Awesome Land!: A Rebooted Story

[Myrdraxxis]

"Let's go then." Myrxxan sighed. He conjured up a quick garden-variety portal and followed after Aurora and Blanche. Vanguard had agreed that it would probably be best to stick close to their leader. To protect her, naturally.

Or protect others FROM her.

Vanguard appeared beside Blanche. "Well, let's get a move on then." Myrxxan said to nobody in particular.

"To the ship?" Xaadm queried.

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When the world stopped spinning and Azzi could regain his bearings (and force himself not to vomit everywhere), the vampire-ninja climbed out of Stella's UFO with a groan and looked around.

"I...I guess this is it." He said. They had landed in some sort of city. It looked pretty normal at first glance, not something Azzi would have expected from a place called Funky Land.

Upon closer examination he began to see a theme that wasn't present in Dynasty City. The city seemed to hum with music. Bands played on almost every street corner, lamp-posts had speakers that blared various tunes and from where Azzi was standing he could see two separate auditoriums for musical use.

And apparently afros were a big hit here because half the people here were sporting them.

"This...doesn't seem to bad." Vin said as Havoc Squad pulled themselves out of the vehicle.

"Looks nicer than our city does." Gree snorted.

"Right, well I guess we should start looking for the scroll." Azzi said. He thought for a moment. "....Where do we begin looking?"

As they all considered this Azzi realized that he could hear the Jeopardy tune playing. He blinked and glanced around. THe music blurted out a started note and went silent.

"Okay....weird."

[Calefrun]

"WHAAAAA!" Cale emerged on the other side of the portal with a perfect spiral, and continued flying for several hundred feet. When he finally hit the ground, he was able to quickly to determine one fact. "Holy fiz this is cold! No... chill!" He laid out on his back in the snow, arms spread. "Oh sweet! Nomnomnom" he shoved several handfuls of snow into his mouth. "Mrrmph. (Nope, still chill.)"

----

Xanthos appeared from the portal with GOLDBEZ shortly afterwards, and landed with the large, armored man on top of him. He lifted GOLDBEZ and tossed him aside, then spotted Cale a ways off in the distance. He started to walk in that direction, then stopped and looked at GOLDBEZ. "Ummm... how exactly are we supposed to find the scroll now?"

[Monika]

"Well, that wasn't...nearly as bad as I expected," Aurora gulped, her eyes wide and her breath short. She frantically clawed into space, opening a portal to rummage for something. "Aha! Found it!" She withdrew her Imperial Scepter from a shadowy vortex and propped it upon the ground, using it as a leaning post to regain her balance. After a couple of false starts, she eventually managed to take a few steps forward. "Okay. Coordination systems are up and running again. I really hope that gets better the second time around..." After shaking her head to rid herself of the last bit of dizziness, she motioned for Blanche and Vanguard to stay put as she magicked her way to the top floor of the Second Imperial Tower. As expected, she found her brother reading on the couch.

"Back already?" Leon asked, not looking up from his book. "And don't people knock anymore?"

"It's my tower," Aurora reminded him. "Yours is the First Imperial Tower all the way in the Alpha District."

"But it's all gross and crumbly. Someone should start maintaining it, you know."

"Whatever, Leon. I'm not here to argue about unnecessarily large landmarks. I'm here to continue saving the world."

"Heheh, how's that working out for you?" Leon snickered. "Is the adventuring life treating Her Majesty well?"

Aurora ignored him. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Probably. What's up?"

"Well, the next Scroll of Science is in Special Land, so..."

"You want to borrow a ship, huh? Don't you think you should get around to starting a navy or something? It would be pretty helpful in times like-"

"The black nova clock is ticking, Leon!" Aurora scowled at her brother, tapping her foot impatiently. "Can I borrow a ship or not?"

"I mean, of course I can lend you a ship...but life is never that simple, is it?" Leon grinned, setting down his book.

"What are you talking about? I really don't have time for your games today."

"Tell me, Aurora. Have you ever been to Special Land?"

"Well, no, but Chancellor Awesome has shown me enough charts of the place. I'm sure I've got enough know-how to sail there and grab the Scroll."

Leon stood up and shook his head. "You understand that Special Land is underwater, right?"

"Well, yea. I'm not an idiot, Leon." Aurora frowned at him, unsure of what exactly he was getting at.

"How do you expect to sail to an underwater country?" Leon walked over to one of the observatory's telescopes - clearly labeled 'Special Land' - and reached into a floorboard next to it, pulling out a rather large box.

Aurora froze. "Well, I mean...We just...take the..." After a brief moment of confusion, she resumed frowning at Leon, feeling like she had been beaten somehow.

"That's what I thought," Leon smiled. "Fortunately for you, I've compiled the equipment and instructions you need to get to Special Land in this box. Catch!" He threw the box directly toward Aurora's head.

She snatched it out of the air effortlessly (with one hand, no less). "So this box has everything I need to get to Special Land, then?"

"Yep, pretty much." Leon thought for a few moments before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a fistful of golden keys, each shaped like the letter "L". "And you'll need these, too." He tossed the keys at Aurora, who caught them with her free hand.

"Wait...do ships even need keys?" Aurora asked, shoving them into her own pocket.

"Mine do," Leon replied.

"Oh." Aurora nodded and prepared a portal. "Well, thanks then. I'll be back once we save the world."

