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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Mar 8, 2011 20:53:06 GMT -5
ah.
Well it's the end of the world. I finally got around to updating Seeds and you run out of steam.
eh, sleep on it.
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 9, 2011 13:59:48 GMT -5
Scratch that, the gears are beginning to turn.
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Mar 9, 2011 16:48:09 GMT -5
YAY
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 9, 2011 16:49:21 GMT -5
I think maybe watching FLCL helped a bit...
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Mar 9, 2011 19:01:00 GMT -5
:3
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 9, 2011 22:12:15 GMT -5
I don't know what the last section I put up was, but here's a new one, hopefully:
~~~~~
Sure enough, Marta, Genis and Emil somehow escaped a rather bloody death via giant-cyborg-crushing by having cowered in the exact position as to slip though the space between Unit 01’s fingers. That kind of thing only happens in cartoons and shit. Whatever. They survived.
“Oh, uh, hey,” Emil waved nervously.
Genis slapped his hand away. “Idiot, don’t bring attention to us.”
Unit 01 sat up and ejected the Entry Plug. The hatch opened and Lloyd leaned out and waved frantically. “Hey guys, wanna go for a sweet rise in my giant robot?”
The three shared a look. “Sure, why not?”
Genis was first up the ladder, despite Marta’s insistence on ladies first. If she was first, he said, then Emil would be able to look right up her skirt. She blushed and smacked Emil, calling him a pervert. Never mind the fact that she was not wearing a skirt, nor that she would absolutely have loved if Emil looked up her skirt. Man, she’s a strange one isn’t she?
Anyway, being first up meant Genis was first in the LCL. He barely had time to complain before Emil and Marta tumbled in after him. Then the hatch shut and the plug retracted back into the neck of the Eva. And the thing filled up once again.
“Don’t worry guys,” Lloyd assured them. “You can breathe this stuff. See?”
“How?” Emil asked.
Lloyd turned around and fixed Emil with a look. “Really? We’re in the cockpit of a giant robot thing, fighting a monstrosity from who knows where, over a city that can pull buildings underground, and you choose to question liquid breathing?”
“…Right, I’ll stop talking now.”
-
“Did he just let three unauthorized personnel into the Entry Plug?” Raine demanded.
Sheena rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Maybe. Why? Is that bad?”
“The other children’s brain waves could mess with the psychograph thingie! Look at Collete’s screen!” Collete rolled her chair out of the way. “See? That many squiggly lines can’t be good.”
Up in his command seat, Kratos watched the scene impassively.
“Sir, we could order your son to kick the others out if we need to.” The Commander made no indication he had heard him. “Sir?”
“Yuan…I am so fucking stoned right now…I don’t even know what’s going on.”
-
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 9, 2011 22:44:20 GMT -5
Last section(s) for this chapter. Hopefully will have it up on FF by the time I get home!
~~~~~
Eva Unit 01, now with three extraneous minds in its plug, got to its feet to face the Angel and its terrifying whips of light! Well, not all that terrifying. In fact, the thing looked rather harmless. Sachiel looked even more terrifying, but he got his ass taken down without major casualties or something. I don’t know. The hologram recording was tampered with thanks to Seele, so I really have no idea.
-
04: Hey, don’t look at me!
02: Yeah it was me. What of it? YOU WANNA GO MOTHERFUCKER? I’ll take you AND your pansy-ass “real world” on with three arms tied behind my back? Why? Because I’m the goddamn king of the Summon Spirits, that’s why!
09: Dude…who are you talking to?
02: …No one important.
-
Heh heh heh.
-
Llod gripped the controls intently. “Alright guys, we need to take this guy out in one shot because the power cable got snapped just now and I have only a minute for some reason when I’m supposed to have five.”
Marta spoke first: “Spin around really fast until you get dizzy and throw up!”
Then Genis: “Whatever you do, make sure it comes from the heart!”
And last, Emil: “Just give up; there’s no way you can win.”
