Awesome Land!: A Rebooted Story

[Myrdraxxis]

"None of that made sense!" Gree hollered to the newcomer over the cacophonous gunfire. Azzi pulled himself out of the rubble that Disco had deflected him into (it was actually already rubble before Azzi landed in it) and staggered over to Havoc Squad.

"On the other hand, maybe fighting the final boss so early in the game isn't a good idea." he said. "We don't have nearly enough health potions or leveled gear."

"Huh?"

"I think I might have hit my head pretty hard there." Azzi explained. Green just nodded and continued fighting.

And then a voice rang out from overhead. "DID SOMEONE SAY WUBWUBWUB?"

A new figure appeared in the midst of the battle. At first glance he looked like some local punk wearing a hoodie. But the robotic mask he wore and the gauntlets said otherwise.

"Hey Ollie! Not too late to the party am I?"

[Mizagium]

Knox and Cassandra had the same thought at the same time. Without speaking, they each grabbed one of Mara Lee's arms and marched towards Edie. "We really don't want to be here," Knox said flatly. "I'll ride this...Main Stream to the...what? Nevermind. Just get us out of here."

He didn't like running. He was an Immortal; theoretically, the only problem he should have to be concerned with was another Immortal. But Discotech was different. He was...weirdly prepared for him. And that scared him.

Ollie tossed a few more light bombs in Discotech's direction. "Thought that might bring you here, Styx. Little late though. Disco showed up early, so Edie's busting us out of here!" She covered her retreat with more light flares and gave the Hipster a narrow-eyed stare. "This doesn't change anything, Wistar. Just get us out of here."

[Razgat]

Edie scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Whatever, I'm assuming you're all in, so let's go."

In that instant Edie faded everyone to a platform floating on the Main Stream that existed out of existence. Only Hipsters could use it, but Edie had the power to transport others. "We're heading to the underground, so buckle up, sparkles, things are about to get fetch."

[Sariel of Tevet]

The Professor was sitting on the ground amidst the battle simply tinkering with a half destroyed discobot.

"It's fun to stay at the Y...M, C, A", he mumbled quite audibly and even went as far as to cease tinkering at the letters part and crudely forming them over his head. "and........DONE!

His hydraulics hummed as he rose to his feet and began to pelvic thrust and point as if on a 1978 dance floor and began to do the hustle. He hustled on over to the discobot and pressed a button on the chest. The discobot vaulted up into the air, began to fold end over end and take the shape of a cherry red 78' Cadillac Coupe Deville, complete with fuzzy dice, curb feelers, and tiger stripe seat covers. The Professor hopped over the door of the convertible, popped in an 8 track, and promptly began to jam.

"All aboard the groovy train!! Who's with me?"

Unfortunately, Discotech was standing directly between the car and the mainstream. There would be no way that the discocar and The Professor would be able to stand up to the boss battle on their own.

"Ay mon! You be needin' a hand ova dare?"

Suddenly, a large black man clad in a colorful poncho and matching beanie plopped out of the sky and landed in the passenger seat of the discocar. The Professor flinched at the impact and the newcomer laughed a hearty Caribbean laugh. "Ay mon. Don' fear the reefer!"

The Professor would have smiled if his skeleton head were able to, so instead he just discoed his approval.

"Sergeant Didgeridoo! I haven't seen you since college!! What are you doing here?!"

"Not a ting mon. I was simply ridin' in my bobsled wit som' friends of mine when we crashed and I landed here wit you! So how about we get to escapin' mon?"

He pulled a large didgeridoo from his poncho and placed his mouth onto the mouthpiece and winked at the Professor. "Hol' on to ya bowels mon. It's going to be one hell of a ride."

He blew into the didgeridoo, immediately hitting the mythical brown note, causing all of the characters in the area, aside from himself and the Professor (who has no bowels anymore), to poop their pants.

"Quick mon! While the Discotech is discompoopulated!"

"Right! Everyone jump in! I am headed for the mainstream!"

He put the metal to the petal and the car took off towards the mainstream. He did so at such a pace that any of the party members could have jumped on if they wished before he made his way through the mainstream highway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"A clone eh? I know how to handle this." He pulled the fusion capsule from his suit, the very capsule that would fuse himself back to the Professor and launched it at his equally evil counterpart. In a flash they fused together and now Calamitous was twice as evil as before.

"Well that takes care of that."

[Mizagium]

A short while ago…

Franz Zeiger, the Ace of the New Organization, grumbled into his folded arms, resting his upper half on the desk he had “acquired” from the city dump. It still smelled of rotten bananas, old coffee grounds, and the shame of a wasted life in a cubicle. Accompanying him were Miki Nahlani, the King, and Morgan, the Queen.

Miki and Morgan shared a looked and the two women sighed.

“Well, Franz,” Miki asked for the fifth time. “What’s your plan?”

“I’m about to lose everything again,” he moaned. “Just like that. I had it…and then the armored guy fizzing drop-kicks me and takes it.”

“I told you,” Morgan replied, running a hand through her hair. “I told you we shouldn’t have gotten mixed up with them.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“What were you going to demand for the scroll anyway?”

Franz stifled a grin. “I don’t really remember now. It was something…power related. Maybe a magical artifact.”

Miki snorted. “You would have traded the Scroll of Science for Magic?”

“Hey, I didn’t hear you offer up any ideas!”

“That’s because you weren’t listening, dummy!” She knocked on his head. “Morgan and I both gave you a list of better ideas, most of which added up to: Don’t trade the Scroll, dummy!”

Morgan nodded in silence.