"Uh-huh. You have fun with that. Enjoy yourself. Eat your vegetables. Say no to drugs and don't talk to strangers and look both ways before-"

"Goodbye, Leon." Aurora stepped through the portal and made it back in front of Blanche and Vanguard. "We have a ship now, everyone. Let's mosey on to the harbor and get this over with." And with that, Aurora began to hover off toward Awesome Land's main harbor, the mysterious box floating behind her.
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No sooner had Aurora disappeared from the tower did Leon begin laughing uncontrollably. "Ahahahahaha...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, this is gonna be GOOD!" He walked back over to the Special Land telescope and pressed his eye against the glass, waiting for Aurora and her party to come into view. "I can't wait to see the expression on her face when she realizes just how she has to get to Special Land. It'll be priceless! Hahahaha! If Artemis stops by again, boy will I have a story to tell her..." Leon trailed off and scrunched up his face in concentration. "Artemis...Artemis. I get the feeling that I was supposed to do something for her when Aurora came back..." He started pacing the observatory's floor, trying to remember the request he promised to carry out for his idol. And then it hit him.

"The trial!" he gasped. "I said that we would begin the court proceedings once Aurora returned! And here I am dawdling about trying to watch my sister's first sailing experience. Come on, Leon. To Really Cool Land!" Leon snapped his fingers and vanished from the tower, reappearing a few meters away from the Really Cool Land castle's front doors. Artemis stood there, silently waiting.

"Twice in one day! This is such an honor!" Leon walked up to Artemis, waving ecstatically. "What are you doing here?"

Artemis turned to Leon, glanced at him for no more than a second and proceeded to explain. "I came here shortly after our discussion, Leon. My intentions were to warn Princess Sarah of her court date, but my presence here has yet to be acknowledged. Your arrival suggests that you have come to warn Sarah as well. Or, more likely, you have come to bring her to the Awesome Land Imperial Court because the conditions for her trial to begin have been met; namely, Aurora must have already come to you about the Scroll of Science."

"You're really good at that, you know?" Leon said.

Artemis didn't respond, instead turning to the door and waiting patiently for a response.

"Well, there's no sense in just standing here if no one is going to come answer you, Artemis. I'll just warp up to Sarah's room and let her know myself." Leon cracked his knuckles, rolled his neck and prepared for some Veralice-style teleportation.

"That would be impolite," Artemis warned.

"Eh." Leon shrugged. "I've done worse." And with an audible KRRRKZKZLRKZLRKCLKLZZZZZZBZBZBZBBBBZZZT he was gone, having reappeared inside the Really Cool palace. In Sarah's room, specifically. On her bed, to be even more specific. Not seeing her nearby, he called out "Saraaaaaaah! Hey, Saaaaaarrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaah! Where are you?"

[Mizagium]

Sarah groaned loudly. She didn't care who heard her (and a lot of people did hear her) as she moaned all the way back to her bedroom. Finding Leon in her bed she stifled her groans as best she could (not very well).

"Hello again Leon," she mockingly sing-songed. "To what do I owe this...oh. This is about the trial, isn't it?" She knew that kind of grin on his face. He was up to no good.

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Blanche followed after Aurora, puzzled. "Ah, Empress. If I recall, Special Land is underwater. How are we planning to sail there?" A dozen scenarios played out in her head, none of which was particularly appealing.

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GOLDBEZ SURVEYED THE AREA AROUND HIM, WITH A MANLY NOD. "DON'T QUESTION IT, MAN. JUST GO WITH IT." AND IN THE SPIRIT OF 'GOING WITH IT' GOLDBEZ JUMPED IN THE AIR, DID A BACK FLIP AND LANDED IN THE SNOW, SPREAD-EAGLE, FACE DOWN. HE THEN BEGAN FLAILING HIS LIMBS ABOUT IN WHAT MUST HAVE BEEN AN ATTEMPT TO CREATE A SNOW ANGEL, BUT WAS CLEARLY NOT THE CORRECT MANNER.

NEVERTHELESS, A MINUTE OR SO LATER, HE STOOD AND ADMIRED HIS HANDIWORK. WHERE HE ONCE THRASHED WAS NOW A BEAUTIFULLY CARVED PIECE OF ART, DEPICTING HIM AND AURORA DANCING TO THUMPING BASS MUSIC. IT WAS WEIRD BECAUSE THE SNOW-SUBWOOFERS WERE ACTUALLY PULSATING WITH THE IMAGINARY BEAT (WHICH WAS BECOMING LESS AND LESS IMAGINARY) WHICH IN TURN MADE THE SNOW-FIGURES OF THE TWO OF THEM MOVE A LITTLE.

"ONE DAY, HOT LIPS. ONE DAY."

And then, as if convenient plot devices hadn't been overused by now, A MYSTERIOUS ICY FIGURE APPEARED.

Only it wasn't so mysterious (although he was very ice) as it turned out to be none other than Llenchi!

"Did I hear you guys say something about a Scroll of Science?" He asked.

[Pro Tip: Llenchi is the former Immortal of Ice, who was stripped of his rank (and probably most of his powers) and it was determined that his powers were redundant next to the Water Immortal and also because Austin and Tyler wanted there to be two sets of seven Immortals]

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"Play that funky music, Vamp!" Stella demanded, jumping into the nearest afro and disappearing.

"Hey!" cried the hapless victim. "Get out of there!"

"No!" She produced her foam bat. "Now much, doggie!" She smacked him with it. "Mush!"

At that moment, Knox, Cassandra, and Mara Lee happened to be passing through on their way to find the next Immortal of Light.

Knox spotted the strange group and started to usher his team forward when he recognized someone. "Gree?" He frowned. "What are you...wait...Havoc Squad? Should...should I be worried that you all are here?" He sighed. "Of course I should be worried. What's Zais up to this time?" he demanded. "And make it quick, please, I have an important quest to be on."

