Donnala, and Salvatore just traveled, usually ending up wherever Dante was to catch up on each others lives, like siblings should.
Sadly, as Salvatore entered Awesome Land (laughing at his ignorant brother's mistake of a seal), he became hungry and only found a Taco Bell. Even worse, he had to eat there.
"Hi, um, can I have the Fajitaquero Xtremo de la Grande?" ordering the obviously not Spanish cuisine. His order went by quickly, the workers eager to finish their shifts. Salvatore had never really eaten fast food, so the torn plastic bag and disappointing real product were of utmost surprise to him. "Wow, this looks supremely disgusting," groaned Salvatore as he unwrapped his "meal". Pushing the Fajitaquero away, he soon reached for his next course; although normally he would have simply complained about the even more disgusting pile of "edible content" before his eyes, he could only stutter. Before his eyes were "Concentrated Fail. I thought we destroyed these long ago." The Taco glared at him, taunting Salvatore and his knowledge of Concentrated Fail.
"I don't care if it takes my life, but Taco Bell and its malevolent production of Concentrated Fail has to stop." Salvatore burst through the Taco Bell, thinking to himself "I need to find an ally, someone who also sees the evil of Concentrated Evil." Trying to think of whom Dante met, Salvatore could only think of one man crazy enough to help him.
"Amarillo Slim."
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:33:14 GMT -5
"The True Sword? The last I saw of it it was -- IT IS NOW 1:00 PM!! -- ahem, It was with the princess, Sarah Mambutoo O'Malley. She took it too chase the thief of the Beauty Mirror." His arms continued to wind around his face, covering his eyes. "Oh crap, I can't see now."
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:33:35 GMT -5
"Here, I'll adjust those for you." Veralice said. He moved the hands so they were pointing to the 6, effectively making the time 6:30. "Hmm...Tell me more about this Beauty Mirror, please. Powers, qualities and attributes...things like that. Also, where was Sarah Mambutoo O'Malley seen last?" Veralice asked, intrigued by this information of Johnny's sister.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:33:58 GMT -5
Salvatore was spent, not being able to fly well and not having the energy to do so. He searched and searched, but good old Amarillo was out of sight.
"That blasted Slim, where are you?"
Salvatore continued to march forwards, seeking any sign of life.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:34:22 GMT -5
Narrtor the omnipresent was appalled.
"Taco Bell is my restaurant franchise. How DARE you refer to the food as conventrated fail. I'll have you know we use the finest E. Coli lettuce and tomatoes," Narrator said to nobody and everybody in particular.
Now, I know you're thinking that a clash between Narrator and Salvatore will inevitably destroy the very fabric of the universe, in a way similar to a Falcon Punch, but never fear. I have no doubt Awesome Land will find a way to save itself.
Narrator, still unwilling to do anything as of yet, sat in his manager's office at Taco Bell counting the obscene amount of money he was making off of the business venture...
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:35:32 GMT -5
Johnny plopped tot ground. He had scoured every inch of the collapsed towers. All 9002 floors worth of it. Still he found no clues about Sarah or the True Sword. He had no doubt in his mind that Veralice had the Beauty Mirror, bu the had no way of proving it. Otherwise he would gather the Really Cool Army and invade Awesome Land.
But without proof, the war would be unjustified and the people would turn against him. Johnny sighed.
In a burst of frustration he picked up a rock and threw it as hard as he could. Where the rock had been a large, leather-bound book sat. Johnny picked it up and read the cover. "Awesome Land Wikia".
~Hmm, what a incredibly convenient plot devise~ Johnny mused. He noticed several pages were Bookmarked. Johnny clicked (That's right, CLICKED! It's a digital book) on the first Bookmark.
"Cha Cha"
Johnny scrolled down.
"Excalibob"
"Hystoger"
"The Artifacts of Wisdom"
Johnny clicked on that Bookmark. The article described the functions of each of the Artifacts. But it did not list where they were.
~But Veralice didn't recognize the Ugly Stick or the False Shield~ Johnny realized, ~That means he didn't read this book~ This still was of no use to Johnny, but he packed the Wikia Book anyway.
Johnny rose and set off again. He walked for a time before coming upon a Taco Bell, the very one Narrator was currently residing at.
Johnny entered and cased the establishment. Not much better than McJimmy's. At least they have tacos. Johnny hated the belief that tacos were the essence of failure.
He ordered a Nacho Bell Grande, paid the man at the register, and took a table. He took out the Awesome Land Wikia and continued to examine its pages as he munched on his nachos.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:35:54 GMT -5
The perverted fat guy who was on fire continued to run around Awesome Land. The citizens stared in shock and awe. Some covered their children's eyes.
Eventually the fire stopped buring. Don't get me wrong, he was STILL ON FIRE but he just didn't notice anymore.
All that running made him hungry. It just so happened that he had stopped running near a Taco Bell. Yes, the same one where Johnny and Narrator were.
He opened the door and squeezed inside. Everyone stopped to stare at him. Who wouldn't stare at a fat guy wearing fishnets, a tube top, and was on fire?
Several people vomitted.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:36:25 GMT -5
"Former adviser to the Royal Family, how would you like to join forces with me? I could use someone like you, and I could help you exact vengeance upon Johnny and his family." Veralice asked. He felt that the two could make a deadly partnership, and was quite angry with Johnny himself.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:36:42 GMT -5
"Of course I will join you! That's why I'm here! IT IS NOW 9:48 PM! Actually, I'm here because McPervert found me and put me on the wall. HE never left his office so I couldn't escape. When he did he locked the door. Say, what ever happened to that fat in the fishnets?"
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:37:05 GMT -5
Salvatore felt a disturbance in his head, not able to pinpoint it with any accuracy. "Dante would, and probably teleport to the person..." Salvatore withdrew a stone from his pocket, clenching it tightly then slowly loosening. "I cannot summon Dante to fix all of my problems.." he mumbled.
Salvatore knew that this disturbance had something to do with...the Tacos. "These fools do not understand. Amarillo discovered that tacos are actually Concentrated Fail, meaning if too many are produced, they will destroy the very threads of existence."
He clenched his fists and prepared to fly. "I need to run into another character in this story and interact with them so I am not some random character in the scheme of things!" He burst at full speed along the ground, likely to run into anybody.
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:37:44 GMT -5
~Why did everybody stop talking?~ Johnny wondered. He looked up from the Awesome Land Wikia and spied the Fat Perverted Man in fishnets who was on fire. The nacho he was chewing fell out of his mouth.
He swallowed the vomit that had collected in his mouth and turned to teh Wikia once more. He typed in (Yes, TYPED IN. It's digital) "Fat Perverted Man" How he came to that phrase he did not know.
But I know, it was a plot devise.
(Wow, Awesome Land should be the Land of Plot Devices)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Fat Guy ignored everyone's stares ans vomitting. He waddled up the teenager a the register. The boy looked frightened.
"Hey there, young thang. What's good for munchies 'round here?" he asked, still on fire. (Get it? He's on fire. He has flames on him. He is...)
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Post by Mizagium on Feb 4, 2010 16:38:19 GMT -5
"Let's not speak of the fat person..." Veralice said to the Time Keeper. "Anyway, if I'm to help you get revenge, I have to do a little espionage. You stay here and guard Omnistar. I'll be spying at Taco Bell, the accursed conveyor of fake Hispanic food." With those words, Veralice transformed into his young, child like disguise wielding a short sword and wearing a hooded cloak, much like his adult form.
Veralice ran off to Taco Bell to do some spying on one of the many problems of his territory.
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