“If the others could see you like this…” Miki began. “It’s a wonder we stay together as it is. And that’s why we need to see this through. We were so close, Zeiger! We almost had it all back! Are you going to give up now?”

“What’s with the attitude change?” Morgan examined her nails, skepticism written all over her face. “Are we done rubbing it in his face?”

“We already committed to the whole Scroll angle, Morgan. We’re gonna lose the traction soon unless we do something, but we don’t have time for something new.”

“So…what you’re saying…”

“We need another Scroll,” Franz finished. “Where are we going to find one? The one we had was a fluke.”

She tried and failed to hold back a smile. “It is my understanding that every nation possesses its own Scroll of Science. That was ours. Presumably, Awesome Land, Groovy Land, and Chill Land all have one. Awesome Land is ruled by the Veralices (I don’t remember if it’s the brother or sister, but tangling with either one is bad) who are also searching for them. Groovy Land is…well, who feels like risking their head exploding?” She waited. “No one, huh? That’s that I thought. Funky Land and Really Cool Land are too far away, even with our Focus, so that just leaves Chill Land.”

Franz sat up, confidence regained. “Makes sense. Let’s move out.”

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Morgan waved her hands frantically reeling the conversation back in. “Let’s think about this for more than five seconds, yeah? The Veralice sister (it’s Aurora, by the way) was just here with an entire adventuring party. And that one guy took it fairly easily. Even assuming Franz was just unprepared for the sucker punch…drop kick, I have serious doubts about us taking them.”

“Our Focus-“

“We aren’t Knox, Franz. We’re not the Clovers. We were the rest, the average team members that soak up the damage and then get out of the way. And did you see them?” She huffed, deciding it was easier to spell it out. “We’re. Going. To. Encounter. Them. If they want the Scrolls, they’re going to Chill Land and I don’t think we, as an organization, are prepared for that kind of fight.”

And just like that, the energy was gone. Franz slumped in his chair and Miki massaged her temples. She didn’t like killing the mood like that, but someone had to be the realist here.

And then Franz had an actual, good idea.

“What about the new guy?”

-

Llenchi looked on, somewhat dejectedly. How come everyone else had a snow clone to fight, and not him?

“DON’T BE SAD, ICEMAN,” GOLDBEZ DECLARED. “MY SNOW CLONE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR US BOTH.” THEY EACH TOOK A SIDE AND HOISTED HIM UP. “SKIP TO MY LOO MY DARING.” AND THE THREE OF THEM SKIPPING ALONG THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD.

“Uh…somebody?” Llenchi searched desperately for help. Ever since his meta-demotion, his ice powers had basically become only 11% of what they once were. “Help?”

-

Ollie groaned. “Stop saying ‘fetch’, Edie. It’s never going to happen, no matter how hard you and your Hipster friends want it to.”

Mara Lee blinked and turned to Knox. “I’m very confused right now.”

“Yeah,” he said. “And it might get worse. See her?” He pointed at Ollie. “That’s who we’re here to get. But it seems she’s wrapped up in some other plot we’re about to get dragged into. Which is awesome because they” he pointed at Azzi’s group. “are getting dragged into it as well, because I can only assume Doctor Discotech has a Scroll of Science.”

“Can’t anything ever be easy?” Cassandra asked.

“Nope. Hey, uh, Edie. How much longer until we get to…where are we going?”

-

No one seemed to notice that Stella was not among the group traveling along the Main Stream. Not even Doctor Discotech.

“Hmph. The meddlesome Music Underground once more makes my life difficult. No matter. I shall eliminate them shortly. Discobots! We return to Discoheim Castle!” He snapped his wrist and summoned a portal. A high pitched giggling could be heard from within. “Not this day, sexually repressed, morbidly obese man!” With his universal energy, Discotech punched the fabric of the portal and the giggling stopped.

He must make a note to reinforce the transdimensional fabric against that entity.

His army disappeared into the portal. Even the single robot who walked a little to fluidly for a robot, and had bits of pink hair sticking out from the discoball helmet. And really just looked like a young girl in a bad robot costume.

She snickered as the portal closed.

[Calefrun]

Cale ducked, narrowly avoiding his clone's blade as it sailed over his head. He jumped backwards as it attempted a stab with its other sword, then he dove behind a boulder as the snow-clone transformed its weapons into a pair of pistols and sent a hail of bullets flying his way. He sighed in relief. The clone might have known his fighting style, but it worked both ways. The way things were going, it was unlikely that either was going to be able to harm the other. He took the opportunity to check how the other battles were going.

The first he saw was Zento's battle. He couldn't quite tell from the glimpses he was getting as the two moved around faster than his eyes could track, but it looked like they were also equally matched. Cale was still confused about why his cousin was here, and why he had been hiding his identity with a hood, but he could ask about it after they finished off their doubles. Next he saw the two Chancellors attempting to clobber each other, neither seeming to actually harm the other. GOLDBEZ and his clone were dancing... no real surprises there. Finally, Calamitous... absorbed his doppelganger? Or maybe it was the other way around? Whatever, Cale transformed his own swords into firearms- still unsure of how he acquired the skill- and fired some shots back over the rock.

A portal opened up next to Commander Lobster, and a man came running out. Like the commander, this man had a lobster claw instead of a left arm. He yelled, "Sir! We have discovered the location of Cale Efrun, the Illusive Squid! It seems that he traveled to Mount Wedding ring by himself, and entered the tournament to get the rings!"

Wait, I did what now? What the hell do squids have to do with anything, and why are they so elusive? Cale took some more shots at his clone.