[Monika]

"Long time no see, Sarah!" Leon rose from his spot on Sarah's bed, opened his arms wide and gave her a tight hug, as if they were old friends. They weren't, of course. Far from it. But it couldn't hurt to pretend. "And as clever as ever, too! You're right about why I'm here!" He made no attempt at putting a solemn or pitying look upon his face; no, he made sure his exuberance was on full display. Whether this happiness stemmed more from getting to help Artemis or getting to arrest Sarah was anyone's guess. "Better make this formal, since it's such a serious matter."

Leon stood to his full height, summoned a pair of Shadow Glasses to his face, produced a piece of parchment from his pocket, looked Sarah squarely in her eyes, cleared his throat and read: "Ahem. As Interim Grand Imperator of the Awesome Land Empire and Grand Justice of the Awesome Land Imperial Court, I am here to inform you, Sarah Mambutoo O'Malley, that you are to stand trial for the murder of one William Cauldwell." He put the glasses and paper back in his pocket before continuing. "As per my agreement with Artemis, your trial was scheduled to occur once my sister, Aurora Veralice, returned to Awesome Land on her journey. As it turns out, she arrived much sooner than expected...about an hour ago, in fact. So your trial is today. Yeah." He scratched his head sheepishly and laughed. "Sorry for such short notice, but it's out of my hands. I hope you're prepared."
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"My brother has been there several times on his wacky adventures. He was suspiciously kind enough to leave me a set of instructions we'll need to get there." Aurora pointed to the box floating behind her. "Whatever method we do use to get there will probably be safe enough," she assured Blanche. "My brother seems to have made it back safely, at least."

After a few minutes of walking/hovering, Aurora and company had made it to Awesome Land's harbor. The area itself wasn't anything remarkable. Just a bunch of citizens going about their daily business: fishing, playing, bowing as Aurora floated past. What was impressive, however, was the collection of large sea vessels that were docked at various ports along the coast. Merchant and civilian ships didn't travel through Awesome Land (since a magic barrier was around the country most of the time) so each one of them belonged to Leon. Some he had used forced labor to construct during his Emperor days. Others he had stolen on those days he felt like being a pirate. And others he had paid for "legitimately" with wealth earned from his various business/tournament/adventuring endeavors. Each of them had a certain magical air about it, but one stood out in particular. Near one end of the harbor was a massive black battle cruiser, probably designed specifically for naval warfare. Of course, Awesome Land's naval wars were few and far between, which brought up the question of why Leon had the ship in the first place. Aurora decided to ask him later and floated up to the vessel, thoroughly examining it. These examinations mostly consisted of seeing if she could break it.

She exhaled a torrent of black fire at the cruiser's armor. It didn't melt. It didn't even change color from the heat. She then gave the ship a good punch with all the strength she could muster (which was quite a bit). Not so much as a dent appeared on the glossy black surface. "Seems sturdy enough," she said. "Can't say I much care for the color though. What's its name?" She circled the ship and found 'S.S. Veralice' written on either side in flashy gold paint. "Alright, then. I suppose we'll be taking this one. All aboard the S.S. Veralice!" As soon as she spoke the ship's name, a series of titanium ladders were ejected from both sides, waiting for passengers to climb on. "Well that's convenient," Aurora remarked, teleporting her box to her side as she moved to the captain's area.
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Someone who seems relatively non-troublesome! Chancellor Awesome walked up to Llenchi and, as graciously as possible, replied to him, "Yes, we are indeed looking for a Scroll of Science." He pointed to the Scroll Finder around his neck. "Our little radar here indicates that one should be here in Chill Land. Would you happen to know its exact whereabouts?"

[Myrdraxxis]

Gree shrugged, pointedly ignoring Stella's harassment of the natives. "Honestly i have no idea what the boss is up to anymore. He left saying something about going back to 'Northyros' wherever THAT is. And now Sindri and Dace have gone missing so all we can do is continue on our epic quest." you could almost see the sarcastic air quotes around "epic quest".

"Yep! We're here looking for the Scroll of Science so that some sort of black nova doesn't kill us all." Azzi piped up, sounding a bit too cheerful bout that. "And since I'm way to genre-savvy for my own good, I can almost guarantee that our quests have something to do with each other." he continued. "So! Want any help? We have a space ninja-" he indicated the random citizen's afro, "A vampire ninja and five overly qualified and underpaid mooks."

"We used to be commandos!" Vin said in despair. "Now we're just errand boys! Mooks!"

"I think we were always mooks." Gree observed.

"But we were specialized mooks! We have names and everything!"

[Mizagium]

Blanche grimaced at the sight of the boat, but jumped on board anyway. "The more I think about this, Aurora, the more I think you're going to regret listening to your brother."

-

Llenchi, looking a little too much like Jack Frost from Rise of the Guardians tucked his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. "Not really, Shiny Man. I just figured it might be something cool to find. Get it? Cool? Cool to find? I'm...Ice?"

"LAME JOKES ARE NOT COOL." GOLDBEZ DECLARED. "THIS IS COOL." HE PILE-DRIVED THE GROUND AND CREATED A LIFE-SIZE SCULPTURE OF HIMSELF MAKING A LIFE-SIZE SCULPTURE OF HIMSELF, MAKING A LIFE-SIZE SCULPTURE OF HIMSELF, MAKING A LIFE-SIZE SCULPTURE OF HIMSELF, MAKING A LIFE-SIZE SCULPTURE OF HIMSELF, MAKING A LIFE-SIZE SCULPTURE OF HIMSELF, MAKING A LIFE-SIZE SCULPTURE OF HIMSELF, MAKING A LIFE-SIZE SCULPTURE OF HIMSELF, MAKING A LIFE-SIZE SCULPTURE OF HIMSELF, MAKING A LIFE-SIZE SCULPTURE OF HIMSELF, MAKING A LIFE-SIZE SCULPTURE OF HIMSELF. "DON'T THINK ABOUT IT TOO HARD OR YOU'LL DIE."