Lloyd grimaced. “Wrong fanfiction, guys. Guess I’m on my own.” And so he sat there, thinking. And thinking. Then his head started to hurt from all that thinking. So he started daydreaming. And in that mysteriously hazy daydream – there were dragons, and talking peanuts, and a particularly emotional cinderblock – he had an idea. “That’s it.”
As Shamshel advanced, Lloyd performed what was quite possibly the greatest attack ever. Besides Psi Tempest. That one is just great – maybe I’ll save that for Israfel. No, he got a firm grip on both swords, and jumped hundreds of feet straight up. “Rising Falcon!” For no conceivable reason, Unit 01 was able to suddenly change the direction of its fall and angle towards Shamshel with both progressive swords pointed towards it.
What the – HOLY SHIT AAAAH!
The swords cut clear through the Angel’s head and shattered the core in the process. Unit 01 landed just as the timer ran out, leaving it frozen the way it landed: partially crouched with her arms splayed out behind her like wings sort of. It’s a bad description, but I’m writing this with the idea that you guys have played the game and know what I’m talking about. I won’t pander to the rest of you. You want to know what I’m talking about? Go look it up.
-
“That was…awesome,” Sheena decided. The entire bridge crew agreed.
Richter found his voice. “He just like – “
“Jumped into the goddamn air,” Kuchinawa finished.
“And the he”
“Totally”
“Fucking”
“Flew.”
They high-fived over the awesomeness.
“Say, Raine,” Sheena asked the good doctor. “How come you were actually coherent this time? Last time you started drooling over the Angel and Kratos had to give you enough tranquilizer to kill a small blue whale.”
“Easy, Sheena. This one looked like a penis. I like girls.” As if it was obvious.
“Ah.”
Kratos turned to his second-in-command. “You know something, Yuan? I must be tripping balls because I could swear that the Eva just fucking flew.”
-
11: Two down, one to go.
05: You mean two to go?
11: No. I mean there’s only one battle left: Ramiel.
05: What about Jet Alone?
11: What about Jet Alone?
09: …
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 9, 2011 23:28:05 GMT -5
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Mar 10, 2011 18:30:55 GMT -5
05: What about Jet Alone?
11: What about Jet Alone?
09: …
That may be the best thing to come out of this yet.
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 10, 2011 19:21:42 GMT -5
Another guy gave a favorable review, mentioning his insides hurting from laughing.
He also posed an interesting point: would putting this story in a crossover section generate more views? I think the fact that it's M hinders its accessibility, but would sticking it in the crossover section be worse?
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Mar 10, 2011 20:08:20 GMT -5
yes
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 10, 2011 20:10:33 GMT -5
I see. Hm.
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 20, 2011 16:49:49 GMT -5
I guess this constitutes roughly 1/2 of the sixth chapter: Return of the Flashback!
~~~~~
Somewhere out in the lake beyond the Tokyo-3 harbor – or is it the ocean? I don’t fucking know. Anyway, out in the waters beyond the harbor (because apparently they have a harbor ugh) a lone periscope surfaced somehow without alerting the authorities that there is a large object swimming through the lake/ocean place. I mean, you’d think that radar would detect a freaking tank, but whatever.
Sergeant Avery Junior Johnson swung the scope around a few times before finding the city proper. “Oh my giant blue donkey dick,” he swore. “Mother Nature’s going Dungeons & Dragons on us, Private.”
“Uh, what?” Private Jenkins continued to press buttons absently, making it look as if he was doing something important. In the last month of so, he had still not gotten used to Sarge’s mannerisms. Or his hatred for nature.
“That bitch cast a big blue die on us, Private. And she just rolled a 20.”
-
Great, just great. Ramiel, Hammer of God, Angel of Lightning, ran out of fuel right in the middle of the city. Of course. Noooo I couldn’t have ran out a couple miles back when there was actually a goddman fuel pump. No. I had to wait until I was hovering over the world’s most heavily fortified secret paramilitary organization. Just fucking perfect.
-
10: Since when was Ramiel so bitchy?
05: You ever met her?
10: Well, no.
05: Be glad.
10: …Her?