For a moment, Lobster just glared in Cale's direction. Finally he stomped his foot on the ground, "Damn it all! Here, take this." He reached into a pouch at his side and removed a Scroll of Science before handing it to his subordinate. "I'd like to take care of him here, but for the sake of the aquatic world I can't risk letting him get those rings. Whatever you do, don't let him get that scroll." With that, Commander Lobster ran into the portal and it closed behind him.

Cale tried to leave his cover, but was forced back by more bullets. Looks like there's only one option now. He stood up, still shooting at the snow-clone, and shouted, "GOLDBEZ! I NEED YOU TO TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE!"

[Mizagium]

"AH THE PRODIGAL SON RETURNS." GOLDBEZ AND SNOWBEZ RELEASED LLENCHI.

"JACK FROST," SNOWBEZ DECLARED. "WE REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE DOUGIE IS AN ANCIENT TECHNIQUE AND AS SUCH IS INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT TO TEACH."

Llenchi took a few steps back, gripping his staff. "I'm not really sure that I--"

"TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE, ICICLE JOE," GOLDBEZ ASSURED HIM. ALL YOU MUST DO IS CREATE A MIRROR OF ICE FOR US."

Llenchi narrowed his eyes. "That's it?"

"FOR NOW," THEY ANSWERED IN UNISON.

"...Let me see what I can do."

All of this was turning out to be a very bad idea. He should have just stayed in Random World and begged the other to take him back. Maybe if he begged Seraphina, she might have taken pity on him. Maybe even Delmerith, although he probably would have just laughed and moved on. But no. He had to go and get mixed up with that group.

Llenchi drove his staff into the ground and ice spread out from the point of impact. He fought to maintain control, to keep the ice pure and gleaming. It worked, but was much more draining than it should have been. "Here." He raised the reflective ice up so that it hovered above the groun.

"EXCELLENT, SNOW MAN." GOLDBEZ AND SNOWBEZ STOOD ON EITHER SIDE OF THE MIRROR, SO THAT EACH SAW A REFLECTION OF THEMSELVES. "WELL, HELLO THERE, SEXY THANG," GOLDBEZ SAID TO HIS REFLECTION.

"OH, GO ON," HE REFLECTION FEIGNED MODESTY. "HOW MAY I ASSIST YOU?"

"JUNIOR APPRENTICE OF THE DANCE, CALE EFRUN REQUIRE THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE DOUGIE."

"HMM. THAT IS A VERY SERIOUS REQUEST. DOES HE UNDERSTAND THE IMPLICATIONS?"

"DUDE, WE DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE IMPLICATIONS."

"RIGHT YOU ARE. HERE, HELP ME OUT."

GOLDBEZ EXTENDED A HAND AND MIRRORBEZ TOOK IT. WITH A MIGHTY YANK, MIRRORBEZ WAS PULLED FORTH FROM THE ICE MIRROR. WHEN EITHER LOOKED INTO THE MIRROR, THEY SAW NO REFLECTION OF THEMSELVES. SNOWBEZ REJOINED THEM ACCOMPANIED BY MIRRORSNOWBEZ.

"CALE, LOOK TO ME!" THE DANCING BADGERS REAPPEARED. THEY HAD THE ROCK-EM BOTTOM JEANS, BOOTS WITH THE FUR, AND EVERYONE IN THE CLUB WAS A-LOOKIN' AT HER.

THE GOLDBEZES FOUR BEGAN TO MOVE THEIR SENSUAL FORMS SO TIGHTLY, SO PERFECTLY, THAT THEY BEGAN TO GIVE OFF THE MOST RADIANT GLOW EVER. THE SNOW AROUND THEM MELTED TURNED TO STEAM, AND CREATED AN EXCELLENT FOG-MACHINE EFFECT. THEY DIDN'T MOVE MUCH, BUT WHEN THEY DID, THE WHOLE DIMENSION SHOOK WITH PLEASURE.

"COME CALE, LEARN!"

[Monika]

"Fair enough." Zayden raised an inquisitive eyebrow at Cow-girl, not entirely assured of her competence to defend Sarah. From the looks of it, Sarah wasn't all too sure herself. "Ah, well," he sighed. "The trial can't go on without a defense attorney. My apologies, Sarah, but Cow-girl will be your lawyer for today. I hope you find the arrangement at least somewhat suitable."

"I don't see why you're apologizing to her," Leon mumbled.

Zayden ignored him. "This would be the part of the trial where I say 'Ladies and gentlemen of the jury', but since we're in a totalitarian dictatorship-"

"-Empire," Leon corrected him.

"-and the dictator-"

"-Emperor." Leon shot Zayden a stern glare.

"-presides over all judicial matters, I suppose I'll address him directly." Zayden turned to Leon, skimmed over a few papers and said, "Your Honor, my opening statement is simple. The defendant, Sarah Mambutoo O'Malley, sought to commit an act of treachery against a Mr. William Cauldwell. As we all know, Awesome Land's draconian laws-"

"-written by yours truly!" Leon smiled.

"-declare that all acts of treachery and betrayal against its citizens are heinous crimes. When committed by foreigners (and people the Emperor doesn't like, apparently), these crimes ascend to the felony level. Under Awesome Land's felony murder laws, if the commission of a felony leads to someone's death, the people who have committed that felony are, well, murderers. It's as simple as that."

"Well said, Zayden." Leon summoned up a Shadow Gavel and prepared to declare his righteous judgment.

"You haven't given the defense a chance to speak, Your Honor," Zayden reminded him.