-

Sarah looked Leon directly in the eye. "I was never going to be entirely prepared for this, was I, Leon? Let's just go and get this over with."

-

"Alright, well, Gree and Mooks...Cassandra and Mara Lee. Mara Lee and Cassandra...Gree and Mooks."

Stella darted out of the afro and stopped right in front of Mara Lee. "Ooooh. You're pretty."

"Uh...thank you?" The mathemagician girl glanced at her "team" uncertain of what was going on. "I'm Mara Lee. What's your name?"

"Stella. The bestest space ninja...EVER!" She produced her neon shurikens which haven't been seen since that incident with the bar and Blanche. She flung them towards the man whose afro she had temporarily inhabited. Because they were in Funky Land, the projectiles each emitted a single note. And because they were Stella's, the bounced around, inciting screams. So it quickly became a scene of music and terror.

Cassandra leaned in towards Knox. "Do we really have to travel with these guys?"

"Believe it or not, I'm really trying to avoid that, but that one..." he indicated Azzi "...seems to think our journeys are connected."

"And you believe him?"

"Not on my life (Can I even still use that expression?), but he seems to think so. And you know his type."

"He'll follow us anyway. Ugh. Johnny's like that a lot."

They sighed and contemplated their next move.

[Calefrun]

"Errr, am I interrupting something?" A man approached the group, making Xanthos wonder how they kept failing to notice people walking around in the frozen tundra. Cale swallowed his snow, and the heavily armored man continued, "My name is Commander Lobster, and while I hate to do this to you so suddenly, I'm here to move the plot along. To put it bluntly, I've already located the scroll, and I intend to make sure you never get your hands on it. Or rather," he glared at Cale, "your tentacles."

Cale's eyes widened, and he started flailing his arms around. "OH FIZ, MY HANDS HAVE BECOME-" he suddenly stopped and looked at his hands. "Wait, I don't have tentacles, Mr. Krabs."

The Commander smirked. "Not yet, anyway. And I'm here to make sure you never do, you damn Squid. Oh, and as I said before, I'm a Lobster."

Cale cocked his head to the side in confusion, but Xanthos drew his sword. "You... you're from the other world, aren't you?"

"Ah, I didn't recognize you with the hood on, head squidsassin. Calfrun, was it?" Cale looked on in shock as Xanthos pulled down his hood and revealed that he was indeed Zento Calfrun, Cale's cousin.

"I'll explain later," Zento promised, "for now we need to take care of this guy."

Commander Lobster glanced around. "Five against one? I hardly think that's fair. Allow me to even the odds a bit." He waved his hand, and the first of GOLDBEZ's snow sculptures suddenly came to life, and the snow somehow gained the physical properties of GOLDBEZ's armor.

THE CLONE LOOKED AT HIS COUNTERPART DISAPPROVINGLY WITH A HAND ON HIS SEXY HIP. "NICE TRY, BUT THAT THING ISN'T NEARLY AS AMAZING AS THE REAL ME." HE FLEXED TO DEMONSTRATE, AND INSTANTLY A CRATER FORMED BENEATH HIS FEET, UNABLE TO HANDLE THE HOTNESS WHICH IT BEHELD. "DON'T YOU WORRY THOUGH, YOU'RE GONNA BE IN FOR A WORLD OF HURT AS SOON AS I TAKE CARE OF THIS GUY. THE WORLD ISN'T READY OF THIS MUCH MANLINESS." HE BECKONED FOR THE OTHER GOLDBEZ. "LET'S DANCE, HONEY."

With another wave of his hand, Commander Lobster created snow clones of each of the other party members, each convinced that they were the real one and determined to do away with their "clones." As Cale and Zento crossed swords with their own duplicates, the other three attacked Chancellor Awesome, Calamitous, and GOLDBEZ.

[Monika]

"My brother has done many, many questionable things in his day, but I think we can trust him this time. He wouldn't send his beloved sister on a perilous journey in which there was no hope for survival." She paused. "Not now, anyway. Now, let's see the instructions he left for us." Aurora casually slid a nail across the BOX OF MYSTERY, cleanly cutting the top into two flaps. She lifted them open to reveal a small, folded slip of paper that had no more than a few sentences written on it.

"Is this it?" she pondered. "He gave me this giant box and all it has is a measly piece of paper?" Aurora huffed quite audibly as she couldn't help but wonder if there was some truth to Blanche's statement. Deciding that they had no other option, she unfolded the paper and began to read.

"Good evening, Dear Sister! If you're reading this message, that means you're finally about to embark on your first ever sailing adventure! Doesn't that sound like a whale of a time?" Aurora rolled her eyes and continued reading. "Ahahahahaha, sometimes I'm too amusing for my own good. Anyway, the only possible place you could possibly be taking a ship to is Special Land, of course, so I'll be leaving you a set of clear instructions on how to get there. Each step on this piece of paper will be revealed once it senses the the previous steps have been met. When you're ready to begin, say 'Leon Veralice is the greatest sorcerer of all time and I'm proud to call him my big brother'."

"Well, that would explain why the paper's so small, I guess..." Aurora sighed, shutting her eyes in a futile attempt to pretend she wasn't actually about to follow the paper's first instruction. Through clenched teeth, she managed to force out "Leon Veralice is the greatest sorcerer of all time and I'm proud to call him my big brother..."

The words on the paper erased themselves and, seconds later, were replaced with a new set of instructions.