-
“All right, Lloyd, this is a new Angel,” Sheena explained. “You haven’t fought one like this before.”
Lloyd stuck a finger in his ear. “What do you mean?”
“I mean this one doesn’t have a face.”
“Where is Doctor Raine?” Presea asked. Sheena nearly jumped out of her clothes, having not noticed the creepy pink-haired child until just that incident. Which was strange, considering that she was actually standing right in front of her, actually blocking her view of Lloyd.
“She’s uh…incapacitated.”
-
Kratos held the babbling form of Raine Sage in his arms.
“Well, well. Doctor Sage, I presume?”
“sdfvlkjnlvrns ruvsvi;onriunerwviornwivntrvioernmwgoiubniobwpovnveviunei” She might have foamed at the mouth a bit. Also there was a rather large tranquilizer dart sticking out of her neck.
“Excellent. Shall I prepare the wine cooler?”
-
“Anyway,” Sheena mentally blocked that last cutaway. “Get into your plugsuits and get into your Evas.”
Presea raised her hand. “But I was scheduled for a reactivation test today.”
“Already happened.”
Presea blinked. “What.”
“Yeah. We already did that, remember?”
“No.”
“Well it happened.”
“But I do not remember – “
It happened. Trust me.
-
As soon as Lloyd was launched up the lift to meet the new Angel, Richter turned to Kuchinawa. “You know, I’m tempted to make a Gurren Lagann reference, you know, because the Angel doesn’t have a face?”
Kuchinawa just sighed. “Just, don’t. This story already makes no sense. Might as well not cloud it up with half-assed jokes.”
Scowling, the half-elf turned back to his work (which wasn’t much now because nothing was going wrong yet) and muttered, “I thought it was funny.”
-
Damn it. Most of my systems aren’t working. Well, let’s see what is working. Hm. Levitation, check. Duh. Detection, check – oh? Something’s coming up? Perfect. Just what I need. Yeah, just gonna send this asshat back to wherever he crawled out from. Don’t need anyone asking question about a big, blue diamond. Let’s see if the particle wave cannon still works…
Unit 01 appeared above ground right in front of Ramiel, just as it started gathering energy. “All right let’s do this – holy crap!”
The energy reached critical mass and lanced out in a brilliant display of theoretical physics. The light was blinding, searing the retinas of anyone that had not been evacuated, which, unlike Hurricane Katrine, meant that the city was deserted.
I’m sorry, was that in bad taste? Tough ta-tas.
Even the visual dampeners used by Nerv had trouble coping with the light. It broke apart at the impact point, but luckily didn’t damage anything important because the Angel had parked right over the Central Bloc, which had been retracted in a fascinating display of impossible physics. When the atomic energy light cleared, there stood Unit 01, crouched with its hands cupped and thrust forward. A thin shield of green energy was visible for an instant before it faded.
“That’s right,” Lloyd taunted. “I just used Guardian. I know how to use the guard button. See? X and Y both do it.”
-
Yuan gaped. “When was Unit 01 installed with Nintendo GameCube controllers?”
Sheen shrugged. Colette, however, had an answer.
“Oh, I helped Lloyd with it the other day. He said the regular controls were too confusing, so we rerouted all the controls to be compatible with a NGC controller!” She seemed rather pleased with herself.
“So…he’s controlling a giant war machine that was built to fight off an evil alien invader…with a video game controller?” He shook his head. “No way. Way too easy. Not gonna make that joke.”
Kratos snapped his fingers. “It’s like Megas XLR!”
Yuan facepalmed.
-
Well, shit, that didn’t work. Hm. I wonder if my transformation function still works.
The big blue diamond broke apart into a series of geometric shapes that changed like a giant kaleidoscope around the Core before forming back into the familiar shape.
Shit, it’s busted. I’ll see if I can fix that.
Lloyd, meanwhile, had drawn both of his prog swords and was charging the Angel with reckless abandon. He leaped into the air and brought the swords down with intent to pierce, but they glanced harmlessly off the surface. Unit 01 tried to land on the top next, but got no traction at all, and wound up sliding rather comically off the side.