"Must you make things so difficult?" Leon huffed. His eyes traveled toward the defense attorney and fixed themselves in a glare. "You've got sixty seconds, Cow-girl. And don't anger me, or I'll throw you back in the Null-Void and lock all the doors."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aurora shrugged at Blanche, losing faith in Leon by the second. "I have no idea where the entrance is. I mean, the entrance be a mystery to me, lass. Here's hoping this paper SHOWS US." Aurora violently shook the little slip of paper and, as if on cue, the words changed. She read, "Alright, looks like you've got your crew doing pointless, menial tasks! Good job! Now, for the really really fun part: Step 4 - Starting the ship! This should be simple enough. All you have to do is insert the key into the steering wheel and give it a twist."

"Yarrgh, this should be as simple as be too hard." Aurora walked over to the bow of the ship and looked at the steering wheel, which was almost as tall as she was. Three times as wide, too. As expected, there was a peculiarly shaped ignition slot on its right side. "Now, I just have to take the keys and..." Aurora rummaged around in her pocket and pulled out the ring of keys Leon had given her. Each of them was shaped like the letter 'L' and, of course, not a single one was labeled.

Aurora facepalmed. "Ye can't be serious! Ugggggghhhhhhh." One by one, Aurora began to insert each key into the steering wheel, none of them yielding results. After about ten minutes wasted trying the first half of the set, the paper floated up to Aurora's face and poked her. "Ouch! What do ye want, paper?" She snatched it out of the air and read aloud, "Oh, one more thing! If you're taking the S.S. Veralice, you have to use all of the keys I gave you. In the right order."

"Stay calm, Aurora. Stay calm, Aurora. Stay calm..." She repeated the mantra over and over, doing everything she could to avoid throwing a catastrophic tantrum. After ten more minutes, she had inserted the last key into the slot and given it a twist. By some stroke of luck she had gotten the correct key order on her first try, and her fortune was rewarded with a loud hum that signaled the starting of the S.S. Veralice.

"FINALLY!" Aurora exclaimed, jumping up and down in a fit of excitement. "Now, we can actually start our journey! What now, paper?" The words changed and Aurora read, "Good job, Sis! You're making me so proud. Now, Step 5: Piloting the ship. Now that the ship has started, you'll find on either side of it about a dozen, absurdly large steel oars. I had them crafted by the Immortal of Metal on one of my travels. Have your crew start rowing while you steer the ship."

"What?!" Aurora frowned. "I thought you said this thing runs on magic!"

'Like a pirate,' the paper warned.

"GRRRR! I could've sworn ye said this vessel of yers ran on some sort o' witchcraft!" Aurora shouted. She read the new text on the paper. "You're probably wondering why the ship has oars when I told you it runs on magic. Well, it does, but I'm not letting my baby sister use the ship's full power. She could get hurt! Besides, it's more fun this way."

Choosing not to waste her breath arguing with a piece of paper, Aurora sighed and waved her crew toward the oars. "You heard the paper. Start rowing, everyone." The paper poked her again. "Argh...Get to rowin', and make it quick or I'll send ye all to Davy Jones' Locker."

[Razgat]

Edie scoffed. "We're going to the music underground, duh, and we'll be there in just a second."

Just then, they all faded out of the Main Stream and into the music underground. "And here we are."

[Razgat]

Cow-Girl hopped up to her spot and crossed her arms ready for action. "Your honor, after looking over this case (right before coming in here), I've concluded that there is an absent member to this problem. If you'll recall, the defendant wasn't the one who gave the final blow. It was Zais, and I think we can all agree on the fact that Zais just shows up and does whatever the hell he wants, and it seems that all the evidence you have against the defendant is circumstantial."

She raised her finger in an accusing manner and shouted, "You can't possibly arrest the defendant without solid evidence especially when she's not even the one to kill the victim! I say we pass this judgement to someone else entirely! Someone like Zais!"

[Monika]

"Objection!" Zayden shouted, causing a few more people outside to faint.

"Sustained." Leon slammed his gavel on the podium.

"...Aren't you going to ask why I'm objecting, Your Honor?" Zayden asked.

"Nope. Continue the trial."

"I see." Zayden cleared his throat and went on. "Well, Your Honor, I don't know what they taught Cow-girl at the 'Null-Void School of Law'," Zayden said, making air quotes with his fingers, "but most convictions are made based on circumstantial evidence. To Cow-girl's second point, I say that the deliverer of the killing blow is irrelevant. If I may pose a hypothetical scenario, Your Honor?"

"Go for it," Leon replied.

"Very well. Consider the following scenario: Two young boys break into the home of an old man - we'll say Jimmy McJimmy for convenience - with the intentions of stealing his property. Mind you, robbery is a felony under current Awesome Land law."

"Uh-huh. Go on."

Zayden nodded. "Boy A finds McJimmy and threatens to kill him if he makes a move. During this time, Boy B is hauling McJimmy's valuables into a getaway car. Eventually, McJimmy decides to fight back and is slain by Boy A in the ensuing battle. Boy B did not kill McJimmy. Boy B probably did not intend for it to happen, either. But he would still be guilty of felony murder under the law. Am I correct, Your Honor?"

"That you are, Zayden. Although, in this hypothetical scenario, I don't know that I'd be all too upset with McJimmy's passing..." Leon snickered, silently contemplating turning that situation into reality.

"Riiight..." Zayden looked up at Leon inquisitively, wondering if his best friend was "all there". "Anyway, Your Honor, in this hypothetical scenario, replace 'robbery' with 'treachery', 'Boy A' with 'Zais' and 'Boy B' with the defendant. The results would be the same."