"Oh man, I can't believe I got you to say that!" Aurora read. "Anyway, Step 1: The Uniform. Getting to Special Land requires a specific set of attire for each crew member. This part is vitally important. In this box you'll find just enough clothing for each of your crew members, as well as a special captain's uniform just for you, Aurora. Please note, it is imperative that each member wears the proper clothing for his pr her gender."

Aurora looked inside the box at her feet and, sure enough, what had been empty space before was now a set of well-tailored bandanas, long sleeved white shirts, black vests, black pants and leather boots. Just enough for each man aboard the ship. On top of those was a dark blue button down naval coat, a white shirt, pants, boots and a gold trimmed tricorne (three pointed hat, for you landlubbers out there) with the letter 'A' stitched on the front in gold thread. "I suppose this is mine, then," Aurora said, scooping up the captain's outfit. She then tossed each member of Vanguard a set of pirate clothing until she had finally reached the bottom of the box.

"Oh my god..." Aurora buried her face in her uniform, muffling her voice, but the words that came out of her mouth were probably along the lines of "Did he really do this? Reeeeallly, Leon?" followed by a few curses. At the very bottom of the box was the last 'outfit': A jeweled bandana, an eyepatch, a tattered miniskirt and a dark blue bra (with either cup having a picture of Kid Leon's most adorable face plastered on the front). To aid in the imagination process, it looked like it was purchased from the skimpiest aisle in the Sexy Pirate section of Party City's costume shop.

"For the love of fiz, Leon..." Aurora magically lifted the 'clothing' and placed it into Blanche's arms. "I am so...so sorry. This is SO EMBARRASSING!" Before Aurora could unleash her fury on the closest object, she decided to escape into a portal to change into her captain's clothes.
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"Is it so much to ask?" Chancellor Awesome pleaded to the heavens. "To get just one adventure that goes smoothly?" Not bothering to wait for some ironic answer from the universe, the chancellor withdrew his staff and started beating his clone with it. After he had sufficiently pummeled the doppelganger, he let out a heavy sigh. "Not even a scratch...This is going to be more difficult than I would like. My armor's a bit too tough to be damaged by conventional means, and it looks like my friend's here is the same way. You there!" He turned to Llenchi. "You look like you might have some powers. Care to lend us a hand?"
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"Suit yourself!" Leon laughed, teleporting himself and Sarah to the front steps of the Awesome Land Imperial Court. The outside looked very much like the United States Supreme Court building, except made of black marble. And each pillar had a serpentine figure wrapped around it. And the front of the roof bore the letters 'ALIC' carved out of a red cinnabar, with two crossed swords directly beneath them. Pretty menacing. And it only got worse from there. Leon proceeded to lead Sarah inside. They arrived in a large, dim area, the light just bright enough to reveal rows of evenly spaced gargoyle statues across the floor. Dozens of obsidian pews lined the walls, each one seating three or four Shadow Fiends, some friends Leon had made during his Shadow Realm exploits. Near the far end of the room was a single bench, and even further than that was an exorbitantly tall podium with a black leather chair behind it.

Leon teleported himself to that chair and warped Sarah to the bench in front of it. "Welcome to the Awesome Land House of Justice," he said lightly, his words echoing throughout the chamber. "The fairest place on Earth." His tone shifted to be a bit more grim.

Once Leon had finished introducing the area, Artemis quietly stepped inside, taking a seat near the front of the room in between two Shadow Fiends.

"Glad you could make it, Artemis!" Leon waved at his idol, who gave him a simple nod of acknowledgement. "You're just in time for the court proceedings to begin. Ahem!" He summoned his Shadow Glasses once more as well as a stack of papers that were really just there for decoration. "Sarah Mambutoo O'Malley, you are civilly charged with the murder of William Cauldwell, a citizen of the Awesome Land empire. As it turns out, foreign royalty murdering our citizens is grounds for immediate execution under some old laws I wrote. But as Artemis told me, you have already agreed to give up the diplomatic rights that accompanies being the Princess of the Really Cool Kingdom, so I'll be trying you as I would any other person. Aren't you lucky?" Leon grinned. "Anyway, how do you plead? Oh, and don't worry about those Shadow Fiends. They're just there for show; they aren't a jury or anything. Nope, your fate is solely determined by this guy!" He pointed at himself.

[Myrdraxxis]

Myrxxan hesitantly walked over to the box and peered inside. "Uh....hmmmm." he couldn't really think of anything to say.

"We get to be pirates don't we?" Xaadm ventured. Myrxxan nodded wordlessly.

"Fuck ye-I mean...ah. Okay then." Xaadm began to -rather excitedly- dig through the box and contemplate how best to pirate himself.

[Mizagium]

GOLDBEZ LOCKED ARMS WITH HIS SNOW COUNTERPART AND TOGETHER THEY DANCED THE MOST IRISH JIG YOU EVER SAW IN YOUR ENTIRE DAMN LIFE. "TAKE THAT, CRUSTACEAN." THEIR DANCING MANAGED TO SUMMON UP A GREAT CANNON MADE OF SNOW. BUT IT FIRED REAL BULLETS. MADE OF ICE.

Llenchi just kind of watched the GOLDBEZ's do stuff.

"If I help, is there a chance for me to regain my Immortal status?"

-

Blanche...well, blanched at the sight of the pirate outfit. "This...if anyone ever finds out about this, I'll lose my ninja license." She glanced at it again and blushed. "If any of you" she pointed to the crew "tell anybody about this, I will personally hunt you down and make your deaths and painful and drawn out as possible. I mean. Tell nobody. Especially Stella."

She teleported far away in order to change into the incredibly revealing piratess outfit.

She teleported back to Aurora's side, doing her best to cover her chest with her arms. "Let's never speak of this again."