-
“This isn’t working,” Sheena muttered to the Bridge Bunnies. “Reel him back in.”
She meant that quite literally. A single press of the button started winding the spool of power cable backwards, dragging Unit 01 along with it. At first, Lloyd tried to resist, but in the end, merely sulked and crossed the cyborg’s arms as it was dragged through the city on its ass. It was possibly the most humiliatingly hilarious way to damage the city.
-
Guess I showed him. …But I’m still stranded. Fuck me. Hm. Hey, it looks like they’ve got an Angel captive underneath here. That means they must have a spare S2 engine!
The bottom point of Ramiel twisted and extended, probing into the ground. The drilling was slow going, but, hey, she had nothing but time now that her S2 engine decided to crap out on her.
Which, as you may or may not be wondering by this point, makes absolutely no sense.
-
Several hours later, Sheena, Yuan, Raine, the Bridge Bunnies, and the pilots were all gathered in the broom closet around a depressingly small map of the surrounding area. Also the closet was dimly lit. Now why is this? Couldn’t they have used the threefold holographic map in the command center? I mean, are they worried about a spy or something, so worried, in fact, that they have to all squeeze into a closet with a handful of nameless workers that might, in fact, be spies? I have a number of problems with this scene, but I won’t go into them much because there’s a battle with a big blue diamond on the horizon and I’m getting impatient, dammit.
“Ok,” Sheena began. “Thanks to the tireless work of our resident doctor-of-something, Raine Sage, we now have a decent idea of how to kill this motherfucker.” Everyone carefully avoided looking at the good doctor, restrained in a straightjacket and facemask with metal bars across the mouth. She was also strapped to one of those things used to move boxes around. Perhaps if I just said “like Hannibal Lecture” it would be easier.
“I don’t see why all of this is necessary,” Raine remarked.
“Because you went batshit crazy the last time a non-Freudian Angel appeared over the city, so we’re not taking any chances.”
“Oh come on! Do you know what series we’re in? Trying to find something non-Freudian is like trying to find someone who doesn’t break down into tears at the end of the Futurama episode with Fry’s dog! It’s impossible!”
“Well, whatever. It’s funnier this way.” Sheena turned back to the map. “So anyway, what originally was labeled under Shit That Makes No Goddamn Sense Whatsoever, henceforth referred to as Category B, has been reclassified under Shit That Can Only Be Explained With Made Up Terms And Concepts, henceforth referred to as Category A.”
A couple of the nameless workers scribbled notes.
“Professor Raine, if you would?”
Grudgingly, the white-haired half-elf launched into an explanation of the composition of Ramiel. “Well, you see, the Angel is actually composed of a unique wave-particle material, that is, it sometimes acts like a particle, and sometimes as a wave, much like the electro – “
“Got it: magic,” Lloyd interrupted.
“It’s not magic! It’s science!”
“I’m gonna go with Lloyd on this one, “ Sheena said. “Basically, the Angel’s magic skin is impervious to even our progressive weapons. Not very progressive are they, then? Anyone? Anyone?” They left her hanging. “Oh you can all got to hell!”
Presea awkwardly cleared her throat. I say awkwardly, because it sounded like a chainsaw revving up. “So, if I understand correctly, we have to use a weapon with similar characteristics to the Angel in order to harm it?”
Raine blinked in astonishment. “That’s…that’s absolutely correct.”
Kuchinawa nudged Richter in the side. “That was my next guess.”
“So where do we find such a weapon?” Richter asked, staying on topic.
Sheena just grinned.
-
The roof of the Nippon Heavy Industrial Systems experimental weapons laboratory was torn away by a giant blue cyborg. With her free hand, Unit 00 reached in and took hold of the prototype particle accelerator, wrenching it free of the constraints and wires. The team of scientists and technicians were left speechless as the Eva set the roof back rather askew and marched off with the culmination of over a decade of research and development. Several seconds later, a paper airplane sailed into view and skidded to a halt on a work station. It was a folded note.