"Heheh..." Leon, still semi-daydreaming, gave a large, mischievous grin to the courtroom audience. "Well, Cow-girl? What do you have to say in Sarah's defense?" Not that I haven't already made up my mind... he thought.

[Razgat]

Cow-Girl thought for a moment. "On what grounds to you say Sarah is even involved, or is Leon just trying to use this as an excuse to cut out an enemy? Could it be possible that Sarah is barely related to the crime at all? And even in your scenario, Boy A would still get in trouble. Why isn't Zais in trouble, huh?"

[Monika]

"Zais isn't here," Zayden said flatly.

"And none of us really wants him to be," Leon added. "If I still care by the time Zais decides to come back to the Empire, we'll see just how well trying the Immortal of Darkness goes." Leon shook his head and laughed dryly, forming a mental picture of Zais destroying the courtroom or banishing it to the Void.

"As far as the first point goes, I would like to call Artemis to the stand." Zayden motioned for Artemis to step up to the witness stand. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you Seraphina?" he asked.

As Artemis approached the stand, she calmly said, "The chance of my lying in this court today is 0.07%."

"Good enough, I suppose." Zayden shrugged and pulled a file from one of his manila envelopes and read. "It says here, Artemis, that you are capable of telepathy. You possess the relatively unheard of ability to read minds. Is this true?"

"Yes," Artemis replied.

"I see. I take it that you have already read the defendant's mind and learned details concerning the incident with Mr. Cauldwell?"

"Yes."

"You're not a very talkative one, are you?" Zayden asked.

"Objection: Irrelevant," Artemis said.

"Sustained!" Leon tapped the podium with his gavel.

"Your Honor, witnesses aren't actually allowed to object." Zayden looked up at Leon, who was too busy not listening. "While you're busy ignoring me, Leon, could you tell me if evidence taken from memories is admissible in court?"

"Whatever," Leon replied.

"Alright, then. Artemis, could you please reveal to the court the role the defendant played in this awful tragedy?" Zayden asked.

"May I have your hand?" Artemis extended her own hands, waiting patiently for Zayden to grab them.

"Pardon?" The question was rather unexpected and rightfully caught Zayden off guard. Truly, it was the last sentence he expected to come from the mouth of this particular witness. "You...need my hand?"

"Yes."

"Well, since you're being so thorough with your answers..." Zayden reluctantly gave both his hands to Artemis, who squeezed them tightly.

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and said, "Personal Technique of the Current Immortal of Space: Realization. Functions by using powerful illusion magic to create a realistic world that illustrates the memories of the caster." Artemis eyes opened and began to glow an intense white. Her and Zayden's hands began to glow as well, and slowly the courtroom around them faded into that same white color. That white, too, began to fade, eventually giving way to the Really Cool Palace.

The people of the courtroom could now see in front of them some very important Awesome Land figures - Chancellor Awesome and Aurora Veralice.

"Oh, Chancellor Awesome and...Imperatrix Aurora! Ah, welcome to uh the palace. Of Really Cool Land. I...on behalf of my parents, the uh, King and Queen of...How can I help you?" To each individual of the court, it felt like the voice was coming out of their own mouths. It wasn't, of course. The potency of Zayden's illusion magic in tandem with Artemis' own Spatial powers messed with everyone's minds, forcing them to see through Sarah's eyes, hear through her ears and speak through her mouth. They were Sarah, on that fateful day all those posts ago...

"How do you keep yourself from violently exploding in a fit of rage?" Aurora asked.

"And while you think about that, Your Majesty, I shall inform you that we have dealt with the cultists in the Southern Forest. We have secured Really Cool Land's Scroll of Science. Now, I believe you said that you should have a plan worked out by this time. A plan to get the Scroll of Science from William Cauldwell. One that doesn't involve your handing the True Sword over to him, presumably," Chancellor Awesome said.

A few more people appeared in front of Sarah.

"Errr... Hello princess. We... uhh... took care of the cultists. Hello again, Grand Imperatrix. Chancellor," said Cale.

"There weren't nearly as many cultists as we thought there would be. Most of them were actually hippies," Azzi added.

"Man," Cale muttered, "Vamp is crazy."


"Ah yes. Right. I see. So, here's what I was thinking. Follow me. You said the William is a master mage-type guy, right?" Well, even his powers should be susceptible to the illusions of the False Shield. My plan, then, is to disguise the False Shield as the True Sword...and have you hand it to him. Then, when he hands you the Scroll, we use the True Sword to take it back and make off with both." The court audience, through Sarah, traveled down a set of stairs and into a secret chamber. They watched as Sarah waved her hand over a rippling panel, opening a stone wall and revealing another chamber. Four pedestals lied inside, each bearing one of Really Cool Land's Artifacts of Wisdom.

"The True Sword's power cuts through all enchantments, even one such as William Cauldwell's." Sarah spoke.

She retrieved the False Shield and the True Sword, examined them both, and invoked their magic. Nothing outward happened, but both Artifacts shimmered. The Sword became a simple hair clip, which she tucked into her hair. The Shield became the True Sword down to the very finest detail.

"And there you have it. Any questions?" Sarah asked.

"That's..." Aurora started.

"...surprisingly devious!" Chancellor Awesome finished. "And you're certain this will work, Your Majesty?"

"And, more importantly, are you comfortable coming with us? I don't want you to have to go out of your way for little old me." Aurora snickered, a hint of genuine concern in her voice.