-

Sarah contemplated her words. She had agreed to stand trial, but she never agreed to plead guilty. It might make things go a little more smoothly, but the least she could do was stand up for herself...right?

"I plead...Not Guilty. I did not deliver the killing blow to William Cauldwell, nor are the circumstances leading up to his demise entirely of my construction."

-

Knox sighed heavily. "Alright, because I kind of have important Immortal things to do, I suggest all those looking for the Scroll of Science to just...follow me. I know where I'm going kinda." He looked to Cassandra. "Can you feel it?"

And then from somewhere came the shouts of "Yeah! Take that, fizzbitch!" Followed by a series of colorful explosions.

"That way," Cassandra deadpanned.

Before he could rally the group, a few forms moon-walked into view. They would roughly humanoid, but instead of heads, they had slowly rotating disco balls which seemed to give off their own light.

Knox blinked. "Disco..."

"Demons," Cassandra finished.

"Pretty!" Stella shouted, tackling the nearest one with a flying drop kick!

More disco demons appeared, ready to kick some jive turkey butts!

[Monika]

"Um," Chancellor Awesome gave a sideways glance to Llenchi, absently blocking an attack from his snow clone. "I had no idea that you were an Immortal, actually, but I happen to know a couple of them personally. Perhaps I could get them to help you out?" The entire Immortal hiring/firing process was a mystery to the Chancellor, and he had no idea whether or not the other Immortals could solve Llenchi's predicament, but it certainly couldn't hurt to ask, right?
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"Agreed!" Aurora nodded, clenching her fists and silently cursing Leon's name. "Now, let's move on to the next step and pray that it's not as embarrassing..." The words on Aurora's slip of paper vanished once more, new text reappearing in their place. She read aloud, "Ahahaha! I'm sure you look positively adorable in your captain's outfit, Baby Sister!" Aurora scowled at the paper. "And I'm sure the rest of your crewmates look just as delightful. Especially the women, teehee. . Anyway, on to the fun part: Step 2! Now that you're in the proper attire, you'll want to get the lingo down. You can't just walk the walk; you have to talk the talk, too! Now, give me your best pirate impression."

"What? Leon, are you kidding me?"

The words on the paper changed once more, reading 'Doesn't sound like you're speaking like a pirate, Aurora."

"Uggggh! Fine!" Aurora cleared her throat and gave it a try. "Um, ahoy, mateys? Raise the anchors before I keelhaul the lot of ya! Ye scurvy landlubbers had better learn ta follow the orders of Cap'n Aurora!"

The paper changed again. Aurora read, "Not bad. Not bad at all! One day, you might even rival the legendary sailor, Captain L! Now, for the really fun part: Step 3! Setting sail! All of my ships run on magic, of course, but you'll want to send your crew to raise the sails, if there are any. If not, let them do some other menial task like swabbing the decks. Right now, you're probably questioning why I'm telling you to do this. Well, it's because I want you to be the best captain you can be, Sis! And that means bossing people around for no reason!

Aurora slapped a palm over her face and sighed. "You heard the instructions, everyone. Go swab the decks or something..."

The words on the page shifted. 'And say it like a pirate.'

"...Yaargh. Grab yerselves some sponges and water and get ta scrubbin' every inch of this ship. And no complainin', or I'll make ye all walk the plank," Aurora grumbled rather unenthusiastically.
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Leon's eyes widened ever so slightly, only to narrow again as his mischievous smirk worked its way onto his face again. "Well, I can't say I'm not surprised," he laughed, withdrawing a device that looked suspiciously like a cell phone from his robe pocket and gently setting it on his podium. "I was expecting you to plead guilty so you could get back to Really Cool Land as soon as possible, but I was actually hoping that you'd defend yourself. That'll make this trial far more interesting." He pressed a few buttons on the device and it started to ring. "Not that it'll make any difference, since I'm judging..."

The device stopped ringing and a voice began to emanate from it. "What? Someone actually wants to speak with me? Who's calling at this hour?"

"Why, it's your old pal Leon Veralice, of course! I never get tired of hearing that voice of yours," Leon replied. "And it's the middle of the afternoon."

"Hmph. If you 'never get tired' of it, why don't you call more often?" The voice was indeed very pleasant to listen to. It was soft, deep and sounded as if liquid candy were being poured into your ears. Like someone managed to harness sex itself and turn it into sound waves.

"Oh, lighten up. You know I've been busy being being Emperor. I don't have time to call everyday, you know."

"I'd settle for once a year," the voice growled. "And last I heard, you were dethroned some time ago. Then again, that was the last time I heard from you. Or about you. No one ever wants to keep me filled in."

"Alright, alright! I'm sorry, okay? Here - I'll make it up to you. How would you like to come down to Awesome Land and hang out for the day, hmm?"

A pause. "I know you, Leon. You wouldn't call me for the first time in who knows how long just so we could 'hang out'. You're up to something."

"Who, me?" Leon's voice became eerily innocent. "Why, I would never have an ulterior motive for calling such a good friend of mine! But, of course, if he happened to come down to Awesome Land and wanted to do me a favor out of the kindness of his heart..."

"What is it?" the voice asked flatly.

"You went to law school, right?" Leon asked.

"Several. Aren't you supposed to use ritual magic to get me to do you favors?"

"We'll worry about the technicalities later. Just come down to the Awesome Land Courthouse and-"

A silver bolt of lightning struck the floor in between Sarah and Leon, bathing the dim room in a glorious bright light. When it finally cleared, in the lightning's place crouched a tall, preposterously attractive young man - probably no older than Sarah. He had long blond hair, emerald green eyes and was, appearance-wise, flawless.

"Welcome, my old friend!" Leon clasped his hands and grinned greedily. "Zayden, The Lord of Illusion!"