Dearest NHIS,
We’re borrowing you awesome particle accelerator cannon, kthnxbai!
Hugs and kisses,
Nerv.
P.S. you probably won’t be getting this back.
The lead scientist read the note and sighed. “Well, I guess we should get back to work on Jet Alone.”
“What’s Jet Alone?” asked another scientist.
“Exactly.”
-
I have now referenced Dungeons & Dragons, Halo, Gurren Lagann, Megas XLR, and Shinji & Warhammer 40K (because I think that’s where NHIS came from) and we’re not even at the fight yet. Remember, kids, this was supposed to be a Symphonia/Eva crossover. Starring Asuka. Funny how things change, huh?
-
“So why do we have to wait until midnight?” Lloyd sat beside Presea and stared up at Unit 01.
The pink-haired pilot of Unit 00 sighed. “Sheena said something about being more dramatic. Unfortunately, the Commander agreed. My suspicion is that it was all his idea in the first place.”
“Makes sense.”
“All right, bozos, saddle up!” Sheena smacked them both on the back of the head. “Lloyd, take the cannon. Presea, you take point with the space shuttle hull-shield thing. Thank god Obama cut NASA’s budget or else we wouldn’t have this thing at all. Might have been part of Discovery. Isn’t that interesting?”
“Not really,” Presea admitted.
“Just a little joke for the readers.”
“Readers?”
Sheena rolled her eyes. “Just get ready.”
-
“Looks like things are about to get interesting. Deforestation interesting. Surface, Private!”
Jenkins blinked. “Excuse me, sir?”
“Didn’t ya hear me? I said bring this baby to the surface.”
Private Jenkins stared. “You…you are aware that this is a tank and not a submersible?”
“Then explain to me, Private, how the hell we’ve been able to drive this thing around in the water for the last three weeks?”
“The same reason that we haven’t starved to death sir?”
Sergeant Avery Junior Johnson puffed on his eternal cigar. “That’s right, Private. The very same reason.”
Against all sense, the sub-tank surfaced and started moving towards the shore.
-
“Man, this thing is heavy,” Lloyd whined over the radio.
“Shut up and deal with it,” Sheena reprimanded. “You only need to make one shot. And don’t drop it! Do you know how much trouble we’re in if we break it?”
“Uh, well, none? Because we’re Nerv…and basically above the law?”
“…well, yeah, but you’re missing the…just shut up!”
Lloyd rolled his eyes. “Ready, Presea?”
“Yes.” A moment of silence. “You’re very good with patience, are you?”
“Not really. That’s why I’m going to shoot now. So make sure you’re not in the way, ok?”
There was still something like twenty minutes until Operation Demonic Evil Banshee begins. But Lloyd decided he was going to act now. Suddenly, all of Japan went dark as all of the electricity was channeled into the particle accelerator cannon.
-
I seriously doubt it would take all of the electricity of one of the most developed nations in the world. I mean, the Large Hadron Collider doesn’t’ require the entire energy of Switzerland/France does it? No, and they smash TWO particles into each other! But here it takes all of Japan to fire a single shot? I guess this particle accelerator cannon is more like a laser weapon. But then the size of the Evas varies depending on the episode, so I suppose there’s bigger things to worry about.
-
Colette looked up as the lights dimmed. “What’s going on?”
“Lloyd is not acting according to the plan,” Sheena slammed her head into the wall.
“Does he ever?” Kuchinawa asked.
“We have plans?” Richter exclaimed. “I thought we just winged it every time.”
And these were the people tasked with saving the human race.
-
Zzzzz – Huh? Woah, I fell a sleep there for a while. Damn, it’s already night time. Hey, I’m almost through to the base! Woooo! Just a little bit more…and what is that energy I feel? A particle cannon? Oh HEEELL no!
Ramiel started charging her laser as well. Both beams lanced out at the same time and nearly collided, but because of physics or something, the beams ended up repelling each other and went flying off in different directions. Probably off into space. Man, I hope it doesn’t hit some alien spacecraft or anything. You know. Because it’s not going to slow down in space.
Yeah.