Chancellor Awesome chimed in. "And I don't want you to have to deal with these vagabonds, Your Majesty. They can be quite a handful...More than that, actually."

The people of the court could feel themselves shooting Chancellor Awesome and Aurora a certain look. "Haven't you heard of the adventures...er, shenanigans, I got into with Johnny and your brother? I was locked in the Veral Dimension for a year. I almost got absorbed into the Null-Void. I fought in the War of Four Kings. I fought against Seth and Knox's ex-girlfriend. I journeyed to collect the four elemental orbs, fought Karzem's super form and Seth's ridiculous battle forms. I was there during the whole..." She waved her hand vaguely at Aurora "You crisis in Awesome Land. Also, Johnny is my brother. I think I got this."

"Besides, the Thundercougerfalconbirds keep the palace running basically without me. I think I can spare a short trip to Awesome Land," Sarah added as she led everyone out of the chamber.


And as Sarah led Aurora and company outside of the chamber, so too were the audience members led outside of her memory and back into the cold, dim room that housed the Awesome Land Imperial Court.

"Bravo!" Leon clapped enthusiastically, his Shadow Fiends following suit. "What an excellent technique, Artemis! Truly, this is one of the greatest things I have ever seen! Wooooooooo!"

Zayden rolled his eyes and said, "Thank you, Artemis, for being such a cooperative witness."

Artemis nodded.

"Your Honor, an examination of this memory reveals two things. One: The defendant, Sarah Mambutoo O'Malley never had any intention of handing over the True Sword. Her plan revolved around the deliberate deceit of Mr. William Cauldwell! That alone makes her guilty of treachery."

"Indeed it does," Leon agreed. "And what else has this examination shown you?"

"The second thing it has shown me, Your Honor..." Zayden forcefully slammed his hands on the witness stand, almost causing Artemis to flinch. Almost. "...that the defendant had every intention of engaging Mr. Cauldwell in combat that day!"

Leon smirked. "Please, go on."

"Let's look at the facts, Your Honor. The defendant is the mastermind behind this entire scheme. She said herself, 'My plan is to disguise the False Shield as the True Sword...and have you hand it to him. Then, when he hands you the Scroll, we use the True Sword to take it back and make off with both.'" Zayden stared at Leon and asked, "Now tell me, Your Honor. How would you use a magical weapon to 'take back' something you had given away?"

"I would probably start fighting the person to whom I had given the something. Hystoger and I were a formidable duo back in the day..." Leon trailed off, solemnly reminiscing about days long past.

"Bingo. You would start fighting. And you know what? I think the defendant had the same idea. Immediately after revealing this diabolical scheme, she goes on to lecture her companions about her extensive combat experience, explaining how she fought people named 'Seth' and 'Karzem' and someone's ex-girlfriend. No one could, in good conscience, say that she wasn't looking for a fight." He shook his head in genuine disgust. "Artemis, according to these papers, this memory isn't of the first time Chancellor Awesome and company visited the defendant to resolve this 'Scroll of Science' matter. Could you please take us to the first time?"

"Certainly." Artemis grabbed Zayden's hands and the world around them faded. Once again, they were all brought into the mind and body of Sarah, just a week prior.


Through Sarah, they led Chancellor Awesome, Cale and a few other people into the Really Cool Palace.

"Right this way, Chancellor. Cale. Anyone else." Sarah and the rest made it into the palace's drawing room, where they were all seated and served refreshments.

"Now, obviously I'm not going to hand over the True Sword. All of the Artifacts have been sealed away in the Vault. Luckily Johnny didn't take it with him, or else you'd have to go traipsing about Random World looking for that stubborn boy and his fire goddess...anyway. There has to be another way to solve this? Can't you simply beat this William into a pulp like we do all our other problems?" Through Sarah, the audience sipped some tea, feeling like nothing was wrong with what had just been said.


The memory faded and they were back in the courtroom.

"It is quite obvious, Your Honor," Zayden slammed his hands on the witness stand again, "that the defendant not only has a history of violence, but intent on adding William Cauldwell to her list of victims! It was Sarah who devised the plan to betray William's trust! It was Sarah who traveled to Awesome Land with a reasonable - nay, a hopeful expectation of provoking a conflict! And it was Sarah whose actions led to someone's wrongful death. It is true that any number of people could have died and any number of people could have delivered fatal attacks that day." Zayden turned and pointed dramatically at Sarah. "But as the person who instigated these tragic events, it is you, Sarah, who should be among those held responsible." Zayden turned back to Leon and nodded. "That's all for now, Your Honor."

"Marvelous, Zayden. Simply marvelous." Leon started up a slow clap, which his shadowy pals all joined in on. "Well, any last words, Cow-girl? Sarah?" Leon asked, although it was little more than a formality. "I think I've come to my conclusion..."

[Mizagium]

Sarah stood abruptly. "I do have something to say, if I might, since I am the one on trial here." She cleared her throat a few times, which turned into a coughing fit that took a minute to resolve. "Excuse me. Since my, ahem, lawyer, is as unfamiliar with this case as the judge, I feel it's up to me to clarify a few points."

She noticed she was beginning to pace and decided to roll with it.

"My opponent's case is built entirely around the assumption that I am responsible for the events that lead to William's tragic death. My lawyer had already attempted to point out that Zais is actually the killer. Unfortunately, this is a civil trial and not a criminal trial. And so, we are dealing with circumstances and cause and effect. Well, let's review, shall we?

"First of all, the situation would not have arisen if William himself had not demanded the True Sword for the Scroll of Science. Neither artifact was truly his to deal with, but as this world tends to operate under 'finders keeper', I'll go ahead and say that the Scroll was William's to deal with. And no, I did not have to agree to deal with him. And no, I did not have to scheme against him? But what was it all really for?