"Hmph." The man stood up, dusting off his expensive looking leather jacket. "It's been a while, Leon. Haven't chatted with you since that whole Time Keeper mess." His voice was even more enchanting in person. "You should make more of an effort to stay in touch with your 'friends'."

"Yes, I'm aware," Leon sighed. "So, how do you do, Zayden?"

"We'll deal with the pleasantries later," Zayden scoffed. "You called me here for something. What is it?"

"Hmm? Oh, that's right. Well, essentially, that one," Leon pointed to Sarah, "is being charged with the murder of one of my citizens. And you're," his finger slid to Zayden's direction, "going to be the prosecutor."

"What."

"Yep. Hope you're ready! Here's everything you need to know!" Leon snapped his fingers and a briefcase and several folders materialized in the air above Zayden, falling into his hands.

[Razgat]

Suddenly, the doors were kicked open to the court room. "OBJECTION!"

Before them stood none other than Cowgirl. No one had seen any sign of her for quite some time, but she was always willing to make an appearance as a favor. This time she stood in front of the crowd in a new leather suit. "You can't start this trial without the defense attorney!"

[Myrdraxxis]

"Open fire." Niner commanded Havoc Squad....in a rather resigned and not all that enthusiastic tone. It appears that the ridiculousness was finally getting to them.

"Finally! It would't be a quest without mooks to fight!" Azzi promptly began to ninja the shit out of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'd like to say that we had more important things to do before coming here." Myrxxan groused as he and the rest of Vanguard dropped on the deck and blubbed like a fish began to scrub.

"Except you can't cause we were usually just cleaning the DCI building before this." Durzo grinned, a grin that spoke of one who had seen hell and was now amused by the bitter irony that was life. He was from Awesome Land after all.

Myrxxan just groaned in response.

[Monika]

"How in the world did you get in my courtroom?! In my country?!" Leon barked, his eyes narrowing at the sight of one of his least favorite denizens of the Awesome Land world. "Didn't you get left in the Null-Void during that whole Laurine incident?!" He clenched his fist as tightly as he could and pounded his desk, shaking the entire courtroom. "Bailiffs, I demand that she be thrown out of this room immediately!"

At Leon's command, dozens of Shadow Fiends leapt (floated) from their seats and moved to surround Cow-girl.

"Hmph." Zayden snapped his fingers and twenty or thirty perfect replicas of Cow-girl all appeared directly around the real one. The Shadow Fiends stopped dead in their tracks, unable to tell which was the real one. "Return to your seats, please." Not too fond of being so heavily outnumbered, the Shadow Fiends flew back toward their benches and waited patiently for their next order. "Chill out, Leon. You've already brought a prosecutor here. You may as well have a defense attorney."

Leon glared at his so-called friend and growled, "Grr...Whose side are you on, Zayden?! Mine or Cow-Girl's?!"

"I'm on the side..." Zayden threw back his golden hair. "...of JUSTICE!" His voice was so forceful, so passionate, so cool that what would normally have sounded unbelievably corny was no less than a symphony of epicness here. One could hear a series of loud thud noises coming from outside the Imperial Court's walls; no doubt they were people who had fainted upon hearing Zayden speak. "Let's get started, shall we?"

"Fine, Mr. Lord of Illusion. See if I ever summon you again..." Leon grumbled.

Zayden walked over to the prosecutor's bench and set down his briefcase and folders. "So, Cow-girl, was it?" he asked. "It will be a pleasure facing you in court today. Does the defendant-" He opened up a folder and pulled out a few papers, thoroughly reading them in a matter of seconds. "-Sarah Mambutoo O'Malley agree to have Cow-girl represent her in court today?" His eyes shifted from Cow-girl to Sarah to Cow-girl again. "Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself, Cow-girl? It will allow the defendant to judge your abilities. What law school did you go to? What percentile of your class did you graduate in?" His gaze moved to Cow-girl's clothing. "Why are you wearing a leather suit if you are, presumably, a supporter of bovines? That doesn't seem very respectful to your animal friends."

[Razgat]

Cow-girl smiled a big goofy smile at Leon. She sat on top of the defense desk and folded her arms as she thought. "Well, I had plenty of time to learn things in the Null Void which I'm pretty sure I've escaped from before (that was definitely directed at Leon), so I started to get into law. I went to The Null Void's School of Law (totally not made up by Cow-girl) and graduated at the very top percentile (totally not because the only student was Cow-girl). I am perfectly fit to defend Sarah and I'm totally not insane in any way....maybe. As for the suit...."

Cow-girl's face suddenly became very somber as she turned to stare off into the distance, her eyes glistened over with tears. "I have many cow friends, but as you know cows don't live forever, so as a sign of their friendship and duty to me, I have created this suit not just out of them, but out of the goodness in their hearts. This suit is pure friendship...pure leather friendship."

[Mizagium]

"Uh, Empress..." Blanche began. "I mean... *ahem* Ahoy, Captain. Where be the entrance to Special Land? Argh."

With each word she spoke, she died a little more inside.

-

Sarah could only stare open-mouthed at Cow-girl. "How...why...what." Suddenly this whole trial thing seemed like a bad idea. "Is it too late to change my plea?"

-

As Havoc Squad and Azzi descended upon the increasing number of Discobots, Mara Lee managed to sneak back to Knox and Cassandra.

"Do you know what's going on?" she asked.

"The usual," Cassandra answered.

"Same 'ol, same 'ol," Knox said with a sigh. "We go someplace new and something weird happens.

Mara Lee gave him a look. "Wow, you're kinda jaded about this whole thing, huh?"