Bitch! Ramiel started charging up another beam. Lloyd wasn’t going to be able to ready another shot from the particle cannon fast enough. All seemed lost! But then something exploded on the diamond’s point facing the lake. Somehow, that blast was strong enough to nearly knock it over.
Arg, what the hell was that?
-
“Yeehaw!” The tank rolled across the city streets with Sarge sitting in a lounge chair over the cupola. “Fire again, Private!” Another shot roared from the barrel. “Yeah, take that bitch down like we did the Amazon Rainforest!”
-
No! He hit my transformation drive! Ramiel broke apart into a shifting series of geometric patterns. Everyone watched dumfounded for a few minutes. Even Presea set the space shuttle shield aside and watched the strangely beautiful thing that was going on.
“Lloyd! Shoot! Shoot now!” Sheena was practically screeching into his ear.
“Yeah, yeah,” he brushed off.
The particle cannon unleashed another shot that sailed past Presea and pierced the exposed core of Ramiel. The Angel stopped changing shapes and resumed its normal diamond form.
Where’d I go just now?
Then the rear point exploded outward and sprayed blood all over the city. Seconds later, the big blue diamond pitched sideways and fell out of the sky, flattening several blocks.
-
Kratos clapped slowly. “Well, we didn’t cause as much damage as I thought we would. Bravo team; job well done.”
Yuan fought the urge to strangle his boss.
Sheena meanwhile was staring blankly at the screen.
“Are you alright, Sheena?” Raine asked.
“It…all makes sense now.” She blinked, suddenly having an epiphany. “He’ll win. Our plans…won’t work, but…his…I need to chill out.” It was decided. Sheena would become a much more chill person. In an instant, she downed half a beer she produced from nowhere. “Oh yeah. I could get used to this.”
-
Boom! The tank leapt into the air and sailed over the corpse of Ramiel. Sarge opened the cupola and gave the Angel the double-bird salute.
“Fuck nature.”
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 28, 2011 17:52:27 GMT -5
[The scene is black for a few seconds before the title jumps out at the audience]
Tales of Evangelion
Chapter 6: Return of the Flashback
[Theme music starts at the same time as the title appears. After fifteen seconds, the title recedes into the background and the opening crawl starts]
It is a dark time for Tokyo-3. The citizens huddle together in underground shelters as their city falls apart around them. Those…things came seemingly from nowhere and immediately set to tearing down all that they had worked so hard to build. The monsters were enormous, hideous, and unstoppable. Even their government could do little to protect the people as the monster went on a seemingly endless rampage across the city. And along the way they somehow managed to kill two of the Angels.
01: Stop.
The hologram cut off abruptly and the lights came back on, revealing the twelve monoliths of Seele.
04: What’s the problem? We haven’t even started yet!
01: This is clearly copyright infringement. As powerful as I am, I don’t need George Lucas’s fat ass suing me as I attempt to achieve godhood or something.
05: Plus, at this point, it’s the only true reference to Star Wars aside from the last two chapter titles. Honestly, I don’t think anyone is paying attention to them.
06: We blame the author! He could have at least tried to make more shout outs to the films, but all he did was name the chapter titles. We demand more or we’re going on strike!
11: Oh thank you! You, author-man, keep pissing them off! Maybe they’ll shut up for once.
06: You’re mean. We don’t like you.
11: What I coincidence, I don’t like you three either.
01: Children, children. Please don’t fight. I need time to sell tickets.
05: Um…don’t we still have one more…you know what, I’ll just run the recording anyway. You all can pay attention or not.
09: …
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Mar 29, 2011 16:56:33 GMT -5
I almost wish that someone would make a starwars screen crawl to sum up the entire series.
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 29, 2011 17:30:04 GMT -5
of Tales of Eva?
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 29, 2011 20:00:34 GMT -5
Tokyo-3 was in a sorry state following the battle between Unit 01 and Shamshel. Admittedly, most of the destruction was caused BY Unit 01, but hey, who was counting? Well, the UN and the Committee for Human Instrumentality. You know I haven’t introduced the Committee yet. I wonder who would be on it in this universe. Let’s find out, shall we?