"Saving the world. Again. Let me remind this court that there is, in fact, a black nova expanding in outer space, slowly but surely encroaching on this world. I was lead to believe that without the Scrolls of Science, we would surely be at the end of the world, soon. So what else could I do but oblige? Would the court have expected me to ignore the pleas for help? No, of course not. Because this court's judge and Emperor very much likes being the emperor of an existing world, yes?" She didn't wait for an answer.

"I did some fact-checking while the party was helping me with a problem, for that is the real reason I sent them away. It's interesting, that the black nova originated in Dynasty City, Your Honor, not a few hours ago, during a certain celebration. There was a clown, a balloon dragon, a fight with a kraken...I'm sure you remember. Now, I am under the impression that it was Grand Imperatrix Aurora herself who threw the party. The very same party which resulted in the kraken, which became the black nova.

"Of course, I'm not accusing the Empress, no no no. That would be suicide. My point is, however, that the death of William Cauldwell was an unfortunate result of a long chain of events of which I was merely a single player. Without the party, the kraken, and the nova, I would never have even encountered William, much less have any reason to come into conflict with him."

She cleared her throat and face the stand, more specifically, Artemis. "I deeply regret William Cauldwell's death, I do. Despite my past conflicts with the Committee of Magicians Against Science, I never harbored any ill will towards William. However, to put me responsible is to ignore the larger picture. You want to try the party responsible? Try the kraken. Try the kraken's keeper. Try the ones who caused the kraken to become the nova.

"But do not make me out the villain. Thank you, your honor."

She walked quickly back to her seat and sat down, a cold sweat taking over her. She honestly had no idea how this trial was going to go, but she gave it her best shot.

[Monika]

"I am not sure how I feel about this 'long chain of events' arguments of yours, Sarah," Leon mused, scratching his chin thoughtfully. "Truthfully, one could extend this cause and effect link all the way back to ancient times. The celebration was only thrown to commemorate a war. That war only happened because my sister conquered Awesome Land with a traitorous lieutenant at her side. Aurora attempted to seize control of Awesome Land because I banished her to an alternate dimension. I banished her because I was under the influence of a cursed sword. That sword, Hystoger, was cursed because the god Delmerith willed it to be. And Delmerith only cursed the sword because the goddess Seraphina made her own magical weapon. Surely you don't expect me to put the very creators of the world on trial, do you? Because that's absurd, even by Awesome Land standards."

Leon steepled his fingers and sighed. "Of course, you make a certain point. As much as I would like to - and, indeed, there is nothing stopping me - I would be remiss to hold you solely responsible for William's death when there are other parties involved...Hmm. Time to resort to the most powerful of decision making techniques - the coin flip!" A Shadow Coin materialized in Leon's palm. It was perfectly weighted to have exactly a 50% chance of landing on either side. "Here goes. Heads: Guilty. Tails: Not Guilty." He placed the coin on his thumb and flicked it into the air. After an overly long, dramatic pause, the coin finally landed...The result was Heads.

"Well, there you have it." Leon shrugged. "I find the defendant, Sarah Mambutoo O'Malley, guilty of the murder of William Cauldwell. She shall be ordered to pay ten million Verabucks to Artemis. Because she has made the valid point that many other people played a role in these events, this fee shall be reduced by five hundred thousand for every involved person she successfully gets to stand trial. This list shall include: Azzi, Cale Efrun, GOLDBEZ, Professor Calamitous, Stella, Zais, Chancellor Awesome and, of course, Aurora Veralice. This allows for a maximum deduction of 4 million Verabucks, meaning you'll still owe 6 million to Artemis."

Zayden hurriedly took out a small leather book from his suit, ripped a slip of paper from it and began writing. "Here, Sarah." He handed the paper to her. "That's a check for 5 million Verabucks. You seem like a genuinely good kid, if not in need of a lesson or two. But I certainly don't want you slaving away trying to pay this off for the rest of your life. As Princess, you've probably got a lot of other things to worry about besides outstanding debt. Sorry I had to be so hard on you. Hopefully, between this, the deductions and your royal status, you should be able to cover the full amount."

"Hey, you can't just go giving her money like that!" Leon shouted. "She won't, uh, learn as much that way," he complained weakly. "Where did you even get that much money?"

"I'm a lawyer, Leon," Zayden replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "And it's my money, so I'll do what I want with it."

"Fine! Then I also sentence her to a thousand hours of community service! That'll teach her!" Leon grinned.

"Leon," Artemis raised her hand, "I would like to volunteer to take at least five hundred of those hours as my own burden."

"B-But Artemis, you-"

"She is genuinely remorseful about what has happened, and being found guilty is punishment enough. I've already started cleaning up around the empire, so I might as well take some hours off of Sarah's hands. Besides," Artemis sighed, gazing at Sarah solemnly. "You and Zayden said it yourselves: It was her presence here in Awesome Land - her departure from her own kingdom - that led to William's demise. And quite a bit of property damage, too. You could not possibly want her to stay here after what has been shown in court today."

Leon slammed his head down on his podium. "Fine..." he mumbled. "Sarah, go home and think about how you're going to go round up Aurora and her posse. And start thinking of a plan to make back the rest of those Verabucks that haven't been so graciously paid already." He shot an angry glance at Zayden, who paid him no mind. "And, if I'm not mistaken, you agreed to plan William's funeral and give his eulogy. You've got quite a bit of work to do. Now, get out of my empire before I get angry. Court dismissed." Leon hit the podium with his gavel and buried his head in his arms. He felt the strangest mixture of feelings well up within him - something akin to 20% victory and 80% defeat.