Knox shrugged. "Just give it a minute, it's about to-"

The air rent with the crackling of raw, universal energy. The very fabric of the world seemed to stretch and distort as the new presence became known. The skies darkened and electric blue lightning struck the ground. A gale whipped up and threatened to knock everyone off their feet.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA," came the echoing laughter. "WHO DARES QUESTION THE MIGHT OF DISCO?"

With a final flash, a figure appeared in the group, about 6'4'' and quite imposing, clad in gleaming metal and donned with a royal purple cape, the disco-dome-headed figure crossed his arms. "SPEAK, MORTALS. DOCTOR DISCOTECH DEMANDS A DISCLOSURE OF THE DETAILS."

"Right on time," Knox deadpanned.

A team of Discobots accompanied their master.

"So," Doctor Discotech declared. "It seems you are allied with the Music Underground. What a pity, the insurgency has infected the imported interlopers from the inaccessible regions beyond. Go, my Discobots! Eliminate the encroaching evil from my land!"

[fight with the Discobots or don't. Either way, I'll have a followup post later tonight that will advance the Funky Land plot]

[Myrdraxxis]

Havoc Squad continued to shoot the Discobots. In fact from the way they didn't react to the sudden appearance of the final boss, one would think they were outright ignoring this development. "Just keep shooting and maybe he'll go away." Vin whispered to the others.

Azzi, however, did see Doctor Discotech and paused mid-necksnap to stare at him. "Dude....you are so groovy!" He shouted and dropped his current foe to launch himself at Doctor Discotech with a ninja knife he pulled from somewhere.

[Mizagium]

But Discotech would not be undone by a simple ninja strike. A half-hearted backhand from the Lord of the Lyrical Land sent Azzi spiraling away.

Cassandra, Mara Lee, and Stella fell upon the Discobots with gusto.

Cassandra dropped one with a leg sweep and readied an arrow. Unbidden, a brilliant light gathered to her shot and exploded in a bright streak, shooting through the nearest four or five bots that had conveniently put themselves in a straight line. Evidently, robots hadn't learned that straight lines are a bad tactic.

"Whoa," she observed with a smirk. "Immortal powers are cool!" Deciding to experiment, she gathered the light into her hands and projected it outward, blasting away a few more bots.

"Subtract: Head!" A Discobot near Mara Lee had it's head vanish. However, the discoball was not designed with a sensory suite (because honestly, that's just a terrible idea) and so the Discobot kept coming anyway. "Shoot! Whoever designed this robot is smart."

Discotech looked on menacingly. "Me! I designed those robots! I am Doctor Discotech!"

"So I've heard."

At first, Stella was nowhere to be found. Then, a Discobot stopped moving. It jerked around a bit before it clutched at it's chest and collapsed to it's knees. Another one nearby stopped to help, but it was to no avail. The chest plate bowed outward from some unseen force. A few more bots had gathered around to help/observe. Then, suddenly, none other than Stella burst forth from the robot's chest, covered in motor oil and clutching wires and gears in her hands and teeth.

"And lo," she declared. "Was she reborn again in the throes of misery and strife: Stella, the Space Ninja, come to spread happiness and cake to her loyal followers!" The other Discobots fled in terror, but she was upon them one by one, tearing out electronics and shouting "Be free, my disciples! The hour of judgement is upon you! Feel my love and be saved!"

Knox decided to focus his attention on Discotech. "Look, Discotech" (he remembered that he ought to be midly deferential to national rulers, being an Immortal and all) "We're just here for the girl, Ollie. She's important for some Immortal business and once we have her, we'll be out of your hair. Er...ball. Er...way. well, we will." He indicated Cassandra and Mara Lee. "I can't speak for the others."

Doctor Discotech considered him. Then he laughed. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You amuse me, young Time Keeper. Funky Land is my domain. Disco resides over this regal residential realm! I will not have my power propounded upon by some pompous punk." Some unnamed energy gathered in his clenched fist. "The girl leads the Music Underground; she will face justice by Disco."

Knox sighed. "I was hoping you wouldn't say that, Virgil. Time is running out for me, so I'll deal with you later."

Time slowed around him and he rushed forward, intending to grab Ollie and go - but Disco was there. He didn't react fast enough, and received a face full of metal and some unknown energy.

"Chronal dampener," he explained. "I had it installed recently. My studies concluded that you were the Immortal most likely to interfere with matters here. It seems I was correct." Discotech descended to the ground. Each step was the thump of heavy metal on the ground and the clank of armor pieces hitting each other. "Stansilaus Grueman would not have even felt that blow. You are not worthy of the mantle of Time Keeper." Knox was unable to escape Discotech's grip on his neck. "You are not a worthy successor! YOU ARE NOT A TRUE IMMORTAL!"

Then something exploded, something brilliant and multicolored. Knox crumpled and caught his breath. Light exploded again and again. Discotech yelled in anger and pain and staggered away.

Standing in the middle of what passed for a battle was a rather punky looking girl looking about 27. She wore forest green cargo pants and a yellow half-shirt, showing her midriff. One bangled arm tossed her already messy black hair. The other played with the sparks of multicolored light.

"Hey there, Disco," Ollie teased. "Wub wub wub."

[Razgat]

From seemingly out of nowhere during the Discotech fight, a small girl with large lens-less glasses appeared. She looked towards Dicsotech and lowered her glasses slightly to give him an icy glare, freezing him on the spot. "Come with me if you want to live. I can take you on the Main Stream if we fade to it, but I need you to not be here, like, emotionally. And we won't be IN the Main Stream, we'll simply be using it to get elsewhere and out of it. So, you know, be not here. Be elsewhere........sometime this century."

She quickly switched to and hurried expression with one hand on her hip as she tapped her foot.