The room was reminiscent of the empty area used by Seele to conduct their shadowy meeting, although Kratos would have no way of knowing this because he has never met with them, but you guys know what I’m talking about. Apparently, hologram technology had advanced to a ridiculous degree following second Impact, along with artificial intelligence and motherfucking giant robots. Meanwhile there’s no mention of the Internet and laptop computers look like something from 2003. In fact, the laptop I’m typing this on right now is more powerful that any I ever saw in the anime.
But whatever.
Kratos sits in his usual pose, hands laced in front of his face. Directly across from him is Brute, head of the Committee (known informally by Kratos as Sir Baldy Bald IV). His default pose, if you will, was crossed arms and the Kubrick Stare, which caused the light to glint off of his bald (hence the nickname) head just so. He was an imposing man, but Kratos feared no one.
Brute sighed, rubbed the bridge of his nose and uttered a phrase that seemed to sum up most people’s feelings when dealing with Nerv. “What. The. Fuck.”
Kratos smirked. “My bald friend, whatever do you mean?”
The glare he received was enough to make Alex DeLarge cringe.
“You know exactly what we’re talking about,” Magner barked. He was a large man, though not as large as Brute. But he did have hair and was clad in golden armor that looked very uncomfortable. His mustache was kind of cool, too. “All the damage you’ve done to the city – “
“What Manger is trying to say,” a blue-haired man interrupted. “Is that your escapades are very bad for our image as saviors of the world. How can we guide humanity to everlasting unity if the ones leading the charge are a pack of mindless baboons who destroy more than the save?” Decus ran a hand through his hair with a smile.
Alice, the sweet-looking girl spoke up next. “So here’s how it’s going to go down. You shape up and get your act together, or I’ll sneak into your house in the middle of the night and have my little monsters take turns eating parts of you. Then when they’re full, I’ll take what’s left of you and shove you in Decus’s Iron Maiden, which I’ve fitted with spikes, roast you over a fire, and have a rather enjoyable feast.”
“Good…good lord, Alice,” Hawke sputtered. “That’s horrible!”
“What was that, Hawkie-poo?” Her smile was so cold and souless that he shrank under her glare, quietly thankful that the holograms did not transmit the foul odor that was now wafting up from his boxers.
“N-Nothing, Miss Alice.” Was that a tear? Probably.
“Ah, my sweet Alice,” Decus pined. “Ever the masterful debater. She could convince the Israelis and the Palestinians to work together with that voice. Such a shame that she enjoys seeing them kill each other.”
“Put a sock in it, Decus,” she huffed.
Brute cleared his throat. “So, as you can see, we as a committee have reached this unanimous decision. With all deliberate speed, Aurion, get your shit together.”
Kratos considered this for a moment. “Gentlemen – and Hawke – I have several things I would like to say to you. Number one: Alice, such an evening ranks up there on my list of the most romantic things I have ever heard. But I must warn you, I remain faithful to Anna.” That a blatant lie. “Second, do any of you possess a giant armored cyborg with unrivaled destructive capabilities, much less two? No? I thought so.” Carefully, he stood. “So, all things considered, and with the highest possible respect, I’m afraid I must tell you all to kindly shove it.”
He gave a mock salute and ended his hologram.
The Committee sat there for a moment. “He’s right, you know,” Hawke muttered.
“Shut up, Hawke,” the rest replied in unison.”
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 30, 2011 14:17:08 GMT -5
“Isn’t today wonderful?” Marta spread her arms and lifted her face skyward.
“Meh,” everyone else responded.
Despite Kratos’s boldface stand against the Committee (the way he told it, you might have thought he was fighting at Thermopylae – there were Persian Immortals, three-headed dragons, and a man-eating rabbit, so I guess it’s not Thermopylae but you get the picture) Yuan insisted that everyone quote “chill the fuck out” and sent them all off on a picnic.