[Myrdraxxis]

And then Zais kicked open the courtroom door. "OBJECTION!" He shouted as he strode into the room. He looked around for a moment. "So I was bored again and decided to see what was up.....so what's up?"

It should be noted that Zais had no prior knowledge of the trial before making his entrance.

His eyes lit up with excitement. "Oh! Since we're in a courtroom, I'd just like to say..." he pointed dramatically at Artemis. "I'm suing you for assault and battery!"

[Monika]

"Well, there you go, Sarah," Leon chuckled, his mood brightening ever so slightly. "Here's your chance for that first 500 grand penalty reduction."

"Do not start with me, Zais," Artemis warned. "I have been through an emotionally charged past couple of days, culminating in a very taxing trial. I am in no mood to deal with your antics. The probability of your provocation leading me to lash out in anger is 98%. If you will excuse me, I have community service to begin." Artemis walked over to the large double doors that led out of the courtroom and pushed them open, making her way outside.

"I suppose I'll be taking my leave as well, if my services are no longer required." Zayden looked at Leon, who was still sitting with his head down on the podium. "Call me if you need anything, Leon. Not that I need to tell you that..." He reached into his pocket and withdrew a business card. "You too, Sarah. Give me a ring if you need any help with queenly duties or dealing with that guy." He jerked his thumb toward the still solemn emperor. "Sayonara!" Zayden waved at the court before following Artemis outside.

[Myrdraxxis]

Zais blinked. "I was serious." He turned to Leon. "I'm sure you're not going to just blow me off like that emotionless doll of an Immortal, are ya Leon?" He leaned in close and grinned. Somewhere puppies started crying and a few orphanages caught on fire as Zais' gaze burned into Leon. "Riiiiiiiii~ght?"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So...the Music Underground huh?" Azzi looked around. He couldn't say much about it's appearance, since no one had seen fit to describe it yet.

I guess I'll do that.

It looked like some sort of, well, underground lair. Somewhere under the streets of the city that looked just perfect for a band of anti-system, counter-culture punks. So basically it was almost a sewer. With a lot of music devices set up everywhere.

"Home sweet home." Styx said cheerfully.

[Calefrun]

Cale sprinted over to GOLDBEZ and SNOWBEZ, dodging more gunfire. He attempted to imitate the motions of the BEZes and the badgers, and gradually began to feel the rhythm. Snow Efrun continued shooting, but the bullets were deflected by an invisible force, almost as if there was a BARRIER OF PURE SEXY POWER THAT REFUSED TO STOP BOOGIEING DOWN. AS CALE SLOWLY UNLOCKED THE POWER OF THE DOUGIE, THE GROUND SHOOK IN A WAY THAT WOULD STIMULATE EVEN A JELLY-MONSTER'S FEET- IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, AND AN ANCIENT POWER STARTED TO WAKE THE FIZ UP.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at the courtroom, a portal opened, and out stepped Cale Efrun, the Illusive Squid. He looked around, then commented, "Everyone's going home already? But I was totally ready to defend myself!" Spotting Leon he added, "Oh, hey announcer guy!"

[Mizagium]

All the things Sarah wanted to do and say to Zais rushed to the forefront of her mind and she seriously considered them…but let them pass. Anger seethed and cooled.

“Zais…you never cease to make life more difficult. You realize that your actions today have nearly ruined my life? Of course you do. But you don’t care. And I don’t either. I’m done.” She looked at Leon. “I’ll do my best with those Verabucks, Leon. If you want to try Zais, go ahead, but I’m done with this.” She brushed past him. “Artemis…if you feel up to it, I’d like to hear a bit about William. I can’t really give a eulogy to a man I never knew.” Also she was kind of stranded in Awesome Land, having no portal powers.

-

Knox raised an eyebrow. “I’m assuming this is not the Thrift Shop at the End of the World?”

Ollie narrowed her eyes at him. “How do you know about that? The Hipters don’t let anyone know. Especially while they’re yelling about it in the middle of town.”

“Being an Immortal…it has its perks.” He shrugged. “Now, Ollie. I need to speak with you.”

“Yeah? What about?” She eyed him. “How to dress like a square?”

Who says square anymore? “No, it’s about…well, you. I need your help.”

“Lotsa people need my help, dude. Get in line.” She waved him off and started walking away, but he grabbed her arm. “Ok,” she said levelly. “I’m giving you a chance to rethink that right now.”

He held on. “A friend of mine is dying. He needs your help.”

“What, you think I can save him, somehow?”

“No. Look, it’s complicated.”

She pulled away. “Tell you what, Sir Uptight. You help us out here, maybe I’ll owe you one. If so, we’ll talk then. If not—be seein’ ya.”

He watched her walk away. Cassandra scoffed at the girl. “I don’t like her.”

“That’s because she’s just like you,” Mara Lee offered.

“Is not.” Cassandra turned and walked away.

“Yeah…totally different.” She looked at Knox and drummed on her legs. “Soooooooo…what’s the plan?”

“Help them do…whatever as quickly as we can.”

Ollie found Edie off somewhere. “Hey. You in? We’re going after Discotech later. I think we got him this time.” She glanced over at Styx. “How ‘bout you, Styx?”

-

THE FOURBEZ TEAM CONTINUED TO DOUGIE, FEEDING ENERGY INTO WHATEVER CALE WAS DOING.