Sheena cracked her fourth beer since starting out and downed it, tossing the crumpled empty can over her shoulder. Emil watched the can bounce down the hill, disappointed. Behind the party was a trail of litter that stretched all the way back to Sheena’s apartment. Rather remarkable, really, considering that there was still enough food and drink left with them for an actual picnic.
Up ahead, Kratos reached into his coat pocket and produced a used candy bar wrapper and casually dropped it. Several minutes later, he repeated the action. “To show the Committee just how much I love them,” he assured him.
“I bet.”
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05: I…look nobody’s paying attention, right?
04: I play Man-Eater Bug in Defense Mode!
02: King me!
04: Aha! A natural 20! You lose 8 agility.
02: Wheezing’s smokescreen protected me.
04: Yahtzee!
02: Headshot!
11: What the fuck game are you playing? I thought this was beer pong!
10: No one is paying attention, dude. Want to skip to the end?
05: To the battle, at least. I was asleep at the time.
Seele 01 was too busy giving himself a manicure to notice.
07: Where is – you know what? No. I’m not going to say that line again. It’s not funny; it’s lazy. I speak more than one line in the games, remember? That was just the first thing I said for a while.
Well, look, I thought it was funny, so –
07: Well it’s not. There’s already enough of us that don’t speak sense in this council.
10: I have to agree dude, we need another rational person to say something other than kill everything, I hate everything, squawk, wheezing, ellipses, or annoying triple babble.
11: And laziness. Don’t forget that.
10: Or bitchiness.
Shit, my characters are rebelling against my control. I have to do something before –
05: We can still hear you, you know.
…Where that’s section break?
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Ah, there we are. Now I am safe. So, like they said, we’re skipping to the battle because nobody is paying attention.
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Post by Mizagium on Mar 30, 2011 14:34:53 GMT -5
01: There now. We have somehow made it through all of the previous Angel battles. It was difficult. We suffered. We lost some valuable comrades along the way, and more than once I wanted to turn back. But we made it and I am honored that there was only one mutiny this time.
The mood of the rest of the Council of Seele was an even “Meh”
01: So now we arrive back to the origin –
02: Did someone say my name?
01: Of this conversation. Four Angels down –
05: And Jet Alone.
01: Yes, and Jet Alone and they only seem to be getting stronger. Next on the list is Israfel. Are there any objections? Any new objections, I mean. We made a list, and we have to stick by it.
07: Perhaps we can delay them a bit and hope that Nerv simply destroys itself.
05: That’s not much different then Efreet’s plan.
04: BURN EVERYTHING!
02: As much as I hate to agree with my frilly, nanny-boy of a superior, I have to. We need Nerv to stay alive until all of the Angels are defeated. But that doesn’t mean I hate him any less. You hear me, Yggdrasil? YOU’RE A WUSS!
01 muted him.
11: So, what? We have to just wait this out and hope there’s still a human race leftover for us to go into godhood?
01: Pretty much.
10: Damn.
07: I am very afraid.
04: How come they get to destroy stuff, but I don’t?
06: Hooray! Fun fun fun fun!
08: Squawk!
03: Eh? Quiet down in there! I’m trying to sleep.
09: …
12: I…hate…every….body…
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Yeah, I know, that was a short chapter. But really, I was getting tired of the whole Flashback arc anyway. It’s to restricting. Perhaps that was my fault for limiting myself to only three chapters, but, hey, this story is supposed to be about Asuka, so I wanted to hurry up and get back to her. We’ll be back in the present time next time.
Also, it was suggested that I put this in the crossover section. So I did. Traffic plummeted. So now it’s going back in the regular Evangelion section and you’re just all going to have to deal with the fact that it’s a crossover.
An yeah, I just made an Author’s Note within the context of the story itself. COME AT ME BRO!
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Sergeant Johnson straddled the barrel of the Scorpion Tank as it rolled through downtown Tokyo-3, crushing cars and lampposts as it went. “I think I like this city, Private.”
The cannon boomed and the tank flew into the air.
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Post by TEAM_DERRICK on Mar 30, 2011 15:59:45 GMT -5
Nerv needs to water-board people with LCL.
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